Day 193 - Daily Reflection

Looking at the extent of the deception in people and the system, it is apparent that, despite the obviousness of abuse, any attempts to provoke realization in others are largely in vain.  I say 'vain' because not only is there little recognition or realization, but also because I myself have to look at my starting point as to why I am so 'anxious' to 'preach' about Equality to others.  Why do I insist on being so 'wise' to think that I can assist anyone to realizing themselves?  It is as if I have taken the point of caring for Life and formed it into a character of myself who thinks he's got all the answers for everyone.  I recognize the pattern within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get all worked up in my mind about sharing Equality, only to entertain the vain and charitable character, and so watch my words fall into the abyss of arrogance and self-pity.

I commit myself to focus on standing for myself as my priority point, so that I may be as effective as possible at directing myself in self-honesty, and not waste my words and efforts on a fictional character of my mind.      

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in frustration towards myself because change seems to move too slowly.  I realize that this self-judgement of myself is showing me that I must continue to push through resistances to realize change as myself in each moment.

I commit myself realize that pushing through resistances is the key to change and standing up for and as myself as change in each moment - so that I may change myself and realize my ultimate goal of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get discouraged with myself in recognizing this point within myself - where I look at my application throughout the day and see how pushing resistances appears difficult, and at times confusing - as within pushing resistances there exists some uncertainty and ambiguity.  I realize that this point is showing me that these resistances are opportunities for me to realize myself in being specific within my application, so that I can focus myself and direct myself in learning to trust myself to stand by my decisions with absolute certainty.  When and as I see my situation as difficult or confusing I slow myself down and bring myself back to breathing and doing what is necessary to be done, trusting myself that any point of dishonesty will reveal itself.

I commit myself to honor my commitment to myself in my goal of self-honesty through pushing resistances and changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in making and standing equal to my decisions as my self-movement due to past 'failure programming'.  I realize that my entire life has been taught, dictated and programmed to think and act within the success/failure construct where most experiences have been subject to failure, rejection, abandonment and criticizing, thus I accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to that very same system in an infinite loop of self-condemnation and self-judgement, ultimately creating the over-riding fear of failure.  This creates the consequence of me fearing to trust myself to make decisions and take responsibility for myself.  I realize that the process of making decisions and seeing them through to whatever end, so that I can face myself in becoming self-honest with myself.

I commit myself to recognize any fear of failure within myself and change myself to align myself with my ultimate goal of self honesty

Also within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to the fear of futility - where I see my decisions as insignificant and of little value.  I realize that this point is showing me that I am still comparing myself to - and thus acting within the fear of - the money system.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue myself through comparing myself with money as the value that is dictated by the system rather than valuing myself and each decision that I make as Equal to Life.

I commit myself to stand Equal to myself as the value of Life here and work to create an Equal Money System so that Life can be dignified for everyone.

Day 86 – Risk, Fear and Judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awful 

about myself, in that I have not done as much as I could have in the past 

because I have allowed myself to get discouraged with my situation and 

regrets/resentments of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others 

through arguing in my head as backchat in the belief that others are to blame 

for that I have created.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to judge myself as a failure and seek to give up on myself – as the 

‘good' feeling’ of spite in my mind having played the ‘ace in the hole’

where I feel better through vengeful thoughts of spite, in spite of

myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear future 

outcomes based on my past where I am allowing myself to be controlled by 

fear as future projections of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself 

to myself in the past, where I believe I was doing better or worse in the 

past – not seeing the point that I am facing here.I forgive myself that I 

have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for each thought 

that comes up and so allow thoughts to go unchecked and accumulate into 

self-judgement and fear and self-sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 

can just coast through times of relaxation without pushing myself to direct 

myself in breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to 

become jealous of others who seem to have it easy in life with a well secured 

future, without realizing that each will have to face themselves as what they 

have created themselves as, thus we all face the same future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame 

myself because I have not fully walked my self-corrections, rather than do the 

work that needs to be done to correct myself through listing all the points 

and getting to the root of the issues. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this process 

as the reason I do not have enough time to focus on work, when it is this process 

that is assisting and has assisted me to become more effective in every aspect of 

my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the process for 

me not being able to make more contacts/friends/relationships within the system, 

as within the system its “who you know” that gets you money and success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not 

standing up for Equality, when it is myself who needs to perfect myself – the 

focus is always me so that I am standing absolute within myself, and then I will 

be able to assist others effectively.I forgive myself that I have accepted and 

allowed myself to blame “how I got into process” as an excuse as to why I can 

justify inaction and self-defeat, as I have trained myself in these characters of

justification.

I commit myself to write out all necessary Self Forgiveness statements so that I 

can again clear my starting point of all that must be corrected within myself 

and in so bring myself back to the starting point of here.I commit myself to take 

points of blame back to myself, not as blaming myself, but seeing why it is that 

I want to blame others – as being an excuse, so that I can use when my fear of 

failure manifests. Therefore I realize I must face all points of fear related to 

blame and stop pretending that I have no fear – If I have blame, I have fear.

I commit myself to, when I see that I am in a state of mind of 

self-defeat/discouragement – use it as an opportunity to see what points are 

activated through writing.I commit myself realize that fear of the future is of 

the mind and not real, and that getting discouraged with myself is based on past 

experiences.

I commit myself to realize that there is no stopping Equality, and that the 

outcome of changing and aligning myself to live what is best for all has great 

reward for all life in the end, as the true beginningof life, freed from all 

enslavement forever.I commit myself to exercise my opportunity to work on myself 

and push myself to become the directive principle in my life through pushing

myself to breathe every breath and face myself, as there is no point

complaining about it or putting it off, the sooner I perfect myself,

the better for all. 

7yr Journey to Life Day 52 - Excluded

 I was just out for a bike ride and stopped by a baseball diamond, where there were people playing softball.   I wanted to play, but I did not ask anyone because I did not want to 'impose' on everyone and disrupt the game, or the score.  Everyone saw me sitting there watching, yet neither did anyone ask me to play.  It's so easy to just say 'ah whatever' and forget about it - as humans always do.  Yet here is a small, yet clear example highlighting the collective negligence and spitefulness in our world.  I realize I did not take responsibility to express myself, yet that is not the point I care to share here.  The point is what is the source of the COLLECTIVE failure?

Why is our reality so Exclusive? - to the extent that we disregard ourselves and others, and in so allow suppression/exclusion to exist?  Clearly we all share this experience in our world, and ALL are able to participate, so why are we not ALL-Inclusive?  The answer is simply, because our reality is a FEAR based SYSTEM - pre-programmed through KNOWLEDGE, with the resulting consequence of self-denial.

Welcome to the wonderful world of 'fuck you buddy!'... lets everyone just PRETEND we are not fully aware, and that life does not care.  Humans are Artisans of pretentiousness.  We physically see eachother and the exclusivity, yet not only do we blatantly deny it, we then go on to actually DEFEND it!!...  As if we are actually afraid of losing our pretend - and sickening - reality!!  To take it even further what really amazes me is that people actually think they can get away with it... As if life would never call us to account.  People actually live by the core morality of "No one else is admitting it, I don't have to either!" Complete bullshit, and irresponsibility to life.

This example is merely a fractal of the greater picture, where exclusivity is taken to the extreme, causing massive abuse and torment beyond comprehension.  

Within the realization of Equality - as what is best for all - full payment for our shockingly outstanding and overdue debt to Life is suddenly upon us.  And to those that outright deny Equality, even when directly presented with its cold, hard truth - will find themselves excluded through their own devices, as they deny themselves life, because Equality is the only road to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a pretentious reality where exclusivity is accepted and allowed as the norm wherein we humans do not seek to solve the problem, but bury it within suppression and self-denial.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Life will not call me to account for my self dishonesty in how I have denied myself and others within living a lie of exclusivity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a system which is based in fear as knowledge and information where fear is permitted to exist within the false belief that this is just the way it is and nothing can be done about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend that this 'fuck you buddy' reality is acceptable in any way, and use that justification to live in self-interest rather than change myself for the good of all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend a sickening world system because I fear losing my pretentiousness and changing myself into a being that honors life - as opposed to self denial where extreme consequence takes place through me making false excuses and justifications.

I commit myself to change myself to align myself with that which is best for all so that I can change my world and reality through being self honest with myself first.

I commit myself to face the actual physical reality and stop the ego/mind reality so that all can be physically manifested and exposed so that no point goes without notice

I commit myself to create a world that is all inclusive and nothing is excluded in false mind beliefs and fears.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 34 - Pushing Resistances

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself my best in every moment.  In this, I realize that at times I just want to give in to resistances if I feel tired or unmotivated - yet what I  realize is that I have been limiting myself extensively within the belief/thought that "I will not be able to push through this resistance".  Within this, I am 'keeping score' on myself within my mind as a success/fail 'valuation' where I project myself as 'having already lost' so that I may allow myself to instantly 'give in' and experience the comfort of the temporary stress release that - the mind game is temporarily over.

What I also realize in this is that, in moments where I feel resistance such as tiredness, drudgery, fear of loss, or anxiety etc. - I can stop the 'success/fail/0-1' scoring method, and instead PUSH myself within a resistance without anticipating the outcome beforehand.  If I push through completely, great - if eventually (for example with tiredness) I rest - so be it - but I do not instantly give in, but rather push myself within the resistance as best I can in each moment.  In this, I am able to transform myself and stop the 'mind game' of winning/losing within myself - and thus stop the judgement and guilt that is associated with it, because I am actively pushing my resistances to stop being enslaved to the mind system.

What often happens when I face a resistance is that, a thought/belief will emerge such as 'if I push this resistance now, it will not go away, and I will have to push it ALL DAY LONG '.  Thus the negative feeling comes up and I do not even want to push the resistance at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to resistances immediately because I accept and allow thoughts of 'I will not be able to push through this resistance' which limits me and tricks me into immediately give in to resistances without pushing myself at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to resistances immediately without pushing myself because I have placed a score/value as a win/loss or success/fail within my mind of how the outcome will be of me pushing my resistances, thus allowing myself to fall victim to judgement and guilt of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the idea that I will have to face this resistance all day long, rather than bringing myself here as breath and taking the point step by step.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my full potential by not pushing my resistances thus allowing myself to give in and diminish myself within limitations of the mind/ego/beliefs.

I commit myself to stand as self-awareness that I am able to push myself in my resistances in each moment without mind projections of success/fail/win/loss.

I commit myself to realize my full potential through pushing my resistances, as my resistances show me the way to realizing myself and aligning myself with the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to become a living example of what is best for all through pushing my resistances and transcending the limitation of beliefs and thought projections which only exist and function within the energy based system of my mind.

I commit myself to changing myself and in so changing my world as me step by step until all is Equal and life can be born for real.