Day 84 - Illusion

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that excuses in and as self-denial create Hell on Earth so that the Earth has become the executed-use of Life, relegated to a memory to be forgotten and drained of all ability to give Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there will be enough time - later.  I realize and I am fully aware that time was created through separation and self-deception, therefore relying on time in the hope that I will have 'more time' only creates more deception of time as spiraling and diminishing cycles of enslavement.  I realize that my stubborn belief that I was born a long time ago as 'just a stub', separate from the whole Tree of Life is a justification as to why I can persist in the desire to be enslaved to time, as opposed to taking responsibility for myself as all in each moment of time I created, and so untie myself from Tie-me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions, as believing a conclusion to be something, somewhere safe to land, where I can relax... pat myself of the back and feel better about myself, because I, as my ego/mind, have formed the Great Religion of Knowledge of Who I Am, in my spitefully concocted-illusion as consciousness, rather than physically working to create myself as Breath, as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-forgiveness, as if it is some kind of imaginary monster that is going to conjure up fear and judgement against me.  I realize that in fearing myself, I am the Conjurer that cons myself, and the Jury that judges myself, condemning myself in the Preference to make myself magically appear how I Like to be as the illusion - conjuring images and thoughts in my mind in the desperate attempt to escape responsibility for who I am as a physical being with an opportunity to become Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pain and death, not realizing that I created pain and death for myself, as my gift to me, the mirror reflection of what I have allowed myself to become, as consciousness - a cruel and thieving bully who's only goal is to steal life, as I have siphoned energy off the physical in fear of my creation - Pain and Death - In so I have preferred to be content with contention, and to remain silent and phony when faced with my own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can hide from myself in the secret paradise of my mind, where I roll a random pair-of-dice to run from my self-domination and enslavement to choose a role for myself, as a character who will play out my secret fantasies in Spite of all that is here as me as the physical.  I realize that all secrets are inevitably secreted, and that my mind is merely the magic projector in the back of my head, playing a movie of pretty lights and colors, distracting me and stimulating my selfish addiction to energy, in the foolish hope that one day, the reel would become real.


I commit myself to realize that there is nowhere in the entire universe where I can hide from myself.

I commit myself to understand that understanding is the way to gain perspective of how knowledge is the impostor of Life, and through understanding I can learn how to forgive my abuse of knowledge and move myself from a place of standing under to standing Equal to Life.

I commit myself to share who I am and to give myself as who I am so that I can for-give myself as who I have allowed myself to become - as a database of knowledge - and change myself to support all Life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to expose myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become so that all secrets can be forgiven and so we can learn that secrets are harmful abuse of life.

I commit myself to realize that to be life is to be here as breath in taking responsibility for all that we create individually and collectively so that no more harm, enslavement, or abuse of Life is ever again allowed to exist.

I commit myself to supporting systems that will support Life, as what is best for all, such as the Equal Money System.

I commit myself to agreements that support Life, so that Life can be born from the physical as Equal.    

Day 73 - B-Lame excuses of the Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from myself in fear of taking responsibility for myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excuses in my mind as to why I can neglect responsibilities because of the limitations of my mind in the idea that its impossible and the belief that I am not going to be able to produce anything effective .

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility to prepare myself in the morning, where as I have seen if I just allow myself to do 'whatever' I will ultimately go into frivolous activities and thus slip into a mind state of comfort and stagnation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my mind to direct me to become obstinate, making me want to spite myself through neglect, as thinking I can escape myself in reluctance to face my responsibilities because my mind see's them as doomed to fail as being subject to the judgements of others through a corrupt money system. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I see discouragement/fear of change within my participation - realize that it is entirely a mind system and therefore stop myself through clearing my starting point to here and walking my process as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my character/personality decide what it wants to do rather than me taking authority and responsibility as my physical body to do what is best for all in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get drawn into games and not want to stop myself because I fear facing myself and the problems I am facing, and so use my time in frivolous ways.  I realize that my 'character' as my mind, makes my problems seem much bigger, profound and difficult than what they actually are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to postpone responsibilities in thinking that I have plenty of time to do it later.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of guilt, and in so allow my mind to come up with reasons why I need not write myself out immediately when I see a point of my trying to escape myself here.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse that things will go better tomorrow, therefore I can just relax today and not apply myself in doing something constructive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justification and excuse that 'if I were busier, I would not have any problems' and so use that to blame the system for my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in thinking I am not working hard enough and get down on myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself through realizing that I cannot blame the system because I allowed it to be created this way and therefore I am responsible for changing it in whatever way I can.

I commit myself to explore my options in order to stop the limitation of my mind wherein I have thought things are a certain way which is all based on my past experiences, which creates a hypothetical 'idea' of what I will encounter if I apply myself rather than applying myself and see what happens.

I commit myself to realize that the point that I need to work on more is self-discipline so that I can be more effective in changing and aligning myself to what is best for all.

I commit myself to realize that I have already changed myself considerably, so I just need to keep pushing my resistances as much as possible. I realize that changing myself to stand absolutely equal in every way is the only thing that will remove the anxiety and falseness that exists within me as characters.

I commit myself to pay attention to triggers of system activations within myself - such as first thing when I wake up in the morning.

I commit myself  write myself a big reminder so that I will find it first thing in the morning and so remember to start the day off by clearing my starting point and some breathing exercises, realizing that I must not allow myself to be dictated by events of the previous day.

Day 65 - Embarrassment

Embarrassment is a subtle, and seemingly harmless construct, yet it is a crucial starting point to be aware of, as an acceptance and allowance of fear. In my fear of embarrassment, I hid from myself and denied myself physical expression. The more I can embrace situations that would typically be embarrassing, the more I am able to express myself in the physical, and free myself from the fear of myself.

How could I have been such a fool?  How could I have allowed myself to cower in fear of myself?  I cannot remember how it happened exactly from the start, however an example has come to mind...

When I was young, there was one evening where me and my 2 brothers were outside. Strangely, 3 girls came along. It was really weird, they were the same age as us, and the same height as the three of us - 1 tall, 1 medium height, and 1 short and younger.  I recall this experience, because we talked for a while, and I desperately wanted to get closer, and be more intimate with the tall girl (not sexually as I was too young for that at the time, around 12) .  I became quite uncomfortable in myself, as the blatantly obvious fact that I could not overcome my fears to express myself in front of everyone.  I was afraid of what would happen if I said something, what would my brothers think of me?  What if I embarrassed myself?  I didn't know what would happen. All of the justifications came up.  It was like I froze in submission - I refused to say what I felt, preferring to use anger as revenge for my own self-created frustration.  I recall the sinking feeling I had afterwords, the realization that I could not get past my own fears... eek.  Yet while I did not understand the full implications of what was at work, the self-dishonesty right in my face.

So suffice to say, no matter how subtle our fears manifested long ago, it is still no excuse to allow fears to rule over us - Fear is Fear, ego is ego, and dishonesty is dishonesty.  It is very clear cut when one truly looks into oneself.   At least I am able to understand now the implications and terrible consequences of not standing in absolute equality with myself as all.  Yet that is not enough, I must transcend all fear, and stop all dishonesty within myself, and change myself so that I can become equal in every way.  No exceptions and no excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cower in fear, in the fear of myself, fearing the reactions of others - which is me being dishonest with myself in denying and trying to hide what is really going on inside me.  When what is going on within me is not equal to what is going on outside of myself, I stop and breathe, so that I can allow myself to see the consequences of what I am doing in self-honesty.  Is there a fear that I am not facing?  Is what I am participating in aligned with what is best for all?  Am I including or hiding my physical expression equal and one? Understanding that whatever consequences I create, I will have to face myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being embarrassed in front of others, not realizing that in allowing myself to fear embarrassment, I manifest more consequences that result in shame, humiliation, self-deception and abuse. I realize that embarrassment is submission to the mind as ego and false personality.  I am in a mind tantrum because I have not found the courage to face my fears, and so project that frustration onto an imaginary idea of myself where I can blame someone or something for my own failure to be self-honest with myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit to fear and be dishonest with myself, where I used justifications to try and escape myself in fear of what others would think - in so making myself a character in my mind, as less than the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as characters as a false image and idea of myself where I could play a game of hide and seek in my mind, enjoying the energetic rush to see who wins.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply and form relationships with the imaginary characters I created because they gave me a rush of energy that made me feel better - temporarily.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize and consider the fact that the temporary good feelings NOT ONLY manifested bad feelings, but manifested my worst nightmare as the shameful and humiliating slow death and destruction of myself and that which gave me life - as the earth as the physical.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to partake in the delusion of the living lie, creating myself as a lie and rejoicing in my own false creation - as opposed to living myself as the living word.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame onto an imaginary entity because I did not express myself. In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anger and guilt and shame and more fear, in the realization that I was not able to overcome my fears and express myself in self honesty to myself and others.  

I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to realize that the extent of the delusion I was creating would cause tremendous harm and abuse of myself through accepting and allowing fear to be the controlling force that directed me - further and further into self-deception and away from the source of myself - until I became so completely lost to the extent that I did not even recognize myself or what I was doing to myself anymore. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or consider that the source of all existence IS me, and if I do not align myself with source as what is best for all as me, then I am completely fucked, utterly.

I commit myself to reversing the manifested consequences of what I have accepted and allowed in the past through self-forgiveness and walking the self-correction.

I commit myself to face my fears through writing and applying what I have written in my daily participation in my life.

I commit myself to free myself from enslavement to fear - where I walk myself through the process of self-honesty in to being equal on the inside and the outside, where I do not accept and allow myself to fear shame and humiliation.

I commit myself to do whatever is necessary to assist myself and others in the process of self-realization, so that we can walk together as a group that supports life as Equality, as the best that it can possibly be for everyone... everyone that has the courage to be self-honest inside and out, equal and one, to become life in the face of fear.

7yr Journey to Life Day 41 - Aligning the Compass

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as definitions of being less than, whereby I limit myself and punish myself in not embracing and accepting myself here, where I can change myself in each moment.  I realize I have allowed this because I have held onto the belief (of being less than the physical as me) and that I was subject/slave to systems of my mind that I have accepted and allowed in my life through self-imposed fear of myself. 

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that by me embracing myself here and realizing that I am fully capable and responsible to change myself to direct myself in each moment, I am making the only logical decision to stop myself from being enslaved to a spiteful program which professes the absurdity that abuse and suffering is 'just the way it is', and such is life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget how utterly detestable this existence actually is, and in so realizing I can use this knowledge to push myself, change myself and realize myself as Equal, and stand as a physical being not influenced by the mind of the make believe world of consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pity myself or my world as I realize that each must take responsibility for self, and that I cannot help myself or anyone through pity, as this only stems from false perceptions and ideas of the mind as the desire to be a savior and/or to fuel a belief that I am in some way good in the polarity game of good/evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future.  I realize that my responsibility lies here in each moment as breath, and therefore future consequences only play out as a result of me not taking responsibility here in each moment.  I realize I am limited in my ability to change already existent consequences in my world, yet that does not excuse me from taking responsibility to do what I am able here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate on getting things done because I fear making decisions.  I realize that if I take too long in making decisions then I am making the decision to 'not make a decision' and therefore sabotaging myself through stagnation as not moving myself effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have more responsibility that what is here as what I have created for myself.  I realize that for me to have more responsibility, I must first take responsibility for what is here as me, and so become responsible to myself in my agreement with myself to become absolutely Equal in every way within and as myself in this life.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that in order to get things done that are priorities in my life, it is necessary to sacrifice that which is not necessary, and in so I must prioritize myself and discipline myself to not accept and allow myself to fall victim to consequence of lack of responsibility to prioritize things in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking risks.  I realize that everything I do entails some risk, therefore I must carefully calculate the risks I take so that all outflows are considered and in so I can make responsible decisions that are common sense and best for all.

I commit myself to embracing myself within developing self-trust as myself - this I can do through taking responsibility for myself in each moment as doing what is necessary to be done, therefore proving and establishing self-trust here as myself where self-judgement is no longer necessary, as I stand Equal to all as myself.

I commit myself share my realizations with others unconditionally - to those that will hear. Those that do not hear, I will not waste my words. 

I commit myself to stand Equal to each moment and situation that arises within my experience of myself here, and in so take responsibility through accountability and accumulation within the Equality equation 1+1=2...

I commit myself establish myself as self-trust and self-responsibility and self-honesty through walking each layer of myself back to the starting point of how it was created and thereby deconstructing the illusions and beliefs I allowed through my participation in fear and self-sabotage.