Day 224 - Learning to Trust the Physical

Learning to trust the physical is an interesting part of process.  When we drop all the fears we were living as/within before, we realize that we can no longer trust those mental ideas we had once placed so much of ourselves into.  We cannot trust experiences, because they are over as soon as they start, and so they do not  provided any lasting solution.  We cannot trust our expectations, because our expectations very rarely materialize the way we expect them too, thus untrustworthy.  We cannot trust our dreams, as that would be foolishly and blindly trusting in some higher power.   Besides that, look where all the dreams of humanity have brought us to... a planet and race on the brink of total collapse and annihilation?  Dreams are certainly untrustworthy then.  We cannot trust our feelings and we definitely cannot trust our thoughts.  Thoughts have an arbitrary origin and only serve the mind of pre-programmed beliefs and egotistical opinions.  Thoughts also produce feelings which, like an addictive drug, keep use enslaved to serving our own self interest rather than living in common sense as what is Best for All.

We cannot trust what our parents, friends, and teachers taught us, as we eventually realize that all of that indoctrination and add-vice was spoken in a desire to manipulate us into a certain behavior   Obviously the mind cannot be trusted, as the mind exists in fear, fearing for its own survival.   The mind seeks to avoid any and all responsibility - because if we were to actually take responsibility for ourselves and all life, the mind would have no place to exist.  The mind is the point of separation, which exists in conflict with the physical.

What if we were to place our complete trust in ourselves, as the physical?  What would it be like to walk every day in complete trust of oneself with no fear, expressing oneself in full responsibility and accountability towards all Life?  What would it be like, to not be enslaved to a government, or a corporation, or a fear, or a system, or a thought, or any feelings?  Who would I be, if I was not enslaved?  Is there a limit on what I could be and what I could not be?  Obviously, I am not the only one in existence here, so I must first do whatever is required to support all life Equally as myself, so as to sustain my own existence and the existence of others eternally.

Trusting the physical seems very strange, yet it is such a relief from all the fear.  I am here, and I express myself based on what is here as me.  I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be created as, and in that way, I learn how to direct myself from the starting point of breath.   I realize how critical it is to be fully aware of every decision I make, and the consequences thereof.... As I now see the horrible path that irresponsibility, denial, positive feelings, hopes, dreams, and desires has lead me on.

Join the Desteni I Process   

Day 198

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a positive energy experience of myself in attempt to cover up and justify the negative energy experience of myself.  This is not to say that I should not enjoy myself, but that I must address that which my mind defines as the 'negative' experience, such as - things that I know which I must take responsibility for and act upon - and in doing so, I realize that I am doing what needs to be done to face myself as my mind-system-creation of enslavement and control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by thoughts as consciousness.  I realize that thoughts as backchat and internal conversations must be forgiven, stopped and corrected if they do not support what is best for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that fears that I have allowed in the past have integrated into my physical body - and so my responsibility is to address these fears as they surface, so that I may correct them and direct myself in a way that supports myself and is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live self forgiveness as myself in every breath as I enjoy each moment of self-movement in walking myself out of mind-control and undesirable consequences and into the process of realizing what it is to become myself for real and to become Life as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to discover myself and my full potential - which I have hidden from myself through past 'misallocated' desires based in self-interest.  I realize that the only way I can see/realize/understand myself is through self-honesty in standing Equal to myself and all that I have created myself as, here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to receive the support of others and/or support others as I would like to be supported.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste words through auto-pilot reactions, waste opportunities through unpreparedness, waste time and energy through following fears and imaginations, and waste breath through forgetting my starting point.

I commit myself to face all aspects of myself in addressing and taking responsibility to direct the negatively defined points within myself so that I may sort myself out and remove all fear associated with taking responsibility for myself and all.

I commit myself to address the backchat on any points that come up within me which do not support myself as life.

I commit myself to address and direct any and all fears that arise through my physical body within the realization that these fears are assisting me to see and understand myself.

I commit myself to live self-forgiveness as myself in each and every breath as I move myself throughout my days

I commit myself realize my full potential through walking my process of self-realization and self-movement.

I commit myself to examine all experiences where I have defined as wasteful, and use these experiences as points of correction for myself in order to perfect myself in being honest with myself.

Day 183 - Spite the Spite

I realized have been blaming the subconscious mind - as the layers of thought which circulate within myself and others - for holding me back in my process.  In addition to that blame, I, as my mind, created opinions and beliefs about those subconscious thoughts as a means to condemn and disqualify myself from applying myself in my process.  I could also refer to it as my judgement thoughts of the thoughts.  From those judgments/beliefs/opinions, (which I also referred to as 'passive spite') I allowed myself to be drained of my 'will' to direct myself and pursue my journey to Life - as if I were to blame others perceptions of me (and/or the mirror images in my mind) for not allowing myself to stand for Life.

Seems to be such an incredibly simple, yet subtle, point in hindsight, and the obvious solution being - to spite the spite.  Apply myself despite what others may think of me.  Apply myself despite whether or not I believe I can do it or not.  Spite the fear of not being able to do it.  Spite the judgments and beliefs I had placed on the thoughts, through not accepting and allowing myself to judge the thoughts, or be influenced by them.  Just do it regardless, without looking for approval or disapproval - because I realize it is in the best interest of everyone, not just my selfish, fearful opinion of myself.

I was trying to save myself ahahahaa...
trying to save my mind hhmmmhmmhmm...

How is it possible for fear to keep me from that which I... dare I say the 'L' word.  Yet as long as I am in separation from myself as my mind, my 'love' is not real... still only a fantasy. I have the opportunity to stand by myself, for myself, for and as All - despite my minds opinions of whether or not a belief exists as to whether or not I am able to fulfill my commitment to myself - Life can exist within and as me, I just have to become Equal to it.

Spite the Spite,
All that is not the real me,
As the real me is the physical,
And nothing more.

Then it all becomes clear,
And I can learn to direct myself,
In Common Sense as
What is Best for All of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the subconscious mind for holding me back in my process.  I realize that I accepted and allowed those thoughts, ideas and beliefs to be 'more' than me rather than standing Equal to them and realizing that it was the mind attempting to disqualify me from applying myself in my process so I would not realize who I am as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge thoughts through the mirror of my mind and  classify them as personal beliefs about myself and others and so suppress and drain my will, and prevent myself from realizing myself for who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give fear and selfish opinion precedence over the physical me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create discord within myself through allowing thoughts as judgments and beliefs to dictate to me who and what I am and/or should be, rather than me directing who I am and living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and save my mind as the judgments and fearful opinions opinions of myself.

I commit myself to Spite the Spite, and so not accept and allow the illusions, the passive spite as thoughts, judgments, and beliefs to direct and control the manifested physical reality.