Day 235 - Complaining Character

Looking at this character of myself who complains.  The type of complaining that is not assisting or supporting, but making excuses for myself and pitying myself as if to desire that 'such and such an event' did not happen.  I have experienced this at times when speaking with others regarding how things are going with work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the complaining character in my mind where I wish things did/did not happen rather than take responsibility for what has happened in the past and realize the consequence was created through me allowing fear to direct and control me and thus me not taking responsibility to stand Equal to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place expectations on the future in expecting things to turn out in a certain way based on my internal judgement of how I perceive things should turn out.  I realize that I must embrace all of myself as what is here as me and in that, accept the physical consequences that manifest and work with them to create a solution and prevent further ill consequence from being created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use complaining as a diversion - which supports my secret world of self-interest, rather than facing the actual points within myself as to why certain consequences are happening in my life, which if I were to face these points, it would assist me to develop self-discipline within myself so that I could (to the extent I am able) avert much negative consequences in my life, and thus the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use complaining as a form of blaming situations, people, or organizations rather than taking responsibility within the realization that I am responsible to change myself and stop blaming within myself.

I commit myself to change myself within speaking to others to become Aware of when I am in 'complaining character' and so direct myself to look at the point in self-honesty to see where I am not taking responsibility within myself to direct myself and discipline myself.

I commit myself to stop all complaining, unless I am specifically directing a point of complaint in a way that is constructive in supporting realization in myself and others as to living solutions as what is Best for All.

I commit myself to address any points of internal conversations in my mind where I sense myself complaining to myself - so that I can direct those thoughts to see what complaining is hiding within myself and what points I am not facing within myself.

Day 234 - Investigative Writing

This blog may seem a bit jumbled, as I was doing investigative style writing in order to get to the issue which I have been experiencing and dealing with over the past little while.

So considering this morning, how I experience the point within myself of frustration/resentment towards myself, where I appear to want to get revenge on myself, and through this I do not want to assist and support myself, but prefer to suppress myself in denial, as if to desire to get back at myself for all the injustice I have suffered.  So the point must be blame – blame of myself and others on a deeper level?  Do I blame so much that I cannot get past the point?  Is it covering up fear?  Fear of what?  Why must I get revenge on myself all the time as if my personality must equalize the score – to prove to myself that I suffered and to make sure that that other aspect of my bi-polar personality clearly understands that I suffered so it gets the message not to do it again – but the mind doesn't stop, it compounds until I can find my true expression of myself in self-honesty.  

So there are times when I feel as though I am 'winning the race', and everything is going great, and I am exuberant and feel that nothing can stop me or get in my way.  Then there at times I feel like I am desperately losing the race, and that I am so far behind there is no point even trying.  It is at these low points that I want to deny everything and just hide from myself, as if wanting to just give up, all hope seems lost.  At these low points, self-honesty seems like the system, where I would have to apply self-discipline – yet disciplining oneself when one feels 'down' only seems like further punishment.  

The point is why does it take me so long to pull out of negatively charged experiences?  Why do I fear/resist being diligent?  Why do I resist changing myself as an expression? Why do I resist self-honesty?  Why do I not trust self-honesty?  Do I feel it is because it is a borrowed idea of myself – yes.  I see so much superficiality around me, self-honesty seems extremely superficial to me, as I see many people claim to be honest, yet they are motivated by fear and/or comfort, which is very transparent.

So my point of self-denial comes from within my mind, where I am in judgment of others because I have seen within them their starting point of fear being expressed as 'a form of self-honesty', yet it is dishonesty – so I have taken the polarity of that expression where I am trying to get revenge on others whom I have judged in my mind as 'dishonest' (whether it be true or not is irrelevant).  So to re-iterate, I desire to punish myself for what I see in others through taking on a personality, and this prevents me from seeing/realizing and understanding my actual expression of myself – because I feel so upset that so many people seem to be getting away with the equivalent of murder, and because I see it, I have to be responsible in my mind to judge it and condemn it, which ultimately leads to self-sabotage.  Self sabotage seems to be related to how much I am aware of my own self-suppression and denial.

Similar to the point is self-righteousness, which from the perspective of Equality is quite perverse and detestable.  I understand that whenever I am not pushing my resistance I am giving in to this system of self-righteousness, where I take the liberty to decide that I would rather not push my resistance at the moment because it seems like work - as the negatively charged energetic experience of myself.

There is no real backchat, as it is an assumption I have lived all my life as, if there is no-one here, I can do whatever I want, where I have created a situation for myself where my responsibilities are very limited - thus excuse not to move myself.

The backchat is that I am not happy with myself, where I am in my situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat that "I am not happy with myself right now" as a means of self-manipulation where I can go into self-pity and emotional feelings of positive/negative energetic experiences of myself as a false reward system I have created for myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent myself and get frustrated with myself and my situation, and in so desire to seek revenge on myself because I have accepted and allowed myself to get into this situation in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in denial of myself because I sense the resistance as I do not wish to push the resistance because I define it as a 'negative energy' experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others and myself for the mind created 'injustice' I have apparently suffered.  I realize that this is a self-centered belief that does not help me or support me in any way but only leads to thoughts of comparison and frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get revenge on myself from the thought that I have suffered because of the greed of others in this world - yet I was actually the one that allowed greed to exist and evolve over time to the extent which it exists today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a personality of who I would like to experience myself as rather than standing as myself as the physical in applying myself with consistency, integrity and disciplining myself in awareness of how the mind sabotages my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the motivation that I feel that I am winning, and so feed off that energy in order to further motivate myself in getting things done.  I move myself as self movement which requires no motivation to direct myself as Equal to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get upset and down on myself when things do not appear to be working the way I expected them to, or unexpected things come up - which they ALWAYS do.   I realize that at these low points I must investigate myself and what triggers am I allowing within myself that cause such self-destructive patters within myself... this so that I can prepare myself  to focus myself so that I may face myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the realization that I must discipline myself as the mind or it will take me where it wants to go as riding the magic carpet of the mind into delusion and self-manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my judgment of others as being honest or dishonest and so create a reflective personality within myself where I desire to punish myself in an effort to appear to my mind that I am doing something to make myself 'feel better than' person x whom I have judged as dishonest.  Interesting how the mind wants to use judgment as a form of condemnation, and this when I am not even being fully honest with myself in all ways and in every breath.   I realize that I must be clear on this point within myself so that I do not sabotage myself further... As feeling good about myself tends to put me in a state of ease and specialness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/desire that other people should punish themselves because of their own dishonesty.  I realize that each person must realize for themselves on their own time, as that is just how self-honesty works, no one is able to do it for someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my actual expression of myself because I desire to get revenge through a belief/judgment in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the liberty to allow the mind to dictate what I should do and when, and in so I am allowing myself to create myself as self-centered and self-righteous.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself in stopping these patterns of denial within myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself in stopping the patterns of manipulation within myself

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself in stopping the patterns of judgment within myself, and so learn to discipline myself in learning to trust myself here as breath without the need/desire of positive/negative energetic experiences which only serve to fuel my ego personality, which is not real.

Day 216 - Personality averts Responsibility, not Consequence

As I got out of the car, I had the thought that I would make a joke, and say that my friend should change my tire for me, since I was paying him to drive me around that day.  This manipulative personality construct suddenly manifests as a result of me 'forgetting' to direct myself in each moment.  Not taking my process seriously, but taking it too lightly an so resorting to a personality of the past.  It was not even intentional, just a joke, however my friend began helping me.  So, this point which I should have taken responsibility for myself, was passed off to another, and because I allowed it, there was consequence.

I said to my friend that he should watch the jack to make sure it is straight (as I would do if I were lifting a vehicle).  He suggested that we put a rock in front of the tire, which I never do, as I said the truck is in park anyway, which it was, yet there was some play in the gear.  Then as we lifted the truck, I noticed the jack looked uneven and suddenly I said "watch it" and the truck moved and fell off the jack, breaking the jack.  No one was hurt.  The point here is that because I did not take responsibility in the first place to do the task myself, I casually passed it off onto someone else, a problem occurred as a result of miscommunication/misunderstanding which only added to the problems I already had.

All it took was one moment of me allowing a past manipulation personality to take the place of my self-responsibility, and so go without recognizing it when it did.   I realize the jack breaking was due to the assumptions of myself within thinking that my friend would do things the way I always do them, not realizing that this is not so, and there are physical/mental communication barriers which prevent our understanding of one another.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my existence too lightly, as a personality of the past, based on me trying to escape myself and manipulate others into taking responsibility for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my process lightly without realizing that consequence will in fact manifest as soon as I pass up even the slightest responsibility to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass off my responsibilities to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and/or assume that others do/will do things and see things the way I do and see them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself in doing the things which I should do by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through trying to manipulate another into doing something for me which I should have done myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to direct myself in each moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect doing self forgiveness as soon as I recognized the point of what had happened.



I commit myself to take responsibility for every thing that comes up within and as my process of taking responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to realize what my responsibilities are and so work towards expanding myself within expanding my responsibilities.



                                 

Day 207 - Consequence and Money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself into a situation where I am enslaved to consequence as money, where money dictates how I experience and express myself.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped by money and by those who enforce the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a money system to exist where life has been neglected and existence relegated to meaningless and careless actors in a horrific play of shameless ignorance and disgrace.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that consequence always existed as me, and only appears extreme and negative because I accepted and allowed myself to put it off for so long.  I realize that I must embrace consequence as myself as consequence assists me to face myself in realizing what I have done to myself and all - so that I can stop allowing abuse in myself and my world, and change to stop harmful consequence for ever.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that desire - as the desire to get or achieve - that which I have not fully taken responsibility for, creates consequences for myself and all through desiring that which is in separation and therefore does not support Life as Equality.

I commit myself to embrace consequence as embracing myself so that I can learn to change myself and stand unconditionally, no longer enslaved to systems and/or fears of the mind.

I commit myself to do what is necessary to be done in order - to create myself in what is best for all - and to stop the mind which only creates consequences of pain, suffering, and death.

I commit myself to do what must be done to support  Equal Money Capitalism and the Equal Life Foundation so that we can work together to make life worth living on this planet for Everyone.

Day 202 - Freedom without Responsibility is Delusion

I just witnessed a video of a masked man with a woman sitting on her knees in front of him.  He was shouting something in a foreign language and waving a knife.  He then proceeded to cut the woman's throat and continued until he removed the head entirely.   In an instant, her life was over.  The woman appeared to be in her 20's or 30's. This video reveals the consequence of personal beliefs and self-righteous judgments that we have allowed to exist in our world.

What could have caused the man to do this?  What beliefs did he hold that were above this woman's existence?  What beliefs did she have that possibly could have caused her death?  What sacred rule did she break? What unforgivable, un-correctable crime against Life did she commit?  I could speculate that she did not agree or comply with the gang's cause, or mode of operation.  Perhaps she spoke out against the gang or did not wish to follow their orders.

The fact that this form of killing goes on all the time in our reality shows us that there is a problem with our existence.  I, or anyone else for that matter, could have been in her position, with no trial and no justice.  By justice, I mean accountability, where everyone is within understanding of what is our responsibility to Life, so that we are all accountable for all actions, and no 'evil' is ever permitted, and no individual is permitted to freely take another's Life unless all is in agreement that that action is in fact best for all Life.

If we continue to allow personal beliefs and self-righteous judgments in our world, we consequently create hell for ourselves, where evil - as anything that is not best for all Life - is permitted to flourish.

Consciousness is fruitless, as it does not support Life, but permits and gives our acceptance and allowance of freedom in the form of atrocity justified by the belief that there is no consequence.   Clearly freedom is deception in a shared physical reality, because none are free till all is free.  We must move ourselves realize what we are allowing and take responsibility so that no disregard for Life as what is best for all is granted authority to exist anywhere in existence.

Who has authority over our lives?  Is it us? Clearly not, as we are all subject to a corrupt money system that is constantly abused and manipulated, keeping the masses enslaved to the false hope and false idea of freedom.

Please investigate and support the Equal Life Foundation and Equal Money Capitalism so we can stop the madness of this world.

Day 196 - Desire and Consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequence, and so allow myself to be directed and controlled by that fear - to the extent that I do not move myself effectively but rather remain 'stuck' in a position of fearing the worst, in the belief that the only thing I am capable of doing or creating is more consequence.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by me being here and working out the solution to myself is the best I can do to manage consequence and stop creating more consequences for myself.

 
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that facing and taking responsibility for consequence is assisting me to realize what I have accepted and allowed and therefore assisting me to become self-honest with myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to avoid consequence, as that is merely hiding from myself and not taking responsibility for what I have created myself as within this physical reality.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that my personal desires based in self-interest are self-sabotage in that they attribute a greater value to a selfish want/thought/idea in the imaginary hope of creating/experiencing something good for myself - thus creating the illusion that I am able to escape the consequences of what I am creating.  I realize that these selfish desires only create conflict within and without, because they are not what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a distance of time/space between myself and consequence in separation of myself through not being honest with myself in every moment.   I realize that the only way to stop creating consequence for myself and others in separation is to change myself here through self-forgiveness, so that I can take responsibility to prevent myself from creating anything that would potentially harm or abuse Life.  In this I also realize my responsibility to create and implement solutions to the already existing consequence that is currently playing out in myself and my world as a whole.

I commit myself to accept the reality of consequence and through the process of self-honesty face it directly.

I commit myself to bridge the gap between myself and consequence so that no separation exists between myself and the results of what I am creating.

I commit myself to stop all desires within myself which are not aligned to that which is Best for All Life.

I commit myself to create myself as the solution, managing consequence as effectively as I am able through standing Equal to myself and All in and as the physical.



 

170 - Lost in China Dream

In my dream last night – I traveled to China with 2 friends for a vacation. Upon arriving we were very nervous and excited to be in this strange new place. I recall acting on this emotion and walking around in wonder. I found a deal on 3 months supply of Chinese food, and it was delivered to our apartment right when we arrived. The landlord showed us to our apartment, which had a very strange entrance. There were 3 sets of ladders to get to the doorway, each ladder was unlocked only after climbing the previous ladder – awkward entrance I thought to myself. One of my friends and I went out for a drive which triggered the main theme to the dream. I was not in full awareness during the drive, and as a consequence of that – we got lost. This was somewhat disastrous as we had no way of finding our way back to our apartment, as nobody spoke English.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on or out of emotion. When I find myself compromising myself through acting in emotional response, I stop and breathe to clear myself and then direct myself to take responsibility to stand equal to my words, speaking words which support myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to expand my awareness of myself and so grow myself within directing myself in the best interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being bad with directions. I realize that this definition of myself is based in a personality construct I have created for myself as an excuse not to take responsibility for myself to be in full awareness of what I am doing at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to desire to be more than who I am here in coveting praise and to be seen as special or more worthy than others. I realize that Universal Equality is the ultimate goal and therefore praise, credit and rewards are relatively insignificant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define process as awkward, in wanting to skip steps. I realize I created the system the way it is in spite of myself - therefore I must work with the existing system the way it currently exists - so that I can learn how to take responsibility to change it to support all Life Equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out frustrations on the physical reality, as if to blame the physical reality for not doing what I want it to do. When and as I see myself reacting in agitation or frustration towards the physical, I stop and breathe to clear myself within the realization that I must take responsibility to stop emotional reactions within myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting lost in a strange place.

157 - One Word Invalidates Every Religion

One word invalidates every single Religion that has ever existed or been conceived, including atheism, agnosticism, and the classic 'I'm not religious...' religion.  Any belief is a religion.  It is a mind created idea, perception, or opinion of yourself or a belief in something outside of yourself.  Everyone on this planet is, in a way religious, because we all are forced to live within the principles of religion as it exists here as the money system - and this has been allowed to exist by us - through our collective acceptance and allowance of self-interest and the delusion of free choice.

The one word that invalidates all Religions is - Responsibility.  Every religion and or belief is the abdication of Responsibility, as the Responsibility to live what is Best for All Life.  To live what is best for All Life, one would inevitably realize that Religion is absolutely not what is Best for All, because it is subject to interpretation, therefore delusion, and conflict.  Religions and beliefs are just grandiose justifications and excuses, none of which are valid or acceptable in any way whatsoever, as the bigger the lie, the harder it falls, or the harder it hits you in the face when you face yourself in self-honesty.    

Many believe that Religion is a matter of faith, yet faith is self-deception, as placing trust (and therefore responsibility) outside of self. Anyone can see this for themselves, as the only reason a person would follow a religion is for the sake of fear or self-interest.  All the love of God is make believe, because it is not here for everyone Equally!  Is God a bigot then?  Jesus suggested to 'love thy neighbor as thyself' and 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' - not to join a religious belief system where you are enslaved to fear and self-doubt.

Is Religion the path to freedom, as the Buddha would claim?  How can anyone believe they are free, while we exist in a physical reality where at any moment, you could encounter any host of tragic circumstances which could change your entire life and make it absolutely miserable, or you could even lose your life altogether!?  So many then exist in Hope, but hope too is another useless religion... an excuse in the desire that someone else will take responsibility to solve all the problems in our world and make you happy, again selfishness.  The very existence of ignorance, greed, and irresponsibility should be proof enough to anyone that freedom is an illusion in this world.

The only real answer is that none are free until All is free.

If your version/opinion of freedom is to be free to be randomly robbed, maimed, or killed at any moment...  Ask yourself this - What value is that freedom, if it can be gone in an instant, without even your own will or consent?  It is worthless!.., as is your whole life, because you allowed yourself to believe in an idea of yourself and/or freedom that was separate from yourself, and therefore never real!

The fact is that we have feared being honest with ourselves, and so we have created BeLIEfs in which we RE-LIED on RE-LIEgion, pRE-tending to be REal we REELed ourselves into our own trap of self-dishonesty, and self-delusion.  All it ever was, was a RE-cycled RE-enACTment of the past...the constant RE-PLAYcement for Self-honesty and Self-responsibility, to live What is Best for All.  What fools we have all been.

Join the Journey to Life and see for yourself, that you are the one that decides to stop this Obsessive Compulsive desire to hide from yourself.  Lets get real for once, and for All.

Day 149 – Self Confidence and Trust

We can see from the dictionary definition (provided below) that confidence can, for explanation purposes, be simplified to be a matter of trust.  Trust that is placed in something, someone or oneself.  Therefore we can say that, for a person to have confidence, one must have trust.   So to understand confidence, we must first investigate trust…

We can see that our participation within this world functions within this very principle of trust, in duality to its polar opposite - distrust.  Additionally, there must exist a relationship or an agreement between two parties for trust to be established. For a person to trust one, another must be considered less, or ‘un-trustworthy’. 

The existence of trust if facilitated by, and has in fact created distrust, as one cannot exist without the other – because if distrust did not exist, there would be no need for trust, as all would be equally ‘trustworthy’, and so not defined within the context of trust/distrust. 

Interestingly, due to the fact that we have not understood this very simple point, we have created systems (legal, financial, political etc.) in which everyone is conveniently ‘educated’ to accept as the basis of trust, and thus are generally accepted as trustworthy – These systems however, rather than supporting the equal trustworthiness of all, imitate, replace, and subvert the actual inherent trustworthiness of all, through perpetuating, and repeatedly re-iterating the dualistic system of trust/distrust.  All to preserve and maintain power and control, and so no one ever questions or understands this of course.

Religion is another system which would have us believe that there exists some external god out there wanting us to place trust in it/him/her.  That idea is endlessly debatable, and there is absolutely no credibility as to it’s validity, as there is no physical point of cross-reference – See for yourself, religion serves no physical purpose other than to delude man, as anyone can create their mind’s wildest fantasy to serve nothing but their own fear, desire for revenge, and self-interest.

So what can be trusted?… and how can we quantify, or measure trust?  How can we know for certain if one or another is trustworthy? 

Many would say “oh I trust so and so… he/she is my husband/wife/friend”.  This type of relationship trust is limited, because, no matter how much we want to believe and place our trust in that person, we do not fully know and understand what is existent within them, as their entire life experience. Due to the nature of this type of trust as having a massive ‘unknown’ factor, this type of relationship trust is not measurable or verifiable, and thus cannot be considered real trust… as it only appears to be real to a person who does not understand or realize the existence of actual, measurable trust!

Therefore we can conclude that relationship trust is not real trust, it is rather a false measure of trust, an imposter, which makes it in its very nature, absolutely untrustworthy, as it is often formed out of fear of survival, greed, or simply self-interest. 

Many people are ‘confident’ in their appearance.  This is based on the beauty system, as a system of comparison and judgement, and therefore just another belief system which creates conflict and distrust.

So what exactly is real, measurable trust… or trustworthiness?  Actual trust is not based on the starting point of greed, fear, or selfish desire.  Actual trust is created within oneself, as Self-trust, through self-realization, and understanding of who one really is, as an Equal participant within our shared physical reality. 

It is only when one fully understand ones responsibility to live according to the principle of what is best for all, that one can realize themselves and change themselves to stop living in self-interest.  This is the development, or creation of Self-trust.  This Self-trust is based on an agreement with self in self-honesty, opposed to an external relationship, and it is the only real trust that is absolutely trustworthy, as it is measurable.

Is any form of confidence then real, if you don’t know yourself, or if you don’t understand your reality?  How then can you trust anyone…? How can you even trust yourself?

Man know thyself. 
I invite you to Join the Journey to Life and visit Eqafe for support in understanding and establishing real Self-trust with yourself, so you may become accountable and trustworthy as Life.

Definitions
con·fi·dence
n.
1. Trust or faith in a person or thing.
2. A trusting relationship: I took them into my confidence.
3.a. That which is confided; a secret: A friend does not betray confidences.
b. A feeling of assurance that a confidant will keep a secret: I am telling you this in strict confidence.
4. A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.
5. The state or quality of being certain

Trust
1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2. Custody; care.
3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
4.
a. The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one: violated a public trust.
b. One in which confidence is placed.
5. Reliance on something in the future; hope.
6. Reliance on the intention and ability of a purchaser to pay in the future; credit.
7. Law

The Choice

Day 143


Suffering is proportionate to Separation,

as Separation is proportionate to Denial


Denial is proportionate to Delusion,

as Delusion is proportionate to Abuse


Abuse is proportionate to Inequality,

as Inequality is proportionate to Hierarchy


Hierarchy is proportionate to Power,

as Power is proportionate to Enslavement


Enslavement is proportionate to Irresponsibility,

as Irresponsibility is proportionate to Valuation


Valuation is proportionate to Self judgement,

as Self Judgement is proportionate to Spitefulness


Spite is proportionate to Greed,

as Greed is proportionate to Selfishness


Selfishness is proportionate to Ego,

as Ego is proportionate to Fear


Fear is proportionate to Choice,








                              ------ as Choice -----

…is proportionate to Understanding


Understanding is proportionate to Communication,

as Communication is proportionate to Common Sense


Common Sense is proportionate to Consideration,

as Consideration is proportionate to Self Awareness


Self Awareness is proportionate to Self Honesty,

as Self Honesty is proportionate to Self Trust


Self Trust is proportionate to Self Commitment,

as Self Commitment is proportionate to Self Realization


Self Realization is proportionate to Self Forgiveness,

as Self Forgiveness is proportionate to Self Responsibility


Self Responsibility is proportionate to Self Will,

as Self Will is proportionate to Participation


Participation is proportionate to Cooperation,

as Cooperation is proportionate to Effectiveness


Effectiveness is proportionate to Transformation,

as Transformation is proportionate Freedom


Freedom is proportionate to Self Expression,

as Self Expression is proportionate to Heaven on Earth


Heaven on Earth is proportionate to Equality,

as Equality is proportionate to Life



The Journey to Life awaits…

But not forever.

Only for those who Dare

To make The Choice

As To become Life…


The course is set,

The path is clear,

See you at Eqafe…

If you have Ears to Hear

Day 92 - Tarot Self Reflection

The card in the center represents the attitude you assume.
Ten of Swords (Ruin): Crushing defeat brought about by idle intellectualism divorced from reality. Sadness and desolation in the aftermath of a catastrophic and total collapse. A decisive conclusion brought about through the swift and merciless application of overwhelming force.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the attitude of defeat, as being defeated, as the mind stuck in limitation and fear of facing myself because I am embarrassed (I'm-bare-assed!) about who I am as who I have allowed myself to become - as uncertain, not knowing myself based on self-reflection from my parents, and not the hero I made myself out to be in my mind. Within this I also fear failure, as the ultimate rejection, as the rejection I felt because my parents split up when I was young and I felt rejected.

I commit myself to change my attitude of defeat to the attitude of success within creating myself as Life, by dissolving the reasons why I feel defeated and fear facing myself

Why do I not have the will to succeed, why have I given up on myself?
- Frustration
- Giving up
- Self punishment?
- Self pity?
- Blame?
- revenge?



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the pattern of Frustration leading to Self-Pity leading to Giving up as a form of Self-punishment, Blame and thus trying to get Revenge as the abdication of Self-Responsibility for what I accepted and allowed to transpire through not seeing or accepting myself as Equal to my world and reality.

I commit myself to take full responsibility for myself and my world in so that I no longer accept and allow myself to blame or punish myself, but rather direct myself in Equalizing myself to what is here and creating the solution to all as myself as Equal Responsibility for All. 



The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. Nine of Wands (Strength), when reversed: Delayed preparations for an impending trial. Efforts compromised by traitors or saboteurs. The scattering of forces before the conclusive battle is fought. Ill health and faltering of the will.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the thoughts and feelings of weakness within giving up on myself based on my projected idea of how the situation will play out as knowledge of my past.

I commit myself to strengthen myself within breathing and preparing myself and strengthening my will to direct myself as Life and do what is necessary to be done.  I no longer accept and allow thoughts or feelings or beliefs of weakness as pathetic excuses of the mind.


The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. The Empress: The essence of femininity and matriarchy. Creativity, productivity, and the foundation of civilization. Initiative and practical actions that promote prosperity, comfort and luxury. Fruitfulness and motherhood.

As creating myself as Equal as Life



The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. The Hermit: Withdrawal from events and relationship to introspect and gather strength. Seeking the inner voice or calling upon vision from within. A need of understanding and advice, or a wise man who will offer knowing guidance. Personal experience and thoughtful temperance.

Each is Self-Responsible as Responsibility to All as Self.



The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. Six of Pentacles (Success): A time of prosperity and profit. Success and generosity in material things. Power and influence turned to noble pursuits. Philanthropy, and the balancing of physical and spiritual life. May suggest gifts or aid to one in need.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot face success, as defined as me directing myself and my world as becoming the living decision to live what is Best for All. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear success and profit, as judgment based on my past programming of Self-punishment as opposed to Self-Acceptance and living Self-Forgiveness so Self can change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear debt, but rather I should use my debt as a means out of my current situation - in facing my accepted and allowed fears, fearlessly.

Day 91 - Williams 7yr Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to complete my process because I have not yet been able to direct every breath, as me fearing the future outcome based on the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself through self-judgement and the belief that I cannot change myself or my situation no matter how hard I try to apply myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that this process be over and I could just wake up and everyone would be standing as Equals as heaven on earth. In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to 'skip steps' as if I am searching for a shortcut to some place I have defined in separation from what is here. I realize there is no shortcut to life, as all that is here as me must be considered, deconstructed, redefined, and walked into Equality and Oneness.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to the idea that I am stuck.  I realize that the mind is stuck in self-interest as self-limitation, therefore I am stuck is but a false perception of who I am here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of powerlessness.  I realize that the idea that I am powerless is of the mind and actually a reflection of how I am giving my power away through the belief that I am stuck or trapped.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire everything to be easy for myself when easy is not what is here.  Life would be easy if we all stood as Equals, yet we have made our situation appear difficult due to separation and perceptions, simply due to our collective denial of responsibility to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fear when things appear difficult.  I realize difficulty is of the mind as fearing the future and fearing for my survival as this character and thus not who I am, but a limited perceptional point of view of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to wonder about things in the desire to 'know' things as knowledge and information thinking that that will help me understand myself and be myself, when in fact knowledge of myself is only the tool with which I use to deconstruct myself so that I may stand Equal to my physical body as the physical existence in Equality here.

I commit myself to push myself in supporting and directing myself to align myself with living what is best for all in each moment.

I commit myself to constant change as self-movement, as me in the realization that I am able to change myself, integrating into and as my physical body and out of my mind of ego and abuse.

I commit myself to expose the falsehood of preprogrammed expectations of myself within 'what I think will happen' is never actually what happens, as happening is always happening here, as me birthing and changing myself so no enslavement exists within me or my world.

I commit myself to embracing what is here as me so that I can use this opportunity to Equalize myself with all of existence. 

I commit myself to change myself when times appear difficult and use those experiences as opportunities to transcend my fear of the future/fear of survival as thought projections, expectations and ideas based on my past.

I commit myself to, when and as I perceive myself to be stuck, use the opportunity to change and direct myself so that I can move myself and prove to myself that being stuck is merely a limited idea of the mind and an illusion.

I commit myself to Equalize myself in all ways so that each moment is Equally here as me and I stand in Equality as myself no matter what.

I commit myself to realize that limitation is of the mind as it attempts to fool me into the belief that I am limited and therefore cannot change or move myself.

I commit myself to stop judgements of time as I realize that time is a mechanism through which I am able to see myself and use to expose the deception that exists within my world and reality.

Day 86 – Risk, Fear and Judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awful 

about myself, in that I have not done as much as I could have in the past 

because I have allowed myself to get discouraged with my situation and 

regrets/resentments of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others 

through arguing in my head as backchat in the belief that others are to blame 

for that I have created.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to judge myself as a failure and seek to give up on myself – as the 

‘good' feeling’ of spite in my mind having played the ‘ace in the hole’

where I feel better through vengeful thoughts of spite, in spite of

myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear future 

outcomes based on my past where I am allowing myself to be controlled by 

fear as future projections of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself 

to myself in the past, where I believe I was doing better or worse in the 

past – not seeing the point that I am facing here.I forgive myself that I 

have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for each thought 

that comes up and so allow thoughts to go unchecked and accumulate into 

self-judgement and fear and self-sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 

can just coast through times of relaxation without pushing myself to direct 

myself in breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to 

become jealous of others who seem to have it easy in life with a well secured 

future, without realizing that each will have to face themselves as what they 

have created themselves as, thus we all face the same future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame 

myself because I have not fully walked my self-corrections, rather than do the 

work that needs to be done to correct myself through listing all the points 

and getting to the root of the issues. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this process 

as the reason I do not have enough time to focus on work, when it is this process 

that is assisting and has assisted me to become more effective in every aspect of 

my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the process for 

me not being able to make more contacts/friends/relationships within the system, 

as within the system its “who you know” that gets you money and success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not 

standing up for Equality, when it is myself who needs to perfect myself – the 

focus is always me so that I am standing absolute within myself, and then I will 

be able to assist others effectively.I forgive myself that I have accepted and 

allowed myself to blame “how I got into process” as an excuse as to why I can 

justify inaction and self-defeat, as I have trained myself in these characters of

justification.

I commit myself to write out all necessary Self Forgiveness statements so that I 

can again clear my starting point of all that must be corrected within myself 

and in so bring myself back to the starting point of here.I commit myself to take 

points of blame back to myself, not as blaming myself, but seeing why it is that 

I want to blame others – as being an excuse, so that I can use when my fear of 

failure manifests. Therefore I realize I must face all points of fear related to 

blame and stop pretending that I have no fear – If I have blame, I have fear.

I commit myself to, when I see that I am in a state of mind of 

self-defeat/discouragement – use it as an opportunity to see what points are 

activated through writing.I commit myself realize that fear of the future is of 

the mind and not real, and that getting discouraged with myself is based on past 

experiences.

I commit myself to realize that there is no stopping Equality, and that the 

outcome of changing and aligning myself to live what is best for all has great 

reward for all life in the end, as the true beginningof life, freed from all 

enslavement forever.I commit myself to exercise my opportunity to work on myself 

and push myself to become the directive principle in my life through pushing

myself to breathe every breath and face myself, as there is no point

complaining about it or putting it off, the sooner I perfect myself,

the better for all. 

Day 73 - B-Lame excuses of the Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from myself in fear of taking responsibility for myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excuses in my mind as to why I can neglect responsibilities because of the limitations of my mind in the idea that its impossible and the belief that I am not going to be able to produce anything effective .

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility to prepare myself in the morning, where as I have seen if I just allow myself to do 'whatever' I will ultimately go into frivolous activities and thus slip into a mind state of comfort and stagnation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my mind to direct me to become obstinate, making me want to spite myself through neglect, as thinking I can escape myself in reluctance to face my responsibilities because my mind see's them as doomed to fail as being subject to the judgements of others through a corrupt money system. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I see discouragement/fear of change within my participation - realize that it is entirely a mind system and therefore stop myself through clearing my starting point to here and walking my process as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my character/personality decide what it wants to do rather than me taking authority and responsibility as my physical body to do what is best for all in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get drawn into games and not want to stop myself because I fear facing myself and the problems I am facing, and so use my time in frivolous ways.  I realize that my 'character' as my mind, makes my problems seem much bigger, profound and difficult than what they actually are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to postpone responsibilities in thinking that I have plenty of time to do it later.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of guilt, and in so allow my mind to come up with reasons why I need not write myself out immediately when I see a point of my trying to escape myself here.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse that things will go better tomorrow, therefore I can just relax today and not apply myself in doing something constructive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justification and excuse that 'if I were busier, I would not have any problems' and so use that to blame the system for my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in thinking I am not working hard enough and get down on myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself through realizing that I cannot blame the system because I allowed it to be created this way and therefore I am responsible for changing it in whatever way I can.

I commit myself to explore my options in order to stop the limitation of my mind wherein I have thought things are a certain way which is all based on my past experiences, which creates a hypothetical 'idea' of what I will encounter if I apply myself rather than applying myself and see what happens.

I commit myself to realize that the point that I need to work on more is self-discipline so that I can be more effective in changing and aligning myself to what is best for all.

I commit myself to realize that I have already changed myself considerably, so I just need to keep pushing my resistances as much as possible. I realize that changing myself to stand absolutely equal in every way is the only thing that will remove the anxiety and falseness that exists within me as characters.

I commit myself to pay attention to triggers of system activations within myself - such as first thing when I wake up in the morning.

I commit myself  write myself a big reminder so that I will find it first thing in the morning and so remember to start the day off by clearing my starting point and some breathing exercises, realizing that I must not allow myself to be dictated by events of the previous day.

Day 71 - Self-Responsibility to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a character of responsibility of myself rather than stand as self-responsibility as myself here in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny my responsibilities through postponement, in not wanting to face points within myself that require direction.  In doing so, I realize that I am abdicating my responsibility to myself and denying myself self-responsibility as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my responsibility to life, but through my opinion of responsibility, I fooled myself into believing that I was responsible and so never pushed myself to the point of actually living responsibility as myself here in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see responsibility as something separate from me here in each moment, wherein, I could easily deny self-responsibility because I could always fall back on my character as the idea that I was responsible, yet unless I live responsibility here in each moment, I am not yet fully responsible to life, but only taking part of my responsibility, and so accepting myself as 'less than' through my belief of me as a character of responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that me being here in every breath is the point of self-responsibility, where I am not acting within a predefined idea of what responsibility is, but rather deal with each situation that manifests in my reality so I can deal with it here as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to prepare myself for taking responsibility through thinking "what would I do if" and so then imagining how my character would portray himself in the movie of my mind which is not real.  I realize that me walking in breath moment to moment is the act of taking responsibility to stop my mind of thoughts and to stop being directed by feelings and emotions which only serve the illusion of me as a character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fake responsibility through thoughts of how I could be responsible in my mind, thus bolstering my mind characters ego and creating another layer of myself in my mind which has to be investigated, stopped, cleared through self-forgiveness, and walked out of in corrective application so that I can stop time-looping myself into oblivion.

I commit myself to push myself to take on more responsibilities for myself so that I can walk myself into changing and challenging myself rather than being charged with the consequences of not taking self-responsibility for myself as all as Equal.

I commit myself to create myself as the living word in the flesh

I commit myself re-define myself through words until no more definition is required, as all is Equal, and undefinable.

I commit myself to stop all definitions and characterizations of myself as being self-responsible.  I realize this is of no use whatsoever, and that self-responsibility is to become the living flesh without mind chatter.

I commit myself to beware of the responsibility character and all his facets, traits, attributes and false appearances within myself

I commit myself to devote myself to living self-responsibility as myself in each moment of breath, that way I walk responsibility here through practical living, in facing each and every point that must be dealt with and stopping all delusional fears which place me in time loops and limit me in my ability to take self-responsibility for real.

I commit myself face my responsibilities in each moment as they require direction from me, because I am the One that has created this mess on this planet and in this existence, therefore I am the One that can and must clean it up, and I am the One that will decide when and how life will be born for real in the physical, as I am the One, as life, as Equal, as all - who makes all the decisions to create Life as what is best for all.

For further reference please see:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
and
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html

Day 66 - Self-management

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making the wrong decisions based on past experiences where so many times I have, within a false starting point, not fully considered the outflows of what I was actually participating in and thus made errors in judgement which created situations that did not assist me, but rather created more consequences which I had to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame parts of the system for my lack of responsibility to accomplish tasks that require direction, within this I realize that I must face points that my mind does not want me to face.  In that fear as blame, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate, and not take self-direction due to uncertainty.  Within that, I realize that the act of self-discipline is tied to the point of establishing a stable consistent self-discipline, where I can place myself within the system to interact with people as self-movement and expansion.  My current situation is proving to be ineffective as I do not have enough interaction with people, and thus not enough contacts as support.  Therefore I direct myself here in making the decision to changing and align my situation with something that will create a more stable interaction with the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to prioritize tasks and responsibilities.  I realize that if I do not prioritize, then I am subjecting myself to postponement as falling into past cycles of living in self interest, doing what I want, when I want as being directed by the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget what I have written as the direction I have given to myself in my blogs.

Therefore I commit myself to write out and prioritize all the points that need direction, and to direct myself to applying myself in accomplishing those tasks - IN PRIORITY.  If a higher priority task requires direction - I do not allow myself to move to the next priority until it is directed effectively.  If the task is difficult for some reason, I break it down into smaller steps so that I can manage it more easily.

Within this self-management program I am going to run for myself, I will place it in a structured manner and discipline myself to update and assess it daily so that I can track my progress of achieving my goals as that which is required to be accomplished. Within this self-management program, I will commit myself to goals based on time frames of short, mid and long term goals. I will not judge myself if I do not achieve goals, however I will commit myself to consistency and diligence in my self management program in that I am constantly applying myself within it until I am able to walk it and execute it effectively.  If the point is not directed effectively, I commit myself to write out my self-management program again with more specificity in aligning myself with myself here and what is required for me to become effective, and stop wasting time.

Within this self-management program, I commit myself to train myself in making decisions immediately, in one breath, and in so develop self trust within supporting myself in my daily participation, in taking responsibility for myself and my world, so that I will no longer be a slave to consequence due to irresponsibility to face each and every point.