Day 222 - Fear, Desire, and Consequence

I saw a video of a man playing guitar on the street.    The strangest things can at times show us something profound within ourselves – the key is that we must have placed ourselves in a position to be able to see it.  If we have allowed ourselves to be blinded to our true self (by emotions, feelings, and ideas such as - guilt, shame, judgment, blame, regret, and anger etc.) we will not see who we really are when opportunities present themselves here... we will not have profound realizations, and we will not grow to our fullest potential, because we are literally constricted, choked, and smothered out by the belief that these emotions, feelings, and ideas are “Who We Are”.


This 'Belief' then creates a Fear, the Fear that if we were to give up our feelings/emotions/ideas about ourselves, we would be completely miserable, and so just want to die!!  So because we fear losing our belief of “Who We Are” - We try to hide that realization from ourselves by creating, accepting, and allowing another Belief in/as the Justification that “We are Powerless to Change!... But really, it's a simple case of Fear, based solely on a past indoctrination, upbringing, and memories which are all formulated, biased, passed-down, second-hand opinions and therefore merely recycled false-assumptions.  


The fear then goes unchallenged, because this is apparently the 'Very Scary' and 'Untouchable' God of the mind, which is simply the system as knowledge and information.  This system wants you to remain enslaved to fear forever, because if you are enslaved to fear, you are enslaved to the system.


Out of these false assumptions and beliefs, we then develop a desire, which is actually an advanced state of fear, where we have so earnestly sought an escape from all the negative feelings of abuse, suppression, and self-denial, that we think an energetic high as a personal experience will make us feel better and everything will be OK again!?  Not So.  We actually amplify and create more fear (as desire) in order that we may give ourselves more excitement within the mind as energetic delusions and temporary highs – which only serve to create more consequence in waiting.


Nonetheless, we remain addicted to our energetic mind-games.  We nurture the desire to feel better about ourselves at the expense of others.  This despite the consequence, which we cannot grasp as the extreme limitation of the mind as consciousness.  We claim to not understand how it works... another clever justification to the extent that we actually create the idea that we can simply turn a blind eye to all the suffering in the world and believe that we are separate from it,... “So glad I will never have to face that situation/problem”.  “Its in a different area of the world, so I can just forget about it and pretend that it is not really happening”... “Everyone over there deserves it anyway”.  


That is the lie.  The reality is that we can change, and we all have the power to direct ourselves and change into what is Best for All.  Most simply prefer to use any given random excuse to justify why they do not wish to change.  For example, the other day I heard the following excuse when I suggested to someone that they could support Equality. “I/We can't”... “It's too big”.  Will that excuse fly when you die and face yourself?  You didn't want to be honest with yourself because... it's too big?  What would assist one more would be to say “I don't want to change because I don't want to give up my comforts and self-enjoyments”, that way perhaps would make it easier to see your own selfishness, and then perhaps assist yourself to change, to give as you would like to receive.

The only real joy is in Self Honesty.




Investigate the Desteni I Process

163 - Miss Breath and Miss Opportunity

Today I had to do an estimate.  During negotiations, I realized that I would not be able to do the job due to an outlet being in the wrong place.  For some reason, perhaps I figured it would take too long with the electrical work that needed to be relocated.  I quickly assumed that I would not be able to do the job, explained this to the client and closed negotiations saying I could come back when he had that issue fixed himself.

While I was driving home, it occurred to me that I probably could have done the relocation myself and charged the customer a little more for the time involved.  Why had I not seen that opportunity?  My assumption was quick, as the customer and I had been bartering over price - which was already very low, and this was causing me some frustration as I had already taken the time to drive all the way out there, which has already cost me 1/5th of the total job price in gas.

I see that I had already begun to become negative about the job, and when I realized that the plug had to be moved, I entertained a good feeling of not having to do the work with the excuse that I could not do it now.  The happy feeling was compounded by the negative feeling that I was not going to make any money, and I had in fact lost money by doing the estimate.  Within all of these feelings, I did not stop myself to assess the situation here as breath, trusting myself and the physical.  I was going by the emotion of how events like this had played out in the past - so I was in fear that the worst would happen.

The other point I realized is that, had I seen the opportunity to relocate the electrical myself and negotiated with the client for it, I may well have been upset with myself for undertaking the job, especially if there were any surprises as there always are in this line of work.  So it is a situation where I would judge myself either way.  The only solution to this is to remain here in breath, and not go into self-judgement for any reason.  Stop living my past and to live every moment as me, as breath.  I was aware of my breath the whole way to the clients house, however when I got there and the stress of the job kicked in, I lost all awareness and went on autopilot.

Business is more competitive in the winter here, and I had not prepared enough advertising for myself in the fall.  I had a job lined up which did not work out, and then expected to be able to get a job somewhere but that has not panned out either.  I will be exploring my options over the next little while to see where I can place myself to be effective and to support myself.   Besides that, process wise, things seem to be going well.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I encounter a stressful situation where I am in the vicinity of people - go on autopilot and forget my breath awareness causing me to make rash decisions and choices based in fear and how things have played out in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by systems as the projection of fear that the worst would happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not realizing the opportunity to do the extra work and make some extra money from the situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget my newly learned skills of persuasion when dealing with clients - reciprocity, authority, scarcity, consistency, liking and consensus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to direct myself in the most effective manner so that I am able to support myself and change my world to a world worth living in with Equality of Life as the principle we all live by.

I commit myself to pushing myself to remain in breath awareness when involved in stressful situations where other people are around.

I commit myself to stop living in past definitions and begin to take responsibility for me in all situations through breathing and living from the starting point of here - as seeing every situation as a completely new experience of myself here, equal to the physical reality.

I commit myself to the realization that, to walk this process of awareness in each moment is... to bring myself back from the state of absolute self-devaluation, where my existence hangs by a single strand of knowledge of myself, in the understanding that the whole universe has in fact betrayed me, as the reflection of my own self-betrayal.... to align myself with the actual starting point of myself here, as breath, so that I may create myself as Equal to all things, as the final end of all enslavement and beginning of Life without limitation or judgement, where the value of All is Equally precious as Life.
     

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 57

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of dullness.  I realize that dullness is of the mind/ego where my mind is attempting to dictate a mood and feeling as an experience of self-suppression.  When and as I see myself within the dullness frame of mind/limitation of mind, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself in and as my physical body to do what is necessary to be done to take responsibility for myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing myself as physical movement because my mind tells me that it will cost me energy.  At the same time my mind wants to consume energy for itself rather than me giving my energy to life as what is best for all, because when I do that, the mind cannot feed off of my physical body and so the mind will starve and cease to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist directing myself for fear that I will be exhausted.  To exhaust myself in changing myself to become Equal to the physical is actually the great opportunity I am dedicated to giving myself so that I can honor all life with my existence rather than consume the physical through energy which depletes the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in each moment that to desire experiences such as happiness, comfort, peace, love, joy or any feeling or emotion good or bad - only for myself - is separation and deception.  I realize that all selfish desires are fleeting, and not real if they cannot be shared Equally among ALL that exist.  That is why we must start over, from nothingness, so that all may be shared Equally by all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the tremendous gift of opportunity as the portal-to-unity as a chance to change myself and to realize myself here within self-honesty and self-responsibility in this lifetime. I am grateful for this magnificent opportunity and in so commit myself to assist in birthing life as Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'puffed up' with knowledge and information as 'hot air' floating into the mind as consciousness, spiteful and ignorant of what is right under, in, and as my nose. My nose knows the duality/polarity of consciousness, and at the same time it is the key, the primary point where breath physically enters my body, therefore my nose is aware if I am directing my breath or not... and if not, then what is? If not, where am I? Do I exist?  Where and how can I exist if I do not direct the breath?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize myself through knowledge and information, rather than directing myself as Equal to all that is here as me.  I realize that if I use knowledge and information to make myself 'appear intelligent' or 'better than' others I am only boosting the false image of myself in my mind.  In this I realize I must slow myself down when interacting with others so I can assist myself to be aware of any fears that may arise, so I can clear myself without jumping on the first thought that comes to mind.  In this I discipline myself with patience, to take responsibility to direct my words as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear appearing foolish to others because I may stumble with my corrective application as I learn how to direct myself - as a baby learning to walk for the first time.  Within this I realize that the fear of appearing foolish is actually an opportunity to enjoy the inevitable comedy of the moment.


I commit myself to continue to write out points that I have not fully integrated into and as myself until I get it and I am stable in living the application of my words.

I commit myself to push myself to take responsibility for myself in fully executing self-correction.

I commit myself to be aware of the fear of appearing foolish, where this may allow me to discover points where I have previously hidden issues from myself.

I commit myself to use this opportunity to change myself and my world so that all life can be supported physically and practically in Equality, such as would happen if we all supported an Equal Money System.