Day 63 - Big Bang Theory

Reflecting on conversation I had with a young christian man yesterday, he curiously wanted to know how the universe as existence came into being - How did it happen?  He was very persistent, and held onto the belief that he had to KNOW what 'IT' was that caused existence.  He claimed it had to be some intelligent life-form/being - as 'God' that created us - as the source of all life.   So in looking at the question from a christian perspective, we can see there is an obvious conundrum.  If God created us and the universe as it says in the bible, then he must have had a form of intelligence to do so - so who created God - and his (apparent) intelligence? The bible says that in the beginning was the word, and the word was God.  So for the purpose of explanation, we can simplify this to - 'in the beginning was sound, and sound was existence as a whole'.  So where did the sound come from?  What caused the sound? - Because all we know of and are apparently able to understand in our limited mind/ego based existence, is cause and effect.

Firstly, let's say we found 'the answer', something that could be put into a plausible explanation such as a strange cosmic burp of some sort.  The very searching for the answer to this question, while it is interesting to consider - does not actually serve to help the situation on our planet in any way besides helping people to understand - so that we can each individually change ourselves to support life.

If one is to claim that all of existence is a dream or 'not actually real' - consider the fact that we experience (preventable and unnecessary) pain, suffering and ultimately death as proof enough that there is a problem that must be solved here.  Fascinatingly, the solution is rather simple, yet at the same time so extensive as to make it appear difficult.  We just need to remove the false perception so that we may begin to understand, and learn to apply ourselves in walking out the solution.

So to find the first cause of existence/the universe/everything, lets put this question to a kind of allegorical test.  For example, lets say the first sound - sounded something like 'boom'.  So the first cause/intonation was 'b(uh)' as the sound of the letter b.  If I am sounding that for myself, I have to use the muscles in my face to form the expression, in which I flex my muscles within my body to then vibrate the sound.  So to create the sound 'b(uh)', I have to first 'will' the sound.  If one believes in some higher power/god is controlling me to resonate this sound, then that would fall within the belief that we are not existing, we are completely non-existent and/or completely controlled robots. 

Thus I contend that the actual cause of the sound - comes from self, in this case me - as my 'will' or desire to express the sound I created and expressed with my physical body.  So within the sounding of 'b(uh)', I realize that I AM the source of the sound, as self-will, as my desire to express myself within and as sound. 

Fascinatingly, I do not need a reason to form and express the sound - 'b(uh)'.  I can do it for NO REASON WHATSOEVER.  Alternatively, one might say - I can create the sound from NOTHING.  One might say that I made the sound because 'I am trying to find the cause of the universe'. No - I can simply create the sound for no reason, no purpose, but myself being here expressing sound.  Try it for yourself if you still don't believe me.

Interestingly, it is only when we create a sound for a REASON that we are acting within a controlled system, and thereby locked within the confines and definition of that reason, as the sound that is created is based on the reason, and not unconditional self-expression.  For example, lets say I am hungry and want something to eat, yet I do not have any food.  So I ask for some food from someone that has food.  I create the sounds "May I have some food?"  My reason or cause for expressing is that I am hungry.  So my expression is not unconditional, rather it is limited to the consequence of the cause, and so becomes the directly related effect, tied to the cause/necessity and desire for something I want and do not have.  Therefore I must convey the message accurately, so that the other person will understand me, and I can acquire the food, otherwise I will go hungry.  Hence my expression is conditional and limited to my ability to articulate my desire. 

So getting back to the point, in concluding that 'nothing' is the starting point of my sound creation, we must then go on to ask ourselves, but what is the cause of nothing?  The answer to that would be - there does not need to be a cause of 'nothing', as 'nothing' simply IS...  It is source as self, which defies definition, abstract of the limitation we currently find ourselves in.   It is a starting point, thus all attempts to define it through knowledge are useless.   Our very existence as being here experiencing ourselves is adequate proof that 'it' or 'nothingness' exists.

The real problem is that we do not understand ourselves and our existence, and WHY such atrocities exist in our world and reality.  Through our lack of understanding source(nothingness) - as self - as us here, we have separated ourselves from source through false ideas and perceptions created about our reality and thus we exist within a delusional fear-ridden reality... culminating in a disgraceful existence on a one way track to our ultimate doom.  This is essential to be understood so that we can stop abuse of life and implement a solution that would correct our starting point, as it is not aligned with what is best for all - which in itself is the ONLY way in which life can be free of limitation and the evident abuse of life.

The concept is not difficult to grasp, it is only when a person is trapped within the limitation of mind/ego that they will have a problem, because likely one is either hoping for heaven, or fearing hell. Whether it be a religious belief, or merely the religion of self - as self-interest, either way it is blatant denial for which there is no excuse, because no one can deny the physical, as we are all here, supposedly sharing it, yet it is not being shared Equally as it should be.

For a person that believes in a 'higher power' or 'god' as an intelligent being that is separate from self as source,  one must carefully consider, and beware of the limitations imposed by belief systems such as this - as they are extensive and delude one into self-deception - because one does not see the actual starting point of their self-created belief system - which is fear.  This delusional fear blinds one to the common sense and practical solutions of what is here.  If fear(delusion) is the starting point, then that fear is accepted and allowed through self-dishonesty, and carries with it inevitable consequence equal and one to the starting point of fear - that is to say - fear creates fearful consequence, not only for oneself, but for all.

That is why we at Desteni are diligently applying self-forgiveness and corrective application so that we can remove the fear that we have allowed within ourselves, so we can change ourselves to align with source - as what is best for all - as best for all supports life, AND source, as unconditional expression.  I challenge everyone to investigate Desteni and to take the Desteni-I-Process course - if you have the courage to take self-responsibility, the fears and delusional belief systems we have all allowed to exist.

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 62

So much to write about.  I woke up feeling shitty and allowed that 'mood' to dictate my morning, through hiding from myself in a computer game of chess.  I was within limitation of the mind, blinding myself to the potential to move myself, and so not allowing myself to do anything constructive.  I was stuck in decision again... not sure what to do.  Trying to get myself out of my mindfuck by using my mind, comparing myself in my mind to the less fortunate.  So I try to be grateful, yet still fear of money exists.  The fear of god as money.  There is also the fear of being enslaved to responsibility, of having to work and slave for money, only to end up in a fuckup where I wont be seen as worthy of the money I worked for, and so become broke.  So I try to put shit out of my mind, fearing a mountain of consequences, which only makes matters worse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be subject to morning moods which are passed from the past of the last day.  Even thought that is what I just blogged about the day before, I realize - and commit myself - that I must discipline myself first thing in the morning to clear myself, as when I awaken in the morning, I am more susceptible to autopilot syndrome and thus allowing myself to feel down on myself and my situation. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear money and spending money - as fear of taking the risk.  I realize that everything in this matrix is a risk, whether I make a decision or refrain, I am risking myself as expressing myself within and as risk. I realize that I must write out what risks I plan to take so that I can check the starting point.  If the starting point is clear on paper as me moving myself to support myself, as well as all other factors being clear, I must move myself to make a decision and stay with it until it is time for change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to the less fortunate and thus use that comparison as a starting point for encouraging and moving myself.  This is a mindfuck because through this comparison, I end up feeling shitty about myself and my world.  I go into a limited perception of myself such as "everything is so fucked up, nothing I do will have any effect".  So then I just want to neglect myself.

Within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to neglect myself because I do not see any potential outcome.  I realize that regardless of the fact of me being able to see my impact, I must walk the process of disciplining and directing myself here in the physical, and in so doing change myself to not be directed and controlled by energy.

By the time I was able to move myself, I went and did a job, which came together well.  I noticed some fear of expressing myself here as me when talking to the customer.  I tried to curb the conversation and eventually got to mention the abusive money system, gently pushing some points and took self-direction in the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself within conversation from the start.  I realize that I created the outflow through me allowing the conversation to go in the direction it was going - because I did not direct it immediately within breath, and so I had to curb the conversation to regain my directive principle.

I was able to tell both of the customers about equal money which was cool.

I then decided to go downtown as it was a warm evening.  Being around many people there, there were many observations to take note of, which I will share in the next blog.  It is interesting to note how my day did not go anything like what I expected it to be when I woke up in the morning, it ended up being quite interesting.  

Day 61 - The Theory of Everything

Einstein searched for the illusive formula that would solve existence, but to no avail.  Yet interestingly, anyone can discover it for themselves because it is right here, as each one is able to realize self.  We have always been here, but the problem is that we have been constantly searching for ourselves - out there.  The other aspect of the problem is that, through that constant searching for ourselves, we have created a big mess.  So in order to get out of that mess, we have to walk a process of self-realization through time.

Time is merely a measurement.  Time only exists in the mind, it is not a physical object.  The universe does not keep time - humans keep time, and hold it as an imaginary value to try and cope with and understand our universe.  Think about it - What purpose does time serve, other than to tell us when we HAVE to be at work?  If all humans simply lived for the collective good, as what is best for all, then time would be absolutely unnecessary, and everything would be common sense in supporting life.  But no, because we humans invented fear, and are thus irresponsible and spiteful to life, as the physical, we have created this false idea of time in which we have enslaved ourselves - through consciousness.

To try and understand the universe using a limited, one dimensional tool such as time, is like trying to catch a fish with your nose.  So why do scientists constantly use the factor of time in equations?  Sometimes it is, or can be for practical purposes, however, the fact that this simple realization is not widely understood by everyone is evidence of widespread deception. 

Why does science constantly promote their "intelligence" through propagating information, such as the idea that the universe is 13 billion years old?  Of what practical use is that information - in a world full of abuse and suffering?  None whatsoever.  Are humans are dumb enough to think that our technology is going to enable us to colonize the universe?  Seriously?  For what, so we can consume and trash other planets as we have done to earth, as the abomination to life that we are?  Yet still, humans are mystified by knowledge, and it sells many books and magazines.

If we look at quantum entanglement, where a jug of water is divided into 2 jugs and one jug is placed a far distance away from the other.  When the water molecules are structured in one jug, the other jugs water molecules INSTANTLY reflect the the change.  This phenomena proves that space - as distance and time - is not at all what we have been taught to believe.  Particles are in direct relationship to eachother, regardless of 'time' or 'spacial distance'. It is thus assumed that the entire universe is entirely entangled.

From a physics perspective, we must also take into consideration 'the measurement problem' - Where an atom only appears in a particular place, if you measure it.  An atom is spread out all over the place, until a conscious observer decides to look at it.  In other words, the act of observation creates the entire universe.   The actual problem is that of perception, as seeing self as separate from ones reality.

So what?  Well, if this is in fact the case, then the choices that are made by each being, which are based on relationships as false perceptions of reality - DIRECTLY affect everyone else, and in so create severe and horrible consequences that impact everyone.  The hitch, is that some are aware of this system of perceptions that dictates our reality, and so, spitefully use the system to manipulate the conscious mind of the masses into submission to the idea that - fear and spite is the inherent nature of existence, and thus cannot be changed.

This is absolutely not true, because we can see within ourselves that we can change and transcend fear through self-forgiveness, and understanding of the starting point of how the fear was created in the first place.  The problem is, most people are so consumed with fear, they just want to exist in their blissful ignorance, willing to accept the lie, as long as they can keep their temporary comfort - even at the expense of others.  This in ignorance of the fact that the universe is 'entangled', and so the choices that are created through ignorance are impacting not only others, but themselves as well, to grave consequence.  This self-compromise, or false contentment, is the evil of our existence, which must be exposed and stopped.

We are told in the Law of Thermal dynamics that Energy cannot be created or destroyed.  This 'law' is a limited idea, which quite typically does not take into account the inherent problem that energy feeds on the physical - converting matter into heat energy through friction.  Energy cannot exist without the physical as its source.  If all of the physical universe burns itself out, the heat would simply dissipate.

The problem with science, is that it tries to understand and define the universe in separation from self as the source of existence - hence no responsibility is necessary.  Scientists postulate ideas as if self is of no relevance whatsoever, thereby justifying free choice as 'do whatever you want, it doesn't matter anyway'.  Complete negligence.

For any formula or theory to be accurate, it must take into account all variables - Nothing can be omitted.  That is why the Equality equation - 1+1=2 - is the only trustworthy formula where we can 1 by 1 accumulate that which is best for all.... Because we have become so lost within ideas of science, separating ourselves from what is here - as selfishness and the desire for personal profit, that we have forgotten common sense.

Intelligence is non-existent, and those that claim to be intelligent, are actually complete fools, because they have not even realized, applied and understood the most basic formula of all - 1+1=2  to solve the most basic problems in our world.  Each person that realizes their responsibility to life, can change themselves, and so help to create a world that is best for all.  There is no excuse for self-denial, especially when the theory of everything is given to you on a golden platter.  Join the Desteni I Process and realize for yourself who you really are.

Day 60 - Times and Seasons

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to energy fluctuations based on the time of day.  I realize that consciousness attempts to dictate my moods and feelings based on the programmed idea of how I should feel like at certain times of the day. My physical body has no preference for time of day, therefore any preference such as 'morning person' or 'night owl' is of the mind.  I realize that any time of day is equal in nature and there are no moods connected and determined by time of day by my physical body.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to energy fluctuations based on the day of the week.  My physical body does not function by the day of the week, but supports me unconditionally as it supports itself to be here in the present moment as the physical expression of me.  Therefore I am not limited to feeling the ups and downs based on the day of the week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to energy fluctuations based on the seasons or the time of the year.  I realize that while my physical body may feel more comfortable in warm temperatures as opposed to cold, I am equally able to express myself within cold temperatures as well as warm. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and controlled by feelings based on traditional holidays and celebrations.  I realize that my physical body has no preference for any mind created idea of separation wherein a 'holiday' is created.  All days are equally here as I am here as my physical body.  I direct myself to express myself without having or allowing myself to be directed and controlled by a system of beliefs which seek to determine my moods (as doom) and expression - that would be self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any day that I am here, I am able to express myself in supporting all life equally.  Through supporting all life as what is best for all, I am supporting myself and bringing myself back to the starting point of myself so that life can be born from the physical as actual real expression of self - not controlled by a system of beliefs and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in celebrations.  I realize that while my world as me is in tremendous agony - celebration is inconsideration and spiteful towards myself as my world.  How can I celebrate the suffering of billions of people, animals, plants and the entirety of existence?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create times and seasons in separation of myself as the physical.  In doing so I have attempted to understand myself within a definition of myself in separation, when I am here and I have been here all along.  I do not need a definition of myself to exist, as that only diminishes me.  All I need is for me to be honest with myself and to live as Equal to all as what is best for all in all ways always, and I will realize myself and birth myself as life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on times and seasons and holy-days out of fear of facing and expressing myself.  I realize that all I have to do to realize myself is to take responsibility to face my fears in self-honesty, and if I find I am not being honest with myself, I simply forgive myself, and change myself to live as an Equal in every way.  Living in self-interest is HELL, and I hate it through and through.

I commit myself to direct myself in every moment, as each moment being equal - no time separation.

I commit myself to mess with the system through getting up in the middle of the night and waking someone up... just for the fuck of it.

I commit myself to being equal to my physical body in every way, directing myself in what is here, and changing whatever needs to be changed to align with what is best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to realize that I am the directive principle of myself here, and in so I direct all life as me in what is best for all

I commit myself to expose the deception of the system which has enslaved

I commit myself to take responsibility to express myself as here, as birthing myself in the physical.

I commit myself to assisting everyone I meet, because naturally, if my only reason for living is equality, as what is best for all, every thing I do and say will be directed to support life as Equality until it is done, and no more ignorance, fear or senseless suffering exists within me as my world.

Artwork by hibbary
http://hibbary.deviantart.com/art/Four-Seasons-82254728

The Con of The Education System - Day 59

Take math for an example.  Many people claim that math is difficult.  Why?  All math ever is - is 1+1=2.  It is never more complicated than that. Math, (and all education based on knowledge for that matter) is a system of letters, numbers, and symbols, when combined in different ways and placed together, gives us values - as knowledge and information.  It is simply a matter of following the STEPS and RULES of the system, and, given enough time, you will get the 'correct'/desired answer.

So all one has to do to be good at math, is to MEMORIZE the steps and rules.  It's interesting that our education system judges people on their ability to understand knowledge and information in a predetermined fashion.  Rather than allow people to express for themselves unconditionally, we are graded on how well we can MEMORIZE the steps and rules, and regurgitate what we are force-fed by the education system. 

Why is memory - and the use of memory, through repetition and emulation - then given such high value in the education system?  It is because memory, is used as a tool to force us into submission and enslavement.  The more memory you use, the more knowledge you store in your brain (and body), thus you are attributed more value in the eyes of the system.

Memory is not physical, but energy, based on the past, which keeps us repeating cycles of the past in a continual, infinite loop.  In keeping us enslaved to cycles of the past, we remain trapped in the illusion - believing that all the answers are found in our memories.  But memories are actually the DENIAL of what is here as ourselves as physical beings.  Memories are how we have separated ourselves as - ENERGY vs PHYSICAL.  The energy of memories, CONSUMES the physical, and is the manifestation of fear of facing the totality of ourselves here, in each new moment. Memory is used in direct contradiction to common sense in living what is best for all.

This is just one of the many ways the education system functions to subdue and control humanity.  Another contributing factor to the problem is lack of individual responsibility, as people seeing themselves as separate from their reality.

How are people fooled into thinking and believing they are separate from their world and reality?

The answer to that is, they are trained to think that way - first by their parents, followed by the education system.
 
People calculate in their minds what will grant themselves the most fulfillment in their life experience, based on the indoctrination of competition by parents within a child's early years. Rather than experiencing and expressing Life for themselves, children are conditioned/tought/programmed and punished, into an imposed IDEA of how life is supposed to be. 

Parents train children in their own fears and limitations of mind, in that, early on in a child's life, many things are strictly forbidden for children.  This inherently creates a strong desire within a child's mind to understand, and experience those things that were forbidden to them, because within this oppression by parents, the child inevitably feels EXCLUDED and 'less than' the parent.  There are also many other emotions and consequences of this parental oppression - such as anger, fear, resentment, rebellion, distrust etc.  All culminating in the child's enslavement to such emotions and ideas of who they are and what life is.

What is interesting is that, by the time a child enters into the education system, they are immediately judged and given VALUES, as grades, marks, or scores, which translate to further inequality, separation, suppression and consequential emotions.  A child then begins to value his/herself 'higher' or 'lower' than ones fellow classmates, and so, competition is fueled through the release of suppressed emotions, reactions, and desire for validation, which is all traced back to the parental oppression in the formative years.

We must then ask ourselves the following;


Question;
1.  Why does society give higher value to those who have higher education - When the starting point for these valuations is CLEARLY to based in competition (as fear), and limited ideas (as memories)?

Answer:
Because society - as the system - as all of the minds (egos) of humanity, seeks to replicate itself, through our collective negligence to take responsibility for life, we have all allowed a system of abuse.


Question;
2.  Why does the education system NOT consider ALL factors of life, but merely a small, limited fraction?

Answer;
The factors which are used are predetermined within the context of the preeminence of society, and therefore based on COMPETITION.  So the education system is not educating children how to live their lives and express themselves, but rather PROGRAMMING children how to function as organic robots within society - as a system.


Question;
3.  Why are students graded, and what are the factors for grading?

Answer;
Grades in the education system are based on three primary factors.

a. One's perceived ability to learn knowledge and information, and solve problems.

b. Ones DESIRE to acquire and assimilate knowledge and information 

c. The SPEED at which one is able to solve the problems.

I have explained how the use of stored knowledge and information is a tool of leverage, and therefore spitefully used to gain power over others as opposed to seeing eachother as physical equals.  One's desire can be attributed to competition.  It is fascinating how speed is a factor - which is also a typical component of competition. 



Question;
4.  What are the attributes of competition?

Answer;
a.  FEAR (energy based and non physical) - As fear of survival

b. GREED (energy based and non physical) - As lust for power and control.



Question;
How then are grades judged, and determined, and what are the factors involved in grading students?

Answer;
If a student is fearful of getting bad grades, this fear could likely cause one to work hard, (assuming they do not give up or drop out) then one may achieve good grades through the motivation of fear.  So we can see here from this example, that the education system can actually REWARD FEAR!  In doing so, it rewards the use of ENERGY to charge the illusion in spite of the physical being.

One may claim that a person is 'naturally talented' in a given subject.  Interestingly though, this argument falls on its face, as the education system does not investigate or consider the starting point of how a student became 'naturally good' or adept in a given subject. 

- Did he/she desire to be seen as better than others?  If so, then that is ego/mind/energy based, as seeing oneself as 'better than' the physical, and thus spiteful.

- Did he/she see the subject as an opportunity to get revenge on others, through leveraging education to get a high value/grade, and thus use this valuation to justify living a life of greed and self interest?  If so, then that is ego/mind/energy based, as seeing oneself as 'better than' the physical, and thus spiteful.

- Did the student simply want to help all of humanity?  If so, then what a great tragedy that this student is still subject to a system of control and bureaucracy, and therefore will not be able to use his/her 'talents' to their full capacity.



How can society and the education system pass out judgements as grades and valuations, without considering the STARTING POINT of why a person is, or is not, adept at a certain subject?  Why is it that society and the education system actually rewards SPITEFULNESS?  The system would defend itself by saying 'there is no way to know a persons intentions'.

That defense is unacceptable, and can only have one possible reason - the system itself, as all of humanity collectively - is irresponsible and spiteful.  That is why society and the education system rewards spite - because it is itself, spiteful by the illusion of free choice.  All choices have consequences that affect everyone.  Therefore Free choice does not support life, but supports SELF-INTEREST and abuse of Life!  Free choice supports FEAR as ENERGY and manipulation.  Free choice is not true freedom, but rather the opposite - complete ENSLAVEMENT to the system.

The only way to solve the oppression by society, the education system and the problems in our world is to stop free choice.  Each person must take self responsibility to support Equality of Life, so that all Life can be honored Equally, and each person can contribute to life in whatever way they are able.  If we do not value all Life as Equal, then we are deceiving ourselves, and there is no way we can stop the inevitable destruction of ourselves and our planet.  We need to all work together, to serve life in doing what is best for all! That is the only way... there is no other way.  Join Desteni, and take self-responsibility to change yourself, so that we can all stand together to change our world into a place worth living. 

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 58 - Sharing Equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that each person is as me as a physical being.  Therefore any judgement I have that is 'of my mind' is separating myself into and as that which is not physical.  I realize that the deception that pervades all of existence - as people abusing life through the secret mind, and not understanding themselves as who we are as physical - must be exposed openly, so that all may have the opportunity for self-realization.  I also realize that I cannot judge others - aside from stopping myself from participating in obvious, deliberate and spiteful behavior that clearly does not support life, in which case it is not a mental judgement but a physical, open statement of who I am, and what I will or will not allow myself to participate in. 

Anyone can, at any time, move themselves to 'wake up' to the self-realization of what is necessary to be done to stand for, and support Life as Equality.   I do not know the outcome - therefore I support all those willing to hear unconditionally, so that I may assist others as I would like to be assisted, were I in their shoes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within my participation with others, I am accountable to share myself as who I have realized myself to be - As taking responsibility to direct and change myself into that which is best for all as Equal.  Within this realization, I am able to skillfully direct myself to assist another as myself, to see past the limitations of the mind, and to assist another to face the reality of the world we have all collectively accepted and allowed as ourselves - as the calculated, and self-willed abuse of life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confront others from the starting point of seeing myself as 'better than' because I have acquired the knowledge of Equality.  In so doing, I create a polarity friction war between them and myself, and manifest a point of separation within myself, as using knowledge to 'try to do something good' to make myself feel superior.  I realize that this only charges the mind within reactions, judgements and beliefs, in attempt to make others feel inferior within a knowledge belief system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to change others in my own self-interest.  The actuality is that I cannot change anyone, I can only assist others that wish to change themselves, as each is self-responsible, and any action that is an attempt to change another is merely manifesting a master/slave relationship or polarity war in and as the mind as ego consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my expression of self-standing in responsibility to myself, as self-trust, as embracing myself unconditionally is the best support I can offer myself or anyone else, where, my expression is not dependent on the perfection of grammar or phrases that I use, because my self-honest expression - regardless of the word configuration - is what will be the most effective in assisting others to see beyond their own fears and into their own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the exponential outflow of each moment/opportunity as the compression of time as myself.  In that outflow, I can direct myself within and as self-honesty and so expose the deception, so that it can be eradicated and Life can be born - timeless and eternal, where all that will exist is Equality as Life forever.

I commit myself to stop all mental judgements that do not support life or what is best for all.

I commit myself to bring realization to myself as self-honest expression as me as doing what is best for all in every moment, every movement and every breath so that I can enjoy the fruit of my labor as having extracted the parasite of consciousness which has blinded me for eons of time. 

I commit myself sharing myself unconditionally to all who will hear the desteni message of Equality so that all of existence may understand and be brought to account of how we have abused Life

I commit myself to applying self-forgiveness and corrective application as well as making myself available to show others the tools that will assist one to change oneself to serve Life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to support life through the creation of an Equal Money System so that all that are here may be supported and life will be honored and given Equal value as the value of Life as what it should be. 

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 57

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of dullness.  I realize that dullness is of the mind/ego where my mind is attempting to dictate a mood and feeling as an experience of self-suppression.  When and as I see myself within the dullness frame of mind/limitation of mind, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself in and as my physical body to do what is necessary to be done to take responsibility for myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing myself as physical movement because my mind tells me that it will cost me energy.  At the same time my mind wants to consume energy for itself rather than me giving my energy to life as what is best for all, because when I do that, the mind cannot feed off of my physical body and so the mind will starve and cease to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist directing myself for fear that I will be exhausted.  To exhaust myself in changing myself to become Equal to the physical is actually the great opportunity I am dedicated to giving myself so that I can honor all life with my existence rather than consume the physical through energy which depletes the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in each moment that to desire experiences such as happiness, comfort, peace, love, joy or any feeling or emotion good or bad - only for myself - is separation and deception.  I realize that all selfish desires are fleeting, and not real if they cannot be shared Equally among ALL that exist.  That is why we must start over, from nothingness, so that all may be shared Equally by all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the tremendous gift of opportunity as the portal-to-unity as a chance to change myself and to realize myself here within self-honesty and self-responsibility in this lifetime. I am grateful for this magnificent opportunity and in so commit myself to assist in birthing life as Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'puffed up' with knowledge and information as 'hot air' floating into the mind as consciousness, spiteful and ignorant of what is right under, in, and as my nose. My nose knows the duality/polarity of consciousness, and at the same time it is the key, the primary point where breath physically enters my body, therefore my nose is aware if I am directing my breath or not... and if not, then what is? If not, where am I? Do I exist?  Where and how can I exist if I do not direct the breath?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize myself through knowledge and information, rather than directing myself as Equal to all that is here as me.  I realize that if I use knowledge and information to make myself 'appear intelligent' or 'better than' others I am only boosting the false image of myself in my mind.  In this I realize I must slow myself down when interacting with others so I can assist myself to be aware of any fears that may arise, so I can clear myself without jumping on the first thought that comes to mind.  In this I discipline myself with patience, to take responsibility to direct my words as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear appearing foolish to others because I may stumble with my corrective application as I learn how to direct myself - as a baby learning to walk for the first time.  Within this I realize that the fear of appearing foolish is actually an opportunity to enjoy the inevitable comedy of the moment.


I commit myself to continue to write out points that I have not fully integrated into and as myself until I get it and I am stable in living the application of my words.

I commit myself to push myself to take responsibility for myself in fully executing self-correction.

I commit myself to be aware of the fear of appearing foolish, where this may allow me to discover points where I have previously hidden issues from myself.

I commit myself to use this opportunity to change myself and my world so that all life can be supported physically and practically in Equality, such as would happen if we all supported an Equal Money System.

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 56 - Time Traveling

Within my process I've become acutely aware of the ups and downs.  One day there is a feeling of up, the next its down, with even shorter intervals at times.  The most seemingly benign things can trigger ups and downs.  Something someone says, or I see a picture or something else will prompt a thought to come up, and I will reflect on it from a future perspective - as a projection, in comparing myself to someone or something - and I then create an idea of the 'best case scenario', or the 'worst case scenario'.

Thus jumping from one time dimension to another, in fear of 'what may or may not happen' in the future - all based on my past programmed thoughts and ideas.

What I really need to do is write things out immediately when they come up, that way I can trap my feelings in one dimension - here - so that I can see it and deconstruct it without the thought and feeling 'fleeing' away, only to come back at another time if it is not dealt with in the moment.

One trigger today was a picture of myself.  A thought came up that I am getting old, and so that triggered regret that I have not accomplished that which I would have liked to accomplish yet in this life - as transcending all points of self-dishonesty and standing Equal to all, here, in and as my physical body.

Another trigger further compounded the first, where I had a reaction to a perspective and judged myself as 'not being honest enough with myself yet.  This then triggered discouragement which triggered frustration, which triggered tiredness, which triggered neglect. 

Within these triggered points there also opened up other points.  I am still not living up to my expectations, and or the projected image of myself. I am desiring to be perfect in my process, yet this desire is a deception, because I am using it as a crutch, as a graven image which gives me a good feeling about myself, which I use to encourage myself - in polarity - in which case I inevitably fall into the opposite polarity of discouragement.

So it is time to drop the image so I can sort out what is here, step by step, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project an image of myself in my mind into the future based on my past so that I may manipulate myself into giving myself a good feeling and in so attempt to encourage myself within the polarity game of encouragement/discouragement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value and compare myself to the image I have constructed of myself within my mind as an idea, where I actually deny what is here and use this future projection as a point and means to blame others as 'not being as good as me', and in so compromise my self-honesty and create further consequences for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through the image of myself I have created in my mind in fear of what others will think of me.  This also in fear of consequences that will play out instead of me being here and facing myself within writing so that I can trap and see the points in written format without them fleeing away in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the best case/worst case scenario in my mind and so react to those mind scenarios which create further cycles and time-loops within my process of self-realization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate to write out points for myself as soon as I am able, so that I may see how I am hiding from myself, and so creating more cycles within which I am not being honest with myself and dealing with what is here as me, in and as the physical, moment by moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be liked or be seen as special where I have created ideas and images of myself in my mind so that I may have good feelings about myself without investigating and understanding what the outflow effect of these ideas and images will be. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be a hero in my mind where I am thinking I can, and trying to do everything by myself and so putting myself through unnecessary stress and anxiety. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to prepare myself for what points that I must face within my day and week in a structured and disciplined manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the first option that comes to mind - as opposed to having patience to explore what other opportunities are available - without unnecessarily aversion to making a decision.

I commit myself to structuring, organizing and prioritizing my days and weeks so that I may prepare myself for the points that I know I have to face within my daily participation, and so be ready to address them and deal with them appropriately in the moment.

I commit myself to physical walking of my process within breath, so that I am constantly dealing with what is here in and as my physical process.

I commit myself to face points that come up as soon as I am able so that I can deal with them before more points are triggered, and so i can stop the cycle before it starts.

I commit myself keeping my process simple through effective writing and establishing myself within and as self-trust. 



-

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 55 - Self Realization

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have allowed my mind as a system to direct and control my physical body.  I realize that by allowing my mind to be the master of my physical body and reality, I have abdicated myself to a system of enslavement. 

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my responsibility to direct myself, my physical body, my breathing and through those applications I can have a clear starting point to direct my world and reality without being influenced by a mind system which feeds off the physical as a parasite seeking an energy fix as a drug.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that allowing my mind to direct and control me, is giving my power away to a system of enslavement through energy.  I realize that enslavement diminishes me and does not support life or what is best for all, therefore slavery is unacceptable and is the enemy of life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the obvious truth that is right before my eyes - as ME - as the physical reality.  How could I possibly not see that the physical for what it is - as the reflection of what I have manifested myself as in separation from myself, through spitefulness and fear of facing who I am for real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that spitefulness to myself, everyone else, and my world is the most hideous form of cruelty which is perpetuated through DENIAL and false appearances for the sake of SELF-INDULGENCE and SELF-INTEREST, where people only CLAIM to love and care,  yet all our loving and caring is nothing more than an insult to life – Because we do not stand AS EQUALS! I realize that love and care in they eyes of this world is abused through denying reality, in exchange for a temporary illusion, a fleeting feeling, and/or an energy rush...all of which is of consciousness and therefore deceitful.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to think I can blame the system, or blame politicians, or blame bankers or blame god, or blame some higher power, or blame my parents, or blame my friends, or blame my teachers, or blame my boss.  I realize that no-one can take responsibility for me, and I must be the one to stand and walk myself out of the brutal consequences I have created for myself through my self-dishonesty to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from myself in fearing who I am and fearing what I will lose in this reality if I stand for life as Equality.  I realize that I can never hide from myself and I am FULLY AWARE of each action I take that does/does not support all life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to stand for all life as Equality - as what is best for all - is THE HIGHEST HONOR any being can attain – as standing as an Equal, as breath, as the physical – and there is no other honor worthy of life in this current reality – as all other honors and awards are based in self-interest and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire revenge on those who I have blamed as evil, when all along I have been lying to myself because I am the creator of evil in this world and it is my responsibility to stand for life alone.  I realize that if I desire revenge on another, I am desiring revenge for myself and therefore I will not transcend my mind as the seeker of vain glory and personal gratification within and as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prey on the weak and disadvantaged in my world through using, and abusing a money system that is utterly corrupt, brutal and insidious in nature.  A system which only protects the abusive people and abusive system through portraying a pretty picture of false love, false hope and false life.

I commit myself to re-defining my world and reality within the context of Equality as what is best for all, so we can stop the illusion and bring about a real change in our physical world so that all life can be honored Equally.

I commit myself to direct myself from the starting point of me here, as the source of existence, working for the single purpose of birthing myself as life in and as the physical, so that we can put an end all abuse of life forever.

I commit myself to understand - through research and the free support offered through Desteni group – and face my fears, because I realize that fears are harmful in that they create consequence for me and others in my world and reality. Therefore when and as I see a fear within me, I stop and breathe.  I then address the fear to deconstruct the starting point of the fear, so that I may re-align myself as being here, as a physical being seeking the best interest of all rather than just living for myself in self-interest.

I commit myself to walk my process of self-honesty and self-correction, and self-realization until it is done and there exists no separation, abuse or deception - anywhere in existence whatsoever. 

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 54

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone my responsibilities till the last minute.  I realize that doing this creates consequences that I will have to face as not being effective as possible within my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think to myself that I can relax and not push myself throughout the day even at times where I feel that I don't have much to do, there are things that I can do that will assist myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself too much slack within my daily participation, as still not being completely effective with self-discipline.  I realize I need to develop a system for myself where I can discipline myself to direct myself in working at expanding myself and doing things that will manifest changes that will be reflected in my outer world as changes that are moving myself towards assisting others and myself to stand up and support equality and equal money for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect the primary points in my life that need to be dealt with - with regards to work and positioning myself somehow so that I am better able to support myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inconsistent with pushing my resistances, where at times if I don't feel like doing something because I feel tired or too relaxed, I have allowed myself to become ineffective through doing things that produce no real change in myself and or my world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider those in my world that are in desperate situations.  Just because I do not see them right here in front of me does not mean that it is not happening - I know it is happening - and just because I am not experiencing the suffering they are going through right now does not mean it is not happening, or that I will have to face similar consequences in the future through my accepted and allowed consequences of lack of self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect my responsibility to myself to motivate myself, not through fear, but through me upholding my responsibility to myself as supporting life and living the principle of what is best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to change myself in every moment and to realize that I am able to change in every moment.

I commit myself to motivating myself through constantly bringing my awareness here, as the physical, and remembering what horrors this world actually exists as so that I can change myself and my world for which I am responsibile for creating as this horrible atrocity that it is.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and facing each point that comes up within me - and to no longer accept and allow myself to define myself with my mind as the ideas and personalities of the past which kept me enslaved to an idea of myself - as 'good' or 'funny' or 'cool' or 'intelligent'. I realize that the only way to solve the problems in our world is for each to self-realize through self-honesty so we can all contribute and work together to create a world that is best for all.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 53 - Enjoy the Challenge

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in a rush while working because I fear not making money fast enough.  When and as I notice myself rushing and pushing myself to hard, I stop and breathe for a moment to slow myself down so that I am not allowing my mind to dictate the pace.  I realize that I must direct myself in each moment and no longer accept and allow myself to be controlled by fear of not having money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that consistency is the most effective and practical method to direct myself so that I can be effective in my work and direct myself in and as the physical.  If I am rushing, I must stop myself and check whether my starting point is fear or me directing myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all situations I find myself in are self-created, and so I must walk out the consequences.  Within that I realize that I must stop myself from creating consequences by directing myself in and as breath in every moment, not reacting to situations but directing them as myself in what is best for all and common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my programmed personality based on my parents personalities and how they dealt with issues such as frustration and anxiety.  I no longer accept and allow myself to grasp onto a personality, but rather I face myself here in the challenge to change myself and direct myself in each moment, so that I can align myself with the physical as what is best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear directing myself in each moment, as if I would fear facing myself as how I have created myself.  I realize that in taking responsibility for myself here, I must walk the consequences of what I have created, so that I can challenge myself to change myself in undoing what I have done and created as myself as this world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that facing resistances and challenging my personality/ego/mind is the way to freeing myself from self-created consequence, and therefore I enjoy that challenge and I enjoy taking responsibility for myself rather than exist as a slave robot to a system of abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put on a nice face, smile or laugh to make someone else feel more comfortable.  I realize that this is self-compromise and I am sick of compromising myself as a program of trying to please others in fear of expressing myself self-honestly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in any way to people within conversation.  I realize that reacting is of the mind, therefore I direct myself to directly speak words as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self-correction in the presence of another person.  I realize that taking responsibility to correct myself in front of others is not only assisting myself but assisting others as well.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself within self-correction immediately, so as to catch myself instantly, and walk the necessary steps to actual change from the starting point of me being honest with myself.

I challenge myself to change myself within the presence of others, within slowing down and applying the necessary steps to correct and change myself so I am speaking words as me, not in reaction, but directly speaking based on what is here as me.

I challenge myself to enjoy the challenge of pushing my resistances to change myself, and to see it as an opportunity in each moment to realize myself and to stand up for myself as what is best for all.

I challenge myself to share who I am unconditionally with those who are able to hear

I challenge myself explore new ways of expressing myself, to redefine expression as no longer within the fear of embarrassment, rather cutting through all the judgement bullshit and getting to the critical point of exposing the lies and deception in our world that has been promoted by a system of dishonesty.

7yr Journey to Life Day 52 - Excluded

 I was just out for a bike ride and stopped by a baseball diamond, where there were people playing softball.   I wanted to play, but I did not ask anyone because I did not want to 'impose' on everyone and disrupt the game, or the score.  Everyone saw me sitting there watching, yet neither did anyone ask me to play.  It's so easy to just say 'ah whatever' and forget about it - as humans always do.  Yet here is a small, yet clear example highlighting the collective negligence and spitefulness in our world.  I realize I did not take responsibility to express myself, yet that is not the point I care to share here.  The point is what is the source of the COLLECTIVE failure?

Why is our reality so Exclusive? - to the extent that we disregard ourselves and others, and in so allow suppression/exclusion to exist?  Clearly we all share this experience in our world, and ALL are able to participate, so why are we not ALL-Inclusive?  The answer is simply, because our reality is a FEAR based SYSTEM - pre-programmed through KNOWLEDGE, with the resulting consequence of self-denial.

Welcome to the wonderful world of 'fuck you buddy!'... lets everyone just PRETEND we are not fully aware, and that life does not care.  Humans are Artisans of pretentiousness.  We physically see eachother and the exclusivity, yet not only do we blatantly deny it, we then go on to actually DEFEND it!!...  As if we are actually afraid of losing our pretend - and sickening - reality!!  To take it even further what really amazes me is that people actually think they can get away with it... As if life would never call us to account.  People actually live by the core morality of "No one else is admitting it, I don't have to either!" Complete bullshit, and irresponsibility to life.

This example is merely a fractal of the greater picture, where exclusivity is taken to the extreme, causing massive abuse and torment beyond comprehension.  

Within the realization of Equality - as what is best for all - full payment for our shockingly outstanding and overdue debt to Life is suddenly upon us.  And to those that outright deny Equality, even when directly presented with its cold, hard truth - will find themselves excluded through their own devices, as they deny themselves life, because Equality is the only road to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a pretentious reality where exclusivity is accepted and allowed as the norm wherein we humans do not seek to solve the problem, but bury it within suppression and self-denial.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Life will not call me to account for my self dishonesty in how I have denied myself and others within living a lie of exclusivity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a system which is based in fear as knowledge and information where fear is permitted to exist within the false belief that this is just the way it is and nothing can be done about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend that this 'fuck you buddy' reality is acceptable in any way, and use that justification to live in self-interest rather than change myself for the good of all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend a sickening world system because I fear losing my pretentiousness and changing myself into a being that honors life - as opposed to self denial where extreme consequence takes place through me making false excuses and justifications.

I commit myself to change myself to align myself with that which is best for all so that I can change my world and reality through being self honest with myself first.

I commit myself to face the actual physical reality and stop the ego/mind reality so that all can be physically manifested and exposed so that no point goes without notice

I commit myself to create a world that is all inclusive and nothing is excluded in false mind beliefs and fears.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 51 - Words Change Time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my self-forgiveness statements as not standing Equal to and One with my words, where I have written out words of self-forgiveness, and yet not followed through with the full corrective application in changing myself to align myself with my words as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat my words as less than me - through not living true to my words as who I am in each moment - as directing myself as the physical in standing for life, without compromise, or going into my mind of thoughts as desires for experiences of the past where experiences 'felt good'.  I realize this desire to go back into the past is in separation of myself here, and what is necessary to be done for me to stand as life in self-responsibility to all in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must discipline myself - because my programmed mind and the information stored within my physical body will still want to take the easiest road as following the path of cycles of the past so I can operate on autopilot as being dragged through life by my mind of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my responsibilities to myself and my group where I have not given my best in each and every moment, through allowing myself to be subject to discouragement - as fear of not having any encouragement in the polarity system as needing an external stimulus in order to conduct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being here and directing my movements, my breath and my words as me, constantly making excuses in my mind because my mind wants control of me because my mind fears its own death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use my time as effectively as possible.  I realize at times when my mind takes over - as autopilot - I have accepted it and allowed it to continue unchecked, assuming that everything is fine, yet if this happens, it is evidence that I am not fully directing myself in every moment and I am allowing myself to be mind controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project ideas of my financial situation into the future and so allow my mind to use that as a tool against me to sabotage me into believing that my situation is much worse than it is. I realize that if I move myself here in each moment as doing what is best for all, then I will be able to support myself as always doing what is necessary to be done in any given situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a reaction to my minds future projection of the possibilities of what could happen, and in so allow it to impose feelings of discouragement on me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change, in any construct that I have created.  ALL mind/personality manifestations can be stopped with the tools of self-forgiveness, breathing, and corrective application.   I realize I do not have to fear stopping patterns, or fear letting go of patterns because I am still here in each moment and I am doing what is best for me as best for all. And best of all I am birthing myself as life by walking myself to nothingness to undo all of the spitefulness that I have accepted and allowed within my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the reactions of others if I talk slowly, and or directly, with care for my words, correcting myself if necessary and speaking self forgiveness.  I realize that me fearing what others will think of me creates anger and indignation within me through suppression of self and conformity to a system of false beliefs.

I commit myself to stand equal to my words, to slow myself down and stand boldly in the face of fear so I can express myself without concern for what others think.  In so, I am allowing myself to express myself as true to myself, as standing Equal to my words so that I can by example, change my world and reality.

I commit myself to integrate all that is not physical within me, all that is not Equal and One with my physical body.  I will do this through deconstructing the mind and thoughts, feelings, emotions and DESIRES and transmuting them into physicality, as what is tangible, able to be seen by all, and thus trustworthy

I commit myself to self-realization in each moment, despite what fears may come up, I deal with them without judgment upon myself, I stand for life no matter what events or experiences occur.

I commit myself to use my time effectively in moving myself and directing each movement so all aligns with the principle of what is best for all - so there need be no feelings of guilt or remorse, as everything I do supports life as best as I am able.

Day 50 - Lust Ignorance and Greed

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the simple fact that money is false valuation based in greed, and that I am responsible for supporting and creating the current money system as consumerism and greed.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I do not take a stand to change the current money system, I am continuing to support it, and therefore I am accepting myself as being subject to, controlled by, and consumed with greed, making me the complete manifestation of greed and thus a willing abuser of life.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the entire universe is aware - as myself here, and that I cannot cheat the universe as myself through excuses and justifications and blaming others. I realize that this is me trying to cheat and escape myself - because I fear taking responsibility, and fear facing myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become - as greed.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and understand that by me not standing for life as what is best for all, I am making the conscious decision to deny myself here, and  I am endorsing all the lies, cruelty, torture, and horrors of this world through renunciation of self-responsibility - thus denying my very existence for fear of facing who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to comprehend the extent of the suffering that is occurring in my world and reality - this due to me not taking responsibility to support the clear and obvious solution that would bring an end all unnecessary suffering - Equal Money For All. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my own selfish desires ABOVE that which is best for all - and in so abdicated my responsibility to do what is necessary to be done to stop the abuse and destruction of life on my planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squander opportunities for myself to investigate and understand the true nature of my world and reality - and WHY the world is the way it is - and HOW I am contributing to a system of enslavement.  I realize that it is deliberate ignorance, in trying to appease my own infinite selfish desires as addictions to energy, and fear of losing my personality and what I 'think' is my life - as relationships based in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the inevitability of death, and that I must face myself and how I have chosen to live my life when my physical body dies.  In that, if I continue to live based solely on my 'personality', I am intentionally disregarding my responsibility to stand for and support all life and the simple solution to a self-destructive world.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to challenge myself to move myself and expand my understanding of myself through investigating the nature of my reality and the reason why we live in a world full of spiteful behavior and wars of all kinds - from military conflict, to marital conflict, to sibling rivalry, to the war in my head as my secret mind that I believe no one knows about but myself - yet it is all manifested as the consequences we are currently living out.

I commit myself to change myself so that I am no longer directed and controlled by greed - but change that into a life of giving and forgiving myself so that I can change my world and bring about Equality as me being equal to my world and reality in every way so life can be honored, rather than money.

I commit myself to challenge myself to see when, how, what and why I am not being real and honest with myself. In that I understand that living a lie is of NO BENEFIT in any way to myself, nor the rest of the world as me.

I commit myself to push myself to investigate the true nature of my existence and why I exist the way I do, and to see that there is a practical and inevitable solution to all the problems we collectively face in our world and reality - by standing as Equals and supporting all life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to move myself constantly and consistently to bring awareness to myself and my world through working to expose and deconstruct the harmful nature of secret mind/ego participation as lust for power and control over the physical reality - which is foolish because I am seeking to have power over myself - as mind over matter - yet this is the deception that breeds fear in me, as fear of taking responsibility and standing to support all life as Equality.

I commit myself to realize how I can change myself to assist and support all life, in becoming effective and aligning myself with the principle of what is best for all through the desteni-I-process course.

Day 49 - Organization, Prioritization and Motivation

One point in particular that I allowed myself to get discouraged lately was where I am trying to a certain form of abstract artwork over the past year.  I have spent many many hours trying to get it but I am not getting the desired effect.  It is very challenging to see something that you would like to do, but it is not turning out the way I would like whatsoever.

So I am stuck in the situation, because I am committed to keep trying to get it.  I suppose I should stop judging the outcome and just keep working at it until either I realize that it is not going to happen or I create something I'm happy with.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get discouraged with myself through judging what I have been attempting to do.  In this judgement, I am not realizing that what I am attempting to do takes some development and learning, and that I am in the learning phase of this process.  Therefore I stop all self-judgement and apply myself practically to see how I can assist myself to achieve my goal - or perhaps alter my goal accordingly. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - through the discouragement system - disregard my responsibility to myself, to see the bigger picture in the long run, so that what I do today creates the world I want to live in tomorrow.

Through this, I see that when I accept and allow myself to participate in my mind without pushing my resistances, but rather 'putting things off', I am accepting and allowing the current consequences of what is here - as hell on earth - to direct my situation rather than me changing myself and directing and supporting myself to have an impact on this world.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trap myself in a state of mind where I feel that I am unable to work in doing practical things because 'I don't feel like it right now' or 'I can do that later'.  I realize that I have to change myself to become effective in doing things immediately when I have responsibilities.  If I do not do them, there must be a resistance stopping me from doing them so I have to write out the points and apply self-forgiveness for them. Again I am writing the procrastination system.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slack off within doing my work.  I realize that I have to work, and I do enjoy working, yet there is resistance to working at times.  I realize that I have to push through the resistances to working.  In this I am seeing a pattern of myself not being effective enough with my work, where situations are arising which are causing me to have to do much more work than is necessary and for less money.  I also realize that if I push this point/resistance effectively I will alleviate a lot of stress and anxiety from my life.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by resistances to working at my computer.  I realize that I need to organize and prioritize my life so I can become more effective in getting things done that need to be done so I will not have stress and anxiety in the future - because I have not taken responsibility in the present.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame rich people and the world in anger and frustration for what I have myself created for myself as my current situation.  I realize that what is here is my responsibility and therefore this is what I have to work with.

I commit myself to pay attention to myself as to pushing resistances and getting things done that need to be done through organizing myself and prioritizing things in my life.

I commit myself to - when a system of discouragement arises within me - to stop, breathe and WRITE OUT what is going on within myself so I can see myself from a different perspective and stop the cause that is causing the negative/self-sabotaging effect in my life.

I commit myself to maintain an up to date and easy to reference prioritization of things that need to be done

I commit myself to staying organized and staying on top of issues so I can become effective in my world.

I commit myself to motivate myself through self-encouragement by doing work that I will be happy with in the future with things such as blogging and vlogging so that I am contributing in making an effort to change my world to a world that will support life as Equality and an Equal Money System.

Day 48 - Change is Constant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself.  I realize that to give up would mean that there is no opportunity for change, yet there is no such thing as giving up on myself as I am here and everything is constantly changing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the program of my past where I feel I need to punish myself.  I realize that punishing myself will not assist me in any way, but rather I need to change punishment to changing myself as self discipline - so that I can do what is necessary to be done to support myself and others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the temper tantrums of my mind direct and control me in avoiding my responsibilities to support myself and get my work done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the outcome of what will happen if I move myself in doing tasks.  I realize that this is self-sabotage and it is showing me that I have not yet developed self trust as myself here as constant and consistent moving myself and facing myself within responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate and wait till the last moment to get working on things.  I realize this reluctance to work is based in past acceptances and allowances where I only wanted to do what would give me gratification in self-interest, rather than placing myself as Equal to my world and reality in changing myself so that I could assist all as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the potential that even small changes that produce and effect that is best for all are helpful and can have great impact on my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself through allowing myself to get discouraged with myself where my mind tells me I have nothing to offer as seeing myself as useless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as useless and disregard myself through thoughts and beliefs of the mind.

I commit myself to change myself in every moment - to not accept and allow discouragement but to encourage myself in the fact that I understand myself as Equal to all, which very few understand that point in our world.

I commit myself to - when I see myself wanting to give up, stop and breathe and face my problems so that I can work them out step by step and get things done little by little.

I commit myself to self-encouragement where I can motivate myself as self-will through standing Equal to my world as the physical

Day 47 - Confidence, potential and opportunity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for no reason when I find myself around others whom - within the system - would be defined as 'of a higher class' or 'of higher intellect/status'.  I realize that this guilty feeling is based on my past identity of myself where I had for so long thought of myself as less then others, not standing equal to other physical beings in my life because I thought and believed that I was somehow 'less than' because I was aware of the abusive nature of our reality.  I realize that in me not wanting/understanding how to change myself to align myself with what is best for all, I abdicated myself through a belief system of 'making myself less than others' within the belief that I would not have to take responsibility for myself and my world as standing as an Equal in every way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself in playing the role of a humble person in that I do not stand up to direct a situation because I am still clinging to a personality role as opposed to moving and directing myself in ways that would support all as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within limiting my awareness as being fully present in the moment, and so not realizing and so passing up amazing opportunities to share insight and understanding of Equality and how others can support themselves in stopping the mind of enslavement to thoughts/feelings and emotions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the reactions and judgements of others if I should express a point in directing myself to carefully share a realization that would assist others to see how they can transcend a mind pattern.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit potential through placing others inside a defined box of how I believe they will react in a given situation.  I realize that those who directly or indirectly act or speak within mocking, spiteful, or abusive words or behavior, have no chance of self-realization.  Therefore I do not participate with such people unless I have no other choice in the matter. If that be the case, then I direct myself firmly and bluntly, without allowing myself to participate in any form of abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in backchat where I allowed myself to perceive and think of a woman as 'beautiful' - when I know full well that there is no such thing as beauty, and it is nowhere to be found in the entire universe. Beauty is deception because it exists within the polarity of Beauty/Ugliness and all polarity is based on personal opinion which is personality/ego based and is of the mind of thoughts and energy.

I commit myself to establish confidence within myself in every situation, allways prepared to stand accountable for every moment and every situation that arises so that I can direct it in full awareness of myself as Equal to all.

I commit myself to act within the certainty of what is necessary to be done, and therefore I can direct myself appropriately in being specific and focused on supporting life.

I commit myself to test myself and face resistances as a challenge to myself as challenging my beliefs and perceptions so that I may transcend all limitation and belief systems, and walk myself to nothingness with discipline and absolute self-will

I commit myself to face all fears directly and immediately upon realization so that I may no longer be subject to and enslaved within fears, as fear has no part in life.

Day 46 - Before Its Too Late

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by money, where my feelings are determined by the number in my bank account.  I realize we live in a system that is not Equal or fair in any way, but destructive in nature and that it came to be through my acceptances and allowances.  Therefore there is no choice in the matter, I must stand up for life and change myself so that I can change the system to stop the abuse of life and create a new system that supports life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think only of myself, where I lived in the belief that the rest of the world was not my responsibility and the belief that I did not create this mess, when in fact I did create this mess through my acceptances and allowances and participating in a system based on greed and self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to blame others such as politicians, stock market traders, bankers and those that attain money easily through leverage tactics and deliberate harm such as drug dealers and criminal activities groups.  I realize that I am no better than any of these people because I myself allowed the system to function through my direct participation, and therefore I am equally guilty for the demise of life as anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system which tolerates abuse of life in infinite ways through the promotion of capitalism, consumerism, war, slavery and all types of cruelty and disregard for life.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system based on fear where three quarters of the world are struggling to survive because money and resources to make money is extremely difficult if not impossible to attain. I realize that this type of capitalistic system promotes fear as the primary driving force for life and thus many are so driven by fear they will stop at nothing to obtain money, even killing and torturing other human beings and animals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the deliberate murder of those who are unfortunately are out of the loop, unable to attain resources that are necessary to survive such as medicine, health care, food, water and shelter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where people are so fearful that it is necessary to have a police force, military, and weapons that can destroy the whole planet. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that breeds clones that mimic eachother out of fear of facing themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where parents punish their children into submission and submit them to an education system that programs them to be good slaves to the system rather than allowing them to express themselves as life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system of religion where people are so fearful of an imaginary god that they don't even realize they are funneling money into the system which perpetuates false beliefs and false people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where money is given more value than Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where profit and greed are promoted through the media in a propaganda war against Life to keep the masses blind to the fact that they are living in a system of enslavement, functioning as organic robot slaves to money, profit and greed.

I commit myself to stand for life in appling myself in self-honesty to stop the mind system of consciosness that is conning all of humanity into self-delusion and self-destruction.

I commit myself to expose all the abusive ways the system is being sustained through selfishness and inconsideration for everyone as a whole.

I commit myself to realize and see and understand what is really going on in my world and reality so that I can do what is necessary to be done, as standing with the group that stands for what is best for all.

I commit myself to align myself with the physical in stopping participation in the mind as that which is based on energy and pictures/thoughts/feelings/emotions/perceptions/beliefs/ideas and opinions which do not support life.