Tuesday, 26 April 2016

Day 273 - Grateful

I am grateful for being given the gift of expression within this physical existence

I am grateful for having been cared for, fed, clothed, sheltered, and assisted through childhood to adulthood

I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to know acceptance, and rejection

I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to be helped, and to be hurt

I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to receive care, and to realize the limitations of care in this world

I am grateful to have been given the gift of stories, that for a time carried me away to show me awesome perspectives that filled my imagination with wonder and amazement

I am grateful to have had the chance to live a healthy life, to walk, run, dance, climb, swim, bike, and drive

I am grateful to have had the chance to learn, understand, question, investigate, realize, challenge, and create solutions to assist myself and others

I am grateful to have been given the gift of insight and awareness, and the realization that that gift carries with it a responsibility

I am grateful to have been given the unconditional gifts of support that has assisted and challenged me to support myself and others, and to realize I can do more

I am grateful for the realization of the understanding of Equality, and how I have been given the opportunity to stand for Life in the physical

I am grateful that there are others who also Care about Life, and are willing to Walk the process of Self Honesty, Self Forgiveness, and Change as well

My whole life has been a Gift

Gratitude helps me to see my Responsibility

To Realize the Joy of Embracing, Changing, and Returning that Gift

It is only Fitting that I Give myself to Life

Free Course

Saturday, 23 April 2016

Day 272 - Mind Relationships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationship connections within my mind and reality based on what I have been taught to believe is good for me, without considering the fact that what I have been taught and programmed to believe is in separation from what is actually best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to channel myself into a desire for energy as a thought - by means of an energetic relationship to a word, or an entity, or a being - and so place that desire in higher priority to directly moving myself towards creating physical living solutions that will support life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself seduce myself within the desire for energy, as 'good' or 'positive' thoughts, ideas, beliefs, opinions, and feelings - without realizing that my personal definition of 'good' is based in Self Interest, and therefore not actually 'good' for the entirety of existence, but indirectly harmful through irresponsibility to investigate the source point within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create energetic mind relationships within myself, and so use those energetic relationship dynamics to validate and justify my 'non physical' ego/mind within a limited self-definition of myself, and in so doing, denying myself access to myself, in separation to the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not given myself the time and opportunity to deconstruct and examine the energetic relationship dynamics within myself, as to what is the foundational purpose for their existence within me, and how they are bound and maintained through the words which I utter internally, and voice externally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to create an alternate personality from who I am here as my physical expression, and in so doing, believe that I can escape myself through switching from personality to personality, attempting to avoid responsibility to take directive principle of myself, for myself in order to to do what must be done to bring myself to Life.

I commit myself to deconstruct, examine and if necessary re-create the (word, entity, and being) relationships within myself (and without) so that all relationships are clearly defined and directed for the sole purpose of creating myself as Equal to the physical existence of what is here, so that Life can be supported unconditionally.

I commit myself to demonstrate to myself if the relationships I maintain or create are in fact working for the purpose of supporting Life, or supporting energetic dynamics of polarity - so that I may change and correct any relationship dynamics to be in alignment with the one purpose of creating what is best for All Life.

Friday, 22 April 2016

Day 271 - My Self Righteous Belief Pt. 2

...So the doctors prescribed a medication for my anxiety related symptoms, which I took for 2 weeks to get myself through.  My heart was frantically skipping beats, and I had a deep sense of terror or 'impending doom' at random times of the day.  I just remember it being not fun at all.

I eventually got over the anxiety, and my life changed, but the horrible feeling inside myself remained inescapable.  I began to retreat more into myself, sliding deeper into my shell of self-pity and blame, as I started to realize everything was a diversion, and no one had the answers to what I was feeling inside myself.

I wandered far off into endless fantasies of awe and wonder at the great mystery of life.  T.V., music, books, movies... whatever would keep my mind occupied and hypnotized.  I was comforted by the thought that somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew someone, or something, was aware of me, and what was going on inside of me.  I had failed to make the connection, that it was because of that one Self Righteous Belief I had created for myself in the early years (That Rich people were evil), I assumed it would be okay to 'give up' and continue playing the self pity game.  I never considered the fact that I had slowly, and surely, lured myself into a state of accepted denial, running from my fears, and hiding myself in even more compounding emotional reactions of shame, guilt, and regret.

Today I look back and see how I  had been a complete sucker for the lies of this world - allowed myself to be bullied and intimidated by all of the 'Authority figures'.  Parents, teachers, principles, law enforcement, judges, doctors etc.  All making themselves out to be better than me, and I gobbled it all up.  For what?  For the sake of a fear, that is not even real.  Needless to say there is shame in that, and sometimes wish I could go back in time if only for a few delicious moments, knowing what I know now.

I had little self-respect left.  I, as Gollum, had chosen revenge, in my mind secretly blaming others and the system... while in reality, I was only punishing myself.  I had fallen so deeply in love with my precious, the fantasy that one day I would have sweet poetic justice, that I expelled myself from everyone, hiding myself away.  Part of me felt awful, yet part of me was in bliss.

As time passed, I eventually gained some perspective and started to see the extent of the problem, thanks to Desteni.  I tried a number of different ways of coping with my denial.  Trying to copy the successes of others has turned out disastrous every time.

Walking myself backwards to see how all of this happened has helped me significantly, and I have done much self forgiveness.  It takes a long time and a lot of work to get oneself back to a semblance of understanding and self-awareness, and I have yet to fully develop a deeply self-honest expression for myself.

All of this because of the fact that I didn't understand myself well enough from the beginning of my life.  This has impacted on many other people, not just myself!  The initial Self-Righteous Belief I had in my head, that rich people were evil could easily have been corrected!.  I can only imagine how different my life would have been if that little belief had been cleared up when I was young.  If only I had been encouraged to develop Self honesty and Self Responsibility first. If only I had realized that we are ALL evil for accepting and allowing this deception! My life would have been much different.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this world system to exist the way it does - as False Authority, False Responsibility, False Honesty, and Real Slavery!  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ourselves to be suppressed so badly that we do not even develop our Self-honest expression as the Courage to Face our Fears and Change ourselves to Unconditional Support of Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing children to grow up with False Beliefs in their mind about how the world is... when it isn't that way at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a False Perception and thus a False Expression of ourselves to exist in Spite of our Potential to Create what is Best for All Life.

I forgive myself for All of this Deliberate Abuse that does not support Self-Responsible, Self Honest, Respect for Life as a Whole.

Free Course

Thursday, 21 April 2016

Day 270 - My Self Righteous Belief

Considering the point of what my goals are, or were in life.  Why did I not have any goals for myself?  As I remember, I recall abstaining from trying to attain some lofty, achievement oriented character, so that I could make relationship connections with more genuine and humble people in life.  Rich people were evil in my opinion.

Looking back at this belief I had within myself, not only was it an inaccurate judgment and generalization, but it also played a large part in diverting me from being the best I could be.  I limited the scope of who I could be, based on this one point of self-righteous misconception.  Due to this state of mind I was in, I never really understood myself enough to create, or live a goal which I would have been proud of throughout my entire life experience.  I had limited myself to being an underachiever through this one, simple, false perception.  Sad.

Being a rock star was an early goal that never really panned out, but I'm okay with that now lol.  I understand I did not work hard enough at any one thing in particular, part of the reason was because I was waiting for the right thing to come into my life, waiting for myself, to discover who I was, to discover how I could get people to like me.

I remember the struggles of wanting to be liked, and being frustrated for not understanding if people liked me or not, and if not, why not?  I really had no foundation for understanding myself.  I had a vague idea of who I was in certain moments, where I would try to be funny and make people laugh, or act silly to lighten up a situation - the Mr. Nice Guy curse - which I grew to detest, because I used that character to hide how I was really feeling, as the angry me on the inside.  I was the hero in my head, who sacrificed himself in trying to make other people feel better.  Oh gawd,... why didn't I see that!! I had no self-trust, no self-honesty, and so my expression was completely messed up.

This was internally very stressful, and there were many hard lessons.  My emotions and reactions remained largely bottled up, as there was no one I could honestly share them with, let alone understand them, or even understand how to change myself.  I developed acute anxiety which lead to panic attacks, as all of the fears and emotions compounding within myself.  My body was communicating to me that clearly there was something wrong, but no doctors, nor myself, knew what it was.

To be continued...

Free Course

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

Day 269 - Misunderstanding or Denial?

We could say that, the collective state of Human Behavior is entirely a consequence of one Big Misunderstanding... and from a certain Perspective, that would be accurate because, it is Clear and Obvious that, for all of our Education, People do not Grasp, or Realize the True Nature of Our Interconnected Reality.  If we did, Then we would Not be allowing so much Abuse in Our World. This leads us to the following questions...

Why is there a Big Misunderstanding in Humanity?

Why do we Remain in this State of Misunderstanding?

What is Required to Change so that we no longer Misunderstand Each Other and our Reality?

The Key to Solving these Questions is in Resolving this most Intriguing Riddle...

Why is there a Tremendous Amount of Suffering in Existence?

Most would agree, that (this suffering) is primarily Justified (accepted and allowed) by Collectively Divided Beliefs and Opinions of a Higher Power, and that this Higher Power is using Suffering as a means of 'Teaching us' How to Love, or Ascend to a Higher Realm, or Evolve into some Imaginary form of Perfection.  If we investigate these Beliefs honestly, it will not take very long to come to the Conclusion that they are all Unsubstantiated, Nonsensical, Fairy-Tale Delusions, established for the Purpose of Centralized Control of Society and Human Behavior.

Fascinatingly, most people accept these Beliefs and Opinions, either Overtly or Discretely as terms of a Compromise, for which the Trade-off being... 'Comfort' as a Security Blanket to keep us Safe - in Exchange for - Accepting and Allowing Dishonesty, as the Mental State of Fear, Secretly Aware and Excited by the Dangerously Addictive Game of... 'Perhaps I will be the One who Rises to Greatness - or Perhaps I will be the One who Suffers Greatly'!  So in Essence, our lives are Fueled and Controlled by this Subtle Fear Stimulus... and that Fear is Directly Caused by our Deliberately accepted and allowed Beliefs, used as Justifications for Dishonesty.

This is Not Difficult to Understand, yet many will Not Investigate, Because they are Afraid of what they may Find... Perhaps Afraid because they know they will have to Surrender to the Fact they have Lived a Lie, and therefore will have no Choice but to Change.  This Realization is like a form of Death - Which Everyone is so Fearful of - As the Death of our Highly Valued Personal Belief Systems.  Hence the 'Big Misunderstanding'... Or is it Really Blatant Denial?  If so, then what is the Actual, Full Consequence of this Blatant Denial?  Shame on us All for Allowing this in our Shared Physical Existence.

Most people do not Realize, the Fact that we can Change, and that that Process of Change is not something to be Feared, but rather Embraced.  It can actually be Very Rewarding... it just takes the Courage to make the Decision to drop the Charade, in taking the Responsibility to be Honest with Ourselves and Stand for Life.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify my Misunderstanding of Reality, why I Believe I do not need to take Responsibility to Research, Investigate, and Understand for Myself, in Self-Honesty.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Protect the Lie, and Protect Misunderstanding, because I Desire to Feel Safe in Self-Interest as a Compromise of Life Itself.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Exist Blindly, never Standing up to take Responsibility for Myself to See what is Really Going On, and Why Suffering exists as a Consequence of My accepted and allowed Beliefs which Serve as a Justification for my own Self-Interest at the Expense of Others.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel Good about Myself because I Believe I am Not Religious, when in fact This Very Belief is in Fact a Religion of Self-Righteousness as my Justification for why I don't have to Take Responsibility to Stand for the Only Solution to the Misunderstanding, Confusion, and Disgrace of Life.

Free Course

Monday, 18 April 2016

Day 268 - Emotional Barrage

Overcome by emotion this morning.  Difficult to understand or explain exactly how I felt.  Repressed - frustrated, restrained - as a result of past inferiority, doubt, fear of failure, ridicule, desire for revenge as giving up, lack of will, anger, agitation.  Like every emotion hitting me all at once.  The realization of how I feel I have messed up so many opportunities in my life, so what follows is frustration and repression of myself in the attempt to punish myself for what I have done to myself.  Trying to alleviate the anxiety as fear of failure, shame, humiliation and doubt that I will not be able to correct the wrongs that I have done to myself based on repeating patterns of the past.  This seems very ominous while being in this state, as if nothing can change it.  It is a problem which I have faced many times before, perhaps deeply rooted, so it will take some time and serious effort to correct.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to punish myself for past mistakes, fears and missed opportunities to be honest with myself.  I realize that feeling bad about this does not create a solution to the problem and that I will have to walk myself out of this self-compromising pattern directly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be overcome by an emotional state of mind, and so thinking that this state of mind is me, my fault, and therefore I am really bad, or really stubborn, or really weak and so I should just give up.  I realize that the emotional state is not me, but a reflection of myself in judgment of myself, and therefore not a valid reason for me to give up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in a repressive way towards myself because of past memories of myself believing myself to be inferior and therefore subject to the beliefs of others who judged me as weak, inferior, a failure, useless, and/or stupid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself in my ability to see when I am within a state of mind and my ability to stop myself and change the state of mind to a state of me being here with no mental judgments or involvement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is useless to even try anything and that all effort is doomed to failure.  I realize that this is a justification to keep me repressed within myself so that I do not push my resistances to move myself and stand up for myself and for Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire revenge on myself and others by way of giving up.  I realize that this is unacceptable, firstly to seek revenge on myself and others because I am reacting to an obsolete state of mind in self-judgment based on erroneous beliefs which do not accurately address the source of the problem, which is my own irresponsibility to act in the best interest of all Life. Secondly, giving up - from the perspective of 'what can be done' - is not an option because I will eventually do something and within that realize that the only thing to do that is of any value is to do something that supports Life.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the energy of anger as a channel for giving up, and giving up as an excuse to remain in a frustrated state of mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project failure into the future through feeling bad about my past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use past experiences as justification to why I cannot move myself forward in my life, working towards goals.  I realize that I fear and hesitate to trust myself within trusting that any goals that I set for myself will be accomplished - thus the backchat 'what's the point of even trying?' because I will only feel more ashamed of myself when I fail to achieve my goals and thus more time wasted.

I realize that I am not wasting time if I am working on something that will help me towards a goal I have set.  Within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am wasting time working towards my goals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate to trust myself within pushing myself to do practical things that will support me in working towards achieving my goals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure to achieve my goals, and within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be ashamed of myself if I do not achieve my goals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be drained by these emotional states of mind, and so push myself into the resistance to change the state of mind through writing, rather than remaining in a negative emotional state.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to punish myself in revenge against myself and others. I realize that this is not a supportive solution to resolving the turmoil within myself.  When I see that I am within this type of emotional state of mind, I stop and breathe, slowing myself down so that I can regain control of myself and direct myself to stand in spite of the emotions in my head and body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project a shameful experience of myself from patterns within my past.  I realize that this is an attempt by my mind as consciousness to prevent me from standing and asserting myself as the best I can be, as best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear humiliation and self-defeat, and so want to escape the possibility of these circumstances happening at all cost.  I realize that I must push myself to trust myself within my walking process, and that I must not seek to avoid myself or consequence, but face it directly in spite of fear.

I commit myself to change myself within taking responsibility - as taking action and taking control of myself when and as I see myself caught within an emotional state of mind.

I commit myself to see through what is happening to me during these occurrences - that it is not me, as a faulty me, but my mind judging me in order to get me to submit and remain mind controlled.

I commit myself to stopping all emotional reactions and states of mind in real time, so that I can move myself and get on with my life and the things that need to be done.

Free Course

Friday, 15 April 2016

Day 267 - Inauthenticity

Simple Online Definition of Inauthentic
: not real, accurate, or sincere : not authentic

In Awe then tic - as if to be momentarily stunned by beauty, then as a dimension of time

How is Inauthenticity harmful, deceitful, and a defense mechanism?

How can we address Inauthenticity within ourselves and/or others, without being harsh, or judgmental?

In My Own Words

An inauthentic person is someone who unconsciously holds a false perception, belief, or opinion of reality within the fear of loss, even though that fear may well be unsubstantiated.

False perceptions then manifest as 'false character', which is then projected into conversational interactions, where external validation is sought from a second party in order to justify and validate the false perception(s) and character(s).  This is done so that one may sustain ones 'false character' and perceptions, and thus ones positional advantage within relationships and society as a whole.  This is all very cunningly accomplished, and inevitably leads to harmful, manipulative, and abusive behavior.

Inauthenticity is a consequence of being dishonest with ourselves in even the most innocuous of circumstances in our past, where we have not 'owned up' to ourselves and everyone else about how we really feel.  Within this, we learned that we can get away with 'little white lies' where people in our relationships have accepted and allowed our Self-dishonesty.  What is really sad, is that Inauthenticity comes from placing our self-interested desires before that of being truthful to ourselves and others.  This is unacceptable, and will not stand the test of Life.

An authentic person will recognize the truth of themselves, and readily admit when they are being dishonest with themselves and others.  An authentic person recognizes their own Equality within the human condition, and that the life force is Equal in All, therefore each one has Equal value.  An authentic person would not seek to deceive another, or portray a false character in order to achieve a selfish objective, nor will they allow themselves to be directed and controlled by fear in any way.

Authentic people readily accept their Equal Responsibility within society and relationships, and would not wish to be inferior or superior or a master or a slave.  An authentic person would not willingly diminish, belittle, bully, ridicule, shame, abuse, deceive or harm another person.  An authentic person would gladly share and communicate with others in the desire to cooperate and understand so that a solution can be found that best suits everyone, including those not present.    

An authentic person is humble and sincere, embraces change, and does not react in fear.

An authentic person will rather address the source of a problem, as opposed to treating only the symptoms.

It is to our shame that our financial system forces people who are less fortunate to be Inauthentic in order to survive.  Simply put, be Inauthentic or Die... says the capitalistic mentality.  This is the direct result of our collective negligence and deliberate refusal to take responsibility to create a solution that supports Life in Self-honesty, and this is why we all deserve the death that comes to everyone.  We have not been Honest with ourselves.

The solution is simple.  Learn to forgive ourselves, correct and change ourselves so that we can realize how to live in a way that supports Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Inauthentic within my words, and how I place myself insincerely within relationships in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be Inauthentic within my relationship to myself, in that I have not investigated deeply into myself in order to see the starting point of why I have allowed myself to deceive myself, which is fear of loss.  Within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the fear of loss, as loss of possessions, loss of finances, loss of relationships, loss of beliefs and opinions, and loss of character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create Inauthenticity within my world by way of allowing false characters to exist, and so justify their behavior as valid and excusable through spitefulness to Life as a Whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can get away with being Inauthentic and Self-dishonest. I realize that there is in fact no way to escape myself, and that I will eventually have to face my own dishonesty, as the disgrace and dishonor that it is.  Within this, I realize that this life that I live, is my One opportunity to Forgive myself, so that I may correct myself and change, so that All Life may be Free from Enslavement.

Free Course

Thursday, 14 April 2016

Day 266 - Pushing the Resistances

If my intent to be best for all is real, then having cleared (forgiven) myself of past memories, guilt, and regret, I clear myself within my starting point to here in breath. Then I move myself in what I am aware of as being best for all, as that possibility - among the multitude of others - is existent, and unique in that it will have a physical (and possibly/likely a mental) resistance preceding it, as the mind attempting to deflect all movement into programmed consciousness as self-interest.

I will myself to create myself to make change constant within myself in order that I become what is best for all life, in pushing through energetic resistances to where no choice can exist... And in so doing, I will free myself from the enslavement of choice.

I no longer accept and allow any excuses within myself as to why I cannot push myself to be here breath by breath, constantly and continuously pushing myself into the resistances which prevent me from Standing for Life in each moment.

The very bottom line which I can see within myself, and realize without question is that - without Equality, as the process of becoming Life, my life has no value within this system, as the evidence that money holds more value than Life, and so I can be easily replaced at any time, with any one of the hosts of other humans who are simply looking for money as a means of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require, or must have, some form of Love or affection, as a written, verbal, or physical confirmation that some individual cares about me in order for me to move myself and remain content and stable in existence. I have proven this to be false. It is clear and obvious to me that Life Cares for Life, yet because of accepted and allowed Dishonesty, Real Life is yet not fully realized within humanity, thus I must create myself as Care for All Life in Self-Honesty, as the full and only valid definition of Reciprocity that will sustain Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have free will to make whatever choices I like in self-interest. I realize that our apparent 'free will' that we live in our world system merely deflects and attempts to hide the outflows of ill consequence, so that we do not see or experience directly the extreme suffering created by our delusional 'free will', as the deliberate refusal to stand for Life at the expense of other living beings.

How can we openly deny, justify, accept, and allow this sadistic game?

Free Course

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Day 265 - Inertia to Determination

I at times find myself doing little things in a type of distraction, that while movement, do not move me in the direction of my dreams/goals. Things such as looking in the refrigerator for no reason - I recognize this as Inertia.  Peering out the window as a distraction, I recognize this as Inertia. Browsing Facebook endlessly as a mental distraction, as opposed to self-directed responsibility, I recognize this as Inertia and distraction from my goals.

I see these issues as outflows of the programmed mind, where I have allowed myself to be educated into the belief that the act of self-directed creation is 'work' that should only be done in reluctance, and avoided if at all possible, when in fact the opposite is true. 

Another reason this has been allowed within my life, is because I have lost my connection to my self, as the ultimate realization of Equality within the physical reality. As long as I am not in breath, this exists only as a mental talisman of a future goal, difficult to grasp or perceive, hence I must push myself to be here as breath in self-trust, utilizing any and all available soil to sew and cultivate myself to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe or think that the act of creation is work, when in actuality, creating myself is self-movement and exhilarating, whereas not creating myself creates more work which I will have to do in the future!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in the refrigerator for no reason other than to distract myself from my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look out the window for no reason, as distraction from myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to browse Facebook endlessly and mindlessly.

I commit myself to realize when I am attempting to distract myself, and in so to observe what point lay behind the distraction - be it fear of some sort or whatever else - and investigate the point so that I may apply specific self forgiveness, and corrective application so that I may focus myself more effectively on my goals.

It is like a form of stagnation, where I deceive myself into thinking that I am doing something, and yet no directive action is really taking place within myself.

I realize I must allow myself to take breaks from time to time, these too being self directed. The point is to align all of my movements into one purposeful objective, without sidestepping, distracting myself, or avoiding that objective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yield myself to restlessness within the desire for an external form of stimulation, as opposed to me moving myself in directive principle towards my commitments and goal. I realize that the goal that I have created for myself is the ultimate reason for living, and nothing else in the entire universe brings any comparably real or lasting joy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paralyzed within my reluctance to move out of cyclical patterns of enslavement to and within the fear of change.

I also realize a subtle form of mental complaining as thoughts, as unproductive meandering is a form of diversion which forms a barrier to placing myself within and as directive principle of myself here.

I commit myself to embrace the resistance to move myself within seeing myself in cycles of inertia, and in so breathe, and take directive principle in focusing on my goal.

I commit myself to break through the repetitive patterns of inertia so that I may push myself to work more effectively and efficiently towards my goal in each moment of breath.

I commit myself to Focus myself, so that I do not allow foolish trivia to distract me from my goal of Equality within myself and without in my world.

I commit myself to become and live the expression of Self Directed Determination, and to repeat that expression as often as necessary until it is done, and all is Equal and One as Life.

Monday, 11 April 2016

Day 264 - Reflecting

I have been speaking with someone recently who has been assisting me to align myself within understanding my Astrological Birth Chart, among other things such as numerology etc.  I have found the birth chart to be very informative and helpful in reflecting to me what my predisposed strengths are within the world system based on the planetary alignments at my birth date/time/place.

What I have found is (something that I already knew) that my current profession is not exactly the best fit for my particular design.  It has been quite a challenge, and I have enjoyed learning to build structures and fix everything home related, however this has become a burden, as I am aware that I am preventing myself from achieving my full potential, and my education and talents could be put to better use in another industry or service.

Needless to say there is some anxiety in examining this point, as what is most prominent when reading the birth chart was 'why was I not aware of this information when I was a child, or in my teen years?'  I certainly could have used this kind of support, as I have been largely unaware of my strengths (and weaknesses) for my entire life.  If indeed it is accurate, which I trust it is from a certain perspective of understanding our preprogrammed design, this information could have steered me away from the 'hail Mary' college choices I made.  Perhaps it could have helped me significantly in choosing a path in which my full potential would have been a far more likely possibility, as I would have had the confidence of knowing that 'there is a strong chance I will excel at such and such type of work'.  I find it absurd and unacceptable that this kind of information is withheld and suppressed within our society and education system.

Admittedly, I have made some foolish life choices.  I have suppressed myself significantly within naivety and preoccupation, little did I realize that I was allowing myself to drift far off course, far away from Self-Honesty, lost in the endless, mystical, fantasies as my imaginations of bliss and enchantment.  If only I had understood, and really been Self-Honest with myself...but no, I had an idea of what life was all about, rather than the actual living certainty of truly understanding my relationship to Life.

How can we allow this to happen to each other, and within that, have the audacity to pretend that we care?  We do not care! This example clearly shows that we do not actually care at all - it is fake, pretentious caring, that exists purely as a mental buffering to reality.  If we actually Lived Care as Equals, then everyone would actually be living and creating their full potential in each moment without exception!  This, rather than being diverted into all kinds of selfish and vain pursuits in separation from the reality of Life, and what it means to truly Live!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make foolish life choices in Self Interest, as opposed to really knowing myself in Self-Honesty, and from that point, committing myself to my utmost potential as creating myself as what is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by anxiety within the decision of choosing what way would be best for me to apply myself.  I realize that as long as I remain true to my commitment to be Self Honest, then that will lead me in the direction I need to go, and I will accept myself, and be okay with myself within that decision... because if I place my trust within myself, within Self Honesty, the only result can be my Utmost Potential from here.

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Saturday, 9 April 2016

Day 263 - Redefining Frustration

Simple Definition of frustrate
: to cause (someone) to feel angry, discouraged, or upset because of not being able to do something
: to prevent (efforts, plans, etc.) from succeeding : to keep (someone) from doing something

Anagrams - Sounding - Spelling

For us to rate - To define, limit, and judge within the mental rating system 

Trust rate - How do I value my trust, and the trust of another = distrust

Trust r ate - Self Consumption

Rust rate - Entropy, fear of death.

It would appear that, rather than trust myself, I go into a reaction of self-valuation (rate), whereby I believe I can 'win' the mental war in my mind by way of revenge in punishing myself in order to get back at others indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others in fear, rather than see myself as an Equal, worthy of the life that was given to me.

I at times get frustrated with problems because I do not see the solution, and so fear failure, ridicule, being blamed, losing, and rejection. Even writing this now I feel anger within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody the emotion of frustration, as the consequence of fear of failure, where in the back of my mind I forecast what could potentially happen, and upon seeing a possibility that I may be blamed or seen as a failure, my defense mechanism goes up and I go into a reaction of frustration where I become tense, agitated, and angry within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the emotion of Anger build into a rage when I feel I do not have any means of expressing or understanding it, so I then channel the anger into suppressing myself and withdrawing myself. When and as I see myself withdrawing in anger, I slow down and breathe so that I may allow myself to address and diffuse the point within self forgiveness and corrective application, applying the simple solution that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself and therefore others within the inferiority/superiority construct of less than better than. I realize that my anger can also stem from this point of valuation, where I fear that I will be seen as 'not good enough', or not taking my responsibility - thus stupid, invalid, insufficient, unwanted. 

In looking at this, I see that I did not take responsibility to see and understand this point for myself when I was a child. I see my internal desire to be seen as worthy, valid or perhaps even special in some way. I recall saying to my parents specifically 'I want to be gifted', and they laughed at that, but I did not understand why they were laughing. Why? I realize this question is me wanting to (immediately and greedily) know myself... what is my power?  What is my expression?  What is the meaning for me being here?  Was I fearful that I was not good?... No, I simply wanted to share something of myself... do something cool, as the desire to realize myself and participate.

I forgive myself for not taking responsibility for myself to understand my internal desire to be seen as worthy or valid. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I was unworthy, not good enough, insufficient.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to win the competition through withdrawing myself from it, rather than participating and finding a working solution where, instead of competing, we are working together to support the creation of what is Best for All Life, as within this, there is no Guilt.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the fear of death within the words 'Frustrate/Frustration/Frustrating' where I see that my mind is preventing me from being here through Diverting my attention and Channeling me into and through a Desire to do what I 'think' is best for me in Self Interest, rather than me accepting my physical limitations, and stopping myself from reacting, so that I can stand for Life here in Self Honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into a system based on a false belief that consumption is necessary for survival, when this is actually not the case.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to find a solution to the problem I am working on, thus I will be seen and judged as a failure.  I realize that this is a state of mind within a Limited Awareness, and that all I have to do is step back for a moment and Reconsider my Options within a Broader Perspective so that a Solution or different way of doing the task may be found. 


Frustration - Opportunity to Slow myself down and take a break, until such a time as I am ready to Transcend my limitations and programming so that I may move forward in my process of becoming Self Aware.

Practical Support - When I see myself going into a state of Frustration, I realize that this is my mind diverting me into channeling myself into anger and self suppression, preventing me from realizing myself here.  Therefore I stop myself and my thoughts, slow myself down, and breathe until I reach a point that I am stable within breath.  At this point I am able to slowly move myself in common sense - as opposed to reacting in anger - so that I may move myself through the point of frustration, and into a point of stronger Self Trust.    

Friday, 8 April 2016

Day 262 - Relinquished Power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish and self-centered, where I do not consider the point being - that by me Withdrawing, hiding, having a mild tantrum, and refusing to act, out of the subconscious/unconscious desire for Revenge (as ego), I am indirectly contributing to abuse and the potential suffering of others through withholding my essential part/gift/ability/support, because I am acting in self-interest for my own personal reasons and vendettas... leaving the puzzle incomplete.   

I realize that this form of self-neglect and denial of responsibility is substantiated by my (early) acceptance of the programmed and instilled belief that I am inferior, (where the opposite polarity of the desire to be 'superior' plays out within my mental fantasy world, as physically absent me, playing the hero in the play/story in my mind) thus fearing to take authority to direct myself and stand up for myself in defiance of abuse, in such a way that would create solutions which are Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to take revenge on myself and others through Relinquishing my Power of Self-Direction/Self-Responsibility, subversively thinking that my action would ignite and infuriate others in order to move them, and in so doing, I myself would be given 'more power' as what I 'believed I deserved' within my mind.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe I deserved more power, rather than embracing each situation for and as what it is in the moment, and taking it from that point doing what is necessary to be done, and Trusting that within creating a solution that sustains Equal Responsibility, everything will work out for the Best. 

I realize that all of this is Subversion of myself is dishonest and unnecessary, and that I must prevent such mistreatments of myself and others from recurring in the future, by way of me simply taking responsibility/initiative to move myself, and to do what is necessary to be done to create Equality, within myself and my sphere of influence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to React in Anger towards myself for not realizing this oversight within myself in my past. I realize that the solution is to breathe, stabilize myself here, and correct the problem in taking responsibility to Equalize myself and my Responsibility with others, so that we can all Equally Contribute to doing what is necessary to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to go into a state of Remorse over all of the suffering and neglect I have caused myself and others, as well as all of the missed opportunities that have passed me by through the acceptance of this Self-Compromising, abusive, behavioral pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to Misdirect myself in allowing myself to take (dis)advantage within a situation in Self-Pity and Self-Interest. I realize that the solution is for me to Correct the problem by way of taking initiative in becoming Responsible for myself and others in consideration for the Primary Directive Point of Creating and Living what is Best for All Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stuck in Dismay, Uncertainty, and Guilt over what I have allowed throughout my lifetime and beyond as Consequences of Denial and Abdication of Responsibility. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as virtually Powerless and Insignificant within my actual ability to change what has been allowed, as I have locked myself out of the ability to change the world within the political arena, where virtually nothing that I do will have any effect, and thus the only way that any real change can happen is if we all stand together within the Principle of Equality.

Thursday, 7 April 2016

Day 261 - So Sayeth Happiness

I just want Everyone to be Happy!
Especially those around me
To help protect the Lie
Besides that
I really don't Care who must Suffer and Die

I deserve Happiness... don't I?
No one can take that away... isn't that what they say?
After all, I've worked so very hard to achieve it
And I'll even use the Law if need be

I'll just Make myself, Happy!
Because those that Suffer for my Happiness
Are Beyond the borders of My mind
And Hey, I give to charity

Because in my Happy Place
My Warm, Fuzzy, Safe
Nothing can Hurt Me
And no one else can see
The Real Me

Lowlife and Scum deserve what they get
Our Enemies must be Reminded and Punished
God knows why they Exist
My Guess is, they did not serve my Sweet Happiness

My mind is Real
Because I SAY it is!
I do not Have to Listen to You
And I do not Care what you Say!
You do not make Me Happy!

Why should I care?
I can just walk away
See, you don't exist
In my mind
I can just brush you away...

Happiness is the Lie
Created in the Prison of our Minds.
In trying to escape 
The Reality,
Of Suffering
Which is why we All need the Key

If we Seek to be Free,
Then Happiness may Die,

If We Long to be Life,
Then Happiness will Die,

If we Care for All Life,
Then Happiness shall Die,

This Happiness Must Die,
All Deception Must Die

And I am still Here

In Breath


No need for Happiness

As Separate from Me

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Day 260 - More Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not know what to write, and use that fear as an excuse not to write.  I realize that facing my fears is a means of engaging myself and immersing myself within the creative process, as self-movement, re-creating my words into something that can actually be lived, rather than endured.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will write the same things as I have written before, repeating myself.  I realize that I am prepared to repeat myself as many times as is necessary for real change to occur within my inner being, as well as externally in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will get bored with doing self-forgiveness.  I realize that all tests, quests, missions, endeavors, pursuits, agendas, and ventures designed to prove who's delusional ego/false self is biggest/best/fastest/strongest/most beautiful/most ridiculous - besides showing us our dishonesty - are fruitless.  I also realize that the only real challenge worthy of Life is facing myself, and changing myself, so that I may assist myself and others in order that together we may change our world - into something that Honors Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to recognize and actualize my own uniqueness as an individual, and so I have suppressed myself from expressing my essential perspective that is part of the entire puzzle of who we are as a Whole.  I realize that by me suppressing myself, I am limiting the whole of this (non-local) existence, thus preventing the realization of Equality as Life, and in so doing, I am giving my approval for the continuance of suffering and enslavement, as Silence is Consent.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that we have All allowed ourselves to Compromise Life, and that there is no one external to ourselves to Blame for this, which is why the only way to change our reality is to change ourselves in Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Compromise myself through not including myself in the process of becoming Life.  I realize that by not participating in the process of becoming Life, I am living in fear or who I am, and who I will be when I inevitably face the unavoidable point of myself, as who and what I have created myself as, which is really not cool at all.  Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing who I am, and so I embrace the opportunity to change myself in this incarnation of myself Here.

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Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Day 259 - Farewell Pink Lemonade

A point I realized in the past few days.  I have a fast metabolism, so sugar is quite damaging to me, and has been for a number of years.  I have worked on cutting my intake down for a long time, but seeing that it is in virtually everything, it always seems to sneak back into my diet at some point.

Inevitably, my body signals to me that I have had too much, and I get headaches, which prevent me from doing my responsibilities, but also can cause me to go into a negative mindset.  Over the past 6 months or so, I have felt as though I have had the point under control, but again it resurfaced to my dismay.

I keep thinking I am doing ok with just a muffin, a couple of cookies, and some ice cream in a day, but the headaches returned.  Is it really that hard to break the sugar habit?  Other foods can cause headaches as well, such as potatoes, or white pasta, so I have to be careful about those as well.  I started eating multigrain pasta a couple of years ago (besides KD) and that has helped.

I was getting really down about this point, as the headaches are painful, and can sometimes last 2 days where I am in bed most of the time.  I was upset at myself, because I thought I was doing ok, but what I neglected to see, was how much sugar I was actually ingesting.  I was resisting to really look CLOSELY at the point, thinking I was right in my sugar intake.... but the body does not lie.  I have been drinking frozen lemonade, which I had overlooked, perhaps because I enjoyed it so much, yet it contains a significant amount of sugar, and it is in liquid form, which goes through my system even faster.

So, due to all the abuse my system has been through over the years, my body is very sensitive on this point, so I have to be extra careful what I eat.  I am cutting out the lemonade, and cutting down on the others.  I can see that it is possible to cut out sugar completely, and that is my goal.  One step at a time, and my body will no doubt tell me if I get out of line.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink sweetened juices such as frozen lemonade which are very harmful for my particular body type.  I realize that stopping this habit of drinking sweetened juice is an essential part of supporting my body to be healthy and strong, so that I may support myself as a whole in establishing stability and well being for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get down on myself and think that I am right - despite the fact that my body was telling me otherwise.  I realize that I must pay close and careful attention when my body is communicating something to me, as my body is always supporting me to realize and understand what points I need to change in order to stabilize myself and have a healthy relationship with myself and others.

Monday, 4 April 2016

Day 258 - Creating Potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to withhold from myself my full potential, in that I have not allowed myself to see and realize how much more fulfilling my life can be, within taking initiative to give myself the opportunities to transcend my deepest fears and limitations, as the preprogrammed beliefs I have allowed to exist within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself through forgetting to give myself a simple, short, routine of stretching my physical body in breath awareness in the morning, so that I may start the day having already prepared myself in establishing my starting point as myself here in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed negative thoughts within my mind first thing in the morning such as 'oh god, this day is going to suck...'.  I realize that this kind of thinking limits my potential.  From now on, I commit myself to start each day allowing the possibility for my full potential to exist despite my expectations or how I feel, thus allowing the possibility of my full potential, that any day could be the best day of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my responsibility to plan and create each step of my own life experience for myself, where I decide what I accept and allow myself to participate in, or not participate in, according to self-honesty.  I realize that many in the world are so completely enslaved that they are unable to plan anything.  I commit myself to plan my days so as to create productivity and effectiveness so that I may support myself to expand self-awareness in order to end all enslavement. 

Sunday, 3 April 2016

Day 257 - Cycles

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to be dominated and controlled by fear as projected financial worries, insecurities, and physical anxieties which produce unease as a consequence within my expression throughout my day, whether driving, walking, working, or relaxing. I realize that me creating this consequence of unease, compromises myself and my ability to directly face, deal with, and correct (my self created) problems within my life and the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within Victim Consciousness, as me trying to avoid self-responsibility - neglecting to see the support in all situations that are presented within my life experience as self-created.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, and worry about myself and others, rather than use my energy to explore alternate, creative avenues in facing and solving the problems I am faced with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hesitant to change when I notice myself being within a reactionary point of fear/anxiety/stress/anger/frustration.  I realize that self-forgiveness is always here as me, therefore I am able to immediately, within the very next moment, recognize, take responsibility for, and correct the point of fear/anxiety/stress/anger/frustration through breathing, slowing myself down, and applying self forgiveness, to release myself from the destructive path of certain future ill consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impetuous in decision making in an effort to try and escape having to take responsibility for my reactions and fears.  I realize that acting rashly in this way, is missing opportunities to transcend points which can assist me to develop and expand myself into self fulfillment and higher potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be harsh with myself when I see that I have not transcended a point.  I realize that it is a pressurized system of consciousness, and that I must be gentle with myself.  Therefore I commit myself to be confident in this process, trusting in the method of slowly and consistently building self-trust within myself and within my world - this in spite of the fact that things may not appear to be moving as fast or as well as I would like them to.

Solution as Self-Responsibility

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Saturday, 2 April 2016

Day 256 - The Word Love Redefined

Love is a widely misused and misunderstood topic.  Here I give my perspective in contrast to a popular dictionary definition. This is not a condemnation of existing relationships and/or agreements.  It is merely to give contextual perspective so that others may see/realize/understand/decide for themselves in self-honesty.

Merriam-Webster Simple Definition - http://www.merriam-webster.com/

a) a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person
b) attraction that includes sexual desire : the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship
c) a person you love in a romantic way

a) We can see that in the first definition, Love is clearly stated as a 'feeling', thus in this context, it is limited to how one 'feels' at any given time, based on ones predetermined idea of what this 'feeling' (and/or emotions or chemical and biological reactions) ought to produce within our life experience.

If we introspect ourselves within a relationship experience, we will notice that this Love 'feeling' is only there when we allow it to be activated within us.  If we change our focus to some form of work for example, the feeling diminishes completely, thus the feeling of Love is not real, as it must be continually re-created.

In this sense, Love is not an unconditional expression of self, but rather a temporary energetic reaction (feeling) that is actually a manifestation of the unconscious fears of exclusion, suffering (mental, physical, or both through financial instability), and death.  There exists also the fear of being judged as 'less than' by self/others if one were to undertake the process of learning to stand for Life in self-honesty. Conversely there may likely exist the desire to be admired by others (or to think oneself) 'better than' others because one creates a mental relationship identity/title/self-definition in separation, which compliments the current societal norms, and thus is an attempt to compensate for lack of self-responsibility, self-forgiveness, and self-acceptance.

b)  The second dictionary definition offers attraction, sexual desire, and romance as justifications for Love.

   i) Attraction - No specific physical force or definition is stated.  If it is electromagnetic in nature, then it can be measured, and consequently manufactured, which would refute all ideas of Love being lasting or real, as it could be produced by a simple machine.  Is Love then just a machine? Are we a machine?

      We are left to assume that attraction must be some unknown form of 'magical', 'mysterious' or 'otherworldly' power that manifests itself within the Love experience, and thus creates the idea that attraction is above all common sense and understanding.  This would indicate that (attraction) Love is 'better than' Life itself - and as such, above all reproach, which is clearly unacceptable, as this type of  justification provides many avenues for abuse, as 'the unknown' force of attraction may at any time be deferred blame for any irresponsibility that may occur within (or without) a relationship or agreement.

  ii) Sexual desire - Sexual desire can be violent in nature, demeaning, and/or degrading to one or both parties involved.  Any desire which does not have the best interest of All Life as its starting point, is based in self-interest, and therefore does not promote equal expression, but rather the overpowering of one expression over the other as a master/slave relationship.  If a couple were to procreate for the purpose of creating what is Best for All Life, there need not be any sexual desire in separation from that objective, as the point is as one continuous movement as self-expression in doing what is necessary to be done to support Life.

 iii) Romance - We can see from this description that romance is for the most part based on fantasy, imagination, or a memory of a past story or era, where strong emotion was a dynamic factor within the experience.

Merriam-Webster Definition of romance - http://www.merriam-webster.com/

a :  a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural :  a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in events remote in time or place and usually heroic, adventurous, or mysterious:  a love story especially in the form of a novel
b :  a class of such literature
:  something (as an extravagant story or account) that lacks basis in fact
c:  an emotional attraction or aura belonging to an especially heroic era, adventure, or activity

      As with feelings, emotional reactions are fear-based and thus not unconditional self-expression.  Any actual real-time adventure that may take place in our reality, may, can, and will be shared by anyone who takes part, and thus is not dependent in any way on some separate force or Love (between two or more individuals) as being its predecessor or defining element.  The experience is what it is, an experience, and thus must not be tied in to, or defined as, something such as 'romance' in order to justify a 'love' relationship.

c) If we direct feelings of Love toward a person (in a romantic way or otherwise) these feelings do not actually do anything practical that will change ourselves or our world - because our starting point is self interest, in the hope we will do something good, and the hope that we will be loved in return, thus directed feelings are not physically caring for the needs of others (or ourselves) but self interest, and self dishonesty.  

Redefinition of Love

If Love is to be Real, then Love must be Equal to Life, as Love cannot exist without Life, and Life cannot exist without Equality.

As long as we are enslaved to systems, we are not Life or Living, we are merely Existing, Suffering, and Dying - Therefore Love in separation from Life is a Deception, and not Real - because we have not yet fully stood for Life, as Equality, as Creating ourselves as that which is Best for All Life.   This can be accomplished through the physical acts of Consideration, Caring, and Giving as we ourselves would like to Receive.

In order to align ourselves within the process of creating ourselves as Life, we must constantly and consistently apply the virtues of Self Honesty, Self Forgiveness, Compassion, Humility, Appreciation, Understanding, and Courage, through the practice of Breath Awareness.

Additionally, we must stop all Behaviors that support Separation and Deception within ourselves and/or others without Judgment or Condemnation.

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