Saturday 9 April 2016

Day 263 - Redefining Frustration





Simple Definition of frustrate
: to cause (someone) to feel angry, discouraged, or upset because of not being able to do something
: to prevent (efforts, plans, etc.) from succeeding : to keep (someone) from doing something


Anagrams - Sounding - Spelling

For us to rate - To define, limit, and judge within the mental rating system 

Trust rate - How do I value my trust, and the trust of another = distrust

Trust r ate - Self Consumption

Rust rate - Entropy, fear of death.



It would appear that, rather than trust myself, I go into a reaction of self-valuation (rate), whereby I believe I can 'win' the mental war in my mind by way of revenge in punishing myself in order to get back at others indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others in fear, rather than see myself as an Equal, worthy of the life that was given to me.

I at times get frustrated with problems because I do not see the solution, and so fear failure, ridicule, being blamed, losing, and rejection. Even writing this now I feel anger within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody the emotion of frustration, as the consequence of fear of failure, where in the back of my mind I forecast what could potentially happen, and upon seeing a possibility that I may be blamed or seen as a failure, my defense mechanism goes up and I go into a reaction of frustration where I become tense, agitated, and angry within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the emotion of Anger build into a rage when I feel I do not have any means of expressing or understanding it, so I then channel the anger into suppressing myself and withdrawing myself. When and as I see myself withdrawing in anger, I slow down and breathe so that I may allow myself to address and diffuse the point within self forgiveness and corrective application, applying the simple solution that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself and therefore others within the inferiority/superiority construct of less than better than. I realize that my anger can also stem from this point of valuation, where I fear that I will be seen as 'not good enough', or not taking my responsibility - thus stupid, invalid, insufficient, unwanted. 

In looking at this, I see that I did not take responsibility to see and understand this point for myself when I was a child. I see my internal desire to be seen as worthy, valid or perhaps even special in some way. I recall saying to my parents specifically 'I want to be gifted', and they laughed at that, but I did not understand why they were laughing. Why? I realize this question is me wanting to (immediately and greedily) know myself... what is my power?  What is my expression?  What is the meaning for me being here?  Was I fearful that I was not good?... No, I simply wanted to share something of myself... do something cool, as the desire to realize myself and participate.

I forgive myself for not taking responsibility for myself to understand my internal desire to be seen as worthy or valid. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I was unworthy, not good enough, insufficient.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to win the competition through withdrawing myself from it, rather than participating and finding a working solution where, instead of competing, we are working together to support the creation of what is Best for All Life, as within this, there is no Guilt.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the fear of death within the words 'Frustrate/Frustration/Frustrating' where I see that my mind is preventing me from being here through Diverting my attention and Channeling me into and through a Desire to do what I 'think' is best for me in Self Interest, rather than me accepting my physical limitations, and stopping myself from reacting, so that I can stand for Life here in Self Honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into a system based on a false belief that consumption is necessary for survival, when this is actually not the case.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to find a solution to the problem I am working on, thus I will be seen and judged as a failure.  I realize that this is a state of mind within a Limited Awareness, and that all I have to do is step back for a moment and Reconsider my Options within a Broader Perspective so that a Solution or different way of doing the task may be found. 


Redefinition

Frustration - Opportunity to Slow myself down and take a break, until such a time as I am ready to Transcend my limitations and programming so that I may move forward in my process of becoming Self Aware.

Practical Support - When I see myself going into a state of Frustration, I realize that this is my mind diverting me into channeling myself into anger and self suppression, preventing me from realizing myself here.  Therefore I stop myself and my thoughts, slow myself down, and breathe until I reach a point that I am stable within breath.  At this point I am able to slowly move myself in common sense - as opposed to reacting in anger - so that I may move myself through the point of frustration, and into a point of stronger Self Trust.    










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