Tuesday, 15 September 2020

Day 426 - Working for Buddy

 Tuesday September 15, 2020


Worked for an old buddy from h.s. Today.  Had some convo afterwords that was quite eye opening as to how some people I have known for a long time have been existing.  A part of me was surprised, and interestingly another part was delighted to know that some people that I have known have been so 'wild' and rebellious.  That is a selfish feeling that came up and I would not glorify it, as the consequences although unseen, are surely disgraceful for all affected.  It is so strange in contrast to what I have been going through the past 20 years or so, I literally feel like I've been living on a different planet.  This world is insane.  For myself to have been given the opportunity to realize the greater solution is a truly amazing and unfathomable gift and one that I would not trade for anything.  I tried to explain to my buddy, and while he did seem to understand some points I made, I know he could not grasp the whole picture, no matter how simple I made it.  


     

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel delighted to know people who have embellished themselves in existence.  I realize the consequences are not something worthy of glorifying.  


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be better than others who have lived these types of experiences, I realize that I could easily be in their shoes. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of others who have lived a wild and rebellious lifestyle


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as fearful for not living on the edge like others who have been described to me.  I realize that these things are done from the starting point of glorifying a personality in self interest, thus nothing new, just a robotic cycle of self indulgent ignorance of the greater picture. 

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