Day 187 - Forgiving Myself

   

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the negative energy charge coming from the fear of not being able to compete with larger companies.  I realize this limitation I have imposed on myself through my mind is assisting me to change and realize what I am doing to myself through self-imposed limitations, therefore in examining this point I can see that once I drop the limited belief, I open up much more opportunity for myself to investigate other areas where I can expand myself and direct myself.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being overloaded with too much strenuous work.  I realize that this self imposed fear is leeching the enjoyment out of me!  As well, it is showing me that I have not trusted myself to be able to be here as breath, as when I am here as breath, I am acutely aware of my physical body's requirements and so am easily able to tell when my body is becoming over exhausted so that I can slow myself down – as opposed to racing against myself in submission to this fear system.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to maintain a negative outlook based on past patterns.  I realize that this point is assisting me to change in that I must learn to forgive myself of the past and trust myself to stand here self-directed in each moment.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain a negative outlook based on 'hopeless/inescapable situation' mentality within a paranoid delusional mind-created character.  I realize that this point is assisting me to see that - allowing myself to be controlled by fear only creates self-torment, dis-functionality, stagnation and suppression of myself.  This as well as showing me that I am fully able to see the starting point and stand up to fully stop the cycle within myself, thus freeing myself from fearful mind projections.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through the feeling of being trapped in my situation/consequence.  I realize that the starting point of this fear is a thought projection from my past experiences where I have not forgiven myself, and so I have accepted and allowed myself to go into feelings of guilt.  In attempt to alleviate the consequential guilt, I accepted and allowed myself to revert to 'the easy way' or 'the path that was already chosen/created' for me within my mind as pre-programmed methods of self-punishment.  I have realized a better/the best way for myself, where self-punishment is not necessary, but rather taking responsibility to be here within and as myself in self-honesty, identifying the pattern and it's play out/consequence, forgiving myself, trusting myself, and simply walking/creating the correction.

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     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself based on the belief that I am unable to move and expand myself due to financial constraints.  I realize that this point is showing me – firstly, a fear of loss, as the fear of losing money - secondly, I am not yet trusting myself and - thirdly, I am still being controlled by fear of making mistakes as well as me being in fear of 'being punished' by myself or others for making mistakes.

Backchat dimension
“I'm in trouble” - as the phrase was commonly used when I was a child, meaning that my parents would be upset with me and I would face some form of mental/physical abuse in the form of a punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by fear of loss, specifically of money.  I realize that this point is showing me that I have placed my trust in money as opposed to trusting myself... wups.  OK so I no longer accept and allow myself to be controlled by fear of loss as the fear of losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the fear of being punished – triggered by the phrase “I'm in trouble”.  I realize that I can direct myself without punishing myself.  I also realize that if I am to be punished by an outside source which I am unable to direct or control, then it is a consequence that I have created for myself in the past which I must face to see what I have created through my acceptances and allowances, this to show me that I must stop the cycles and patterns of abuse within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes.  I realize that mistakes are showing me that the physical reality is not subject to my beliefs and expectations and that forgiveness is an essential component of Life.

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     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself resulting in a lack of personal enjoyment/fulfillment, and consequentially resulting in lack of self-motivation.  I realize that this point is showing me that suppressing myself through chasing after selfish desires is not the answer, but rather a cycle of self-delusion.  In order to transcend/break this cycle I must create for myself a way where I can enjoy sharing myself in self-honesty and assisting and supporting others to realization of the amazing awesomeness of Equality.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create internal conflict within myself as the realization of my actual potential vs system misgivings, education requirements and inflexibility.  I realize these points are showing me how many limitations I have imposed on myself through subjecting myself to negative self-image as system beliefs.  Each of these self-imposed limitations is a road map, and an opportunity for me to realize and transcend each of these false limitations through directly facing and challenging each one in order to disprove their authenticity and take authority for myself as me standing for Life.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the belief in my mind that I can temporarily sustain myself on the baseline income enough to get by.  I realize that this belief is a cover-up, showing me that I am still being controlled by, and 'living' in fear of myself.  Being controlled by fear is not living at all, it is enslavement.  Therefore I commit myself to stop being controlled by fear in any way shape or form, so that I can stop the delusion within myself and create myself as Life, as Equality.

     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the belief that I see no opportunity for expansion, and therefore can postpone responsibilities until an opportunity presents itself.  I realize that this point is showing me that I must create the opportunity for myself and not wait, as waiting is hoping, and hoping is not taking action.  This point again relates to fear of taking responsibility, where I have not yet fully re-defined taking responsibility for myself, as in my mind it is still related to 'being blamed' and 'having a crappy job to do'.  Therefore here...

Within the context of doing what is necessary to be done to stand for Life as Equality...

Responsibility = CREATING HEAVEN ON EARTH

Day 111–How to Have an Amazing Realization

What is a ‘Realization’? 
Firstly, I am not referring to small realizations here – like you realized your bike was stolen, or that someone doesn’t like you.  I am referring to dramatic, life changing Realizations - when we discover and understand something about ourselves that we previously had no idea existed.  Something that strikes the core of you, and entirely changes who you are.  If this has never happened to you, well, continue on, it may very well be right around the corner… 
Can anyone have a Realization?
Yes, anyone can have a realization, however people that are self-centered, judgemental, inconsiderate of others, ‘know-it-alls”, content with their life, and/or greedy - are unlikely to have a realization – unless of course they encounter serious, life-threatening tragedy which can often trigger a realization – although by that point it could very well be too late.  
I myself had a big realization shortly after I was involved in a car accident. I thought I was going to die, so that caused me to ask myself some tough questions – primarily “what was required of me in this life” - so that I could look into getting that done before I died - lol.
Additionally, those that make the foolish assumption that there is nothing for them to realize, vainly fall into the trap of their own making.
And finally, those who place all their trust in beliefs and ideas such as religion, science, or spirituality to provide the answers for them - without having the courage to question beyond their beliefs - are also trapped by their own design.

Here’s How to have an Amazing Realization…
So first lets take an example.  Say a wife finds out her husband has been cheating on her.   All the while she has been thinking that they were in love, but she suddenly realizes that she was being deceived.  It may seem somewhat painful to realize this, however, most of us would rather be on the ‘realization side’, knowing the truth of the matter, rather than continue on living blindly being deceived by the lie. (Although there are exceptions) 
Now, it is possible that she could have found out ‘by accident’, but since her husband was likely doing his absolute best to keep it a secret from her, she would more likely have found out through investigation, in the way of research and asking questions. Investigation is the key.
Suppose her suspicion was aroused somehow, and she began asking her husband questions.  She would likely have some fears come up such as “what if my husband suspects I am suspicious?”  “Will he think I don’t love him?” “Will he beat me up?” “What if he divorces me?” “Where would I go?” – So you can see that one must employ a fair amount of courage to face these fears when investigating.  Yet if she does not ask, then she may never find out.
So if we take this example and change it to the subject of life, we can see that there are many questions that need to be answered, and we must have the courage to trust ourselves and ask them. 
Wherever there is a fear, that is a very likely we are hot on the trail of having a realization, as fear always leads the way to the answer - because fear is a tool of manipulation, and deception.  
If I were afraid of snakes, I might ask “Why am I afraid of snakes?”  “What caused this fear of snakes?” “Is this fear really who I am?”. 

How do I know for certain that I am not being deceived?
Its funny that many people fear investigating and asking questions because, not only do they know they are afraid (and reluctant to admit so), but they actually believe themselves to be totally existing as Fear.  So if they are ‘fear’ in essence, then they fear that they will inevitably deceive themselves.  The infinite loop, and unfortunately, the ultimate trap.  Yet all they need to do is face their fear of themselves and realize that they are not this fear.
If there is any fear in your realization, it is either not real, or you have not fully realized yet - you still have not faced the fear completely.  A real realization is the absolute transcendence of fear, so that there is no doubt whatsoever about what you have realized within yourself.
So take courage, trust yourself and face your fears – you will soon realize that there is no reason to fear, and many awesome and amazing realizations lay buried just beneath the surface of our fears.  
A really good start is to investigate Desteni.  There is tonnes of material there that will challenge you to be honest with yourself, and face your fears, so that you can find out for certain, who you really are – without fear.
Enjoy!