Monday, 15 August 2016

Day 301 - Sooooooooooooo......





I recognize my own shallowness as of late, and so here I offer my apology for this, as well as not blogging for some time.  I have been spending too much time trying to consider infinite perspectives of endless problems and (non)issues (which I can have a tendency to do), all the while forgetting to give ample consideration to the foundation, for which I find our world rather abrupt at the task of reminding me... that is, when I am not so busy wallowing in regret or distraction/game/comfort for that matter.  Video games are sometimes cool, but rapidly become repetitive and tiresome. 

Within that, there has been Fear of letting others down, reluctance to stand out in a way that may put myself in a position where I would potentially be the cause of any discord or added problems. In some ways my life/process has been persistent in presenting me with some moderately perplexing and innately awkward challenges.  I do enjoy a good riddle, however like most people, I can at times struggle with finding the appropriate solution.  Self doubt and uncertainty have also played their parts, as I am still walking the point/word (self) trust, which has raised some interesting questions.

As always, there are more points to discuss, but for now I will finish with some self forgiveness statements. 





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be shallow, in not considering the full scope of the problem and jumping to infinite perspectives while neglecting the foundation. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the fear of letting others down.  I realize that this is a mental justification used to avoid facing my problems. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing out in a way that would potentially cause discord/problems.  I realize that this fear is hypothetical in nature and therefore a mental projection and not what is here as myself. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not find the most appropriate solution to problems.  I realize that any solution I come up with can eventually lead to other, more appropriate solutions. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within uncertainty.  I realize I still have trust issues to work out within myself and my process.  


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally and blame myself for what should be common ground issues requiring the support of others. 


I am grateful for all the support.











Friday, 17 June 2016

Day 300 - Consequences of False Perception




Some writing on a point that came up this morning.

Looking back, I see that I was so embarrassed and ashamed of the fact that I desired to be someone special - as opposed to being in alignment with the real me, as an equal - that when I saw this point play out within myself, I withdrew myself, appalled at myself, and in complete self doubt at the realization that there was only partial self honesty, and partial self trust within myself.

Partial self honesty and trust because I did not understand myself in how I had accepted and allowed such a (foolish and naive) point to play out... so I dealt with it in the only way I felt would keep me from reliving that same horrible point within myself - by punishing myself and taking revenge on myself, in the fear/knowledge that the possibility existed that I could repeat the pattern, and do the same thing over and over again.

I did everything I could to prevent that from happening, as well as indirectly trying to blame and punish others for what had happened within myself... yet the real point was resentment - not wanting to forgive myself - because it felt better to go into that point of revenge on myself, as I was aware there really was no one to blame, and no one I could trust, if I could not trust myself.

I felt like such a complete fool for falling for the lies and misdirection of this world, because I still realized at the same time that I had allowed the deception within myself.

I felt I could not do nothing - yet I had to do something about it because it was eating me inside.  The only way I could conceive of to relieve the inner anguish, was to punish myself through thinking thoughts of abdication, and hiding within the point of self suppression, self sabotage, and revenge. Like alcohol, it may help alleviate the symptom for the moment, it does not solve anything at all.

What adds to the problem is that, because it is not fully understood as to what it actually is (false perception of reality), and if there is acute awareness of the fact that there is a massive problem - anger and rage develops, which increases the intensity of the feelings, and hence the desire to self harm and blame others, as no one is 'there' to assist us in getting ourselves out of the cycle.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself with feelings of embarrassment and shame through my false perception of reality, and so within this, rather than see myself as an equal, desire to be someone special that would help make myself feel better about myself, as the point I see that existed within me was that something was wrong with me and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the feelings of shame and embarrassment, withdraw myself as the feeling of being appalled at myself took control of my mind which justified me going into feelings and emotions of self judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within the realization that I was only being partially honest with myself and thus only partially trusted myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as foolish and naive to allow such points of misalignment and false perception of reality to play out within myself, and as a result of that then blame myself for having these false perceptions.  I realize that the point was not harmful in intent, yet turned into a point of self harm/abuse because I did not correct the point through fully understanding root cause of the point, and from there applying self forgiveness and corrective application to realign myself and my perception of myself and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only solution to my problem was taking revenge on myself through punishing myself in various different ways, such as thoughts of self harm or harm towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, rather than forgive myself and correct myself, take the easiest path within myself as blame and revenge within the belief that others were responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe that, within the realization that I ultimately am not special in any way, that I must have failed to realize myself, or failed to work hard enough to get myself to a point of self acceptance and fulfillment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe (through emotions) that I am such a complete fool for falling for the lies and misdirection of this world, rather than forgiving myself and taking responsibility to change myself and my perception of reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could do nothing, when self honesty is always a possibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself through abdication, hiding within the point of self suppression, and self sabotage as revenge.  I realize that these reactions to the problem were not solutions, but only temporary means of covering the problem up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger and rage through the long term suppression of the problem, and so compounding the problem and making matters much worse for myself through adding to the already significant consequences I have to face within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to extensive self harm and blaming others, as within the belief that - no one is 'there' to assist us in getting me out of the cycle - when in fact, I should have addressed the issue directly and expressed in the best way that I could, and within that directed myself within self-honesty in trusting myself to walk out the correction through self forgiveness.

I commit myself to address this pattern when and as I see it manifest within myself.

I commit myself to work through any issues of false perception within myself so that I may align myself with the physical reality as an equal.

I commit myself to stop self judgment and blame within myself through taking responsibility for myself to correct myself.

I commit myself to expose all false perceptions of reality for what they are - deception and abuse of life.


Free Course









Thursday, 16 June 2016

Day 299 - Silence is Consent



There is only One Problem with our World and Reality, and accordingly, only One Solution.

The Problem (and Solution):  The Refusal to Stand for, and As, the Solution to Life - as what is Best for All Life - as is necessary of each Equal Participant in this World and Reality.


There is only One Point that the Entire World can come to Agree upon - that is - If we are serious, and Care enough to Restore Ourselves, and so to Change, and to Correct this Sickening Mess we have All assisted in Creating here on this Earth.  Without Equality, there is no real Agreement.  Any Agreement without the starting point of Equality is doomed to the ultimate realization of Self Deception and Abuse.

That imply's, that there is an Equal Responsibility among each and every Human Being, to make some form of visible support, declaration, or proclamation... Because really, if we do not stand for Life, then we are Against it, and thus against ourselves.


Silence is Consent


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be half hearted in my process of realization, in learning what it really means to stand for Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self interest to get in the way of my process of standing and becoming life.  I realize that there is so much more to this process than what I am living now - many things which I cannot yet conceive - because I have extensively limited myself within living myself out in my Mental Reality, and not yet fully walked out my commitment to honor Life in the physical, to be the Best that Life would have me be, in full alignment with my beingness.
    
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is really only one problem, and thus only one solution to our collective existential woes - Inequality/Equality.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall victim to a world of consumerism, rich/poor polarities, self-interest, greed, and every kind of abomination to life imaginable... and within that judge myself without realizing that I can forgive myself and change the patterns in order to correct what I have accepted and allowed to exist within my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in false authority as self righteousness, allowing myself to worship false characters and attributes such as wealth, pride, boastfulness, rich personalities, false humility, narcissism, intelligence, and other such charades like these - only to realize that I have misplaced the Trust in myself, which I should have been using to create practical solutions to the common sense betterment of all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in false gods of knowledge as my Savior, within the assumption that a person with knowledge is more worthy of life, when Life is not defined by how much knowledge one has accumulated - as the false self.

I commit myself to realize more of myself each day, so that I may grow in my understanding of myself and my systems, so that I may assist others to transcend their systems so that we may all stand as Life, as those who are willing.

Free Course 

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Day 298





Dream

Went to China with a tour group, half women, half men.  Paired up with girl 'X' (which I had dated about 20 yrs ago in 'real' life... also whom I was rather attracted to)

So we went to a hotel with the group, and then just the two of us went down to the lobby and we had to pay for things like food etc.  X pulled out a credit card she had found (or stolen?) and handed it to the lady behind the desk.  The lady asked that I sign it, which I did, first printing my name, then I was asked to sign my name again, and I did so in writing, over top of my original printed signature. The bill was quite high, around $30,000, and the lady accepted it as payment, and so needless to say we were quite happy about that, a bit giddy even.

We left the hotel and began walking around downtown in a very large metropolis.  We came to a very open part of the landscape away from the city, where there was a large body of water (a lake), and we could see the vast cityscape on the other side of it.  As we walked beside a building, it was quite windy and a large wave formed in front of us, which incidentally, the crest of the wave had hexagonal formed caps (system/matrix??).  I saw the power of the wave increasing, so I grew a little concerned, and as it came toward us, we dodged it by walking closer to a low building, only allowing the wave to touch our feet.

As we continued to walk along, I still had this feeling of fear of getting caught or arrested by the credit card scam we had pulled.  The sun was shining, and we were talking back and forth rather excitedly... and then, as she looked at me, it occurred to me... this is how a relationship forms!  I suspected however, that she was not aware of this fact.   We continued to walk, and came to another small building which was some kind of artistic theater.  It was here that I began planning on making a move to kiss this girl, as the desire grew within me.  The dream ended here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subconsciously controlled by guilt as being controlled by money, represented by the credit card fraud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear of myself, as the water, fearing the water/wave would overtake me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my emotions to well up within me to the point where they would threaten to overtake me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the method of how a relationship forms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in regret for not choosing that particular relationship path in life.  I realize that either path can teach the same life lessons, only in a slightly different manner.


Free Course

Monday, 13 June 2016

Day 297


Within the point of running into walls... Like a Ram, trying to crash through, yet sometimes hitting solid concrete or rock where it is as if I injure myself, am ashamed of myself and look foolish - as a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself for Failing within the attempt to crash through barriers which must be carefully disassembled, rather than crashed through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Ashamed of myself for memories of Failing within attempting to crash through barriers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to Crash through barriers without giving enough forethought to what it is I am actually attempting to crash through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the belief/thought/idea/personality that I am a champion/hero which must crash through barriers.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the zodiac of Aries, and so play out only the traits of the Aries zodiac, as champion, hard-headed, ram, rash, foolhardy, impetuous.  

Relationships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feelings of love as separation, where I love a single person more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the desire to be with a single person, valuing that person above others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the feeling of love for a single person will save me from my creation as the inescapable manifestation of all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am less than others, because I exist as a single person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in my expression, because I exist here as a single person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in any way related to definitions of being a single person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the feeling of loneliness is worse for me because I am a single person.


Sunday, 12 June 2016

Day 296 - Interdependence




What is astonishing to me, is how deeply we have brainwashed ourselves to ignore the fact that we are all part of this world, and this reality.  We are all connected, although indirectly, yet connected nonetheless through collective inter-dependence. We are individuals, yet that does not make us 'separate/independent'.

So, why do we act as though we are separate, when clearly we are not?


This world is a manifestation of ourselves.  Each and every one of us participates in it every day, through our words, our voices, our actions, our thoughts, our relationships, our business interactions... everything we do is a contribution to the whole of humanity, and all that is here.


So, why do we not see that we are no better than the weakest link in the chain..?


Why do we not allow ourselves to see and realize the immense suffering we are creating for ourselves?


Why do we think we will get away with deceiving the universe?


Why do we not realize the simple solution?



I just remembered the answer.  Of course, it is relationships.  We humans love to have relationships.  They make us feel energized and alive inside.  They make us feel like we are valued, cared for, and special.  Relationships are the heart of the system.  The secret contract which justifies the stimulus of fear which powers everything under the sun.  It is all done in awareness, yet justified through the depth and levels of programming, and in spite of life.  This, because apparently, someone else up the hierarchy is responsible to Life, and it is generally accepted that no one else really cares!  Life is so soft and powerless, apparently.

Here's an idea!  Let's all team up and make a bunch of lame ass excuses... then, together we can fuck Life over so that we can live it up, and just take whatever the fuck we want at the expense of others!

This is literally how we are existing... and it is such. fucking. bullshit.


 and frankly speaking... how can we not all see how much of a total disgrace we are to ourselves?


This is not to condemn relationships or agreements, but to look at ourselves as who we are within these relationships and agreements so that we can make them support structures for life, rather than excuses to abuse life.  We all have relationships to people, places, and things in our life.  The relationships have to change, and our definition towards them has to change, by way of changing our inner realities.


Free Course

Saturday, 11 June 2016

Day 295 - What is Real?




Morpheus - "What is real?"

Is reality a hologram, or a projection?  Am I the only 'real' being in existence?  Let me just say here that, if indeed the entire universe is actually all in on some grand hoax being played on me, well, I'm not really liking this that much... can we stop now?  [5 min pause].

Okay then, perhaps this is a simulation, a complex game setup by a race of beings with vastly superior technology which transcends time?  Perhaps all of this is just some kind of dream (or nightmare) I am having? No?  Hmmm.... Why not, I wonder?

Well, as I have stated in previous blogs on the topic of Trust - When can I trust myself? - I find that there is very little which I can actually trust in my reality.  So, my starting point of Trust is self, here, in breath.  In that, I am aware of the existence of myself - either through pleasure or pain, yet more profoundly pain - and from here, I can apply self honesty to test what is in fact real through cross referencing with others.


I have been looking into some rather interesting phenomenon recently on the internet... that being the Mandela effect.  Quite fascinating stuff, and really, I have no explanation for it myself.  If you have not yet investigated it yet, there are plenty of videos online.   It is the phenomenon that things in reality have apparently 'changed' for some people, and not for others.  Things like geographical maps, brand names, movie lines, celebrity death dates (hence Nelson Mandela), as well as changes to the King James bible.



Here are a few examples I found interesting...

The line in Star Wars "Luke, I am your father" is now "No, I am your father"

C3P0's silver leg - I saw it a few months back and thought it quite odd, but I did not know this was a phenomenon.

The line in Field of Dreams "If you build it, They will come" is now "If you build it, He will come"

When I was young, I memorized a passage in the KJB - John 3:16 - and I can recite it to myself without thinking.  The word in that verse today, is 'should', where I specifically remember it to be 'shall'.


Some of the reasons/explanations people have been postulating...

Splitting Realities
Everyone has Died
God or the Antichrist
Cern
Time Travel
False or Implanted Memories
A Black Hole
A Rip in the Universe
A Dimensional Shift
Waking from a Dream
A Glitch in the Matrix

Anyway, there are many other examples. Somehow, our minds appear to be misinterpreting reality. Perhaps reality as we know it is becoming more and more unstable?  Perhaps it is disintegrating altogether.?

Whatever the explanation, the point is that this is a prime example of why the mind as consciousness cannot be trusted.  Maybe the point of all of this is to show us just how unreliable our minds really are?  Wouldn't that be appropriate?  All the more reason to investigate self honesty, self forgiveness, and what really can be trusted.  


Free Course