Day 216 - Personality averts Responsibility, not Consequence

As I got out of the car, I had the thought that I would make a joke, and say that my friend should change my tire for me, since I was paying him to drive me around that day.  This manipulative personality construct suddenly manifests as a result of me 'forgetting' to direct myself in each moment.  Not taking my process seriously, but taking it too lightly an so resorting to a personality of the past.  It was not even intentional, just a joke, however my friend began helping me.  So, this point which I should have taken responsibility for myself, was passed off to another, and because I allowed it, there was consequence.

I said to my friend that he should watch the jack to make sure it is straight (as I would do if I were lifting a vehicle).  He suggested that we put a rock in front of the tire, which I never do, as I said the truck is in park anyway, which it was, yet there was some play in the gear.  Then as we lifted the truck, I noticed the jack looked uneven and suddenly I said "watch it" and the truck moved and fell off the jack, breaking the jack.  No one was hurt.  The point here is that because I did not take responsibility in the first place to do the task myself, I casually passed it off onto someone else, a problem occurred as a result of miscommunication/misunderstanding which only added to the problems I already had.

All it took was one moment of me allowing a past manipulation personality to take the place of my self-responsibility, and so go without recognizing it when it did.   I realize the jack breaking was due to the assumptions of myself within thinking that my friend would do things the way I always do them, not realizing that this is not so, and there are physical/mental communication barriers which prevent our understanding of one another.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my existence too lightly, as a personality of the past, based on me trying to escape myself and manipulate others into taking responsibility for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my process lightly without realizing that consequence will in fact manifest as soon as I pass up even the slightest responsibility to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass off my responsibilities to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and/or assume that others do/will do things and see things the way I do and see them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself in doing the things which I should do by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through trying to manipulate another into doing something for me which I should have done myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to direct myself in each moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect doing self forgiveness as soon as I recognized the point of what had happened.



I commit myself to take responsibility for every thing that comes up within and as my process of taking responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to realize what my responsibilities are and so work towards expanding myself within expanding my responsibilities.



                                 

Day 183 - Spite the Spite

I realized have been blaming the subconscious mind - as the layers of thought which circulate within myself and others - for holding me back in my process.  In addition to that blame, I, as my mind, created opinions and beliefs about those subconscious thoughts as a means to condemn and disqualify myself from applying myself in my process.  I could also refer to it as my judgement thoughts of the thoughts.  From those judgments/beliefs/opinions, (which I also referred to as 'passive spite') I allowed myself to be drained of my 'will' to direct myself and pursue my journey to Life - as if I were to blame others perceptions of me (and/or the mirror images in my mind) for not allowing myself to stand for Life.

Seems to be such an incredibly simple, yet subtle, point in hindsight, and the obvious solution being - to spite the spite.  Apply myself despite what others may think of me.  Apply myself despite whether or not I believe I can do it or not.  Spite the fear of not being able to do it.  Spite the judgments and beliefs I had placed on the thoughts, through not accepting and allowing myself to judge the thoughts, or be influenced by them.  Just do it regardless, without looking for approval or disapproval - because I realize it is in the best interest of everyone, not just my selfish, fearful opinion of myself.

I was trying to save myself ahahahaa...
trying to save my mind hhmmmhmmhmm...

How is it possible for fear to keep me from that which I... dare I say the 'L' word.  Yet as long as I am in separation from myself as my mind, my 'love' is not real... still only a fantasy. I have the opportunity to stand by myself, for myself, for and as All - despite my minds opinions of whether or not a belief exists as to whether or not I am able to fulfill my commitment to myself - Life can exist within and as me, I just have to become Equal to it.

Spite the Spite,
All that is not the real me,
As the real me is the physical,
And nothing more.

Then it all becomes clear,
And I can learn to direct myself,
In Common Sense as
What is Best for All of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the subconscious mind for holding me back in my process.  I realize that I accepted and allowed those thoughts, ideas and beliefs to be 'more' than me rather than standing Equal to them and realizing that it was the mind attempting to disqualify me from applying myself in my process so I would not realize who I am as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge thoughts through the mirror of my mind and  classify them as personal beliefs about myself and others and so suppress and drain my will, and prevent myself from realizing myself for who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give fear and selfish opinion precedence over the physical me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create discord within myself through allowing thoughts as judgments and beliefs to dictate to me who and what I am and/or should be, rather than me directing who I am and living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and save my mind as the judgments and fearful opinions opinions of myself.

I commit myself to Spite the Spite, and so not accept and allow the illusions, the passive spite as thoughts, judgments, and beliefs to direct and control the manifested physical reality.



 

Day 153 – Personality Systems

Working on changing some personality systems within myself today.  Thus far, I have been able to oddly enjoy the frequent resistances, and direct myself (though there may be many contributing variables).  First - breathing and stabilizing myself in the moment.  Its interesting because the moment changes so quickly, its as if a desire comes up, and then as I breathe and focus on what I am doing, the desire is gone in a few seconds, as if it never existed… yet likely to return at a later time to test me multi-dimensionally, my self-preparedness, my self-directive principle, sticking to my commitment to myself, thoughts, triggers, reactions, emotions and feelings, coping mechanisms, etc. etc. .

Another point in reference to personality systems is how I perceive myself during a particular moment – as having already transcended the point - and then I feel ‘good’ about myself.  Clearly this is not supporting me, as I inevitably deal with the ‘bad’ feeling as fear of not transcending the point. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself in the idea that I have already transcended a personality system in my mind, as opposed to walking it here within moment by moment application as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future into an alternate reality, experiencing what I would do, what new decisions I would make, how I am going to live differently because I believe myself to have now transcended a personality system, making myself my own ass-ended master, by not being here directing myself as breath.   I consider the implications in full awareness of myself here, walking the point to completion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking out of a personality system, as walking it out reflects me to myself.  In so, I can see my effectiveness and my ability to process the system within myself, as directing the knowledge and information.  This includes my understanding of – to a certain extent, although all consequential outflows are exponential - what the apparent consequences will be, should I allow this system to execute itself within me.  Realizing and considering the potential consequences, I realize I do not want to participate in this system, as it will allow other sabotaging or self-compromising systems to trigger energetic reactions/emotions/feelings within myself.    

At the same time, I am starting to realize the previous unrealized potential for change, as when I make the decision to stand absolute within myself, how that can change many other things, as of course I am changing myself, so my inner world should eventually be reflected in my outer world.

I commit myself to walking through these two personality systems and using this opportunity to direct myself in each moment.  Through the frequent mind ‘reminder’ requesting my permission/decision to participate in a system of self-interest, as a thought or feeling, I breathe, and stop the personality system at the established check-point within myself.

See Eqafe for great self support

Day 80 - Self Forgiveness for The Activist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself within a character that pretends to care rather than become actual caring as myself in considering all life Equally and living the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that an opinion is based on a limited perspective, and thus dishonest and not real.  In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Value my Opinion Above what is best for all, and in so, I have created an opinionated character who perceives myself as being special. and better than others in my world and reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed to exist as myself in this world, and so believe that I must take up a cause so that I can redeem myself, not realizing that I am only perpetuating my characters ego, and thus not making any difference in the world because I am not addressing the starting point of the problem - myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that everything I believe about this character of mine was borrowed from others, just a copy and not original in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character of Hope so that I can gain sympathy from others, so that I may further manipulate myself and others within the belief that I am fighting for a good cause, when actually, I am only denying myself, to the detriment of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what I am doing with my characters is in separation of myself as the physical, therefore through playing the role of my characters, I am leeching energy off the physical in order to keep my make believe characters alive - as consciousness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use characters to justify hiding from myself and so refusing to face myself in self-honesty as who I am here as a physical being, no better and no less than anyone or anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice my self-honesty, only to replace it with a false character of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others do not understand my struggles, and so believe that I am better than others because I have struggles that no one sees I am going through, yet those struggles have only resulted in me creating more characters for myself in my denial of myself as a physical being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in all my characters roles to the extent that I get fearful when at times I do not know which character to play, as the evidence that I am acting an array of characters rather than being myself as the physical which does not change roles out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in which I can believe I am Humble, and so, when appropriate, I can fall back on this character so that I may attempt to avoid responsibility to myself as all, as well as manipulate myself and others for my own self interest because I fear for my characters survival.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a character of Hope, in that I want and desire others to validate my characters as Compassionate, Loving and Caring because I have deluded myself into believing that someone or something is going to solve everything for me, and reward me for my dishonesty to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to receive a high honor, as wanting to be seen as better than others, not realizing that that is hierarchy and abuse of life as is existent within the current world system which is ready to collapse due to this system of abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of others as ignorant and unaware, without placing myself in their shoes to fully understand their whole life story to find out what actually caused others to be the way they are.  In so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others based on my opinion that I am good, because I am doing a good deed, in character, thus judging others as less than myself in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be wiser, smarter, or more intelligent than others based on my limited point of view of myself.  In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to falsely blame others for not taking responsibility, when I myself am not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by energy as emotions and feelings, where I will react in situations where I feel threatened, as opposed to stopping myself and clearing myself in breath so that I may speak - not in reaction, but rather speak words as myself so that I can take responsibility to direct myself in what is best for all in each situation, rather than be directed and controlled by fears and projections of the mind.

Day 71 - Self-Responsibility to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a character of responsibility of myself rather than stand as self-responsibility as myself here in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny my responsibilities through postponement, in not wanting to face points within myself that require direction.  In doing so, I realize that I am abdicating my responsibility to myself and denying myself self-responsibility as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my responsibility to life, but through my opinion of responsibility, I fooled myself into believing that I was responsible and so never pushed myself to the point of actually living responsibility as myself here in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see responsibility as something separate from me here in each moment, wherein, I could easily deny self-responsibility because I could always fall back on my character as the idea that I was responsible, yet unless I live responsibility here in each moment, I am not yet fully responsible to life, but only taking part of my responsibility, and so accepting myself as 'less than' through my belief of me as a character of responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that me being here in every breath is the point of self-responsibility, where I am not acting within a predefined idea of what responsibility is, but rather deal with each situation that manifests in my reality so I can deal with it here as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to prepare myself for taking responsibility through thinking "what would I do if" and so then imagining how my character would portray himself in the movie of my mind which is not real.  I realize that me walking in breath moment to moment is the act of taking responsibility to stop my mind of thoughts and to stop being directed by feelings and emotions which only serve the illusion of me as a character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fake responsibility through thoughts of how I could be responsible in my mind, thus bolstering my mind characters ego and creating another layer of myself in my mind which has to be investigated, stopped, cleared through self-forgiveness, and walked out of in corrective application so that I can stop time-looping myself into oblivion.

I commit myself to push myself to take on more responsibilities for myself so that I can walk myself into changing and challenging myself rather than being charged with the consequences of not taking self-responsibility for myself as all as Equal.

I commit myself to create myself as the living word in the flesh

I commit myself re-define myself through words until no more definition is required, as all is Equal, and undefinable.

I commit myself to stop all definitions and characterizations of myself as being self-responsible.  I realize this is of no use whatsoever, and that self-responsibility is to become the living flesh without mind chatter.

I commit myself to beware of the responsibility character and all his facets, traits, attributes and false appearances within myself

I commit myself to devote myself to living self-responsibility as myself in each moment of breath, that way I walk responsibility here through practical living, in facing each and every point that must be dealt with and stopping all delusional fears which place me in time loops and limit me in my ability to take self-responsibility for real.

I commit myself face my responsibilities in each moment as they require direction from me, because I am the One that has created this mess on this planet and in this existence, therefore I am the One that can and must clean it up, and I am the One that will decide when and how life will be born for real in the physical, as I am the One, as life, as Equal, as all - who makes all the decisions to create Life as what is best for all.

For further reference please see:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
and
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html