Day 235 - Complaining Character

Looking at this character of myself who complains.  The type of complaining that is not assisting or supporting, but making excuses for myself and pitying myself as if to desire that 'such and such an event' did not happen.  I have experienced this at times when speaking with others regarding how things are going with work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the complaining character in my mind where I wish things did/did not happen rather than take responsibility for what has happened in the past and realize the consequence was created through me allowing fear to direct and control me and thus me not taking responsibility to stand Equal to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place expectations on the future in expecting things to turn out in a certain way based on my internal judgement of how I perceive things should turn out.  I realize that I must embrace all of myself as what is here as me and in that, accept the physical consequences that manifest and work with them to create a solution and prevent further ill consequence from being created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use complaining as a diversion - which supports my secret world of self-interest, rather than facing the actual points within myself as to why certain consequences are happening in my life, which if I were to face these points, it would assist me to develop self-discipline within myself so that I could (to the extent I am able) avert much negative consequences in my life, and thus the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use complaining as a form of blaming situations, people, or organizations rather than taking responsibility within the realization that I am responsible to change myself and stop blaming within myself.

I commit myself to change myself within speaking to others to become Aware of when I am in 'complaining character' and so direct myself to look at the point in self-honesty to see where I am not taking responsibility within myself to direct myself and discipline myself.

I commit myself to stop all complaining, unless I am specifically directing a point of complaint in a way that is constructive in supporting realization in myself and others as to living solutions as what is Best for All.

I commit myself to address any points of internal conversations in my mind where I sense myself complaining to myself - so that I can direct those thoughts to see what complaining is hiding within myself and what points I am not facing within myself.

Day 226 - Double-Mindedness a.k.a. Bi-Polar Disorder

From Wikipedia
Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder (historically known as manic–depressive disorder or manic depression) is a psychiatric diagnosis for a mood disorder. Individuals with bipolar disorder experience episodes of a frenzied state known as mania (or hypomania), typically alternating with episodes of depression.

At the lower levels of mania, such as hypomania, individuals appear energetic and excitable and may in fact be highly productive. At a higher level, individuals begin to behave erratically and impulsively, often making poor decisions due to unrealistic ideas about the future, and may have great difficulty with sleep. At the highest level, individuals can experience very distorted beliefs about the world known aspsychosis. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes; some experience a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. Manic and depressive episodes typically last from a few days to several months and can be interspersed by periods of "normal" mood.





What is double-minded/Bi Polar disorder?  This problem is quite simply a symptom and result of not facing who we really are, not being honest with ourselves and thus not knowing ourselves for real.  We can ask ourselves a series of questions to determine if we are in fact double-minded/Bi Polar... Here are some examples...


Do I desire something (ex. happiness), and then at times desire something that would compromise what would be required for myself to live and express that certain happiness?

Do I sometimes say one thing, and then when I am around another person, say something different or even the exact opposite?

Do I exist within 2 or more characters in my mind, where one character is the 'bad' character and the other is the 'good' character whom I use to appease my conscience and justify the actions of the bad character?

Do I ever fantasize about myself in particular situations in my mind, where I make myself out to be the hero of the situation and so I feel better about myself?

Do I ever make decisions based on the fact that I feel happy and so want to do something good for someone to puff up my good character - so that I can eventually feel relieved of enough guilt that I can go back to my bad character?

Do I ever emulate characters through my personality to get things that I want from other people?

Do I constantly struggle with myself, going from high to low to high to low... back and forth in a never ending  cycle - apparently beyond the control of our will power to direct?

Do I really know myself, or do I exist in fear of being honest with myself about who I really am?

Do I fear losing either the good or the bad characters or both?

Do I second-guess myself all the time, being unable to stick with decisions?

Do I really believe that I can exists as a split personality, in two different worlds and not ever have to face myself?

Am I upset with myself because I know I am not being honest with myself?

Am I tired of playing the game and running away from myself?

Most will only get this (as I did) after a somewhat life threatening, shocking, or traumatic physical experience causes us to question who we are in this reality.

Join Desteni and Take the Desteni I Process to stop Double-Mindedness and Get Real with yourself.

Day 193 - Daily Reflection

Looking at the extent of the deception in people and the system, it is apparent that, despite the obviousness of abuse, any attempts to provoke realization in others are largely in vain.  I say 'vain' because not only is there little recognition or realization, but also because I myself have to look at my starting point as to why I am so 'anxious' to 'preach' about Equality to others.  Why do I insist on being so 'wise' to think that I can assist anyone to realizing themselves?  It is as if I have taken the point of caring for Life and formed it into a character of myself who thinks he's got all the answers for everyone.  I recognize the pattern within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get all worked up in my mind about sharing Equality, only to entertain the vain and charitable character, and so watch my words fall into the abyss of arrogance and self-pity.

I commit myself to focus on standing for myself as my priority point, so that I may be as effective as possible at directing myself in self-honesty, and not waste my words and efforts on a fictional character of my mind.      

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in frustration towards myself because change seems to move too slowly.  I realize that this self-judgement of myself is showing me that I must continue to push through resistances to realize change as myself in each moment.

I commit myself realize that pushing through resistances is the key to change and standing up for and as myself as change in each moment - so that I may change myself and realize my ultimate goal of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get discouraged with myself in recognizing this point within myself - where I look at my application throughout the day and see how pushing resistances appears difficult, and at times confusing - as within pushing resistances there exists some uncertainty and ambiguity.  I realize that this point is showing me that these resistances are opportunities for me to realize myself in being specific within my application, so that I can focus myself and direct myself in learning to trust myself to stand by my decisions with absolute certainty.  When and as I see my situation as difficult or confusing I slow myself down and bring myself back to breathing and doing what is necessary to be done, trusting myself that any point of dishonesty will reveal itself.

I commit myself to honor my commitment to myself in my goal of self-honesty through pushing resistances and changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in making and standing equal to my decisions as my self-movement due to past 'failure programming'.  I realize that my entire life has been taught, dictated and programmed to think and act within the success/failure construct where most experiences have been subject to failure, rejection, abandonment and criticizing, thus I accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to that very same system in an infinite loop of self-condemnation and self-judgement, ultimately creating the over-riding fear of failure.  This creates the consequence of me fearing to trust myself to make decisions and take responsibility for myself.  I realize that the process of making decisions and seeing them through to whatever end, so that I can face myself in becoming self-honest with myself.

I commit myself to recognize any fear of failure within myself and change myself to align myself with my ultimate goal of self honesty

Also within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to the fear of futility - where I see my decisions as insignificant and of little value.  I realize that this point is showing me that I am still comparing myself to - and thus acting within the fear of - the money system.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue myself through comparing myself with money as the value that is dictated by the system rather than valuing myself and each decision that I make as Equal to Life.

I commit myself to stand Equal to myself as the value of Life here and work to create an Equal Money System so that Life can be dignified for everyone.

Day 153 – Personality Systems

Working on changing some personality systems within myself today.  Thus far, I have been able to oddly enjoy the frequent resistances, and direct myself (though there may be many contributing variables).  First - breathing and stabilizing myself in the moment.  Its interesting because the moment changes so quickly, its as if a desire comes up, and then as I breathe and focus on what I am doing, the desire is gone in a few seconds, as if it never existed… yet likely to return at a later time to test me multi-dimensionally, my self-preparedness, my self-directive principle, sticking to my commitment to myself, thoughts, triggers, reactions, emotions and feelings, coping mechanisms, etc. etc. .

Another point in reference to personality systems is how I perceive myself during a particular moment – as having already transcended the point - and then I feel ‘good’ about myself.  Clearly this is not supporting me, as I inevitably deal with the ‘bad’ feeling as fear of not transcending the point. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself in the idea that I have already transcended a personality system in my mind, as opposed to walking it here within moment by moment application as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future into an alternate reality, experiencing what I would do, what new decisions I would make, how I am going to live differently because I believe myself to have now transcended a personality system, making myself my own ass-ended master, by not being here directing myself as breath.   I consider the implications in full awareness of myself here, walking the point to completion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking out of a personality system, as walking it out reflects me to myself.  In so, I can see my effectiveness and my ability to process the system within myself, as directing the knowledge and information.  This includes my understanding of – to a certain extent, although all consequential outflows are exponential - what the apparent consequences will be, should I allow this system to execute itself within me.  Realizing and considering the potential consequences, I realize I do not want to participate in this system, as it will allow other sabotaging or self-compromising systems to trigger energetic reactions/emotions/feelings within myself.    

At the same time, I am starting to realize the previous unrealized potential for change, as when I make the decision to stand absolute within myself, how that can change many other things, as of course I am changing myself, so my inner world should eventually be reflected in my outer world.

I commit myself to walking through these two personality systems and using this opportunity to direct myself in each moment.  Through the frequent mind ‘reminder’ requesting my permission/decision to participate in a system of self-interest, as a thought or feeling, I breathe, and stop the personality system at the established check-point within myself.

See Eqafe for great self support

Day 97 - Favoritism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe I must have Favorites so that I can Compete for the Attention of others in the Desire to be appreciated and Cared for - Not realizing that this Desire is actually Fear of Not being Accepted as who I am, and so within Acting on this Fear of Myself, I have Forsaken my True Self for an Imagined Favorite Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that having Favorites makes me Unique and Special.  I realize Life does not require Favorites to be Life, and that all Ideas, Opinions, Personalities, Tastes and Preferences that do not serve the Best Interest of ALL are based on Fear of Myself, and as such can only harbor Greed, Selfishness, Self-Deception and Death. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Live a Lie - using "I have Favorites" as an Excuse to Justify my Selfish Desires as my Lust for Special Attention as a Personality/Character in Spite of others and in Fear of Facing myself as who I really am - as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe I can abuse Favors in obvious and subtle ways to get My Way for Myself, as you scratch my back... or kiss my ass, and I will return the Favor - Using the Excuse that 'Everyone else does it', therefore I will be able to escape Consequence, knowing with absolute certainty that I cannot possibly escape myself, or the Consequences I have created for Myself, and Others in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify the use of Favors as being Good and Kind and Positive, not taking into Account the Deceptive Nature of Favoritism, as Irresponsible and in Spite of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Trust in the Favor of a 'Higher Power' as the Justification for my abuse of Favor.  I realize that any Hierarchical Structure is nothing but a Trap of Absolute Enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the current Money System as Capitalism is the Manifestation of the Abuse of Life through accepted and allowed Separation through Favoritism.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to See and Understand that Parents are the Progenitors of Favoritism through Favoring their offspring, in whom they Indoctrinate Lies, Fears and Suppression of Life through the blasphemy of Love.

I commit myself to Realize that if everyone was Equally Favored, there would be no need of Favor, or of God, or of Love, as All would be Equal to Life, and therefore All would be Free from All Enslavement, from All Fear, and from All Limitation.

I commit myself to Understand the difference between Living Common Sense as what is Best for All and Spiteful Favoritism.

I commit myself to Forsake False Characters as Personalities and so stop the Fear of Myself, so that I can Stand Equal to All and to Life

I commit myself to Expose how Favoritism is Fear in Contempt of Life

I commit myself to Show how we have accepted and allowed Imaginary Characters to Dictate a Hierarchical System of Abuse, and in so we have in Absolute Arrogance Dared to call this Life.

I commit myself to Expose that Favor is the Delusion of Free Choice, where we Think and Believe the Lie that it is OK to Selfishly Choose whatever Flavor of Character we Desire - because A-Parent-ly that is what we 'Like' - without ever considering the Starting point which creates the Destructive Patterns of Lust for Sweet Flavor Despite CONsequence.

I commit myself to Realize that it is through Favoritism that Enemies and Wars are Created, and that an Equal Money System would release us from the Bonds of Favoritism so that Heaven on Earth could be created for Real in the Physical.

Day 94 - Tarot Self Refelction Part 3

The topic I selected was - My Fear


The card in the center represents the attitude you assume. The Lovers, when reversed: Inner strife, frustration, suspicion, and disagreements in a relationship. Irresponsibility and indecision. Avoiding true intimacy in favor of lust. Unfaithfulness.

As the resulting consequence of what I accepted and allowed in the past, in fear of facing myself, I trusted god, and so denied myself completely, and ran from myself in the hope that God would take care of everything, I naively believed I just had to trust him and I could cast all my worries aside.  Heaven was there waiting for me.  I took on many heroic characters in my mind to avoid facing myself, relishing in fantastical imaginations that covered, pacified and justified the inner oppression of myself.  I was a complete fool, and I knew it.  I justified the fool character as the essential adversary to the world which I hated - but what I did not face, is that I was hating myself, and now I reap what I have sewn for myself. 

At least I had a chance to see and understand myself in the greater picture, to finally understand Equality... and so say my piece.

This is not a sob story, or a surrender.  I have done much self forgiveness on these points and will continue to do so.  This is facing the reality that self forgiveness does not change the situation unless all change, and still the consequences of the past must be faced, however harsh, there comes a point when consequences can become very demanding... as money still rules the big game, and if you don't have it, you are virtually worthless and helpless in the world.  






The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. The World, when reversed: Incompleteness and shoddy design. A great work betrayed. Insecurity, fear of change, and the failure to reach goals. Regret and disappointment.







My goal was to find the truth, what use was living life based on a lie?  Whatever cost I didn't care, even if the cost was myself. I deliberately avoided becoming successful, as I knew that being successful entailed accepting and serving a system based in abuse.  I thought it would be more fun being poor.  Seeing it from my characters perspective in self-interest of course, although I covered that up with the 'caring person' character.  And so I assumed the role of the good and faithful servant of god, partly to alleviate the tremendous guilt I had.  I was very naive, believing all the prophecies people would tell me about myself, believing myself to be 'special' and 'chosen' by god for a great purpose... lol.  It all sounded very cool... What a sucker I was.  I really had it coming.

As for other goals that I had, they were minor, and the choices I made simply did not turn out in my favor, and I did allow fears to get the best of me. Sure I regret many things and would have done things differently.  Regret however is useless, as is disappointment, and hope.


The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. Ten of Swords (Ruin): Crushing defeat brought about by idle intellectualism divorced from reality. Sadness and desolation in the aftermath of a catastrophic and total collapse. A decisive conclusion brought about through the swift and merciless application of overwhelming force.

When the money runs out, as it most assuredly will, this is the future we all face.  Just look around. Does the world care about homeless or starving people?  Clearly not.  Charity is a pathetic excuse. The only ones that are protected are the ones who are in positions of authority, given value by corporations and a corrupt system.  If people in the world actually cared, Desteni would have had a million followers by now, and we would be on our way to transforming the world.  Looks like the only way we will realize is the hard way. 




The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. Ten of Wands (Oppression), when reversed: Refusing to take on burdens greater than you can carry. Noble leadership restrained from transforming into tyranny. Bearing the weight of ultimate responsibility without being crushed. Through careful conservation of their fuel, the engines of creation continue onward.

Oh yes the excuse that I'm taking on the weight of the world.  If everyone pitched in just a little bit we could actually do something.  The fears really have people in a stranglehold.  We face them all eventually, and the consequences, so I don't see the point in putting it off... comfort disappears very quickly.


The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. Three of Wands (Virtue), when reversed: Pride and arrogance. Convincing oneself that the ends justify the means. A great act of betrayal set in motion. Sinking to the level of an opponent. The vain quest for glory and a personal spotlight. Charity or friendship offered with intent of material gain.


The Pride character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud in thinking that I am special in any way, in that I think I am better than anyone because I realize and understand Equality.  I realize that it is not just understanding, but actual application of myself in taking responsibility to become life and live what is best for all absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could change the world, when actually fear is far more prevalent and ingrained in the minds of people than I had considered, so much that people cannot even take a stand on Equality one way or the other, in fear of stepping out of character. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as this character William, to think that I have achieved anything to be proud of, when there is absolutely nothing in this world or all of existence to be proud of.  All is a Shameful, Fear-filled Disgrace of Life and a Lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of arrogance, wherein I believed the lies that everything would be ok, god would solve everything, I could just deny myself and the physical existence did not matter in the end as long as I played by god's rules, he would take responsibility for me and send all the evil people to hell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to arrogantly believe that I could do everything on my own without the help of others.  I realize that I can do many things on my own, but eventually, the system of gangs as cults of corporations, governments, businesses and families overpower through money, contracts and relationships as the spite of Life. 

Day 80 - Self Forgiveness for The Activist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself within a character that pretends to care rather than become actual caring as myself in considering all life Equally and living the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that an opinion is based on a limited perspective, and thus dishonest and not real.  In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Value my Opinion Above what is best for all, and in so, I have created an opinionated character who perceives myself as being special. and better than others in my world and reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed to exist as myself in this world, and so believe that I must take up a cause so that I can redeem myself, not realizing that I am only perpetuating my characters ego, and thus not making any difference in the world because I am not addressing the starting point of the problem - myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that everything I believe about this character of mine was borrowed from others, just a copy and not original in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character of Hope so that I can gain sympathy from others, so that I may further manipulate myself and others within the belief that I am fighting for a good cause, when actually, I am only denying myself, to the detriment of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what I am doing with my characters is in separation of myself as the physical, therefore through playing the role of my characters, I am leeching energy off the physical in order to keep my make believe characters alive - as consciousness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use characters to justify hiding from myself and so refusing to face myself in self-honesty as who I am here as a physical being, no better and no less than anyone or anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice my self-honesty, only to replace it with a false character of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others do not understand my struggles, and so believe that I am better than others because I have struggles that no one sees I am going through, yet those struggles have only resulted in me creating more characters for myself in my denial of myself as a physical being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in all my characters roles to the extent that I get fearful when at times I do not know which character to play, as the evidence that I am acting an array of characters rather than being myself as the physical which does not change roles out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in which I can believe I am Humble, and so, when appropriate, I can fall back on this character so that I may attempt to avoid responsibility to myself as all, as well as manipulate myself and others for my own self interest because I fear for my characters survival.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a character of Hope, in that I want and desire others to validate my characters as Compassionate, Loving and Caring because I have deluded myself into believing that someone or something is going to solve everything for me, and reward me for my dishonesty to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to receive a high honor, as wanting to be seen as better than others, not realizing that that is hierarchy and abuse of life as is existent within the current world system which is ready to collapse due to this system of abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of others as ignorant and unaware, without placing myself in their shoes to fully understand their whole life story to find out what actually caused others to be the way they are.  In so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others based on my opinion that I am good, because I am doing a good deed, in character, thus judging others as less than myself in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be wiser, smarter, or more intelligent than others based on my limited point of view of myself.  In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to falsely blame others for not taking responsibility, when I myself am not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by energy as emotions and feelings, where I will react in situations where I feel threatened, as opposed to stopping myself and clearing myself in breath so that I may speak - not in reaction, but rather speak words as myself so that I can take responsibility to direct myself in what is best for all in each situation, rather than be directed and controlled by fears and projections of the mind.

Day 78 - Self Forgiveness on the Informer Character

Continuing from yesterdays post: The Informer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the secret character of the Informer from myself, as I have continually put on a per-form-ance in self-abuse through using and manipulating myself and others through perceiving information and knowledge to be of more value than life.  In such valuation, I have neglected myself as life, and so created a disastrous and terrifying existence where extreme suffering is accepted and allowed in our world, and considered normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and portray myself as the Informer, as a character of myself within my world where I have believed my own lie, that I am doing good by promoting and spreading deception as lies of manipulated knowledge and information which is deliberately used to terrorize, abuse and destroy all life, all within the staring point of me fearing myself and fearing to take responsibility for who I really am as a physical being equal to all that exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by the Informer character and the knowledge and information I have used as leverage to always win, and gain power and control over others, which has caused extreme suffering in my world. I realize that this abuse must stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to become the Master Informer in which I have hidden the fact from myself that I actually desired this within the belief that I always wanted what was best for everyone, thus keeping me enslaved to the idea that I am/was better than everyone else in the physical reality, because I knew better, as my knowledgeable Informer confirmed for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have power over and pass judgement over others in my secret desire to have an energetic experience, where I desire to experience myself as a rush of blissful energy - in separation of all that is here as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life can exist within me if I allow spite and corruption to exist as my desire to have power over others.  I realize that this deception I have created for myself has limited me to such an extent that I do not even realize what I am sacrificing in order to perpetuate and animate characters such as the Informer and the Informant within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give authority of life over to a consciousness system/entity which I created, in spite of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create laws and systems that protect the lie of existence, that consciousness is life and everyone has free will to do what they want, to the extent that most believe it is ok to allow suffering, torture and abuse of life in our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning authority, as I as directive principle of myself here as Equal to all, must question and investigate everything to make absolutely certain that no abuse is ever allowed within my world and reality in any way.  If abuse exists, I must be aware of it so that I can correct the situation to align it with what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being punished, ashamed and ostracized.  I realize that these fears are an instrument of the mind used to control me so that I do not challenge the authority of consciousness and I remain enslaved to consciousness, as the trap I have created for myself in fear of facing myself as who I am as Equal to my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being harmed and fear being killed.  I realize that these fears are showing me what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, as ruled by fear, and until I stop this fear within myself, fear will rule over me and others in my world.  I realize that the only way to stop all fears is to face myself and stand as the self-directive principle of myself as all here, and take responsibility for myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a reward within Spite.  I realize that any reward granted within this world is based on the starting point of spite, and therefore is of no value to life, as life needs no reward to be life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Unknown and fear being Un-informed.  I realize that these fears do not support life, but rather support the suppression of life, as the accumulation of knowledge and power used to abuse and harm and protect those with money is absolute abuse of life.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to use this character, the Informer as a supplier of energy to feed systems of enslavement.

I commit myself to expose myself as the secret character of the Informant, so that I can forgive and correct myself to align myself with that which is best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to realize how performing and performance of the Informer and Informant characters as per the script in the acceptance of fear promotes the illusion of Life so that Life is never realized for REAL as the physical.

I commit myself do what is necessary to be done to stop all performances so Life can be born for real, without the need to be driven by fear and greed and lust for power.

I commit myself to realize that Equality is the actual manifestation of Life as equal consideration for everyone and everything in existence so that Life is supported - rather than destroyed through enslavement to fear. 

I commit myself to stand for Equality in all situations in order that I may create myself as Life, Equal to the physical as my creation as me.

I commit myself to realize that Equality is actually the best for all life, and so would actually be immeasurably better than what we exist as currently - as separated, suppressed and enslaved.

I commit myself to expose that Consciousness, as the manifestation of the Informer and the Informant within the minds of human beings - is the Evil perpetrator and starting point of performing characters that must be stopped at all cost.

I commit myself to show that Information is the manipulated reflection as the false interpretation and false perception of Self, which in turn creates a warped reality of atrocity leading to self-destruction.

I commit myself to show how Information is used to manipulate the money system and sustain the lie of consciousness so that people remain enslaved and unaware of who they really are and can be.

I commit myself to assist others to realize that the only way to stop the abusive money system is for each one to support an Equal Money System, within a real democratic system as 1 MAN - 1 VOTE.

See Also;

 Creations Journey to Life

Heavens Journey to Life

Day 71 - Self-Responsibility to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a character of responsibility of myself rather than stand as self-responsibility as myself here in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny my responsibilities through postponement, in not wanting to face points within myself that require direction.  In doing so, I realize that I am abdicating my responsibility to myself and denying myself self-responsibility as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my responsibility to life, but through my opinion of responsibility, I fooled myself into believing that I was responsible and so never pushed myself to the point of actually living responsibility as myself here in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see responsibility as something separate from me here in each moment, wherein, I could easily deny self-responsibility because I could always fall back on my character as the idea that I was responsible, yet unless I live responsibility here in each moment, I am not yet fully responsible to life, but only taking part of my responsibility, and so accepting myself as 'less than' through my belief of me as a character of responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that me being here in every breath is the point of self-responsibility, where I am not acting within a predefined idea of what responsibility is, but rather deal with each situation that manifests in my reality so I can deal with it here as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to prepare myself for taking responsibility through thinking "what would I do if" and so then imagining how my character would portray himself in the movie of my mind which is not real.  I realize that me walking in breath moment to moment is the act of taking responsibility to stop my mind of thoughts and to stop being directed by feelings and emotions which only serve the illusion of me as a character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fake responsibility through thoughts of how I could be responsible in my mind, thus bolstering my mind characters ego and creating another layer of myself in my mind which has to be investigated, stopped, cleared through self-forgiveness, and walked out of in corrective application so that I can stop time-looping myself into oblivion.

I commit myself to push myself to take on more responsibilities for myself so that I can walk myself into changing and challenging myself rather than being charged with the consequences of not taking self-responsibility for myself as all as Equal.

I commit myself to create myself as the living word in the flesh

I commit myself re-define myself through words until no more definition is required, as all is Equal, and undefinable.

I commit myself to stop all definitions and characterizations of myself as being self-responsible.  I realize this is of no use whatsoever, and that self-responsibility is to become the living flesh without mind chatter.

I commit myself to beware of the responsibility character and all his facets, traits, attributes and false appearances within myself

I commit myself to devote myself to living self-responsibility as myself in each moment of breath, that way I walk responsibility here through practical living, in facing each and every point that must be dealt with and stopping all delusional fears which place me in time loops and limit me in my ability to take self-responsibility for real.

I commit myself face my responsibilities in each moment as they require direction from me, because I am the One that has created this mess on this planet and in this existence, therefore I am the One that can and must clean it up, and I am the One that will decide when and how life will be born for real in the physical, as I am the One, as life, as Equal, as all - who makes all the decisions to create Life as what is best for all.

For further reference please see:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
and
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html

Day 69 - The Rebel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe the obvious deception in the world, and judge it as 'evil', in an attempt to separate myself from the world system, and in so define myself as a rebel, and 'good' as its opposite polarity, secretly thinking that I am better than the system, because I saw the inherent lies and abuse.   In seeing the system as evil in separation from myself, I decided that the best way to beat the system and stop the abuse, was for me to become a rebel and fight against it, as my personal war with the system, as a spiteful rebel against the system.  In so I claimed victory within myself in my mind, having beaten the system through not allowing it to enslave me to its ideas.  What I did not realize is that, I myself, created the system through my acceptances and allowances throughout my life and many past lives.  And so my mind-victory was in vain, as it did nothing to change the system to which I am still subject and enslaved to within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe the deception in the world, and judge it as 'good', in an attempt to separate myself from the world system, and in so define myself as a rebel, and 'evil' as its opposite polarity, secretly thinking that I am better than the system, because I was able to face a point of fear which others were unable to face - as the fear of defining myself as evil.  In so doing, I further perpetuated the polarity war of good vs evil, which only fueled the system I was rebelling against in my character definition of myself, and thus I actually created a war within myself in spite of myself as the system I created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly define myself as a brave and rebellious, hero character in my mind - as a positive energy experience of myself - through self-righteous judgement of the system as being evil - as a negative energy experience - without realizing that I was being irresponsible to myself as my world and reality, as, in order to address, solve and change the system, I have to stand within it and as it.  Therefore becoming the rebel character did nothing to support the actual solution to change the system as what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the actuality of myself here as a physical being.  Through my constant attempts to validate my brave, rebellious hero-character of the mind/ego, I realize that I portrayed my character as openly defiant, in thinking I was doing good by calling out perceived injustices in the system.  Yet I did not allow myself to realize, that abstaining from participating in system based functions such as the education system only put me deeper in debt to myself and life.  I realize that this abstinence, as me attempting to escape the system, in no way assisted and supported stopping the abuse of the system, but merely allowed it to persist as, hierarchical, mind-control and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the hero character of my mind through granting him mental attributes of other hero's extracted from my memories of movies and books.  In that, I realize that the hero's in my mind were not real, but glorified, positively charged ideas I had created about what it must be like to be a real hero so that I can get glory for myself, in my war against myself, not realizing I was actually sacrificing myself as life, and the consequences of being enslaved to consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to validate my character through deliberately defining myself as 'crazy' so that I could strengthen the false perception of fearlessness as an attribute of my rebel character, and so design my character as 'free' in opposition to all the injustice represented in the system.  What I did not realize, is that in defining myself, as my  character, as 'crazy', I was enslaving myself even further, because my character was never free in any way, as it was completely make-believe within a false perception of myself as separate within my mind. In addition to that, I was clearly still dependent on the system for my survival, thus making my claim of being free based on my limited idea of myself - as a character in my mind - utterly foolish and altogether ridiculous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use activism for causes as a means whereby I can further separate myself and define my multiple characters in opposition to the system.  I realize that these attempts to judge the system is me judging myself, to which the outflow is more abuse, more war, more suffering and more deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that my perception of myself as my character, as being a brave rebel, was actually a cover for the fear I had of the system, as being too hard to understand and too powerful to stop or change.   I realize that this was a false perception that I accepted through not understanding myself as part of the system.  When I realize who I am as an equal, I can take responsibility to first understand myself, and in doing so, I can understand how the system functions and in so change myself to put myself in a position with a group that supports life, where my contribution actually supports the solution - as Equal Money for All - through a group effort, which is the only way the system can change.

I commit myself to a process of birthing myself as life in the physical, which will stop the mind system within me, which will stop supporting the polarity war of good vs evil within me, so that I can begin to understand who I am as a physical being to understand and live what it means to stand for life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to stand as who I am as my physical body, as taking responsibility as an Equal, and in so doing stop the characterization of myself which only deludes me further into the mind as the polarity war with myself and the system, resulting in all the raging wars in our world and reality.

I commit myself to realize who I am here through understanding my physical body, and myself within breath, so that I no longer participate in mental judgements of myself, of the system, or of others.  In so doing, I can get myself to a point of clarity, where I can actually assist and support making real, physical change within my world and reality

I commit myself to realize that in order for me to be effective and change myself and the system to that which supports life, I must stand with the group that supports life as what is best for all.  And in so doing, I can contribute my efforts which will have exponential impact through collectively assisting and supporting each other to change our world and create heaven on earth.

I commit myself to face and embrace myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, so that I may face the hidden fears and false characters I have created through cycles of the past, to no longer accept and allow any abuse of life within myself.  In that way, by accumulation factor and the equality equation of 1+1=2, we can eventually change the world system as a whole to that which supports life as what is best for all in all ways. 

Day 68 - The Comedian

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as a comedian, and so believe that my soul purpose in life is to always be funny and make people laugh.  I realize that this is an attempt to make people believe that I'm a happy and fun person to be with, meanwhile the reality is, that I have secret thoughts, fantasies and desires in which I fear what others would think of me if they found out what was really going on in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my comedic character is actually a cover for my hidden character as the MASTER MANIPULATOR.  Through which I use my cover as comedian as an energetic vampire, falsely preaching that laughter is bliss and happiness, in the denial of who I really am - as a clever deceiver of myself and others, in that I can effortlessly play them like a flute - thus validating both of my characters through my secret competition of having won over the crowd.  

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that I secretly think that through my ability and talent to manipulate words, timings and expressions - I am therefore also a GENIUS character, because everyone loves my personality and my jokes, not seeing or realizing that the primary reason people laugh at my jokes is because they are also afraid to face themselves, and thus seeking to escape from themselves through the instructions of the master escape artist, so that they too may avoid having to face what they have allowed themselves to become - as characters.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that through my belief that I am a genius, I am simultaneously presenting myself as the RETARDED character within the inescapable nature of energetically charged, polar opposites. Not realizing the one-dimensionality of the characters I have created as my mind/ego are all just a mask of myself as jokers and clowns all with funny faces.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all the personality characters I have created in order to deceive myself and others have an accumulated effect, where I am forced to maintain my image as these characters through the desire of others to see my character, even when I do not want to play the characters - and within my compliance, I am proving that I am enslaved to my characters, and not able to be real with myself. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that my character as a comedian is limited - as the tunnel vision, and one-dimensional perception of myself as my mind/ego, which explains why I feel it necessary to make multiple one dimensional characters, so that I may fool myself into believing that I am special, unique, crazy and weird - as additional one-dimensional false characterizations and false attributes of myself, in my continuous attempts to validate myself as characters.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the desire for the emotional experience of comedy, in that I see comedy and laughter as the best medicine, and in so using that phrase as an excuse to perpetuate manipulation through characters I play - Not realizing that this is actually FEAR of facing and changing myself in self-honesty, as a physical being that requires no characters to function and exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously fantasize about making jokes, in so that I seek opportunities in every situation to hide and cover up the real points to be faced in my addiction to energize, evaluate, and validate my characters humor.  In doing so, I am insanely repeating the same cycles over and over,  as evidence of my insecurity and my inability to walk in self-trust and stability within who I am as a physical being.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the fact that I have automated responses, go to's, safe bets, and guaranteed laughs - not necessarily with the same words because that would be easily detectable, but with any variety and combination of words expressed through the personality traits of my characters - proves that I am not being myself, but rather accessing a character program I have created for and as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my humor is used as a drug, and that me as the comedian character, and my audience characters are both addicted to laughter as positive energy experience, in seeking to escape the negative energy experience.  I realize that comedy is used as a release agent of accumulated stress and anxiety resulting from irresponsibility to deal with the real issues in my life, which I have neglected through suppressing my actual expression as a physical being without characters. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that self-suppression does not stand for life as what is best for all. In that, I realize that I have become the unwilling tyrant and slave of my mind, that has deceived myself in the attempt to place blame on others for my accepted and allowed dishonesty to myself.  I realize that to live as an Equal in unconditionally expressing myself requires that I must learn how to change myself and align myself to living what is best for all.  



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that constant and forced comedy in a world full of atrocity is blatantly ignorant and inconsiderate of ones fellow man.

I commit myself to have the courage to face myself in self-honesty so that I may transcend the belief that I am not just a character in my mind, but a multidimensional physical being, here.

I commit myself to investigate the Desteni-I-Process course so that I may remove my false characters and learn what it is to live what is best for all.

I commit myself to support Equality as myself, and in so realize that unconditional self-expression is not limited to just one character attribute, but unlimited, thus freeing myself from the one-dimensional characters I have enslaved myself to.

I commit myself to full awareness of who I am, so that I may use this opportunity to change myself to become an Equal in every way.

Day 67 - The Non-Religious Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe religious behavior in others, and judge them as 'false' and 'religious', while not facing or realizing the point within myself that ANY belief is a religion, thus whenever I lay claim to a definition of myself as 'anti-religious' or 'atheist' or 'agnostic' or 'an authentic believer/person' in order to validate my character, I realize that I myself am playing a character in my self-created unique religion of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to study and memorize the beliefs of others so that I can repeat those beliefs as if I found or created them for myself, when all they were was a copy of a script for the play of my character in my mind, used to deceive myself and others in the overarching grand belief that life is to be lived as a spiteful character who supports lies and false appearances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to study how people of authority are valued by others, and so pretend to be wise myself, as a copy of those I have seen as having significant influence on others - in an attempt to increase the value and validity of my own character so I can continue to hide from myself and promote opinionated, one-dimensional beliefs based on fear and greed - in spite of myself and what is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Identify myself with those in authority and devise ways to get their attention in unique ways, so that I can be seen by others interacting with that person in order to gain credibility, status and power over programmable sheep who will in turn propagate my beliefs in an infinite cycle of abuse, to the detriment of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kiss ass when around those of authority, perceived influence or 'power', so that I may be perceived as a figure of wisdom, intelligence and authority myself, in an attempt to inflate and validate my false character, in self-hate and self-delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid, and spitefully talk down to, those who do not appear to hold value - in the eyes of those I wish to deceive with my character, and in so relish in the energetic rush I get from thinking and believing I am better than another, in my false identity and perceived ability to pass a knowledge or opinion based judgement on another.
   
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make subtle, and insulting jokes towards those who do not hold the same values as my character holds.  I realize that my jokes are an attempt to demean and devalue one who does not appreciate the value and all the hard work I put into creating my false character.  I realize that these jokes are tactful and often used in front of those whom have no integrity and will laugh because I laughed, thus validating the humorous side of my character, which gives my character the appearance of depth and of being well rounded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use name dropping of people who are influential, and perceived by others as powerful or strong in character, in order that I may be attributed by others as having influence myself, in my own false character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote charitable and/or activist causes, so that I can appears to be a person who is concerned with the well being of others, or humanity as a whole, yet I am secretly only concerned about my own character, and how that false entity is perceived by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote my vast knowledge on subjects that will grant my character more credibility with others, by memorizing and regurgitating information, and trendy catch phrases that guarantee a positive or humorous reaction amongst those who cannot distinguish the false character from the physical being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to keep up to date with the latest trends, so as to appear to be on the crest of evolutionary understanding by way of promoting the most recent information, which my character believes, will give me honor with those I hold in high regard, yet I have spitefully used that information to leverage myself against those I perceived to be weak, and of less value than my character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear clothing that will make me appear to be in line with the authority figure of my preference, whom I have idolized as being powerful and righteous in my mind as my puffed up ego of illusionary fantasy, while in actuality, my character cares nothing, as to him, life is just a game to be played, and winning is all that matters.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surround myself with 'lost puppies' whom have little integrity in order to appear to have a following, yet when an opportunity arises to mingle with those of higher authority occurs, I will ditch the lost puppies and act as if I barely knew them at all because I, as my character, only value the appearance of authenticity.