Day 224 - Learning to Trust the Physical

Learning to trust the physical is an interesting part of process.  When we drop all the fears we were living as/within before, we realize that we can no longer trust those mental ideas we had once placed so much of ourselves into.  We cannot trust experiences, because they are over as soon as they start, and so they do not  provided any lasting solution.  We cannot trust our expectations, because our expectations very rarely materialize the way we expect them too, thus untrustworthy.  We cannot trust our dreams, as that would be foolishly and blindly trusting in some higher power.   Besides that, look where all the dreams of humanity have brought us to... a planet and race on the brink of total collapse and annihilation?  Dreams are certainly untrustworthy then.  We cannot trust our feelings and we definitely cannot trust our thoughts.  Thoughts have an arbitrary origin and only serve the mind of pre-programmed beliefs and egotistical opinions.  Thoughts also produce feelings which, like an addictive drug, keep use enslaved to serving our own self interest rather than living in common sense as what is Best for All.

We cannot trust what our parents, friends, and teachers taught us, as we eventually realize that all of that indoctrination and add-vice was spoken in a desire to manipulate us into a certain behavior   Obviously the mind cannot be trusted, as the mind exists in fear, fearing for its own survival.   The mind seeks to avoid any and all responsibility - because if we were to actually take responsibility for ourselves and all life, the mind would have no place to exist.  The mind is the point of separation, which exists in conflict with the physical.

What if we were to place our complete trust in ourselves, as the physical?  What would it be like to walk every day in complete trust of oneself with no fear, expressing oneself in full responsibility and accountability towards all Life?  What would it be like, to not be enslaved to a government, or a corporation, or a fear, or a system, or a thought, or any feelings?  Who would I be, if I was not enslaved?  Is there a limit on what I could be and what I could not be?  Obviously, I am not the only one in existence here, so I must first do whatever is required to support all life Equally as myself, so as to sustain my own existence and the existence of others eternally.

Trusting the physical seems very strange, yet it is such a relief from all the fear.  I am here, and I express myself based on what is here as me.  I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be created as, and in that way, I learn how to direct myself from the starting point of breath.   I realize how critical it is to be fully aware of every decision I make, and the consequences thereof.... As I now see the horrible path that irresponsibility, denial, positive feelings, hopes, dreams, and desires has lead me on.

Join the Desteni I Process   

Day 203 - Decisions Decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate within uncertainty as to how I should proceed with plans.  I realize that this hesitation comes from attempting to weigh and consider all the variables to make sure I am making the best possible decision, yet at the same time I am not able to see all the outflows of decisions I make - so it is a point of standing in self-trust that whatever decision I make I can stick to it through being here as breath and adjusting the decision if necessary as I move through the point.  Too much consideration for a problem leads to frustration - in attempting to solve issues which are hypothetical and derived from 'fear of making a mistake' and therefore shows me that I am not standing in self trust and thus not moving myself as effectively as I can.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself within decision making

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over analyze and over-consider problems, to the extent that I am creating infinite imaginary problems for myself and thus going into points of frustration and confusion because the problem then seems unsolvable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should have all the answers and therefore be able to make all the right decisions.  I realize within this current abusive and corrupt system there are no guarantees, which is why I am supporting myself in this process of becoming self-honest so that I can stand within absolute self-trust and absolute certainty within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be upset with myself for not knowing the 'right' answer 'best' or 'proper' decision beforehand.  I realize that the priority for myself is within making the decision to move myself within self-honesty, not fearing an outcome one way or another as I realize that is subjecting myself to enslavement to fear of myself and/or fear of the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification that I do not understand or I don't know as a means of putting off making a decision for myself and moving myself within that decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the gambling game within my mind where I feel happy about myself if I made the 'right' decision and upset with myself if I made the 'wrong' decision.  I realize that each decision that I make show's me something - and so I must stop fearing to be wrong through the desire to be perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be perfect from the starting point of self-interest, where I have sought to inflate my ego/mind through the idea that I was right or that I am right or I am special in some way for being such a good decision maker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get off track when going through the decision making process.  I realize that I must consider all dimensions of a problem in an efficient and effective way so that I can move myself forward and not stagnate within uncertainty.

I commit myself to pay attention to myself within this point of decision making and move myself decisively in trusting myself and not fearing the outcome

I commit myself to step myself through the process of decision making systematically considering all dimensions and then moving myself

I commit myself to focus myself within the decision making process so that I stand by my commitment to honor Life as all decisions must align with the principle of what is best for all 

 

163 - Miss Breath and Miss Opportunity

Today I had to do an estimate.  During negotiations, I realized that I would not be able to do the job due to an outlet being in the wrong place.  For some reason, perhaps I figured it would take too long with the electrical work that needed to be relocated.  I quickly assumed that I would not be able to do the job, explained this to the client and closed negotiations saying I could come back when he had that issue fixed himself.

While I was driving home, it occurred to me that I probably could have done the relocation myself and charged the customer a little more for the time involved.  Why had I not seen that opportunity?  My assumption was quick, as the customer and I had been bartering over price - which was already very low, and this was causing me some frustration as I had already taken the time to drive all the way out there, which has already cost me 1/5th of the total job price in gas.

I see that I had already begun to become negative about the job, and when I realized that the plug had to be moved, I entertained a good feeling of not having to do the work with the excuse that I could not do it now.  The happy feeling was compounded by the negative feeling that I was not going to make any money, and I had in fact lost money by doing the estimate.  Within all of these feelings, I did not stop myself to assess the situation here as breath, trusting myself and the physical.  I was going by the emotion of how events like this had played out in the past - so I was in fear that the worst would happen.

The other point I realized is that, had I seen the opportunity to relocate the electrical myself and negotiated with the client for it, I may well have been upset with myself for undertaking the job, especially if there were any surprises as there always are in this line of work.  So it is a situation where I would judge myself either way.  The only solution to this is to remain here in breath, and not go into self-judgement for any reason.  Stop living my past and to live every moment as me, as breath.  I was aware of my breath the whole way to the clients house, however when I got there and the stress of the job kicked in, I lost all awareness and went on autopilot.

Business is more competitive in the winter here, and I had not prepared enough advertising for myself in the fall.  I had a job lined up which did not work out, and then expected to be able to get a job somewhere but that has not panned out either.  I will be exploring my options over the next little while to see where I can place myself to be effective and to support myself.   Besides that, process wise, things seem to be going well.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I encounter a stressful situation where I am in the vicinity of people - go on autopilot and forget my breath awareness causing me to make rash decisions and choices based in fear and how things have played out in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by systems as the projection of fear that the worst would happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not realizing the opportunity to do the extra work and make some extra money from the situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget my newly learned skills of persuasion when dealing with clients - reciprocity, authority, scarcity, consistency, liking and consensus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to direct myself in the most effective manner so that I am able to support myself and change my world to a world worth living in with Equality of Life as the principle we all live by.

I commit myself to pushing myself to remain in breath awareness when involved in stressful situations where other people are around.

I commit myself to stop living in past definitions and begin to take responsibility for me in all situations through breathing and living from the starting point of here - as seeing every situation as a completely new experience of myself here, equal to the physical reality.

I commit myself to the realization that, to walk this process of awareness in each moment is... to bring myself back from the state of absolute self-devaluation, where my existence hangs by a single strand of knowledge of myself, in the understanding that the whole universe has in fact betrayed me, as the reflection of my own self-betrayal.... to align myself with the actual starting point of myself here, as breath, so that I may create myself as Equal to all things, as the final end of all enslavement and beginning of Life without limitation or judgement, where the value of All is Equally precious as Life.
     

157 - One Word Invalidates Every Religion

One word invalidates every single Religion that has ever existed or been conceived, including atheism, agnosticism, and the classic 'I'm not religious...' religion.  Any belief is a religion.  It is a mind created idea, perception, or opinion of yourself or a belief in something outside of yourself.  Everyone on this planet is, in a way religious, because we all are forced to live within the principles of religion as it exists here as the money system - and this has been allowed to exist by us - through our collective acceptance and allowance of self-interest and the delusion of free choice.

The one word that invalidates all Religions is - Responsibility.  Every religion and or belief is the abdication of Responsibility, as the Responsibility to live what is Best for All Life.  To live what is best for All Life, one would inevitably realize that Religion is absolutely not what is Best for All, because it is subject to interpretation, therefore delusion, and conflict.  Religions and beliefs are just grandiose justifications and excuses, none of which are valid or acceptable in any way whatsoever, as the bigger the lie, the harder it falls, or the harder it hits you in the face when you face yourself in self-honesty.    

Many believe that Religion is a matter of faith, yet faith is self-deception, as placing trust (and therefore responsibility) outside of self. Anyone can see this for themselves, as the only reason a person would follow a religion is for the sake of fear or self-interest.  All the love of God is make believe, because it is not here for everyone Equally!  Is God a bigot then?  Jesus suggested to 'love thy neighbor as thyself' and 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' - not to join a religious belief system where you are enslaved to fear and self-doubt.

Is Religion the path to freedom, as the Buddha would claim?  How can anyone believe they are free, while we exist in a physical reality where at any moment, you could encounter any host of tragic circumstances which could change your entire life and make it absolutely miserable, or you could even lose your life altogether!?  So many then exist in Hope, but hope too is another useless religion... an excuse in the desire that someone else will take responsibility to solve all the problems in our world and make you happy, again selfishness.  The very existence of ignorance, greed, and irresponsibility should be proof enough to anyone that freedom is an illusion in this world.

The only real answer is that none are free until All is free.

If your version/opinion of freedom is to be free to be randomly robbed, maimed, or killed at any moment...  Ask yourself this - What value is that freedom, if it can be gone in an instant, without even your own will or consent?  It is worthless!.., as is your whole life, because you allowed yourself to believe in an idea of yourself and/or freedom that was separate from yourself, and therefore never real!

The fact is that we have feared being honest with ourselves, and so we have created BeLIEfs in which we RE-LIED on RE-LIEgion, pRE-tending to be REal we REELed ourselves into our own trap of self-dishonesty, and self-delusion.  All it ever was, was a RE-cycled RE-enACTment of the past...the constant RE-PLAYcement for Self-honesty and Self-responsibility, to live What is Best for All.  What fools we have all been.

Join the Journey to Life and see for yourself, that you are the one that decides to stop this Obsessive Compulsive desire to hide from yourself.  Lets get real for once, and for All.

Day 155 - I Do Not Respect Your Beliefs!

Why should anyone have Secret Beliefs?  If someone has a Personal Belief about something, then there should be no fear in allowing open debate on the topic so that we can come to an agreement and remove the exact point of delusion.  This is Common Sense.  If I 'Respect your Beliefs', that is like me saying "I don't care what you think!".   The point is I do care - I care about All Life - That is why I Do Not Respect Anyone's Personal Secret Mind Beliefs, Opinions or Interpretations About physical Life - I Respect Life, as the Equal force that is in All things represented within and as the Physical Reality we all Share.  This can, and must be cross referenced so that we can Agree on what is real and what is not real.

Example being, the Ego/Mind, it is not real in the sense that it does not exist as a physical object that can be touched.  It is composed of made up ideas placed as limitations and definitions of the physical reality so that people may create pictures in their head of all kinds of deluded beliefs and opinions - and use such beliefs to spitefully seek to gain control or take advantage of others through manipulation.  This spitefulness is no longer acceptable, and will not stand as Life.

Why should I place Value as Respect, on your Beliefs?  That is exactly what one is asking when they say - "Please Respect My Beliefs" - Please Value my Secret Ego Mind.

Why should Your 'Beliefs' or 'Opinions' hold any Value?  What is the value anyway, in terms of money, I mean it must be worth something to you?  I'm certain if I offered enough money, anyone would eventually succumb to the temptation and 'spill the beans' for cash.  It happens all the time, as that is how Family and Religion functions, by conquering an individual mind through labeling the 'secret mind' as 'sinful', and then force-feeding a person the fear of Hell.  Then of course comes the Prozac, as the polarized Love of God, or the Parent, that apparently saves the child from their new fear of Hell Belief, so that they can in turn create many other positive beliefs in their mind about heaven, and God, and how they will imagine a perfect, happily-ever-after Life... Just keep the faith by your offering plate donation and continuing to support the family delusion.  Completely Mind fucked, and unable to realize the Equality of Life in the Physical reality.

What exactly makes you Believe you have the 'right' to hold Secret Beliefs about others and the universe in your head - when you exist in a shared physical reality, where thoughts, as energy, produce shared consequences?

I can understand a person not being ready to expose every detail of their life in a short period of time, but it must be dealt with sooner or later, as there is a deadline. It is especially curious when it comes to matters of economics and social policy, strange indeed that one would choose to refrain from open discussion. Why would anyone fear having your Beliefs exposed? What is the point? If they aren't real, then simply drop them and find out what is real.

Interesting how this line is handed out anytime someone feels that their 'beliefs' are being threatened, or they are unable to confront or assess what you are saying, never mind properly formulate an accurate response to what it is you are suggesting.  People, here's a tip... No one is more wise or intelligent than anyone else, so just be honest.  Just say "I don't understand, can you explain in simple terms for me?"

What is overlooked and condescendingly insinuated by someone who claims (in the typical manner) "I Respect your Beliefs...  I wish that you would please Respect mine." ???  As if one were to offer a trade of compromises... lol.

What is a person implying when they say 'Respect my beliefs'?

Respect - 'Stay away' 'do not go there' 'do not challenge my intelligence' or 'how dare you suggest that my beliefs are selfish fantasies of my mind!'

That is exactly what beliefs are - fantasies.  So un-garde, show yourself, and expose your Beliefs so they can all be shattered for the illusions that they are, because we all know that ill-usions, or BeLIEfs, do not serve the Best interest of All Life.

Self Support at Eqafe.com

Day 149 – Self Confidence and Trust

We can see from the dictionary definition (provided below) that confidence can, for explanation purposes, be simplified to be a matter of trust.  Trust that is placed in something, someone or oneself.  Therefore we can say that, for a person to have confidence, one must have trust.   So to understand confidence, we must first investigate trust…

We can see that our participation within this world functions within this very principle of trust, in duality to its polar opposite - distrust.  Additionally, there must exist a relationship or an agreement between two parties for trust to be established. For a person to trust one, another must be considered less, or ‘un-trustworthy’. 

The existence of trust if facilitated by, and has in fact created distrust, as one cannot exist without the other – because if distrust did not exist, there would be no need for trust, as all would be equally ‘trustworthy’, and so not defined within the context of trust/distrust. 

Interestingly, due to the fact that we have not understood this very simple point, we have created systems (legal, financial, political etc.) in which everyone is conveniently ‘educated’ to accept as the basis of trust, and thus are generally accepted as trustworthy – These systems however, rather than supporting the equal trustworthiness of all, imitate, replace, and subvert the actual inherent trustworthiness of all, through perpetuating, and repeatedly re-iterating the dualistic system of trust/distrust.  All to preserve and maintain power and control, and so no one ever questions or understands this of course.

Religion is another system which would have us believe that there exists some external god out there wanting us to place trust in it/him/her.  That idea is endlessly debatable, and there is absolutely no credibility as to it’s validity, as there is no physical point of cross-reference – See for yourself, religion serves no physical purpose other than to delude man, as anyone can create their mind’s wildest fantasy to serve nothing but their own fear, desire for revenge, and self-interest.

So what can be trusted?… and how can we quantify, or measure trust?  How can we know for certain if one or another is trustworthy? 

Many would say “oh I trust so and so… he/she is my husband/wife/friend”.  This type of relationship trust is limited, because, no matter how much we want to believe and place our trust in that person, we do not fully know and understand what is existent within them, as their entire life experience. Due to the nature of this type of trust as having a massive ‘unknown’ factor, this type of relationship trust is not measurable or verifiable, and thus cannot be considered real trust… as it only appears to be real to a person who does not understand or realize the existence of actual, measurable trust!

Therefore we can conclude that relationship trust is not real trust, it is rather a false measure of trust, an imposter, which makes it in its very nature, absolutely untrustworthy, as it is often formed out of fear of survival, greed, or simply self-interest. 

Many people are ‘confident’ in their appearance.  This is based on the beauty system, as a system of comparison and judgement, and therefore just another belief system which creates conflict and distrust.

So what exactly is real, measurable trust… or trustworthiness?  Actual trust is not based on the starting point of greed, fear, or selfish desire.  Actual trust is created within oneself, as Self-trust, through self-realization, and understanding of who one really is, as an Equal participant within our shared physical reality. 

It is only when one fully understand ones responsibility to live according to the principle of what is best for all, that one can realize themselves and change themselves to stop living in self-interest.  This is the development, or creation of Self-trust.  This Self-trust is based on an agreement with self in self-honesty, opposed to an external relationship, and it is the only real trust that is absolutely trustworthy, as it is measurable.

Is any form of confidence then real, if you don’t know yourself, or if you don’t understand your reality?  How then can you trust anyone…? How can you even trust yourself?

Man know thyself. 
I invite you to Join the Journey to Life and visit Eqafe for support in understanding and establishing real Self-trust with yourself, so you may become accountable and trustworthy as Life.

Definitions
con·fi·dence
n.
1. Trust or faith in a person or thing.
2. A trusting relationship: I took them into my confidence.
3.a. That which is confided; a secret: A friend does not betray confidences.
b. A feeling of assurance that a confidant will keep a secret: I am telling you this in strict confidence.
4. A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.
5. The state or quality of being certain

Trust
1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2. Custody; care.
3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
4.
a. The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one: violated a public trust.
b. One in which confidence is placed.
5. Reliance on something in the future; hope.
6. Reliance on the intention and ability of a purchaser to pay in the future; credit.
7. Law

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 87

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 
that I have free time.  I realize that 'Free time' cannot exist - as long as I 
am enslaved to time, and the world suffers, I am not free - thus free time 
is an illusion of temporary comfort/stimulation in self-interest, waiting for 
consequences to catch up with me rather than me facing consequence 
here through creating myself as Life as what is Best for All in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself 
as breath, but rather placed my trust as a belief in a character of my past 
memories of mistakes and failures based on valuations created through my 
programmed mind.  In not trusting myself as breath, I have not trusted life, 
and so I have manifested fears based on my past accepted and allowed 
characters whom have continually misguided me. 


I realize that Self trust cannot exist outside of standing Equal to breath, as 
trusting the mind is like trusting a cloud to remain in the same shape forever. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequences, 
and so create more ill consequences for myself through my accepted and 
allowed fear of consequences, following the patterns of my upbringing and my 
parents systems which have enslaved me to fear of taking responsibility.
I realize that Confidence cannot exist outside of breath, all confidence that is 
not within breath is of the mind, which con's oneself into thinking that one can 
Con Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of 
others who are working to place themselves in positions where they will have 
influence in the system and so be able to impact the world and change it to 
what is best for all.  I realize that this jealousy is based on fear of being 
less than others, and that my responsibility is to align myself with what is best 
for all, and so doing, I will become self-responsible and have opportunity to 
participate in supporting Equality of Life for All. 

 

I enjoy being the directive principle of myself here

I enjoy taking responsibility for who I am in each breath

I enjoy directing my breath

I enjoy the opportunity to become Life

I enjoy being here as the physical, moving myself

I enjoy facing my resistances

I enjoy the opportunities to face myself

I enjoy taking responsibility for myself

I enjoy seeing my reflection in existence so I can change myself to what is 

best for all in all ways 

I enjoy cleaning up my mess

I enjoy exposing the lie

I enjoy the fact that I have misplaced my trust and fucked up my life for the 
sole reason that I am able to correct myself so that this will not happen ever 
again. 

I enjoy the journey to nothingness, as the journey to Life as it is the only way 
to be Life

I enjoy this opportunity to share my realizations, so that all may be free from 
the illusion. 

I enjoy freeing myself from the addiction to energy 

I enjoy becoming Equal to All as the physical

I enjoy setting myself as all life free from the abuse and harm I have allowed

Day 67 - The Non-Religious Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe religious behavior in others, and judge them as 'false' and 'religious', while not facing or realizing the point within myself that ANY belief is a religion, thus whenever I lay claim to a definition of myself as 'anti-religious' or 'atheist' or 'agnostic' or 'an authentic believer/person' in order to validate my character, I realize that I myself am playing a character in my self-created unique religion of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to study and memorize the beliefs of others so that I can repeat those beliefs as if I found or created them for myself, when all they were was a copy of a script for the play of my character in my mind, used to deceive myself and others in the overarching grand belief that life is to be lived as a spiteful character who supports lies and false appearances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to study how people of authority are valued by others, and so pretend to be wise myself, as a copy of those I have seen as having significant influence on others - in an attempt to increase the value and validity of my own character so I can continue to hide from myself and promote opinionated, one-dimensional beliefs based on fear and greed - in spite of myself and what is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Identify myself with those in authority and devise ways to get their attention in unique ways, so that I can be seen by others interacting with that person in order to gain credibility, status and power over programmable sheep who will in turn propagate my beliefs in an infinite cycle of abuse, to the detriment of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kiss ass when around those of authority, perceived influence or 'power', so that I may be perceived as a figure of wisdom, intelligence and authority myself, in an attempt to inflate and validate my false character, in self-hate and self-delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid, and spitefully talk down to, those who do not appear to hold value - in the eyes of those I wish to deceive with my character, and in so relish in the energetic rush I get from thinking and believing I am better than another, in my false identity and perceived ability to pass a knowledge or opinion based judgement on another.
   
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make subtle, and insulting jokes towards those who do not hold the same values as my character holds.  I realize that my jokes are an attempt to demean and devalue one who does not appreciate the value and all the hard work I put into creating my false character.  I realize that these jokes are tactful and often used in front of those whom have no integrity and will laugh because I laughed, thus validating the humorous side of my character, which gives my character the appearance of depth and of being well rounded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use name dropping of people who are influential, and perceived by others as powerful or strong in character, in order that I may be attributed by others as having influence myself, in my own false character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote charitable and/or activist causes, so that I can appears to be a person who is concerned with the well being of others, or humanity as a whole, yet I am secretly only concerned about my own character, and how that false entity is perceived by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to promote my vast knowledge on subjects that will grant my character more credibility with others, by memorizing and regurgitating information, and trendy catch phrases that guarantee a positive or humorous reaction amongst those who cannot distinguish the false character from the physical being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to keep up to date with the latest trends, so as to appear to be on the crest of evolutionary understanding by way of promoting the most recent information, which my character believes, will give me honor with those I hold in high regard, yet I have spitefully used that information to leverage myself against those I perceived to be weak, and of less value than my character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear clothing that will make me appear to be in line with the authority figure of my preference, whom I have idolized as being powerful and righteous in my mind as my puffed up ego of illusionary fantasy, while in actuality, my character cares nothing, as to him, life is just a game to be played, and winning is all that matters.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surround myself with 'lost puppies' whom have little integrity in order to appear to have a following, yet when an opportunity arises to mingle with those of higher authority occurs, I will ditch the lost puppies and act as if I barely knew them at all because I, as my character, only value the appearance of authenticity.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 39 - Savior Syndrome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the Savior in my life where I have attempted to save people, plants, animals and physical objects from the starting point of trying to be a good person.  I realize that this is not being honest with myself because I am attempting to play a hero in my mind when the real issue of what is necessary to be done is neglected, rendering me in-effective in the grand scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and save things in my life from the starting point of 'fear of death/fear of loss.  I realize that in this I am attempting to escape the consequences I have created for myself by playing the 'good person' role, in the hopes that someone will notice and promote me to a position of power.  I realize this is self-sabotage and irresponsibility to myself because I am not directing myself in the best and most effective way that I am able, and so I end up placing my trust outside of myself which is self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and save myself through saving up money as my savings account.  I realize what I am doing is hoarding and robbing myself in fear of the inevitability of facing the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to save myself from facing conflict within my world and reality, attempting to avoid responsibility in fear of creating negative consequences for myself.  .  In this I realize that I am creating further consequence through allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fear instead of me directing myself here in what is necessary to be done from the starting point of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am doing good by giving to charities and organizations that promote good, when in fact those organizations only perpetuate and  prolong cycles of enslavement through the polarizing of good and bad people, ideas and beliefs which do not serve life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive myself to the brink of annihilation through trying to save myself through deliberate self-deception of what I was doing all along - as promoting my own good feelings and self-interest above what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of myself - thereby sabotaging myself - through doing good deeds from the starting point of leveraging my reputation for fame, personal glorification and monetary rewards.

I commit myself to expose all Savior syndrome constructs within myself and others so that all may be aligned in the best interest of all and not individuals.

I commit myself to change myself to be the directive principle of my life as opposed to allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fears

I commit myself to use myself and what is here in the best and most effective way possible that would serve the interest of stopping abuse in my world and so change my world to align with the principle of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to expose all 'good deeds' such as charitable organizations for what they really are - as irresponsible and greed driven in that they only perpetuate abuse through dishonest practices and derailing self-responsibility and self-accountability.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 35 - Unplugging

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions of regret for having lived my life in ignorance and self-subjugation where I squandered my time, energy and effort in the hope of being saved by someone and finding love in another being/god that only existed as the image I had been programmed to believe and thus projected in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences for myself wherein I had to face regret as an outflow of my life experience, where I denied myself and my world because I was afraid of facing myself, of trusting myself, and of directing myself in my experience of myself.  In so, I attempted to escape myself through the use of computer games, where I could hide from myself and experience the thrill of a virtual life of my dreams, rather than face what was actually happening in my world as the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I was too small, 'not good enough', not eloquent enough, not sharp enough, not smart enough, not wise enough to face myself and my world head on in dealing with the deliberate abuse that was happening to me and my world.  In that I realize that I am here as a physical being JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, and as a physical being I am accountable to myself and my whole world and reality, to expose spiteful behavior and abuse of life, wherever and whenever I observe it.  I realize that I must prepare myself to take on the task, addressing myself first as the primary point of self-responsibility, and from that point I can expand myself within walking as a group with Desteni and the Desteni I Process course - which is the ONLY REAL SUPPORT FOR ALL LIFE OFFERED IN THIS WORLD.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself and sharing myself out of fear of what value others will put on me.  I realize that this fear is only me fearing myself and that that fear must be faced and transcended so that I can free myself from the constriction of fear and learn to expand myself in self-honesty through self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to the fear-of-loss, in fearing what I will have to give up if I apply myself in self-honesty, in being honest with myself, sharing myself, and how I feel about the world and my reality.  I realize that nothing of/in this world is worth giving up my self-honesty to myself, and that if I do not move myself, I will be allowing fear to take over and diminish me. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my physical energy, support, time and effort to those who are so completely consumed by the ego that they do not consider anyone beyond the borders of their imaginary world of self-interest.   I realize that there is no point in lecturing to those who will only react in obstinate resistance, in spite of all the FREE support that is being offered by Desteni and those with the courage to walk the 7 year journey to Life.


I commit myself to face my fears of sharing who I am so that I can find out how I created myself and thus how I can change myself to stop awful consequences from happening in my life in the future.

I commit myself to face myself in self-honesty by using the breath as a tool so that I can take each point, breath by breath so as to deal with each point in a manageable way, being patient and gentle with myself so that I can walk myself slowly back to nothingness, to start over in creating myself as all as equal as the physical.

I commit myself to see the common sense in what is happening in our world and so realize that the only solution to such terrible abuse of life is to absolutely stand within and as the principle of what is best for all - as absolute Equality for all.

I commit myself to realize this profound opportunity I have in this life, and take advantage of it while I am able - an not squander - because I realize that this is my only opportunity to support and become life.  If I do not do it now... when?

Day 23 - Mind, Energy and Speaking

My mind always wants to 'figure' it out - as placing a figure(picture) or definition or label on it - Why? Sometimes it is necessary to see/identify a pattern I am playing out so I can stop the pattern. Other times, I am seeking to encourage myself. Is encouragement necessary or genuine? Do I not trust myself? Do I need encouragement? I am self-encouragement, if I realize myself as being here as a physical being as only desiring Equality as that which is best for all, self-trust is solidified through time as myself here, realizing myself as self-response-able. 

At times I am glad of assistance, if I allow myself to get discouraged with myself as self-judgement. So I asked for assistance, and got some. Why do I fear that I am not 'doing good enough' in process - because I am not here in every breath, and I have at times uncertainties that have not been thoroughly cleared through writing and self-forgiveness.  Insecurity, as evidence within my in-effectiveness in my blogs as knowing I did not consider something or did not consider all dimensions and outflows - Equally.

Point - not being specific, also, to not giving my all in every breath to Life. Why do I not 'give my all'.  Fear of losing myself.  Ideas that I must punish myself (past programming).  Fear of running out of energy.  Fear I do not have enough energy thus not focusing myself.  Trying to save my energy. Belief that I am subject to energy.  Forgetting who I am lol - thinking I am the 'image' in my mind of who I am rather than here as a physical being applying myself in birthing Life as the physical.   Belief in the 'image' of myself as self-judgement can only exist in an unchangeable image of the mind.  Belief/idea that I am unworthy due to patterns of the past I am still accepting and allowing to play out. Fear of exposing my expression and being 'labelled' as overzealous.

Speaking to others - Catching myself on autopilot when encountering a person because I have not trusted myself as here and able to move and change myself in the myriad of opportunities of every moment.  Moving too fast. 

Seeing/judging others who do not understand Equality as zombies 'less than'. I need to stop and clear myself before I just ramble off at the mouth, so I can speak words, specifically as myself, in what way I decide how they should be spoken, slowly, and precisely, within realizing my profound responsibility to Life, in that what I say resonates throughout multi-dimensionality. 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my mind to dictate/project me, as trying to place definitions, images and labels of me within my life experience so that I do not see and direct myself here in each moment of breath.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to establish self-trust within myself and my living experience where I accumulate and solidify self-trust as myself here through walking self-honesty and applying myself in corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I judge myself and become discouraged with myself - not slow myself down, stop, clear myself and apply self-forgiveness so that I can stop undesirable consequences and re-align myself with myself here in supporting myself as all life and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'not good enough' and so fear asking for assistance because at times I am glad of assistance as it assists me to support myself in aligning myself in living Equality as what is best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inconsiderate of all dimensions of myself in that I do not fully consider all outflows of myself and so find myself in undesirable consequence of realization of what I accepted and allowed in the past experience of myself which always leads to here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'not give my all' in applying myself in self-honesty in every breath here because I have accepted the belief of 'fear of losing myself' when in fact, I am not losing myself but becoming true to myself for the first time ever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play out the self-punishment program of the past within my mind, ignoring the fact that it creates consequence within my living experience for myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I do not have enough energy or that I will run out of energy as an excuse as to why I cannot give my all in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and 'save' my energy in the belief that I am subject to energy.  I direct energy as me as supporting myself and in so supporting equality for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget who I am, as seeing myself as the image within my mind based on my past experience, and so I limit and judge myself in the belief that I cannot change, as I am only an image. I am here as a physical being in supporting myself in living every moment as Equal to what is best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am unworthy due to patterns in the past that I am still accepting and allowing to play out within my mind as not applying self-forgiveness and corrective application for past acceptances and allowances and then changing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being labelled as overzealous and so suppress myself expression. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist and participate within speaking on autopilot when encountering a person because I have not trusted myself as here and able to move and change myself in the myriad of opportunities of every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move too fast.  When and as I see myself attempting to move fast, I stop, I slow myself down and within breath I clear myself so that I may speak the words which I decide must be spoken, specifically and directly as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pre-judge others who do not understand Equality as zombies or 'less than'.  I stop all pre-judgement as prejudice in giving everyone Equal opportunity to self-realize.  I act in common sense in not accepting and allowing myself to participate in any form of spiteful behavior and as such, do not associate with those who are explicitly spiteful.

I commit myself to stop imprecise, empty words as verbal diarrhea on autopilot, but to place my words with care as myself, in speaking words that I can stand as - into eternity.

Day 18 - Understanding Equality for Christians

Being a former 'born again' Christian of 15 years myself, I would like to take this opportunity to relate some of the points as to how a 'Christian' can understand Equality and what questions to ask oneself to realize the nature of ones belief system.  Firstly, I would like to make a point of saying that I have no pity for those who do not have the courage to question their god and their belief system.  After all, it is your own belief that says hell is for the fearful.


Question #1 - Regarding the Foundational Belief in Hell.

Ask yourself, do I really want some people to go to hell and suffer for eternity?  Because by accepting that belief as 'gods law' you are accepting it yourself as a just punishment for non-believers.  Add to the fact that you don't really know who will go to 'hell', it could be your closest loved one for all you know.  Is this world not already a living hell for many that come into this world just to starve to death or suffer continual abuse?  If God really did love humans, why would he require the fear of hell to persuade people to love him back?


Question #2 - Regarding Knowing God or Jesus

Many Christians will claim they 'know' God or Jesus as a self-confirmation that they are different from 'religious' people who claim to be Christians but do not follow the lifestyle of being a strong believer.  There are 2 definitions of the word 'know' in the bible. One is to have acquaintance as a friend, and the other is to have an intimate sexual relationship.  Many Christians will claim they have an intimate relationship through the 'holy spirit'.  From my observations in the church, I could see many who were having strong 'energetic' experiences claiming it was the spirit of God.  So is God then energy? The word 'know' actually represents knowledge - as in the tree of knowledge as opposed to the tree of Life. So Christians with knowledge of God are merely projecting an image of how they would imagine God to be based on their preprogrammed knowledge.


Question #3 - Regarding Predestination

It is mentioned twice in the new testament that we are in fact predestined.  So what is predestination?  Is it not simply a program?  So therefore you are in fact a living program locked into a future that you cannot change.  What would be the purpose of faith then if it is already predestined?  Most would say it is to learn about God, however, this would be nonsense because you only experience God as energy as the holy spirit.  So are you not in fact a slave to God's destiny as the energy based program?  How do you know God will not run another program for you when you die and go to 'heaven'?

Question #4 - Regarding Heaven

There is very little written in the bible about heaven.  It says that the streets are paved with gold.  Personally, I always thought that was ridiculous and I wouldn't even have an interest in going to a place like that.  I would much rather have rocks and trees and rivers and oceans and mountains... like here on earth in the physical.  What are you going to do in heaven?  Bowing and Singing praise to God all the time?  Would that not get boring after a while?  Why can we not agree to create heaven on earth through living the principle of what is best for all?  Would a real God not want what is best for all as living as Equals instead of a master/slave relationship?  After all, was it not God who confused our languages when building the tower of babel because he said 'nothing would be impossible to them'?  Is that not biblical proof that we could create heaven on earth?

Question #5 - Regarding Gods Forgiveness of Sin

You realize that you are sinning all the time either openly or in your secret mind.  That being the case, being a Christian, you are subject to the 'mercy' of God all the time, and you cannot change yourself because you are predestined and he has to forgive you - you cannot forgive yourself.  You are thus his complete slave and he your master.  Was it not God who hardened the heart of Pharaoh to cause him to sin against God?  Why do you believe he will not do the same to you?  Why do you give your trust and life to a God that you don't actually know as a physical being?



Equality is the ultimate self-realization where we do not have to fear hell or believe in a god or heaven as separate from ourselves, but we realize that we are co-creators in this world and as such, we must stand to take responsibility for what we have accepted and allowed to exist as us here.  It is easy to just give up on yourself and place your trust and life in god, but to trust yourself and to stand for life, that is a real challenge to yourself that has an actual, physical outcome that can be measured by our very breath.  Instead of repeating phrases from a 2000 yr old book, I speak words as me here in self-honesty in standing - not in self interest - but for that which is best for All.

Ask yourself these questions and feel free to respond if you have further questions or comments.

Thanks for reading!

Top 10 Reasons Destonians Fall in Process

We all fall at some point, so here is a list of some of the most common reasons/excuses, as well as some practical tips to get us back on our feet. If one is taking the Desteni-I-Process, I highly recommend that we ask our buddies for support when we need assistance. The forums (Desteni.org) are also a good place to write oneself out. So, if and when you fall, simply get back up, breathe, and start again.

10. The Old Ways - Whether consciously or subconsciously, in some way the systems within us still want to hold on to our 'old ways' of existing. This is an aspect of fearing to face oneself and fearing change of ourselves. Perhaps we fear the unknown of what we will become, or we second guess ourselves as what we have come to understand about ourselves. Equality is like a black hole, once you get past a certain point, you realize there is no turning back.

9. Not Understanding Points - 'Thinking' we understand but not really understanding. Research and self-introspection are our individual responsibilities. There are many articles and documents here at the desteni site to assist.

I myself struggled with the point of self-trust and self-expression for quite some time. Not trusting myself to be able to do the process, feeling overwhelmed as if I wasn't able to stop myself within the feelings of guilt, regret, anger and desires for things such as relationships. If you have not yet established self-trust, you just need to keep moving yourself, pushing your resistances, even if its just a little bit at a time. Realize that there is no such thing as giving up. Eventually you will come to a point where you are so sick of the mind games going on within yourself (as well as all the abuse within our world because of the mind) that you will find the strength and indignation to move yourself more effectively and establish stability and self-trust. Understanding it is a process that is deconstructed through time, so give yourself time and you will have time.

8. Self Punishment. This system can be from childhood from being punished as children by our parents or from bosses in work. Stop punishing yourself, it is not necessary - rather be gentle with yourself. Punishment is self-sabotage and abuse within the polarity of 'better than/less than'. Apply self-forgiveness and corrective application.

7. Laziness - as a construct of wanting to do things only in self-interest. We have to realize that process is going to be work until we get to the stage where we are standing in full awareness of ourselves as who we really are. When we are at the stage of self-perfection, doing what is best for all in all ways, process is no longer work but just self-here. Until then, we have to push ourselves and our resistances to be able to expand ourselves.

6. Not Understanding Our Responsibility - we must realize that what we do in our lives has a resonant outflow/consequence which affects everything. Either we are supporting life or we are suppressing it. This is our responsibility in walking as a group, to support life and do what is necessary to be done within the principle of what is best for all, and love thy neighbor as thyself.

5. Existing within Limitation. Limiting ourselves within our 'frame of mind' - the box. It is hard to see the limitation point if you are existing within limitation lol. Writing daily is tremendous self-support. Breathe and realize the infinite opportunity that exists in each moment as we walk our process of becoming life as unconditional, unlimited self-expression, here in every moment of breath.

4. Addiction To Energy - We must be a living example to stop our addictions which operate through energy systems in our minds. If you are in the process of stopping an energetic addiction, write about it, best not to share it openly but rather with a destonian buddy, until you are certain you have cleared the point within yourself.

3. The 'Im A Destonian' Belief System - Quite similar to a religion wherein we create an image of ourselves as wanting to appear different or special within definition - separation. This inevitably leads us to comparison and the polarity system. The outflows of this can be emotions, reactions, depression and self-judgement as well as fearing what others will think of you.

2. Guilt and Regret - Guilt is the mind showing us where we have been dishonest with ourselves in our process. Guilt is a system designed to 'weigh one down' and diminishes us if we allow it to. It does not support life, however, realize that guilt can be used as a tool to in seeing oneself and how we are accepting and allowing ourselves to compromise ourselves in our process of self-honesty and self-realization. Regret is simply holding on to the past and not applying self-forgiveness and corrective application effectively for oneself.

1. Self-Judgement - Self-judgement is a form or condemnation. This is a very common system that is essential to be looked at thoroughly through writing and applying self-forgiveness. We must understand what judgements we are placing on ourselves and others, and where they are coming from. Are they from past relationships? Parents? Siblings? Friends? Teachers? Perhaps it is an idea one has about something wherein we have created a belief and judge ourselves in comparison based on that belief/idea/perception/definition. Whatever, any judgement of self or others will only lead to self-sabotage and further cycles of enslavement. Fire the policeman in the head.