Day 226 - Double-Mindedness a.k.a. Bi-Polar Disorder

From Wikipedia
Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder (historically known as manic–depressive disorder or manic depression) is a psychiatric diagnosis for a mood disorder. Individuals with bipolar disorder experience episodes of a frenzied state known as mania (or hypomania), typically alternating with episodes of depression.

At the lower levels of mania, such as hypomania, individuals appear energetic and excitable and may in fact be highly productive. At a higher level, individuals begin to behave erratically and impulsively, often making poor decisions due to unrealistic ideas about the future, and may have great difficulty with sleep. At the highest level, individuals can experience very distorted beliefs about the world known aspsychosis. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes; some experience a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. Manic and depressive episodes typically last from a few days to several months and can be interspersed by periods of "normal" mood.





What is double-minded/Bi Polar disorder?  This problem is quite simply a symptom and result of not facing who we really are, not being honest with ourselves and thus not knowing ourselves for real.  We can ask ourselves a series of questions to determine if we are in fact double-minded/Bi Polar... Here are some examples...


Do I desire something (ex. happiness), and then at times desire something that would compromise what would be required for myself to live and express that certain happiness?

Do I sometimes say one thing, and then when I am around another person, say something different or even the exact opposite?

Do I exist within 2 or more characters in my mind, where one character is the 'bad' character and the other is the 'good' character whom I use to appease my conscience and justify the actions of the bad character?

Do I ever fantasize about myself in particular situations in my mind, where I make myself out to be the hero of the situation and so I feel better about myself?

Do I ever make decisions based on the fact that I feel happy and so want to do something good for someone to puff up my good character - so that I can eventually feel relieved of enough guilt that I can go back to my bad character?

Do I ever emulate characters through my personality to get things that I want from other people?

Do I constantly struggle with myself, going from high to low to high to low... back and forth in a never ending  cycle - apparently beyond the control of our will power to direct?

Do I really know myself, or do I exist in fear of being honest with myself about who I really am?

Do I fear losing either the good or the bad characters or both?

Do I second-guess myself all the time, being unable to stick with decisions?

Do I really believe that I can exists as a split personality, in two different worlds and not ever have to face myself?

Am I upset with myself because I know I am not being honest with myself?

Am I tired of playing the game and running away from myself?

Most will only get this (as I did) after a somewhat life threatening, shocking, or traumatic physical experience causes us to question who we are in this reality.

Join Desteni and Take the Desteni I Process to stop Double-Mindedness and Get Real with yourself.

Day 215 - Catching and Removing the Virus

The only way to extricate the virus/parasite of fear which subverts me, takes away my responsibility, and consumes me, is to stand within and as myself - undivided, constant, self-directed, here in each and every breath.  As long as not all of my breaths are self-directed, I am divided, I am not standing here in every moment as one with all of myself, and the program is still being given permission to run.

A monumental task it would appear, as to do this would mean giving up all that I ever thought I was and believed myself to be.  To abandon that which I have always trusted as my mind, and trust my physical body in each and every moment and situation I am in - This going against all the programming how we have been trained to trust our minds as knowledge and information.  Trained to trust all the judgments of what is right and what is wrong... what is good and what is bad - To the extent that our bodies seem to send us mixed signals because we have allowed the programming to control us for so long.   We don't believe we can change, yet we created it all, and we are allowing it.

The system/program is granted access to Self through permissions, where the program possesses all the attributes of authenticity based on past accepted and allowed protocols.  If the program is questioned, it immediately executes within itself three or more consecutive justification sub-programs so as to affirm itself, and thereby Self recalls/defines/classifies it's unique and specific identity.  These justification sub-programs are the thought-triggers for specific feeling/emotional reactions so that Self can use the liaison of the justification as a point of separation and thus blame.  This, so that Self may feel 'free' to indulge in self-interest, as the pursuit of happiness/bliss program executes within self in the belief that Self is separate.

More energetic-thought-programs are then executed with the sole purpose of producing the chemical reaction in the body which in turn produce the euphoric states such as what is referred to as 'love'.  Self then claims to be in a state of preoccupation, and thus believes Self to be justified through identification/blame and so can avoid taking responsibility for Self as who Self really is.

Self then conforms Self according to the design of the program in a repeating cycle of which Self believes Self to be 'unaware' of any problem, (this is just the way it is...) as the program does not calculate consequence into the equation - because if physical consequence were actually taken into consideration, the program would never be granted permission to execute itself, as consequence is suffering and death.  

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Day 194 - My Competitive Football Story

When I was younger, as all young people, I had little understanding of myself and/or how world works.  I signed up to play football when I was 12, and being slightly larger than most kids my age, I was placed in a league with 15 and 16 year old kids.  American football is a rough contact sport, which I was eager to try as it seemed like a cool identity I could assume to get some attention for myself at the time.

During my first season, I didn't understand the mechanics of the game and was somewhat intimidated by players barreling at me head down full steam.  I recall one specific play, I just stepped out of the way and let the guy have the touchdown lol.  I didn't know how to tackle properly.  We lost all but one game that season.

The next year I played I broke my elbow in the second game, and was out for the season.  The year after that was when I finally learned how to hit 'correctly'.  My coach saw I was trying to grab players to the ground and said "hit this bag" - so I hit the bag straight on and he said "Why don't you hit players like that?".  I knew it was because I was afraid of injuring my neck.  He said "Come-on! You have a helmet and shoulder pads - hit him!" So I lined up opposite the runner and hit him straight on.  It felt good to overcome a fear and learn a new technique - but what I did not realize, is that I was still being controlled by fear - as the fear of being honest with myself.  This provoked an inner rage, which manifested as vengeful, outward, physical aggression.

I began to really hit players as hard as I could, straight on, constantly seeking to get high on the feeling of unleashing my inner demon, vainly trying to prove to people how 'fearless', 'strong', and 'powerful' I was in the desire to be revered as 'crazy'.  I was caught up in an exhilarating battle.  I see now how obvious it is, that I was doing this in an effort to hide myself, cover up who I was, and make amends for the frustration I felt inside myself because I had allowed myself to devalue myself so extensively.  So rather than address the issue, I sought out and created the heroic fearless character in my mind, neglecting myself, and neglecting to realize that this was clearly dishonest, and not the solution to myself.

Throughout the season I was constantly seeking that 'high', to hit a player as hard as I could to try and get the reputation - trying to become a legend in someone's mind.  I regarded other players as simply 'the enemy', and I really had no consideration for them whatsoever, no rule existed in my mind to prevent me from my secret ego's revenge.  I only cared about getting my high - primarily because I was so angry with myself and the world... this seemed like the perfect outlet, the scapegoat, to express my inner rage and animosity.  I did not dare to express it in words, in fear of being seen or defined as 'weak' or 'stupid'.

I hit a few players quite hard that year, and the year after.  I would see 'stars' and gouge my helmet and then rave to people about how great it was.  Little did I consider the physical consequence.  One night in practice I got lined up against another heavy hitting player, everyone was edging and cheering us on as from a full sprint, we collided head on.  Both of us blacked out for a few seconds, and then looked at each other in a slight daze.  I recall the sharp pain in my neck, and the great fear that came over me of what I had just done to myself, but I quickly covered it up with the tough guy lie "wow that was awesome!"  Inside I knew I was 'fortunate', and I was very relieved to realize that I did not seriously injure my neck, as the impact was significant to both of us, and we both had sore necks for about a week afterwards.

A couple years later, I heard a story on the news of how a player ran into a wall head on in frustration after losing a game and broke his neck, paralyzed for life.  The fear and relief swept over me again.

Competitive sports serve nothing but the ego, the vain glory of seeking the 'identity' high and hiding ourselves from the real issues going on inside.  This shows the direct correlation and connection - from the mind to physical consequence - of me trying to achieve a reputation and an energetic high, and how the combination of neglecting to take responsibility to face myself in self-forgiveness and correct myself, and being controlled by fear, very nearly broke my neck.

What consequences are we creating for ourselves in this world through neglecting to address our mind/ego?  The physical reality shows, but sadly much more is on the way, and will continue until we all stop and face it.

Take the free course offered by Desteni if you dare get real, and face your ego.

      

Day 190 - Using the Mind as a Tool

Consciousness, or the mind, is what we have created through our separation and the 'little misunderstanding' of who we are. So consciousness is what must be used to correct ourselves... not in how we have traditionally used it - to wish for things in self-interest or make believe we are better than one another - but rather to change ourselves to support the realization of Equality, within and without.

Not long ago, I would say to myself that I would not touch the law of attraction with a ten foot pole. Within this, I was aware that I did not fully understand – within the context of my own process and systems - how the mind was controlling me, and so I was hesitant of using/abusing the mind too extensively through inconsideration and/or not doing it 'properly'. I assumed I would be creating a form of consequential hell for myself because I had not yet fully dealt with all of my priority issues. 

Even though I understood a great deal, it became apparent through my inability to direct every breath, that there was likely things which I did not fully understand yet, or perhaps only understood as knowledge and information. I chose to focus too heavily on stopping my mind, and so was not using my mind as a tool, as effectively as I could have been.

I was well aware of the fact that consciousness could be, and was being used by many people as a means of achieving money and success, and I defined that as irresponsible – which it is when used only in self-interest. Little did I recognize how I too was already using it – in allowing thoughts of limitation, thus diminishing myself. therefore I did not trust myself, and so projected this distrust onto the physical. I created a relationship to the words 'law of attraction' giving the phrase as negative energetic charge, and so within that I was partially blaming the mind as evil. Interestingly, I have noticed that the mind often makes out the physical to be the cause of dysfunction through backchat.

Meanwhile, I believed I was doing something 'good' because I was in the process of stopping my mind, and so created a polarized dissonance within myself through allowing a series of self-sabotaging beliefs and justifications, as the 'bad'. I felt guilty, and awful about myself because I knew I was not 'in control', I was still controlled by addictions, not realizing exactly how I was creating the cycles of self-abuse. This was compounded by the fact that I feared giving up my addictions.

Since then, I have grown more confident in my understanding of how the entire system works, I can trust myself more to use the mind as a tool in order to support myself to change and align myself to live the solution – as what is best for all. To give an example. It is necessary for me to get organized so that I can become more efficient and so expand myself. So when I see myself entertaining limited beliefs and thus straying into idleness of my mind, I can recognize the pattern and support myself to change it through changing the negative thought patterns into creative, self-directive, positive commitments and actions which have no negative polarity or connotation for myself or others.

178 - Self Support Blog of a Blog

This evening I read  A Psychologist's Journey to Life : 

Day 305: The Relationship between Self and Environment

I noticed some points were relevant  so I made a self-support video to walk myself through the points through speaking.  I then watched my self support video and made the observations and wrote out the points that needed to be addressed for myself. 

Small is in the big, big in small

Consequence in all that I do

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequence of disregarding the small moments, not considering the “small” moments as of less value and therefore creating an accumulation effect through disproportionate valuation of myself within the unequal valuation of the 'small' and 'big' moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to external pressures and not push myself beyond my minds limitations to transcend my perceived limitations that I have been programmed to believe about myself throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my relationship to my environment (through my mind) to influence me and direct me to go into mind states of irritability, restlessness and feelings of being trapped.  When and as I sense myself feeling irritable, restless, or trapped, I stop and clear my starting point to here within the realization that it is a mind state and I simply need to push through the point through doing something practical and supportive. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that 'at least I tried' within the projection of myself into my future in order to appease myself and comfort myself in the fear of failure - and so within that make myself believe that I am better than others because I 'tried'.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to challenge myself in all areas in my life and my mind creations, using the justification that I am trying or doing my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea in my mind about doing something and then feel good about it, but then do not even actually do that thing that I thought of doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the feel good experience within myself while doing my blogs, and then forget what I wrote about the next day.  I realize I need to go over my blogs the next morning to solidify and clarify the points within myself until I transcend the point altogether. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by self-interest as irritability and so hesitate and postpone things that need to be done, and so go into idleness and self-indulgence within myself as a point of submission to resistances and the desire to serve self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to 'zone out' of myself, creating a distance between myself and the moment here, as the mind, neglecting my responsibility to be here in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as slavery and drudgery within myself (I have wrote this before – rewriting it for myself) and so deny myself opportunities to grow and expand myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despair at the point of work within the projection that I will have to work for the rest of my life in situations I really do not enjoy., thus fearing my mind's projection, which is not here. 

I commit myself to regard all moments as equal and so accumulate myself to stand equal to all as myself in each moment. 

I commit myself to push myself more in my preconceived ideas where I have imposed limitations on myself. 

I commit myself to direct myself as opposed to allowing myself to be directed and controlled by my relationship to my environment. 

I commit myself to stop being influenced by future projections. 

I commit myself to do what is here - within the realization that there are no excuses

I commit myself to give to others as I would like to receive

I commit myself to stop postponing myself, and to investigate for myself the starting points of postponement when and as I see them in the moment. 

176 - Self-Punishment

A point has come up with me recently, I wake up in the morning already in a heavy, negative emotion of agitation or frustration.  Yesterday I did not realize exactly what the point was, there were a number of points which were triggered and I assume it is a culmination of multiple factors that I am facing from stress of my current situation to still hanging on to points of the past, and still some regrets.  Regrets because I realize I missed many points through not understanding myself.  There is also the point of me 'second guessing' myself as I feel constricted by my current situation.  I realize that I have to stop and breathe during these episodes, yet the other day the emotional reaction seemed to be so strong I did not push the resistance, but fell into resentment and neglect as the pattern of self-punishment in anger towards myself.

It took me a while before I allowed myself to see all the points connected, and from this I realize there is still a significant amount of self-forgiveness I have to do to stop myself from going into this pattern.  The point is also connected to my work/money situation which plays a significant role in this, as work has been a struggle recently, as winter is typically slower for me.  Additionally from this pattern comes all kinds of future projections, even though I do not know what the future holds, some play-outs appear to be inevitable as the consequences I have created for myself are significant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the emotions of agitation and frustration when I wake up in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to punish myself when I feel the emotions of agitation and frustration

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to punish myself through neglect when I make future projections in my mind regarding how I think things will play out based on what I assume will happen based on my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my self-created future projections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled the feelings of guilt, resentment and regret.  I realize I cannot change the past and all I can do is learn from it.  I also realize that punishing myself does not help the situation any and only makes it worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into temper tantrum mode where I believe that spiting myself and others through neglect will cause the situation to be over with sooner or somehow create a better consequence for me, when clearly it will not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to the ideas of myself I created in the past.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to understand myself and how I can use the best of my abilities to contribute to this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't know or understand where I can fit it or participate in something that is effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the belief that I have no motivation, when I realize I do not need a motivating factor to move myself besides the goal of Equality of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that someone would help me solve myself and/or desire to be special and get special attention.  I realize I am walking my process alone and no-one is able to assist me besides practical communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to escape myself and my consequences through neglect.  I realize I must face the consequences I have allowed so that I understand what I do creates consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be someone more than who I am as my physical body here.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire an external form of stimuli in order for me to experience happiness within myself.  I realize I am the starting point of happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and so go into resentment through defining myself as a complete failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within thinking of all of the things I could have had/done for/with myself - go into a pattern of resentment, self-punishment and neglect, and so compromise myself even further in the pattern that has existed within me ever since I can remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow along within the pattern that I learned from my parents and teachers - that I have to punish myself - without realizing that there is a far better way to learn to discipline myself through gentle encouragement and breaking the problem down in order to see how it plays out and then gradually work it out step by step.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for all the mistakes I made in the past - when if I simply had realized and understood from the start I would not have allowed myself to get into this whole mess to begin with. I realize this is an opportunity for me to face what I have accepted and allowed, and so change myself.



I commit myself to channel my resentment, guilt, frustration, agitation, anger and all other emotional reactions - into moving myself to become life as Equal to the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself having a negative energy experience, to embrace myself within the realization that I have done a lot of work on myself through study and self-forgiveness, and so write myself out so I can see the starting point and pattern of what specifically triggered the emotional reaction - so that I can gently push the resistance and free myself from self-harm and punishment.

I commit myself to rather than punishing myself - to realize that punishing myself is not effective - but rather commit myself to achieving small goals for myself in reward to myself for all my hard work.

I commit myself to realize that there is no point fearing what is not here.

169 - Setting Goals

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be upset with myself and judge myself because I have not achieved the goals that I have set for myself.

I realize that resentment towards myself for not achieving goals does not help the situation, it is giving up on myself in rebellion and blame towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself and others for the fact that I have not achieved goals.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rebel against myself for not achieving goals.

I realize that I am not to blame myself for not achieving my goals, as I am still existing within a corrupt money system which constricts my capacity to achieve goals.

I also realize that through consistent application of achieving small goals will eventually lead to larger goals through the accumulation factor of 1+1+1.

When and as I see that I have not achieved a goal for myself, I clear my starting point to here in order to find and address the reason(s) why through writing, and so re-align the point within myself through taking self-responsibility.

Rather than get upset with myself, I move myself to redo the process of setting a goal for myself.

When and as I find that I am defining the process of setting goals difficult or futile, I clear my starting point to here as breath within my commitment to myself to stand for Life in self-honesty, which is my foremost and ultimate goal - to be honest with myself always, in all ways, and in that I have no choice in the matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define goal setting as complicated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define goal setting as useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something that I am not able to see that is obstructing me from achieving my goals, and so use that as an excuse to give up on myself and go into a state of depression within myself.

I realize that when things appear to be complicated or frustrating that that is the the point of resistance where I must push myself - through trusting myself to stand and be honest with myself.

I commit myself to - whenever I become discouraged with myself - to SIMPLIFY that matter to being here with myself and moving myself in what way I am able.

I commit myself to set small goals for myself so that I can learn how to support myself through setting goals, so that I can be effective in changing myself and supporting Equality of Life for All.

Day 155 - I Do Not Respect Your Beliefs!

Why should anyone have Secret Beliefs?  If someone has a Personal Belief about something, then there should be no fear in allowing open debate on the topic so that we can come to an agreement and remove the exact point of delusion.  This is Common Sense.  If I 'Respect your Beliefs', that is like me saying "I don't care what you think!".   The point is I do care - I care about All Life - That is why I Do Not Respect Anyone's Personal Secret Mind Beliefs, Opinions or Interpretations About physical Life - I Respect Life, as the Equal force that is in All things represented within and as the Physical Reality we all Share.  This can, and must be cross referenced so that we can Agree on what is real and what is not real.

Example being, the Ego/Mind, it is not real in the sense that it does not exist as a physical object that can be touched.  It is composed of made up ideas placed as limitations and definitions of the physical reality so that people may create pictures in their head of all kinds of deluded beliefs and opinions - and use such beliefs to spitefully seek to gain control or take advantage of others through manipulation.  This spitefulness is no longer acceptable, and will not stand as Life.

Why should I place Value as Respect, on your Beliefs?  That is exactly what one is asking when they say - "Please Respect My Beliefs" - Please Value my Secret Ego Mind.

Why should Your 'Beliefs' or 'Opinions' hold any Value?  What is the value anyway, in terms of money, I mean it must be worth something to you?  I'm certain if I offered enough money, anyone would eventually succumb to the temptation and 'spill the beans' for cash.  It happens all the time, as that is how Family and Religion functions, by conquering an individual mind through labeling the 'secret mind' as 'sinful', and then force-feeding a person the fear of Hell.  Then of course comes the Prozac, as the polarized Love of God, or the Parent, that apparently saves the child from their new fear of Hell Belief, so that they can in turn create many other positive beliefs in their mind about heaven, and God, and how they will imagine a perfect, happily-ever-after Life... Just keep the faith by your offering plate donation and continuing to support the family delusion.  Completely Mind fucked, and unable to realize the Equality of Life in the Physical reality.

What exactly makes you Believe you have the 'right' to hold Secret Beliefs about others and the universe in your head - when you exist in a shared physical reality, where thoughts, as energy, produce shared consequences?

I can understand a person not being ready to expose every detail of their life in a short period of time, but it must be dealt with sooner or later, as there is a deadline. It is especially curious when it comes to matters of economics and social policy, strange indeed that one would choose to refrain from open discussion. Why would anyone fear having your Beliefs exposed? What is the point? If they aren't real, then simply drop them and find out what is real.

Interesting how this line is handed out anytime someone feels that their 'beliefs' are being threatened, or they are unable to confront or assess what you are saying, never mind properly formulate an accurate response to what it is you are suggesting.  People, here's a tip... No one is more wise or intelligent than anyone else, so just be honest.  Just say "I don't understand, can you explain in simple terms for me?"

What is overlooked and condescendingly insinuated by someone who claims (in the typical manner) "I Respect your Beliefs...  I wish that you would please Respect mine." ???  As if one were to offer a trade of compromises... lol.

What is a person implying when they say 'Respect my beliefs'?

Respect - 'Stay away' 'do not go there' 'do not challenge my intelligence' or 'how dare you suggest that my beliefs are selfish fantasies of my mind!'

That is exactly what beliefs are - fantasies.  So un-garde, show yourself, and expose your Beliefs so they can all be shattered for the illusions that they are, because we all know that ill-usions, or BeLIEfs, do not serve the Best interest of All Life.

Self Support at Eqafe.com

Day 152 – The Official Zombie Questionnaire

My Dear Zombies,

I write this for you.   It is my heartfelt desire that you read this letter, so that perhaps you may finally come to realize yourself, to understand who you really are in this world.  In so doing, may you realize that you are capable of changing yourself, to become a being who truly cares, so that together we may work to free all the other zombies, and create a world that is best for all life. 

If, upon reading this list of questions I have prepared you, you find yourself answering ‘yes’ to one or more, you must realize that you my friend, are mind controlled.   Not to panic, there are many just like you in this world, unaware of themselves… all living in self-interest.  Much work has already been done to provide support specifically for cases like yours.  May you take hold of this crucial opportunity… while you have the chance.  

In All Sincerity,
William




The Official Zombie Questionnaire


Do you believe in the boogie man?

Do you believe that some being is going to save you?

Do you think you are special?

Are you afraid of who you would be if you were absolutely honest with yourself always?

Do you ever find yourself, not being yourself?

Do you ever hide behind a false personality?

Do you believe you are superior or inferior to any other beings?

Do you hear voices in your head?

Do you fear losing any personal possessions?

Do you ever wonder, or get concerned about what other people think about you?

Do you ever compare yourself to others, or judge anyone in any way?

Do you ever judge yourself?

Do you ever have secret thoughts about another person?

Do you have any personal beliefs or opinions?

Do you hold value in memories of past experiences?

Do you blame anyone for bad experiences in your life?

Do you ever get angry, upset, depressed, worried or lonely?

Do you think Love and Happiness are the primary goals in life?

Do you believe you will ascend to a higher realm when you die?

Do you allow your body to breathe for you, without your active participation in each breath?

Do you believe you can never change yourself?

Do you believe the world is just fine the way it is?


If you have answered yes to any of the preceding questions and suspect that you yourself may be a mind controlled Zombie, DO NOT PANIC!  There is plenty of help and support available for you at Eqafe.com

Day 128 – Comfortable Prison

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize my responsibility to myself and all within my daily application, and that there are actually things that I can accomplish that would have an effect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to the idea that little effect is virtually no effect, therefore not worth the effort, when in actuality a little effect is what allows me to change the larger effect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when I become tired in the morning that I can not push through that resistance, that the tiredness feeling will stay there all day if I do not rest.  I realize that I must physically stand up and move myself to shake it off so that I can use my time efficiently and effectively. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being uncomfortable, and so fear moving myself, being content in the temporary comfort within the mind-made prison I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drift into states of consciousness, hypnotized by comfort within the belief that if I just don’t do anything, I can minimize the expense and risk, in the fear and belief that I will not accomplish anything significant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through avoiding my responsibilities to myself and all in the reluctance to move myself because I have allowed my mind to dictate to me that I would rather just relax and exist in blissful comfort, not realizing that this bubble is sure to burst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run from myself and hide in comfort, without realizing that placing myself outside my comfort zone in situations of discomfort will assist me to support myself and others in doing what is necessary to be done to support Equality of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define comfort as ‘good’ and discomfort as ‘bad’.  I realize that all situations must be faced so that all can be Equally comfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be double-minded, as seeing myself desiring to have the best of both worlds, where I perceive myself to be a certain ‘good’ character walking the process, yet at the same time I have allowed energy systems to play out without fully recognizing and stopping what is happening and pushing myself through the wall of resistance within clearing my starting point and breathing. I realize that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into energetic reactions because I perceive that there is no ‘value’ in pushing myself through resistances in the morning in particular.

I commit myself to re-define comfort to taking responsibility to change myself – despite my personal desires to just drift away in relaxation – to push myself through resistances by moving myself and breath awareness, doing what is required to be done and living what is best for all in each moment. 

I commit myself to realize that to push my resistances even a little bit is not wasted effort as I begin to accumulate myself here and realize that it is not necessary to be enslaved to energy and fears.

I commit myself to push my limitations I have created in my mind, where I choose to believe what I am able to do rather than do my best and see what transpires.

I commit myself to realize that there is one world, and I must not allow myself to be enslaved to energy as the mind - as the desire for heavenly experiences of myself in selfishness and the belief that I am separate.

I commit myself to addressing every item on my to do list every day and push myself to do even more than what I believe I am able to do.

I commit myself to pushing through moments of tiredness by getting up and walking or going outside.

Day 104–Arrogance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly seek personal happiness, relief and comfort for myself in spiteful arrogance, while the world suffers.  As the deadly arrow glances by, and I pretend that I have no responsibility, and that consequence and death will never happen to me. 

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the selfish pursuit for personal happiness, relief, and comfort for myself is foolish, self-centered, and inconsiderate of everything else in my reality in which I currently depend on to support my existence.

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can have my own personal opinion and moral standard about how my world should function.  I realize that all opinions are counterfeit, as they are all programmed ideas which can only exist in spite of life, and thus do not support what is best for everyone and everything.

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am fully capable of forgiving and changing myself to live what is best for all life through a simple process of self-forgiveness and correction, so that I can stop all selfishness within myself.

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by my ego/mind which gives me every possible (and impossible) excuse ever conceived as to why I cannot take responsibility to stand for Equality and support the one and only solution with the absolute certainty to solve all of the problems in our world and our entire existence.

I forgive myself that I have, in arrogance, accepted and allowed myself to go into frustration and mind tantrums, where all I do is complain about how I think things should be, rather than take responsibility to do what I am able to do, and what is common sense in supporting that which supports all Equally.

I commit myself to abandon foolish arrogance, in favour of changing myself into that which supports my existence and the existence of those who care about life.

I commit myself to realize that real happiness can only be truly fulfilled and expressed when enslavement ends and that this can only be achieved through standing Equal to life as myself as all.

I commit myself to realize that the relief and comfort I often seek after is only temporary, while as long as we allow a world full of inequality, anxiety, wars and all of our worst nightmares will come to pass, as our own shit smeared in our faces to show us what we are doing to ourselves, in our stubborn blindness, stupidity, arrogance, and selfish disregard for life.

Life is for giving, but life will not forgive me, if I do not forgive myself, and create myself as Equal to Life in every breath.

Day 73 - B-Lame excuses of the Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from myself in fear of taking responsibility for myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excuses in my mind as to why I can neglect responsibilities because of the limitations of my mind in the idea that its impossible and the belief that I am not going to be able to produce anything effective .

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility to prepare myself in the morning, where as I have seen if I just allow myself to do 'whatever' I will ultimately go into frivolous activities and thus slip into a mind state of comfort and stagnation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my mind to direct me to become obstinate, making me want to spite myself through neglect, as thinking I can escape myself in reluctance to face my responsibilities because my mind see's them as doomed to fail as being subject to the judgements of others through a corrupt money system. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I see discouragement/fear of change within my participation - realize that it is entirely a mind system and therefore stop myself through clearing my starting point to here and walking my process as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my character/personality decide what it wants to do rather than me taking authority and responsibility as my physical body to do what is best for all in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get drawn into games and not want to stop myself because I fear facing myself and the problems I am facing, and so use my time in frivolous ways.  I realize that my 'character' as my mind, makes my problems seem much bigger, profound and difficult than what they actually are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to postpone responsibilities in thinking that I have plenty of time to do it later.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of guilt, and in so allow my mind to come up with reasons why I need not write myself out immediately when I see a point of my trying to escape myself here.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse that things will go better tomorrow, therefore I can just relax today and not apply myself in doing something constructive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justification and excuse that 'if I were busier, I would not have any problems' and so use that to blame the system for my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in thinking I am not working hard enough and get down on myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself through realizing that I cannot blame the system because I allowed it to be created this way and therefore I am responsible for changing it in whatever way I can.

I commit myself to explore my options in order to stop the limitation of my mind wherein I have thought things are a certain way which is all based on my past experiences, which creates a hypothetical 'idea' of what I will encounter if I apply myself rather than applying myself and see what happens.

I commit myself to realize that the point that I need to work on more is self-discipline so that I can be more effective in changing and aligning myself to what is best for all.

I commit myself to realize that I have already changed myself considerably, so I just need to keep pushing my resistances as much as possible. I realize that changing myself to stand absolutely equal in every way is the only thing that will remove the anxiety and falseness that exists within me as characters.

I commit myself to pay attention to triggers of system activations within myself - such as first thing when I wake up in the morning.

I commit myself  write myself a big reminder so that I will find it first thing in the morning and so remember to start the day off by clearing my starting point and some breathing exercises, realizing that I must not allow myself to be dictated by events of the previous day.

Day 69 - The Rebel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe the obvious deception in the world, and judge it as 'evil', in an attempt to separate myself from the world system, and in so define myself as a rebel, and 'good' as its opposite polarity, secretly thinking that I am better than the system, because I saw the inherent lies and abuse.   In seeing the system as evil in separation from myself, I decided that the best way to beat the system and stop the abuse, was for me to become a rebel and fight against it, as my personal war with the system, as a spiteful rebel against the system.  In so I claimed victory within myself in my mind, having beaten the system through not allowing it to enslave me to its ideas.  What I did not realize is that, I myself, created the system through my acceptances and allowances throughout my life and many past lives.  And so my mind-victory was in vain, as it did nothing to change the system to which I am still subject and enslaved to within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe the deception in the world, and judge it as 'good', in an attempt to separate myself from the world system, and in so define myself as a rebel, and 'evil' as its opposite polarity, secretly thinking that I am better than the system, because I was able to face a point of fear which others were unable to face - as the fear of defining myself as evil.  In so doing, I further perpetuated the polarity war of good vs evil, which only fueled the system I was rebelling against in my character definition of myself, and thus I actually created a war within myself in spite of myself as the system I created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly define myself as a brave and rebellious, hero character in my mind - as a positive energy experience of myself - through self-righteous judgement of the system as being evil - as a negative energy experience - without realizing that I was being irresponsible to myself as my world and reality, as, in order to address, solve and change the system, I have to stand within it and as it.  Therefore becoming the rebel character did nothing to support the actual solution to change the system as what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the actuality of myself here as a physical being.  Through my constant attempts to validate my brave, rebellious hero-character of the mind/ego, I realize that I portrayed my character as openly defiant, in thinking I was doing good by calling out perceived injustices in the system.  Yet I did not allow myself to realize, that abstaining from participating in system based functions such as the education system only put me deeper in debt to myself and life.  I realize that this abstinence, as me attempting to escape the system, in no way assisted and supported stopping the abuse of the system, but merely allowed it to persist as, hierarchical, mind-control and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the hero character of my mind through granting him mental attributes of other hero's extracted from my memories of movies and books.  In that, I realize that the hero's in my mind were not real, but glorified, positively charged ideas I had created about what it must be like to be a real hero so that I can get glory for myself, in my war against myself, not realizing I was actually sacrificing myself as life, and the consequences of being enslaved to consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to validate my character through deliberately defining myself as 'crazy' so that I could strengthen the false perception of fearlessness as an attribute of my rebel character, and so design my character as 'free' in opposition to all the injustice represented in the system.  What I did not realize, is that in defining myself, as my  character, as 'crazy', I was enslaving myself even further, because my character was never free in any way, as it was completely make-believe within a false perception of myself as separate within my mind. In addition to that, I was clearly still dependent on the system for my survival, thus making my claim of being free based on my limited idea of myself - as a character in my mind - utterly foolish and altogether ridiculous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use activism for causes as a means whereby I can further separate myself and define my multiple characters in opposition to the system.  I realize that these attempts to judge the system is me judging myself, to which the outflow is more abuse, more war, more suffering and more deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that my perception of myself as my character, as being a brave rebel, was actually a cover for the fear I had of the system, as being too hard to understand and too powerful to stop or change.   I realize that this was a false perception that I accepted through not understanding myself as part of the system.  When I realize who I am as an equal, I can take responsibility to first understand myself, and in doing so, I can understand how the system functions and in so change myself to put myself in a position with a group that supports life, where my contribution actually supports the solution - as Equal Money for All - through a group effort, which is the only way the system can change.

I commit myself to a process of birthing myself as life in the physical, which will stop the mind system within me, which will stop supporting the polarity war of good vs evil within me, so that I can begin to understand who I am as a physical being to understand and live what it means to stand for life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to stand as who I am as my physical body, as taking responsibility as an Equal, and in so doing stop the characterization of myself which only deludes me further into the mind as the polarity war with myself and the system, resulting in all the raging wars in our world and reality.

I commit myself to realize who I am here through understanding my physical body, and myself within breath, so that I no longer participate in mental judgements of myself, of the system, or of others.  In so doing, I can get myself to a point of clarity, where I can actually assist and support making real, physical change within my world and reality

I commit myself to realize that in order for me to be effective and change myself and the system to that which supports life, I must stand with the group that supports life as what is best for all.  And in so doing, I can contribute my efforts which will have exponential impact through collectively assisting and supporting each other to change our world and create heaven on earth.

I commit myself to face and embrace myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, so that I may face the hidden fears and false characters I have created through cycles of the past, to no longer accept and allow any abuse of life within myself.  In that way, by accumulation factor and the equality equation of 1+1=2, we can eventually change the world system as a whole to that which supports life as what is best for all in all ways. 

Day 64 - Relaxing, Moments, Boredom and Excitement

Relaxing
Fear of slowing down/desire to go fast. Desire to live in self interest, as doing what I want for myself.  Defining responsibility as 'work'/slavery/drudgery within my mind and not being free to relax.  While relaxation exists within current consequence, as our physical bodies eventually require rest at some point in the day, relaxation can be an acceptance of neglect and ignorance. Through perceiving my life experience as 'long and arduous', relaxation can be a stimulus of the mind through the energetic charge in the positive polarity, where work is the negative.  Working has become slavery, rather than the act of giving myself, through and as self-responsibility and supporting all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed off the positive energy charge within and as the word 'relaxation' as seeing and defining relaxation as a stimulus point where I think of relaxation as a means of acquiring energy of the mind, as an escape from taking responsibility for myself as all in directing every breath.

I no longer accept and allow myself to participate in the energetic charge of the word relaxation, as seeing it as a positive stimulus to charge the energy systems of the mind, but rather change myself to see that relaxation - when rest is not actually necessary for the physical body - is an acceptance of ignorance in the desire to live in self interest, as passing off my responsibility to the mind to direct me, instead of me directing myself here in each breath, moment by moment.

Moments
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have created moments as separations in time, where I/we have created mo-ments - as the desire for 'more mental energy', I perceive that each moment appears to be a monumental task - the created monument in the mind - the graven image of myself in separation.  Perceiving life as a long arduous struggle, everything is fucked up, dangerous, fearful, abusive and a big lie - based on the perspective of me, seeing myself through the eyes of my mind/ego.

Yet the actuality of life as source is so incredibly simple - being here in taking responsibility for directing myself within breath - I can enjoy myself in slowing myself down - within the realization that in taking responsibility for myself as breath, I am taking responsibility for ALL LIFE as me - thus removing the guilt and blame associated through relationship, as each is now self-responsible.

Through that realization and application - each moment is equal and one, and the moment is no longer monotonous or monumental, as 'mon-u-mental' being the mental projection of me, as I have moaned about not getting my selfish desires, and so created hierarchy/inequality/slavery. Monotony, or mono-tone, a sound without variety or variation - boring and dull.

Boredom
We are bored-dumb.  The fear of being 'bored' creates the experience of boredom within the mind.  Life is not boring, because life is not defined by boredom - if I am bored, it is because I have created the idea of boredom and subject myself to the con-fines of that belief, thus having to serve the sentence and the fine, where I have 'sent' myself into broken moments of 'tense', clinging to the past 'tense' and creating a future 'tense' based on the past 'tense', where I am always 'tense' in fear of facing the inevitable consequence for what I have accepted and allowed as me.

Boredom is false perception as desiring to be 'someone else' or be with 'someone more exciting' - seeing oneself as boring - to bore, or drill a hole through - thus the definition is given a negative energy charge - seeing boredom as 'monotonous', 'painful' and 'slow'.  Yet boredom is created  through participation in the idea of limitation, due to false perception and irresponsibility, not seeing or realizing the opportunities and potential to share myself.  In fear of the idea of boredom, we often find 'work' to preoccupy ourselves to make ourselves busy with work.  Trying to fake ourselves out, pretend responsibility we have created more and more work to do, rather than simply living and expressing ourselves as life.   Thus wurk has become urk, as we urk ourselves through enforced movement from the starting point of servitude, as one is forced into serving the hierarchy of the mind, as the self-created system.

The phrase "I am boring" is opposed to a real expression of life - as giving myself unconditionally through my expression as an Equal. To enjoy the act of giving rather than desiring to feed on the energy of others - which is seeking for self in others, thus attempting to blame life because I did not have the courage to take responsibility to express and share myself, and therefore created the consequence of me existing within and as jealousy.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am boring, or my life is boring, or that someone else is boring within definition as self-judgement.  I realize that I have not ever really considered what was the starting point of boredom which is actually do to the desire to escape responsibility, and the desire for an energy high that would stimulate my senses to make me feel alive, yet I am not alive because all of existence is enslaved to consciousness.



I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating within the mind as 'feeling bored', to move myself in the physical to do something practical that would assist myself and others.  There are an infinite number of things that I can do in each moment to push my resistances and support life.

Excitement
The opposite polarity charge 'exciting' - as the stimulating and positive energy experience we constantly seek to escape the negative.  Constantly seeking to have an experience of ourselves.  Ex-sight-ment is the externalization of sight - as opposed to having In-sight, where we look into ourselves in self-honesty.  Ex-sight-ment is the false perception as the mental creation in denial of the negative association, thus the fuel of consciousness which produces the system as cycles in continuous polarity and enslavement.

Sex-citing.  Sex is often the most sought after experience.  Not to take away from the physical experience of sex, but when sex is used within the fantasies of the mind, it creates abuse through fueling and energizing the polarity mind systems where one is seeking power and control over another so that one can achieve personal satisfaction and good feelings for oneself in separation.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need for an energy high as excitement.  I realize that excitement is driven through desire to have a special experience of myself within my reality, however this desire for personal excitement carries with it the polar opposite as boredom.  Also, excitement as searching for myself outside of myself within an experience is separation.  I am not saying that I cannot do things that are 'fun', only that the addiction to excitement as energy addiction in wanting to escape responsibility to myself and all is abuse.

I commit myself to direct myself to enjoy myself in all moments equally, to stop searching for excitement outside of myself, but to work with what is here as myself so I can become life and assist all as I would like to be assisted. 

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 58 - Sharing Equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that each person is as me as a physical being.  Therefore any judgement I have that is 'of my mind' is separating myself into and as that which is not physical.  I realize that the deception that pervades all of existence - as people abusing life through the secret mind, and not understanding themselves as who we are as physical - must be exposed openly, so that all may have the opportunity for self-realization.  I also realize that I cannot judge others - aside from stopping myself from participating in obvious, deliberate and spiteful behavior that clearly does not support life, in which case it is not a mental judgement but a physical, open statement of who I am, and what I will or will not allow myself to participate in. 

Anyone can, at any time, move themselves to 'wake up' to the self-realization of what is necessary to be done to stand for, and support Life as Equality.   I do not know the outcome - therefore I support all those willing to hear unconditionally, so that I may assist others as I would like to be assisted, were I in their shoes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within my participation with others, I am accountable to share myself as who I have realized myself to be - As taking responsibility to direct and change myself into that which is best for all as Equal.  Within this realization, I am able to skillfully direct myself to assist another as myself, to see past the limitations of the mind, and to assist another to face the reality of the world we have all collectively accepted and allowed as ourselves - as the calculated, and self-willed abuse of life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confront others from the starting point of seeing myself as 'better than' because I have acquired the knowledge of Equality.  In so doing, I create a polarity friction war between them and myself, and manifest a point of separation within myself, as using knowledge to 'try to do something good' to make myself feel superior.  I realize that this only charges the mind within reactions, judgements and beliefs, in attempt to make others feel inferior within a knowledge belief system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to change others in my own self-interest.  The actuality is that I cannot change anyone, I can only assist others that wish to change themselves, as each is self-responsible, and any action that is an attempt to change another is merely manifesting a master/slave relationship or polarity war in and as the mind as ego consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my expression of self-standing in responsibility to myself, as self-trust, as embracing myself unconditionally is the best support I can offer myself or anyone else, where, my expression is not dependent on the perfection of grammar or phrases that I use, because my self-honest expression - regardless of the word configuration - is what will be the most effective in assisting others to see beyond their own fears and into their own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the exponential outflow of each moment/opportunity as the compression of time as myself.  In that outflow, I can direct myself within and as self-honesty and so expose the deception, so that it can be eradicated and Life can be born - timeless and eternal, where all that will exist is Equality as Life forever.

I commit myself to stop all mental judgements that do not support life or what is best for all.

I commit myself to bring realization to myself as self-honest expression as me as doing what is best for all in every moment, every movement and every breath so that I can enjoy the fruit of my labor as having extracted the parasite of consciousness which has blinded me for eons of time. 

I commit myself sharing myself unconditionally to all who will hear the desteni message of Equality so that all of existence may understand and be brought to account of how we have abused Life

I commit myself to applying self-forgiveness and corrective application as well as making myself available to show others the tools that will assist one to change oneself to serve Life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to support life through the creation of an Equal Money System so that all that are here may be supported and life will be honored and given Equal value as the value of Life as what it should be. 

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 57

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of dullness.  I realize that dullness is of the mind/ego where my mind is attempting to dictate a mood and feeling as an experience of self-suppression.  When and as I see myself within the dullness frame of mind/limitation of mind, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself in and as my physical body to do what is necessary to be done to take responsibility for myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing myself as physical movement because my mind tells me that it will cost me energy.  At the same time my mind wants to consume energy for itself rather than me giving my energy to life as what is best for all, because when I do that, the mind cannot feed off of my physical body and so the mind will starve and cease to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist directing myself for fear that I will be exhausted.  To exhaust myself in changing myself to become Equal to the physical is actually the great opportunity I am dedicated to giving myself so that I can honor all life with my existence rather than consume the physical through energy which depletes the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in each moment that to desire experiences such as happiness, comfort, peace, love, joy or any feeling or emotion good or bad - only for myself - is separation and deception.  I realize that all selfish desires are fleeting, and not real if they cannot be shared Equally among ALL that exist.  That is why we must start over, from nothingness, so that all may be shared Equally by all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the tremendous gift of opportunity as the portal-to-unity as a chance to change myself and to realize myself here within self-honesty and self-responsibility in this lifetime. I am grateful for this magnificent opportunity and in so commit myself to assist in birthing life as Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'puffed up' with knowledge and information as 'hot air' floating into the mind as consciousness, spiteful and ignorant of what is right under, in, and as my nose. My nose knows the duality/polarity of consciousness, and at the same time it is the key, the primary point where breath physically enters my body, therefore my nose is aware if I am directing my breath or not... and if not, then what is? If not, where am I? Do I exist?  Where and how can I exist if I do not direct the breath?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize myself through knowledge and information, rather than directing myself as Equal to all that is here as me.  I realize that if I use knowledge and information to make myself 'appear intelligent' or 'better than' others I am only boosting the false image of myself in my mind.  In this I realize I must slow myself down when interacting with others so I can assist myself to be aware of any fears that may arise, so I can clear myself without jumping on the first thought that comes to mind.  In this I discipline myself with patience, to take responsibility to direct my words as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear appearing foolish to others because I may stumble with my corrective application as I learn how to direct myself - as a baby learning to walk for the first time.  Within this I realize that the fear of appearing foolish is actually an opportunity to enjoy the inevitable comedy of the moment.


I commit myself to continue to write out points that I have not fully integrated into and as myself until I get it and I am stable in living the application of my words.

I commit myself to push myself to take responsibility for myself in fully executing self-correction.

I commit myself to be aware of the fear of appearing foolish, where this may allow me to discover points where I have previously hidden issues from myself.

I commit myself to use this opportunity to change myself and my world so that all life can be supported physically and practically in Equality, such as would happen if we all supported an Equal Money System.

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 56 - Time Traveling

Within my process I've become acutely aware of the ups and downs.  One day there is a feeling of up, the next its down, with even shorter intervals at times.  The most seemingly benign things can trigger ups and downs.  Something someone says, or I see a picture or something else will prompt a thought to come up, and I will reflect on it from a future perspective - as a projection, in comparing myself to someone or something - and I then create an idea of the 'best case scenario', or the 'worst case scenario'.

Thus jumping from one time dimension to another, in fear of 'what may or may not happen' in the future - all based on my past programmed thoughts and ideas.

What I really need to do is write things out immediately when they come up, that way I can trap my feelings in one dimension - here - so that I can see it and deconstruct it without the thought and feeling 'fleeing' away, only to come back at another time if it is not dealt with in the moment.

One trigger today was a picture of myself.  A thought came up that I am getting old, and so that triggered regret that I have not accomplished that which I would have liked to accomplish yet in this life - as transcending all points of self-dishonesty and standing Equal to all, here, in and as my physical body.

Another trigger further compounded the first, where I had a reaction to a perspective and judged myself as 'not being honest enough with myself yet.  This then triggered discouragement which triggered frustration, which triggered tiredness, which triggered neglect. 

Within these triggered points there also opened up other points.  I am still not living up to my expectations, and or the projected image of myself. I am desiring to be perfect in my process, yet this desire is a deception, because I am using it as a crutch, as a graven image which gives me a good feeling about myself, which I use to encourage myself - in polarity - in which case I inevitably fall into the opposite polarity of discouragement.

So it is time to drop the image so I can sort out what is here, step by step, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project an image of myself in my mind into the future based on my past so that I may manipulate myself into giving myself a good feeling and in so attempt to encourage myself within the polarity game of encouragement/discouragement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value and compare myself to the image I have constructed of myself within my mind as an idea, where I actually deny what is here and use this future projection as a point and means to blame others as 'not being as good as me', and in so compromise my self-honesty and create further consequences for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through the image of myself I have created in my mind in fear of what others will think of me.  This also in fear of consequences that will play out instead of me being here and facing myself within writing so that I can trap and see the points in written format without them fleeing away in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the best case/worst case scenario in my mind and so react to those mind scenarios which create further cycles and time-loops within my process of self-realization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate to write out points for myself as soon as I am able, so that I may see how I am hiding from myself, and so creating more cycles within which I am not being honest with myself and dealing with what is here as me, in and as the physical, moment by moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be liked or be seen as special where I have created ideas and images of myself in my mind so that I may have good feelings about myself without investigating and understanding what the outflow effect of these ideas and images will be. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be a hero in my mind where I am thinking I can, and trying to do everything by myself and so putting myself through unnecessary stress and anxiety. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to prepare myself for what points that I must face within my day and week in a structured and disciplined manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the first option that comes to mind - as opposed to having patience to explore what other opportunities are available - without unnecessarily aversion to making a decision.

I commit myself to structuring, organizing and prioritizing my days and weeks so that I may prepare myself for the points that I know I have to face within my daily participation, and so be ready to address them and deal with them appropriately in the moment.

I commit myself to physical walking of my process within breath, so that I am constantly dealing with what is here in and as my physical process.

I commit myself to face points that come up as soon as I am able so that I can deal with them before more points are triggered, and so i can stop the cycle before it starts.

I commit myself keeping my process simple through effective writing and establishing myself within and as self-trust. 



-

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 55 - Self Realization

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have allowed my mind as a system to direct and control my physical body.  I realize that by allowing my mind to be the master of my physical body and reality, I have abdicated myself to a system of enslavement. 

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my responsibility to direct myself, my physical body, my breathing and through those applications I can have a clear starting point to direct my world and reality without being influenced by a mind system which feeds off the physical as a parasite seeking an energy fix as a drug.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that allowing my mind to direct and control me, is giving my power away to a system of enslavement through energy.  I realize that enslavement diminishes me and does not support life or what is best for all, therefore slavery is unacceptable and is the enemy of life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the obvious truth that is right before my eyes - as ME - as the physical reality.  How could I possibly not see that the physical for what it is - as the reflection of what I have manifested myself as in separation from myself, through spitefulness and fear of facing who I am for real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that spitefulness to myself, everyone else, and my world is the most hideous form of cruelty which is perpetuated through DENIAL and false appearances for the sake of SELF-INDULGENCE and SELF-INTEREST, where people only CLAIM to love and care,  yet all our loving and caring is nothing more than an insult to life – Because we do not stand AS EQUALS! I realize that love and care in they eyes of this world is abused through denying reality, in exchange for a temporary illusion, a fleeting feeling, and/or an energy rush...all of which is of consciousness and therefore deceitful.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to think I can blame the system, or blame politicians, or blame bankers or blame god, or blame some higher power, or blame my parents, or blame my friends, or blame my teachers, or blame my boss.  I realize that no-one can take responsibility for me, and I must be the one to stand and walk myself out of the brutal consequences I have created for myself through my self-dishonesty to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from myself in fearing who I am and fearing what I will lose in this reality if I stand for life as Equality.  I realize that I can never hide from myself and I am FULLY AWARE of each action I take that does/does not support all life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to stand for all life as Equality - as what is best for all - is THE HIGHEST HONOR any being can attain – as standing as an Equal, as breath, as the physical – and there is no other honor worthy of life in this current reality – as all other honors and awards are based in self-interest and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire revenge on those who I have blamed as evil, when all along I have been lying to myself because I am the creator of evil in this world and it is my responsibility to stand for life alone.  I realize that if I desire revenge on another, I am desiring revenge for myself and therefore I will not transcend my mind as the seeker of vain glory and personal gratification within and as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prey on the weak and disadvantaged in my world through using, and abusing a money system that is utterly corrupt, brutal and insidious in nature.  A system which only protects the abusive people and abusive system through portraying a pretty picture of false love, false hope and false life.

I commit myself to re-defining my world and reality within the context of Equality as what is best for all, so we can stop the illusion and bring about a real change in our physical world so that all life can be honored Equally.

I commit myself to direct myself from the starting point of me here, as the source of existence, working for the single purpose of birthing myself as life in and as the physical, so that we can put an end all abuse of life forever.

I commit myself to understand - through research and the free support offered through Desteni group – and face my fears, because I realize that fears are harmful in that they create consequence for me and others in my world and reality. Therefore when and as I see a fear within me, I stop and breathe.  I then address the fear to deconstruct the starting point of the fear, so that I may re-align myself as being here, as a physical being seeking the best interest of all rather than just living for myself in self-interest.

I commit myself to walk my process of self-honesty and self-correction, and self-realization until it is done and there exists no separation, abuse or deception - anywhere in existence whatsoever.