Day 187 - Forgiving Myself

   

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the negative energy charge coming from the fear of not being able to compete with larger companies.  I realize this limitation I have imposed on myself through my mind is assisting me to change and realize what I am doing to myself through self-imposed limitations, therefore in examining this point I can see that once I drop the limited belief, I open up much more opportunity for myself to investigate other areas where I can expand myself and direct myself.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being overloaded with too much strenuous work.  I realize that this self imposed fear is leeching the enjoyment out of me!  As well, it is showing me that I have not trusted myself to be able to be here as breath, as when I am here as breath, I am acutely aware of my physical body's requirements and so am easily able to tell when my body is becoming over exhausted so that I can slow myself down – as opposed to racing against myself in submission to this fear system.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to maintain a negative outlook based on past patterns.  I realize that this point is assisting me to change in that I must learn to forgive myself of the past and trust myself to stand here self-directed in each moment.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain a negative outlook based on 'hopeless/inescapable situation' mentality within a paranoid delusional mind-created character.  I realize that this point is assisting me to see that - allowing myself to be controlled by fear only creates self-torment, dis-functionality, stagnation and suppression of myself.  This as well as showing me that I am fully able to see the starting point and stand up to fully stop the cycle within myself, thus freeing myself from fearful mind projections.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through the feeling of being trapped in my situation/consequence.  I realize that the starting point of this fear is a thought projection from my past experiences where I have not forgiven myself, and so I have accepted and allowed myself to go into feelings of guilt.  In attempt to alleviate the consequential guilt, I accepted and allowed myself to revert to 'the easy way' or 'the path that was already chosen/created' for me within my mind as pre-programmed methods of self-punishment.  I have realized a better/the best way for myself, where self-punishment is not necessary, but rather taking responsibility to be here within and as myself in self-honesty, identifying the pattern and it's play out/consequence, forgiving myself, trusting myself, and simply walking/creating the correction.

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     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself based on the belief that I am unable to move and expand myself due to financial constraints.  I realize that this point is showing me – firstly, a fear of loss, as the fear of losing money - secondly, I am not yet trusting myself and - thirdly, I am still being controlled by fear of making mistakes as well as me being in fear of 'being punished' by myself or others for making mistakes.

Backchat dimension
“I'm in trouble” - as the phrase was commonly used when I was a child, meaning that my parents would be upset with me and I would face some form of mental/physical abuse in the form of a punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by fear of loss, specifically of money.  I realize that this point is showing me that I have placed my trust in money as opposed to trusting myself... wups.  OK so I no longer accept and allow myself to be controlled by fear of loss as the fear of losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the fear of being punished – triggered by the phrase “I'm in trouble”.  I realize that I can direct myself without punishing myself.  I also realize that if I am to be punished by an outside source which I am unable to direct or control, then it is a consequence that I have created for myself in the past which I must face to see what I have created through my acceptances and allowances, this to show me that I must stop the cycles and patterns of abuse within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes.  I realize that mistakes are showing me that the physical reality is not subject to my beliefs and expectations and that forgiveness is an essential component of Life.

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     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself resulting in a lack of personal enjoyment/fulfillment, and consequentially resulting in lack of self-motivation.  I realize that this point is showing me that suppressing myself through chasing after selfish desires is not the answer, but rather a cycle of self-delusion.  In order to transcend/break this cycle I must create for myself a way where I can enjoy sharing myself in self-honesty and assisting and supporting others to realization of the amazing awesomeness of Equality.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create internal conflict within myself as the realization of my actual potential vs system misgivings, education requirements and inflexibility.  I realize these points are showing me how many limitations I have imposed on myself through subjecting myself to negative self-image as system beliefs.  Each of these self-imposed limitations is a road map, and an opportunity for me to realize and transcend each of these false limitations through directly facing and challenging each one in order to disprove their authenticity and take authority for myself as me standing for Life.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the belief in my mind that I can temporarily sustain myself on the baseline income enough to get by.  I realize that this belief is a cover-up, showing me that I am still being controlled by, and 'living' in fear of myself.  Being controlled by fear is not living at all, it is enslavement.  Therefore I commit myself to stop being controlled by fear in any way shape or form, so that I can stop the delusion within myself and create myself as Life, as Equality.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the belief that I see no opportunity for expansion, and therefore can postpone responsibilities until an opportunity presents itself.  I realize that this point is showing me that I must create the opportunity for myself and not wait, as waiting is hoping, and hoping is not taking action.  This point again relates to fear of taking responsibility, where I have not yet fully re-defined taking responsibility for myself, as in my mind it is still related to 'being blamed' and 'having a crappy job to do'.  Therefore here...

Within the context of doing what is necessary to be done to stand for Life as Equality...

Responsibility = CREATING HEAVEN ON EARTH

Day 71 - Self-Responsibility to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a character of responsibility of myself rather than stand as self-responsibility as myself here in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny my responsibilities through postponement, in not wanting to face points within myself that require direction.  In doing so, I realize that I am abdicating my responsibility to myself and denying myself self-responsibility as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my responsibility to life, but through my opinion of responsibility, I fooled myself into believing that I was responsible and so never pushed myself to the point of actually living responsibility as myself here in every moment of every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see responsibility as something separate from me here in each moment, wherein, I could easily deny self-responsibility because I could always fall back on my character as the idea that I was responsible, yet unless I live responsibility here in each moment, I am not yet fully responsible to life, but only taking part of my responsibility, and so accepting myself as 'less than' through my belief of me as a character of responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that me being here in every breath is the point of self-responsibility, where I am not acting within a predefined idea of what responsibility is, but rather deal with each situation that manifests in my reality so I can deal with it here as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to prepare myself for taking responsibility through thinking "what would I do if" and so then imagining how my character would portray himself in the movie of my mind which is not real.  I realize that me walking in breath moment to moment is the act of taking responsibility to stop my mind of thoughts and to stop being directed by feelings and emotions which only serve the illusion of me as a character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fake responsibility through thoughts of how I could be responsible in my mind, thus bolstering my mind characters ego and creating another layer of myself in my mind which has to be investigated, stopped, cleared through self-forgiveness, and walked out of in corrective application so that I can stop time-looping myself into oblivion.

I commit myself to push myself to take on more responsibilities for myself so that I can walk myself into changing and challenging myself rather than being charged with the consequences of not taking self-responsibility for myself as all as Equal.

I commit myself to create myself as the living word in the flesh

I commit myself re-define myself through words until no more definition is required, as all is Equal, and undefinable.

I commit myself to stop all definitions and characterizations of myself as being self-responsible.  I realize this is of no use whatsoever, and that self-responsibility is to become the living flesh without mind chatter.

I commit myself to beware of the responsibility character and all his facets, traits, attributes and false appearances within myself

I commit myself to devote myself to living self-responsibility as myself in each moment of breath, that way I walk responsibility here through practical living, in facing each and every point that must be dealt with and stopping all delusional fears which place me in time loops and limit me in my ability to take self-responsibility for real.

I commit myself face my responsibilities in each moment as they require direction from me, because I am the One that has created this mess on this planet and in this existence, therefore I am the One that can and must clean it up, and I am the One that will decide when and how life will be born for real in the physical, as I am the One, as life, as Equal, as all - who makes all the decisions to create Life as what is best for all.

For further reference please see:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
and
http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/p/timeline.html

Day 64 - Relaxing, Moments, Boredom and Excitement

Relaxing
Fear of slowing down/desire to go fast. Desire to live in self interest, as doing what I want for myself.  Defining responsibility as 'work'/slavery/drudgery within my mind and not being free to relax.  While relaxation exists within current consequence, as our physical bodies eventually require rest at some point in the day, relaxation can be an acceptance of neglect and ignorance. Through perceiving my life experience as 'long and arduous', relaxation can be a stimulus of the mind through the energetic charge in the positive polarity, where work is the negative.  Working has become slavery, rather than the act of giving myself, through and as self-responsibility and supporting all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed off the positive energy charge within and as the word 'relaxation' as seeing and defining relaxation as a stimulus point where I think of relaxation as a means of acquiring energy of the mind, as an escape from taking responsibility for myself as all in directing every breath.

I no longer accept and allow myself to participate in the energetic charge of the word relaxation, as seeing it as a positive stimulus to charge the energy systems of the mind, but rather change myself to see that relaxation - when rest is not actually necessary for the physical body - is an acceptance of ignorance in the desire to live in self interest, as passing off my responsibility to the mind to direct me, instead of me directing myself here in each breath, moment by moment.

Moments
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have created moments as separations in time, where I/we have created mo-ments - as the desire for 'more mental energy', I perceive that each moment appears to be a monumental task - the created monument in the mind - the graven image of myself in separation.  Perceiving life as a long arduous struggle, everything is fucked up, dangerous, fearful, abusive and a big lie - based on the perspective of me, seeing myself through the eyes of my mind/ego.

Yet the actuality of life as source is so incredibly simple - being here in taking responsibility for directing myself within breath - I can enjoy myself in slowing myself down - within the realization that in taking responsibility for myself as breath, I am taking responsibility for ALL LIFE as me - thus removing the guilt and blame associated through relationship, as each is now self-responsible.

Through that realization and application - each moment is equal and one, and the moment is no longer monotonous or monumental, as 'mon-u-mental' being the mental projection of me, as I have moaned about not getting my selfish desires, and so created hierarchy/inequality/slavery. Monotony, or mono-tone, a sound without variety or variation - boring and dull.

Boredom
We are bored-dumb.  The fear of being 'bored' creates the experience of boredom within the mind.  Life is not boring, because life is not defined by boredom - if I am bored, it is because I have created the idea of boredom and subject myself to the con-fines of that belief, thus having to serve the sentence and the fine, where I have 'sent' myself into broken moments of 'tense', clinging to the past 'tense' and creating a future 'tense' based on the past 'tense', where I am always 'tense' in fear of facing the inevitable consequence for what I have accepted and allowed as me.

Boredom is false perception as desiring to be 'someone else' or be with 'someone more exciting' - seeing oneself as boring - to bore, or drill a hole through - thus the definition is given a negative energy charge - seeing boredom as 'monotonous', 'painful' and 'slow'.  Yet boredom is created  through participation in the idea of limitation, due to false perception and irresponsibility, not seeing or realizing the opportunities and potential to share myself.  In fear of the idea of boredom, we often find 'work' to preoccupy ourselves to make ourselves busy with work.  Trying to fake ourselves out, pretend responsibility we have created more and more work to do, rather than simply living and expressing ourselves as life.   Thus wurk has become urk, as we urk ourselves through enforced movement from the starting point of servitude, as one is forced into serving the hierarchy of the mind, as the self-created system.

The phrase "I am boring" is opposed to a real expression of life - as giving myself unconditionally through my expression as an Equal. To enjoy the act of giving rather than desiring to feed on the energy of others - which is seeking for self in others, thus attempting to blame life because I did not have the courage to take responsibility to express and share myself, and therefore created the consequence of me existing within and as jealousy.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am boring, or my life is boring, or that someone else is boring within definition as self-judgement.  I realize that I have not ever really considered what was the starting point of boredom which is actually do to the desire to escape responsibility, and the desire for an energy high that would stimulate my senses to make me feel alive, yet I am not alive because all of existence is enslaved to consciousness.



I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating within the mind as 'feeling bored', to move myself in the physical to do something practical that would assist myself and others.  There are an infinite number of things that I can do in each moment to push my resistances and support life.

Excitement
The opposite polarity charge 'exciting' - as the stimulating and positive energy experience we constantly seek to escape the negative.  Constantly seeking to have an experience of ourselves.  Ex-sight-ment is the externalization of sight - as opposed to having In-sight, where we look into ourselves in self-honesty.  Ex-sight-ment is the false perception as the mental creation in denial of the negative association, thus the fuel of consciousness which produces the system as cycles in continuous polarity and enslavement.

Sex-citing.  Sex is often the most sought after experience.  Not to take away from the physical experience of sex, but when sex is used within the fantasies of the mind, it creates abuse through fueling and energizing the polarity mind systems where one is seeking power and control over another so that one can achieve personal satisfaction and good feelings for oneself in separation.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need for an energy high as excitement.  I realize that excitement is driven through desire to have a special experience of myself within my reality, however this desire for personal excitement carries with it the polar opposite as boredom.  Also, excitement as searching for myself outside of myself within an experience is separation.  I am not saying that I cannot do things that are 'fun', only that the addiction to excitement as energy addiction in wanting to escape responsibility to myself and all is abuse.

I commit myself to direct myself to enjoy myself in all moments equally, to stop searching for excitement outside of myself, but to work with what is here as myself so I can become life and assist all as I would like to be assisted. 

Top 10 Reasons Destonians Fall in Process

We all fall at some point, so here is a list of some of the most common reasons/excuses, as well as some practical tips to get us back on our feet. If one is taking the Desteni-I-Process, I highly recommend that we ask our buddies for support when we need assistance. The forums (Desteni.org) are also a good place to write oneself out. So, if and when you fall, simply get back up, breathe, and start again.

10. The Old Ways - Whether consciously or subconsciously, in some way the systems within us still want to hold on to our 'old ways' of existing. This is an aspect of fearing to face oneself and fearing change of ourselves. Perhaps we fear the unknown of what we will become, or we second guess ourselves as what we have come to understand about ourselves. Equality is like a black hole, once you get past a certain point, you realize there is no turning back.

9. Not Understanding Points - 'Thinking' we understand but not really understanding. Research and self-introspection are our individual responsibilities. There are many articles and documents here at the desteni site to assist.

I myself struggled with the point of self-trust and self-expression for quite some time. Not trusting myself to be able to do the process, feeling overwhelmed as if I wasn't able to stop myself within the feelings of guilt, regret, anger and desires for things such as relationships. If you have not yet established self-trust, you just need to keep moving yourself, pushing your resistances, even if its just a little bit at a time. Realize that there is no such thing as giving up. Eventually you will come to a point where you are so sick of the mind games going on within yourself (as well as all the abuse within our world because of the mind) that you will find the strength and indignation to move yourself more effectively and establish stability and self-trust. Understanding it is a process that is deconstructed through time, so give yourself time and you will have time.

8. Self Punishment. This system can be from childhood from being punished as children by our parents or from bosses in work. Stop punishing yourself, it is not necessary - rather be gentle with yourself. Punishment is self-sabotage and abuse within the polarity of 'better than/less than'. Apply self-forgiveness and corrective application.

7. Laziness - as a construct of wanting to do things only in self-interest. We have to realize that process is going to be work until we get to the stage where we are standing in full awareness of ourselves as who we really are. When we are at the stage of self-perfection, doing what is best for all in all ways, process is no longer work but just self-here. Until then, we have to push ourselves and our resistances to be able to expand ourselves.

6. Not Understanding Our Responsibility - we must realize that what we do in our lives has a resonant outflow/consequence which affects everything. Either we are supporting life or we are suppressing it. This is our responsibility in walking as a group, to support life and do what is necessary to be done within the principle of what is best for all, and love thy neighbor as thyself.

5. Existing within Limitation. Limiting ourselves within our 'frame of mind' - the box. It is hard to see the limitation point if you are existing within limitation lol. Writing daily is tremendous self-support. Breathe and realize the infinite opportunity that exists in each moment as we walk our process of becoming life as unconditional, unlimited self-expression, here in every moment of breath.

4. Addiction To Energy - We must be a living example to stop our addictions which operate through energy systems in our minds. If you are in the process of stopping an energetic addiction, write about it, best not to share it openly but rather with a destonian buddy, until you are certain you have cleared the point within yourself.

3. The 'Im A Destonian' Belief System - Quite similar to a religion wherein we create an image of ourselves as wanting to appear different or special within definition - separation. This inevitably leads us to comparison and the polarity system. The outflows of this can be emotions, reactions, depression and self-judgement as well as fearing what others will think of you.

2. Guilt and Regret - Guilt is the mind showing us where we have been dishonest with ourselves in our process. Guilt is a system designed to 'weigh one down' and diminishes us if we allow it to. It does not support life, however, realize that guilt can be used as a tool to in seeing oneself and how we are accepting and allowing ourselves to compromise ourselves in our process of self-honesty and self-realization. Regret is simply holding on to the past and not applying self-forgiveness and corrective application effectively for oneself.

1. Self-Judgement - Self-judgement is a form or condemnation. This is a very common system that is essential to be looked at thoroughly through writing and applying self-forgiveness. We must understand what judgements we are placing on ourselves and others, and where they are coming from. Are they from past relationships? Parents? Siblings? Friends? Teachers? Perhaps it is an idea one has about something wherein we have created a belief and judge ourselves in comparison based on that belief/idea/perception/definition. Whatever, any judgement of self or others will only lead to self-sabotage and further cycles of enslavement. Fire the policeman in the head.