Day 196 - Desire and Consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequence, and so allow myself to be directed and controlled by that fear - to the extent that I do not move myself effectively but rather remain 'stuck' in a position of fearing the worst, in the belief that the only thing I am capable of doing or creating is more consequence.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by me being here and working out the solution to myself is the best I can do to manage consequence and stop creating more consequences for myself.

 
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that facing and taking responsibility for consequence is assisting me to realize what I have accepted and allowed and therefore assisting me to become self-honest with myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to avoid consequence, as that is merely hiding from myself and not taking responsibility for what I have created myself as within this physical reality.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that my personal desires based in self-interest are self-sabotage in that they attribute a greater value to a selfish want/thought/idea in the imaginary hope of creating/experiencing something good for myself - thus creating the illusion that I am able to escape the consequences of what I am creating.  I realize that these selfish desires only create conflict within and without, because they are not what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a distance of time/space between myself and consequence in separation of myself through not being honest with myself in every moment.   I realize that the only way to stop creating consequence for myself and others in separation is to change myself here through self-forgiveness, so that I can take responsibility to prevent myself from creating anything that would potentially harm or abuse Life.  In this I also realize my responsibility to create and implement solutions to the already existing consequence that is currently playing out in myself and my world as a whole.

I commit myself to accept the reality of consequence and through the process of self-honesty face it directly.

I commit myself to bridge the gap between myself and consequence so that no separation exists between myself and the results of what I am creating.

I commit myself to stop all desires within myself which are not aligned to that which is Best for All Life.

I commit myself to create myself as the solution, managing consequence as effectively as I am able through standing Equal to myself and All in and as the physical.



 

Day 195 - By Whose Authority?

I woke up this morning from last nights sleep, grabbed some breakfast and sat down at my computer.  It was right then that I had the thought "you're not free to do what you want - you have to push your resistances" which resulted in a negative energy experience/feeling, because I did not want to push the resistance or deal with it at the moment.  So In that moment I chose to watch some videos... when what I should have done is address the energetic experience I felt, but rather I chose to simply put the thought out of my head. What I was doing was giving in - sacrificing my self-responsibility as my directive principle of myself in the comforting hope/desire to avoid/escape the negative energy experience I felt.

What I realize looking back at the experience is that - because I have allowed such points of self-denial in the past - within an instant of this single thought, my mind had conjured and executed from my memory, a program based on my past experiences and beliefs of 'who I was' as (being subject to and therefore less than) knowledge of my past (in case any is unaware, knowledge in the form of energetically charged streams of information which is simply a limited and defined misinterpretation of myself and my existence from a separation standpoint in fear of self, believing it to be inherently evil - but we all know evil in the greater context is in polarity to good and therefore another false opinion based on separation, and therefore unacceptable - lol).

In that moment, I accepted and allowed that program to 'authenticate' itself through my permission, therefore through my authorization as my acceptance and allowance.  I subscribed and signed myself over to the belief that it is 'who I am' - as less than/subject to the knowledge and information.  So I subjected/diminished myself to the authority of that belief program as me having to struggle with this constant and nagging negative energetic experience of myself.  I believed myself to be too weak to stop the program - partly because my own energy was being resourced to run and execute the program - I created the idea that it (facing the energetic reaction) was a 'big deal' which it is not really - and I am fully capable of stopping and changing the program because I am the one who created it - I am the author, I wrote the book and therefore I can change the ending or re-write the entire book if I like lol.  

This comes back to my commitment.

Realizing that while in the physical I have the power to change in each moment.  Now that I recognize how it works and the consequence it creates for myself and others, I simply refuse to allow it to control me by addressing it when I see energetic movements within myself.  I make the connection to who I actually am as the directive principle of myself, not subject to anything, but standing Equal in taking responsibility for myself now, and in the future to create a world that is best for all.

With this point, I realized that I was trying to avoid the negative experience because I had defined pushing resistances as 'boring' and/or 'draining', when in fact NOT pushing resistances is the actual drain.  I can change the negatively charged definition of 'pushing resistances' I have created for myself and so redefine and realize pushing resistances as the 'live show' of me facing myself and creating myself as self-honest as Life... and learning to trust myself in the process.  Pushing resistances is literally creating heaven on earth as the accumulated outcome of moment by moment transcendence of each fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pushing resistances within myself as work/slavery/drudgery/negative/boring/tiring as I realize that pushing resistances is me becoming Life for real, and that is the best and most awesome most rewarding experience as it is teaching myself to be absolutely honest with myself which is the best I can possibly be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my authority of myself as Life to a knowledge based program.

I commit myself to take back my authority as Life, in that there is zero tolerance and no program shall be permitted access to execute or run in place of my self-direction as what is best for all Life.

I commit myself to directly facing all energetic experiences first thing in the morning as they come up so that I can stop the program before it takes control and traps my mind into a belief of myself.

I commit myself to investigate all things which go on within myself so that all things may be tested to see which is good for myself and all and which is not - so that I may recognize myself and realize my ability to forgive myself and change myself in each moment to create myself as self-honest and Equal in all ways.

I commit myself to realize that I can absolutely do this without question - because I see/realize/understand how it works and how the addiction to energy destroys and where that leads us all.


It's interesting that the mind tends to value the present moment over the future - 'I want to feel better now' type of thing - thinking and believing I am giving 'sufficient' value to the future here, when actually I am giving it significantly less value within the mental perception that it is not here now, therefore not a guarantee, so I should live for the moment.  I have considered my future 'less important' because it is not within my direct experience here now. This is a problem because (as it exists now) the future is inevitable and as such a direct result of what and who we accept and allow ourselves to be in the present moment.  We sacrifice the future here rather than standing Equal to it - so that we may have that warm cozy feeling of hiding under the electric blanket.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice the future here for a more cozy present here now.  I realize that taking value from the future is diminishing my own value here now, and in the future here, because I am not standing in Equality with myself and taking responsibility for myself in all dimensions.

I commit myself to give myself Equal value for here now and for the future here and now that is inevitable.

Day 190 - Using the Mind as a Tool

Consciousness, or the mind, is what we have created through our separation and the 'little misunderstanding' of who we are. So consciousness is what must be used to correct ourselves... not in how we have traditionally used it - to wish for things in self-interest or make believe we are better than one another - but rather to change ourselves to support the realization of Equality, within and without.

Not long ago, I would say to myself that I would not touch the law of attraction with a ten foot pole. Within this, I was aware that I did not fully understand – within the context of my own process and systems - how the mind was controlling me, and so I was hesitant of using/abusing the mind too extensively through inconsideration and/or not doing it 'properly'. I assumed I would be creating a form of consequential hell for myself because I had not yet fully dealt with all of my priority issues. 

Even though I understood a great deal, it became apparent through my inability to direct every breath, that there was likely things which I did not fully understand yet, or perhaps only understood as knowledge and information. I chose to focus too heavily on stopping my mind, and so was not using my mind as a tool, as effectively as I could have been.

I was well aware of the fact that consciousness could be, and was being used by many people as a means of achieving money and success, and I defined that as irresponsible – which it is when used only in self-interest. Little did I recognize how I too was already using it – in allowing thoughts of limitation, thus diminishing myself. therefore I did not trust myself, and so projected this distrust onto the physical. I created a relationship to the words 'law of attraction' giving the phrase as negative energetic charge, and so within that I was partially blaming the mind as evil. Interestingly, I have noticed that the mind often makes out the physical to be the cause of dysfunction through backchat.

Meanwhile, I believed I was doing something 'good' because I was in the process of stopping my mind, and so created a polarized dissonance within myself through allowing a series of self-sabotaging beliefs and justifications, as the 'bad'. I felt guilty, and awful about myself because I knew I was not 'in control', I was still controlled by addictions, not realizing exactly how I was creating the cycles of self-abuse. This was compounded by the fact that I feared giving up my addictions.

Since then, I have grown more confident in my understanding of how the entire system works, I can trust myself more to use the mind as a tool in order to support myself to change and align myself to live the solution – as what is best for all. To give an example. It is necessary for me to get organized so that I can become more efficient and so expand myself. So when I see myself entertaining limited beliefs and thus straying into idleness of my mind, I can recognize the pattern and support myself to change it through changing the negative thought patterns into creative, self-directive, positive commitments and actions which have no negative polarity or connotation for myself or others.

Day 145 – Embracing Change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define myself and my physical body within and as consciousness as opinion based on my fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to change to give myself the enjoyment of being here without fears or self-judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own judgement of myself – projected from the past into the future - and therefore create a belief that I cannot transcend a point, thus creating myself within and as an excuse out of fear, rather than trusting myself to stand Equal within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea that ‘I don’t fit in’ or ‘belong’ anywhere out of fear of myself, when in fact the very idea of having to ‘fit in’ or ‘be-long’ is created in self-judgement as fear of change and fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to serve the selfish idea of who I am rather than be myself, accept myself, and embrace myself here, as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert unnecessary strain on my physical body out of fear of myself, not considering my responsibility to myself as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be more than the physical body that lives in Equality with all things, and supports what is best for all life.   In so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself desires for energetic experiences which consume my physical body in spite of myself as all.

I commit myself to accept and embrace myself as who I am here as the physical so that I can change myself and all Life can be supported.

I commit myself to realize that the starting point of myself has for a very long time been fear, as fear of myself in self-dishonesty, which I must face and change to create myself the directive principle of myself as what is best for all Life.

I commit myself to challenge myself to change the limitations I have imposed on myself and created in my mind as beliefs and opinions – to take responsibility to fully be here in each moment as breath.

I commit myself to challenge others as I would like others to challenge me – rather than submitting to and accepting a system of fear – to change, so that we can learn what it is to support each other to support Life Equally.

Day 111–How to Have an Amazing Realization

What is a ‘Realization’? 
Firstly, I am not referring to small realizations here – like you realized your bike was stolen, or that someone doesn’t like you.  I am referring to dramatic, life changing Realizations - when we discover and understand something about ourselves that we previously had no idea existed.  Something that strikes the core of you, and entirely changes who you are.  If this has never happened to you, well, continue on, it may very well be right around the corner… 
Can anyone have a Realization?
Yes, anyone can have a realization, however people that are self-centered, judgemental, inconsiderate of others, ‘know-it-alls”, content with their life, and/or greedy - are unlikely to have a realization – unless of course they encounter serious, life-threatening tragedy which can often trigger a realization – although by that point it could very well be too late.  
I myself had a big realization shortly after I was involved in a car accident. I thought I was going to die, so that caused me to ask myself some tough questions – primarily “what was required of me in this life” - so that I could look into getting that done before I died - lol.
Additionally, those that make the foolish assumption that there is nothing for them to realize, vainly fall into the trap of their own making.
And finally, those who place all their trust in beliefs and ideas such as religion, science, or spirituality to provide the answers for them - without having the courage to question beyond their beliefs - are also trapped by their own design.

Here’s How to have an Amazing Realization…
So first lets take an example.  Say a wife finds out her husband has been cheating on her.   All the while she has been thinking that they were in love, but she suddenly realizes that she was being deceived.  It may seem somewhat painful to realize this, however, most of us would rather be on the ‘realization side’, knowing the truth of the matter, rather than continue on living blindly being deceived by the lie. (Although there are exceptions) 
Now, it is possible that she could have found out ‘by accident’, but since her husband was likely doing his absolute best to keep it a secret from her, she would more likely have found out through investigation, in the way of research and asking questions. Investigation is the key.
Suppose her suspicion was aroused somehow, and she began asking her husband questions.  She would likely have some fears come up such as “what if my husband suspects I am suspicious?”  “Will he think I don’t love him?” “Will he beat me up?” “What if he divorces me?” “Where would I go?” – So you can see that one must employ a fair amount of courage to face these fears when investigating.  Yet if she does not ask, then she may never find out.
So if we take this example and change it to the subject of life, we can see that there are many questions that need to be answered, and we must have the courage to trust ourselves and ask them. 
Wherever there is a fear, that is a very likely we are hot on the trail of having a realization, as fear always leads the way to the answer - because fear is a tool of manipulation, and deception.  
If I were afraid of snakes, I might ask “Why am I afraid of snakes?”  “What caused this fear of snakes?” “Is this fear really who I am?”. 

How do I know for certain that I am not being deceived?
Its funny that many people fear investigating and asking questions because, not only do they know they are afraid (and reluctant to admit so), but they actually believe themselves to be totally existing as Fear.  So if they are ‘fear’ in essence, then they fear that they will inevitably deceive themselves.  The infinite loop, and unfortunately, the ultimate trap.  Yet all they need to do is face their fear of themselves and realize that they are not this fear.
If there is any fear in your realization, it is either not real, or you have not fully realized yet - you still have not faced the fear completely.  A real realization is the absolute transcendence of fear, so that there is no doubt whatsoever about what you have realized within yourself.
So take courage, trust yourself and face your fears – you will soon realize that there is no reason to fear, and many awesome and amazing realizations lay buried just beneath the surface of our fears.  
A really good start is to investigate Desteni.  There is tonnes of material there that will challenge you to be honest with yourself, and face your fears, so that you can find out for certain, who you really are – without fear.
Enjoy!

Day 91 - Williams 7yr Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to complete my process because I have not yet been able to direct every breath, as me fearing the future outcome based on the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself through self-judgement and the belief that I cannot change myself or my situation no matter how hard I try to apply myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that this process be over and I could just wake up and everyone would be standing as Equals as heaven on earth. In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to 'skip steps' as if I am searching for a shortcut to some place I have defined in separation from what is here. I realize there is no shortcut to life, as all that is here as me must be considered, deconstructed, redefined, and walked into Equality and Oneness.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to the idea that I am stuck.  I realize that the mind is stuck in self-interest as self-limitation, therefore I am stuck is but a false perception of who I am here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of powerlessness.  I realize that the idea that I am powerless is of the mind and actually a reflection of how I am giving my power away through the belief that I am stuck or trapped.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire everything to be easy for myself when easy is not what is here.  Life would be easy if we all stood as Equals, yet we have made our situation appear difficult due to separation and perceptions, simply due to our collective denial of responsibility to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fear when things appear difficult.  I realize difficulty is of the mind as fearing the future and fearing for my survival as this character and thus not who I am, but a limited perceptional point of view of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to wonder about things in the desire to 'know' things as knowledge and information thinking that that will help me understand myself and be myself, when in fact knowledge of myself is only the tool with which I use to deconstruct myself so that I may stand Equal to my physical body as the physical existence in Equality here.

I commit myself to push myself in supporting and directing myself to align myself with living what is best for all in each moment.

I commit myself to constant change as self-movement, as me in the realization that I am able to change myself, integrating into and as my physical body and out of my mind of ego and abuse.

I commit myself to expose the falsehood of preprogrammed expectations of myself within 'what I think will happen' is never actually what happens, as happening is always happening here, as me birthing and changing myself so no enslavement exists within me or my world.

I commit myself to embracing what is here as me so that I can use this opportunity to Equalize myself with all of existence. 

I commit myself to change myself when times appear difficult and use those experiences as opportunities to transcend my fear of the future/fear of survival as thought projections, expectations and ideas based on my past.

I commit myself to, when and as I perceive myself to be stuck, use the opportunity to change and direct myself so that I can move myself and prove to myself that being stuck is merely a limited idea of the mind and an illusion.

I commit myself to Equalize myself in all ways so that each moment is Equally here as me and I stand in Equality as myself no matter what.

I commit myself to realize that limitation is of the mind as it attempts to fool me into the belief that I am limited and therefore cannot change or move myself.

I commit myself to stop judgements of time as I realize that time is a mechanism through which I am able to see myself and use to expose the deception that exists within my world and reality.

Day 88 - Self Reflection

The feelings of frustration and regret hit me this evening as I reflected on how I managed to arrive where I am now.  "Why didn't I do this... "   "Why didn't I do that... " as I hopelessly wished for a time machine to take me back 25 years so I could correct myself.   Then comes the guilt and blame "Why didn't anyone help me understand..."  Why did people lie to me..."   The demon wants to go back and Rage.  Futile.  I accepted a lie within myself... We all did.

So I am here with no other option but to face the consequence of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, and that daily medicine is somewhat painful to swallow.

I had so much potential and opportunity.  I could have done anything.  But there was this 'thing' within me which I did not understand.  So I allowed myself to play the fool, and the victim, and a host of other characters without ever realizing the critical piece I was missing. 

Self-acceptance. 

Finally, I understand... yet much of my life has been spent in the searching. 

I thought I understood myself.  I understood in my own way, from 'my limited perspective'.  All I could see was Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies everywhere, as my inner battle with the Balrog raged inside me as Self-denial, I feared losing myself as Anger and the Bitterness of Blame pulverized and consumed me from the inside.   

Some thought I was a stupid and a fool, and I understood that, yet I did not understand how to solve that problem for myself.  I just assumed that was "just the way it was", I figured I had to be that way, and I would figure myself out eventually. No way could I confide in anyone or share what I Really felt, the feelings were all too strange and awkward, suppressed deep within myself.  And I didn't trust anyone anyway.  

I could not grasp a purpose for myself, or a place.  My father told me "I had no direction"... to which I had no answer.  Which way do you choose when everything is fucked and you have no starting point?  I felt like flotsam, moved only by the waves of the ocean.

Why do we not realize such things until it is too late to change?  Why do we live our lives in reverse?
Why is life so unforgiving?  Is Life stupid, and a fool?  I often thought old people must know what the hell is going on.  Why weren't they telling and sharing with everyone?  Why are they hiding all their understanding and keeping it a secret?

I sit here and think how easy it could have been, if only I had understood Self-acceptance. If only there was some honesty and accountability in life.  Some actual Life-support. 

Thinking is Futile and will not change the past. I am here now, and being aware of all the deception I am determined to expose it, so others can see for themselves while they have an opportunity to change themselves and this world of Lies.   We must accept ourselves as who we are, but that can only be real if we realize who we really are as Equal, and that the only way out of this huge mess is self-honesty and self-forgiveness, lots of self-forgiveness.  Because Life is not just for taking, or hiding, or about denying oneself.  Life is for Giving in self-honesty.  If Life is given, but not in self-honesty, then it is not truly given.  It's finally time to stop living the lie.

Chained - Day 85

  I remember hearing this story when I was a child.  A long time ago, there was a man who lived with his family in a cabin.  One afternoon, the man was in the woods working and was bitten by a wild animal.  So he went to see a doctor to treat the wound and prevent infection.  The doctor informed him that he had contracted rabies.  The man and his family were all very sad about the news, as there was no known cure for rabies.  They understood that the virus would make him go mad - to the extent that he would go into a rage, and not be able to control himself and so possibly injure and even kill his family.  

     Then one day, the family was waiting for the man to come home from work, but he did not show up.  They all became worried, and went out to search for him, but they did not find him.  They asked all around, but no-one had seen him or knew where the man was. 

     A week later, the man’s daughter was walking in the woods and found her father chained to a tree… dead.  The man cared about his family, and the last thing he wanted was to see them get infected, or hurt by his inevitable madness.  So he made a decision.  He went out into the woods, chained himself to a tree, and threw away the key into the woods as far as he could so that it would not be found, and he would not be able to free himself. 

This story resembles very closely what we have all done to ourselves.  We have all done things in the past that we feel guilty about.  Yet through our continued self-judgement, we have diagnosed ourselves as having an in-curable disease.  And so we have ran into the ‘woods of our minds’, chained, hidden, and condemned ourselves, throwing away the key in the belief that there is no cure, or solution in fear of what we will become. There may not have been a known cure for rabies at the time, however this does not automatically imply that the man’s body could not have fought off and overcome the virus.  Also the idea that he would attack and kill his family is a fear of losing self-control, and so a justification and excuse to not face consequence.

Was what this man did honourable? 

The man trusted the doctors diagnosis, and so assumed that he would go mad, rather than trusting himself and dealing with the situation if, when, and how it actually manifested.  So his life was lost, and his family was left without him. 

This is what we often tend to do in our experience.  We trust the judgement of others rather than trust ourselves, we run from ourselves in fear of what we ‘assume or believe will happen.


Fortunately, there is a cure for what we have all allowed ourselves to become – as rabid, warring, judgemental, consumers chained to the tree of our mind in ego and self-interest.  The cure is Equality, and the medicine is self-honesty and self-forgiveness.  This medicine sets us free from the delusion that hiding and suppressing ourselves to death is the answer.   All we need to do is take the medicine and learn to trust ourselves to walk the solution. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no cure for what I have allowed myself and my world to become, when the cure is right here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and diagnose myself as evil in self-condemnation, justifying why I must run away from myself into my mind as the alternate reality where I think I can hide from myself and my responsibility to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself because ‘a doctor’ told me what would happen to me in the future.   Not to say ‘don’t trust doctors’, but rather self-honestly look at my situation and learn to communicate with my body and support my body through what my body is telling me.  I realize that getting multiple perspectives is also helpful in understanding what is best for my body and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future rather than face the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed so that I realize that I must change myself to no longer accept and allow dishonesty within myself and my world.

I commit myself to embrace my situation as whatever presents itself in the moment, so that I can walk the correction of what I have created to realize what I am doing to myself

I commit myself to realize that beliefs are not cures, but rather deceptive pacifiers which allow projections into the future which only serve to complicate and confuse matters.  To be here requires no beliefs.

I commit myself to trust myself so that I can support myself in what my body requires

I commit myself to my agreement with my body to live without hiding in my mind as ego/personalities/characters/opinions/beliefs/thoughts/feelings and emotions, so that I can become Equal to all as a physical being in my reality that does not form judgements about myself or others.

I commit myself to realize that the only honourable way to live is to live as Equal to all, as the physical, and so bring about change in myself and my world to create a world based on the principle of what is best for all Life, rather than existing within a system of self-judgement and self-denial.

Day 82 - Re-Constructing Consequence

Self Writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself through not prioritizing my days.

I have seen this before lol.  I have written it a number of times, yet I have not yet walked the point to completion, as I have prioritized things, and then fall back into old patterns when I forget about doing it because have not fully integrated prioritization as myself, and I believe that I am past the point.  And so consequence creeps up on me again as the point seems to be more extensive than I had perceived it to be.  My system is very adverse to prioritization, there is definitely a negative charge attached to the word, as if it would make my skin crawl. 

I have defined prioritization as 'being enslaved' where I have to follow rules.  For my whole life I have sought to bypass the rules of the system, as if this were the very key and expertise within the system - do as little as possible so i can have as much free time as possible.  So within that, the opposite charge as defined as 'freedom' - free time.  However this freedom is in self-interest.

When I don't prioritize correctly, I have taken on actual points within myself, but since they are 'out of priority', my pile continues to grow bigger.

Within this there are many supporting points/characters, such as;

- I have defined myself as a loner character, thus I have walked alone for most of my life
- I have relied on my physical strength character, and knowledge character to get by, which is typically not enough to compete with groups within the system, as there is no support when things get difficult
- I have created an efficiency character, where prioritization is based on whatever occurs, or whatever I prefer to do on any given day - thus prioritization is out the window, as I have relied on myself where I did not take into account all the facets of the mind characters.
- I have created a hope character, where I have been waiting and hoping that things would simply fall into place.
- Past situations where I had allowed the anger character are still playing out as I am still paying for the consequences rather than creating and expanding myself.
- There are still remnants of the blame character as backchat indicates.
- Within situations where I feel I have done all that I can, there is still the frustration character
- There is still the resentment for the past character, as the pattern keeps repeating.
- There is a valuation character, where the fear of losing money character keeps me from spending money because I have not made as much as I expected to and dislike being in debt.
- Within that there is another resentment character - resenting mr. Nice guy character for not charging enough money on jobs where I should have made more.
- Then when I am faced with situations, the indecisive character shows up, due to me not recognizing and correcting all these characters, but rather want to go into the blame character and the I give up character and the passify and denial characters in a never ending loop of fuckness.
- Through the passify, denial and indecisive characters, I end up with the negative energy experience as self-defeat character wanting to blame the fact that I dont have enough money to invest to expand how I would like, as I know I could be effective.
- So I go back to the resentment for the past character and ultimately self-imprisonment character as the warden of my mind prision, where I experience myself as the comfortable character who supports the fear of change and uncertainty characters.  Somewhere in the middle, there is the evade character, where when I get stuck on issues, I want to change tasks to let the problem simmer itself out for a little while.

Underlying all of that, there is the character that just wanted to live a simple, easy life - which contrasted the secret character that wants to be famous.  And of course there is still the lingering character that judged anyone who had a title, as seeing themselves as important in a position of authority in the world as evil, therefore my polar opposite spiritual and caring character avoided positions in the system that my character considered evil - through my intention to do good and be a good person character.

Lets see if I have all the characters and the entire pattern this time so I don't have to make even more rounds on this fucking bullshit merry go round.

Backchat

"If I just had money, all of these characters wouldn't be a problem". The situation as it stands is not so, therefore blaming the system will not help me here.  And there was a time where I was existing fully within the evade, fantasy and fear characters, so I am reaping the consequence of that. 

"I can't stop the consequence, its too strong for me to deal with... "

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as internal conversation where I have created the belief as separate from myself as I cant stop the consequences of what I have created, thereby limiting myself to a belief as an idea and thought projection of myself in the future which is not best for all. 

"everything I have tried to get myself back on my feet has not been successful".

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as memories where my mind is directing me into self suppression and self-sabotage, as keeping me enslaved to a system of self victimization.

"I wish I could win the lottery"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as desire to win the lottery, to have the easy way out.  I realize that what I have created is my responsibility and I must face what I have allowed and walk through it so that I can realize myself and live self change for myself. 

"I hate the idea of going to kiss ass"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as a belief system and character that hates kissing ass, I realize that within this system I must support myself, but do not have to create a character that kisses as to do so.


"Its a good thing I can write so at least I know how fucked I am"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as the realization of fuckness, yet I do not accept and allow this knowledge to condemn me, but rather use it as a tool to assist me to direct the points that need direction in my process.

 The reality is, if I had not realized Equality through Desteni, Im almost certain I would have been in an entirely worse situation by now. The fact that I am in process does not exempt me from consequences. It only shows me how to stop creating more ill consequence.  I still have to pay up - as walking self change for myself. 


Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have walked the point of prioritization to completion, creating a prioritization character rather than continue to walk it until I have fully integrated the point into and as myself so that I become stable - financially.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a loner character who is able to do everything myself.  I (at last) realize that this loner character is not effective therefore I must place myself in an environment where I have support from others, even though it may be difficult.  Either that or I make the decision to take a financial risk on investment to grow. Decision pending.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely solely on my belief in my physical strength and strength of mind to succeed.  I realize that this is not practical and that I need to find a way to get assistance or get involved with a team for support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on the efficiency character.  While I have created a very efficient efficiency character, it at times goes against me and I have created  in-efficiency, in that I have allowed myself too much slack and prioritization has been neglected, and I have allowed myself to become subject to consequences of self sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and rely on the hope character.  In this I realize that hope has deserted me, as hope is not real and only produces expectations of the mind that are doomed because the expectations are based on ideas which are not physical application as dealing with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to situations in the anger character for which there are consequences which I must face.  I realize that the anger character does not support me, but is a manifestation of the blame character in that I have not fully taken responsibility to deal with my issues effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in the frustration character.  I realize that frustration does not help or assist me in any way other than to show me the point that is necessary to be dealt with.  I realize that the frustration character shows up when I have not identified characters and prioritized issues that are necessary to be dealt with.  Rather, I have forgotten about issues because I have allowed myself to procrastinate as a character, because I was uncertain as to which decision to make, because I was in fear of loss and fear of change and still relating experiences of the past to the current situation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in resentment, where I have allowed myself to fear future consequences based on past experiences rather than trusting myself to make an effective decision that would support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the fear of loss as fear of losing money.  This without realizing that if I make investments practically into my business I will have returns that will support my decision - despite the fact that some decisions have not worked in the past - does not mean I should stop making decisions in fear that they will not go as expected.  I have to take some risk in any event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the Mr. Nice guy character, in that I have not been firm and specific enough in negotiations so that I am covered for all the work that I do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to portray the blame character when situations appear difficult, in fearing the future as opposed to being here and dealing with what is necessary to be dealt with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that there are too many variables when I am stuck on making a decision.  I realize that when that comes up, I can explore my options by writing down all the possibilities and from there move myself to make a decision based on my written assessment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give up because the situation appears hopeless and futile.  I realize that giving up is not an options, and that I must do what is necessary to be done in the most effective way I can manage. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the passify and denial characters, where I seek to evade responsibility within the belief that "I don't know" what to decide because there are too many variables and I believe that I am uncertain, which is used as an excuse for me not to do the work that is necessary to be done to get business going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the indecisive character.  I realize this happens when I fail to prioritize myself properly and so create a procrastinating character in the belief that I will have time to do it later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the self-defeat character, where I have judged my situation as too difficult to overcome and in so wanting to go back into the passify, denial and blame characters as not seeing the full extent of connected points that lead to the complete construct of characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the pattern and so again fall into the resentment of the past character where are attached feelings of guilt and regret of missed opportunities that I did make the effort to put into perspective the starting point of what I was accepting and allowing within myself and my world.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the self-imprisonment character, where I have secluded myself in the psycho ward of my mind in trying to figure out what went wrong, but inevitably do not sort it out, because I am attempting to sort it out within my mind in which the actual starting point is easily lost and avoided in fleeting thoughts and memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to portray the fear of change character, where I fear that whatever situation I decide to make will not support me or will not work out.  I realize that this fear of change is limiting and suppressing me within my mind as a character and creates situations where I am unable to move myself through the point of fear of change because I have created layers of deception as beliefs for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the uncertainty character, where I do not walk self-trust here, but rather look at my past and judge myself according to my past failures in fear of failure character, because I have not sorted out the starting point of uncertainty, fear of change and indecisiveness within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the anxiety character where I exist in a thought projection of the future rather than deal with what is here and what is necessary to be done in the present.  I realize that I must plan for all eventualities so that I make sure my bases are covered within priorities.

Within this, I realize there is a point of me fearing to express myself because I had considered myself - in the past - as dishonest within myself and uncertain, because I judged myself as 'not good enough' and 'not as good as' others.  I realize that this is directly the result of the preprogramming of the mind that was designed to keep me enslaved to the idea that I was an evil character so that I would never realize myself as Equal. I realize that the judgement of myself was also due to fear of death and the pictures that flashed in my head where I would be acutely aware of in thinking that I was the creator of such pictures, and so not understanding how to stop them as myself, I rather went into self-judgement and sought to condemn myself for creating atrocities in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire things to be simple and easy in the desire to escape myself and what I have created for myself.  I realize that this is a fantasy character of the mind that only serves to comfort and energize my mind, and in so allows ill consequences to persist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be famous in my secret mind, as the polar opposite of the quiet humble character.   I realize that this desire is in self interest, selfish and does not serve what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a good person character, and in so allow myself to exist within an idea in my mind in trying to be the Houdini character  who is an escape artist of physical consequence of what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a good person character and in so perpetuate the belief system of the mind rather than actually dealing with what is necessary to be done here in changing and aligning myself with myself in the physical through writing myself out and walking the correction for myself in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by energy systems of the mind as 'mental tiredness' when writing this blog.  I realize that this is the minds attempt to get me to stop writing so I do not have to face the points within me that need to be addressed so that I can stop my mind as characters and thoughts and become effective in supporting myself and others. 





Self Commitment Statements

I commit myself to prioritizing issues in my life that need to be attended to so that I can sort out what is necessary to be done.  In that, I realize that this is a point that I really need to work on so that I can take responsibility for the primary points that need to be addressed and I can focus myself on productivity that will produce that which will support me effectively.

I commit myself use opportunities to engage others so that I may seek to get involved with a team where I can work as part of a team in supporting myself and becoming effective and expand myself and my understanding of myself and existent systems.

I commit myself to realize that I will be more effective should I be working with a team, therefore I commit myself to stop fearing myself and move myself.

I commit myself to fully consider the decisions I am making so that I do not put too much unnecessary stress on my physical body and can move effectively within making decisions.

I commit myself to rather than rely solely on myself as knowledge I have acquired realize that I can learn from others as I will also be able to assist them in understanding aspects of work as well as aspects of self realization.

I commit myself to  realize that efficiency is only a portion of being effective as myself in totality, where in becoming effective I push myself to move myself so can accumulate consistency and discipline within myself so that I do not allow myself to exist solely as part of myself.   Within that I realize that I must push resistances to move myself effectively and stop wasting time.

I commit myself to realize that hope is useless, as I must move myself and become effective, not wainting for the perfect scenario I have in my head appears to support me.  I take responsibility to support myself in what ways I am able so that I can stop being directed and controlled by the mind as fear.

I commit myself to become as effective as possible within writing and business so that I no loger accept and allow myself to create more characters that do no support life.

I commit myself to move myself and no longer allow myself to create false hope which does not support me or life in any way.

I commit myself to direct myself within breath as what is here as me, so that I do not accept and allow anger to germinate and spread within my physical body, but I direct myself to move myself within what is best for all.

I commit myself to direct myself within breath as what is here as me, so that I do not accept and allow frustration to form and develop within me as an outflow of not prioritizing and taking responsibility for what is necessary to be done in my reality.

I commit myself to take responsibility to recognize resentment when I see it within myself as looking at the past and what I have created myself as.   Within that, I commit myself to direct myself with what is here as breath so that I can accomplish that which is necessary to be done to become effective in walking my process of self realization and self change.


I commit myself to direct myself within breath as what is here as me,to no longer accept and allow the fear of loss character, but rather direct myself in self trust as what is here as me within realization that allowing fear creates fear, therefore fear does not assist me in any way.

I commit myself to realize that Mr. Nice Guy does not assist me, but rather only supports the character of the mind where I am existing within the belief that I am special and can save others through my good deeds as my belief that I am a good person.   Therefore I commit myself to assist others to realize what they have created themselves as for themselves and stop trying to take responsibility for others.

I commit myself to, rather than blaming others, take responsibility for myself so that I can change myself for myself as what is best for all so that I can stand and become effective in supporting the group that supports what is best for all .

I commit myself to stop making excuses such as there are too many variables - which only hinders my process and shows me that I am not taking my process step by step and breath by breath, but attempting to skip steps to get things done out of fear.

I commit myself to develop consistency within and as myself so that I may become effective and support myself.

I commit myself to realize that there is no such thing as giving up as there is no escape from myself here.

I commit myself to stop making excuses and face myself so that I no longer allow myself to exist within the passify and denial characters.

I commit myself to recognize when I see myself participating within the indecisive character, so that I may address the starting point as the root cause as to what I am doing to sabotage myself within my process of standing for Life.  In so I commit myself to address any points where I find myself procrastinating so that I may become effective in taking responsibility to support myself.

I commit myself to stop existing within the belief that I am defeated as a character of my mind that only wishes to suppress me and make me ineffective entirely.

I commit myself  to recognize all patterns where my mind is directing me to go back into the passify, denial and blame constructs as opposed to directing myself here within breath as the directive principle of myself.

I commit myself to stop judging myself as a failure having failed at life.  I realize that this belief system does not support life, or the process of me becoming Equal to life as my commitment to myself.

I commit myself to identify points of backchat, as these are the keys to unlocking how I am sabotaging myself within my process.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself go into moments of resentment, stop, breathe and clear my starting point to here so that I may realize what my mind is attempting to do as self-sabotage and keeping me enslaved to ideas and memories of past experiences.

I commit myself to free myself from the enslavement of the mind as self-imprisonment where I have in the past condemned myself and subject myself to self-punishment because I have defined myself as having failed myself.

I commit myself to embrace change and see it as an opportunity to move myself and align myself with the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself existing within uncertainty, write myself out, so that I may place my words in writing as visible so that I may identify any patterns that are creating uncertainty within me, so that I may become directive and eventually certain within the decisions I am making for myself as all.

I commit myself to stop fearing failure and move myself without fear of failure, fear of loss, and fear of change - but rather as self directive in doing what is necessary to be done.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself anxious, stop, breathe and clear my starting point to here so that I can address what issues are creating anxiety within me and face myself in aligning myself with what is best for all through organizing and prioritizing what is necessary to be done.

I commit myself to self-discipline, in limiting my selfish desires for relaxation and non-participation.

I commit myself to walk my self forgiveness and self-correction statements despite the spitefulness of the system which I have accepted and allowed in the past - with a clean slate from here - no longer judging and condemning myself within the realization that characters of the mind are abusive to life.


Word Redefinition

Prioritization

Dictionary definition :

1. to arrange (items to be attended to) in order of their relative importance

2. to give priority to or establish as a priority

 

 

 

Redefinition - To order myself, as self-organization.  To discipline myself so that I may accumulate an outcome for myself that does not create ill consequence but rather creates what is best for all including myself. 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a negative charge to prioritizing as organization and order where I have programmed myself to believe that this action is evil based on subjecting myself to a system of enslavement.  I realize that prioritization, order and organization are self-disciplines that I must develop for myself in order to create what is best for all, therefore the word has no charge, but rather it is essential that I create prioritization for myself so that I can become effective in walking my process of becoming self-directive and take my power back for Equality for all. 

Day 70 - Re-writing the sugar point

Directing myself here in the moment as breath as me.  No preparation.  I am here.  This is the point to walk as myself.  All points that do not align with me standing as Equality reveal themselves, and if I am here, the point to direct will be here, to be directed and aligned with Equality in the moment, breath by breath I walk me out of consequence and into life.  Here I write the words to be lived and put into action.  Here is where I honor my commitment to myself to stand and become life.  All or nothing.  Words are easy to say, but to live all my words requires self-discipline.  There is still some resistances I have to push within my application.  I just yawned 3 times and put both hands on my face.  Just yawned again.  Facing myself as the mind wanting me to stop and rest and my mind not wanting me to write, as then my secrets are exposed.  I direct myself here to write myself, I will not accept and allow myself to be directed and controlled by tiredness.

The sugar point came up today, I am still allowing myself to eat too much sugar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the desire for sugar and so fall prey to the addiction which is harmful to my physical body.  When and as I see myself desiring sugar, I stop and clear my starting point.  I direct myself to support my body and stop harming myself through consumption of harmful products that taste good yet do not support my physical body.  I realize that this sugar point is self-abuse as I am aware of the consequences of too much sugar.  Therefore I stop myself here. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify to myself why I need sugar/chocolate.  I realize that justifications are not me directing myself here as breath, but thoughts that my mind uses to control me and divert my attention away from myself so I do not stand and be self-honest within the point of considering my whole body and what it requires to eat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel down on myself if I do not eat something sweet after a meal.  I realize that this is a point which comes from a memory of when I was at a friends house, in the kitchen when I overheard his mother saying 'I am going to die if I do not have something sweet to eat' which was after dinner.  Thus I associated the point of 'desiring to have something sweet after dinner' as the idea that 'this will give me pleasure'.  This is not the case whatsoever, because my body goes into reaction when I eat sugar, thus my body does not need or require sweet things to eat after dinner, rather this is harmful for my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping sugar.  I realize that this fear is not who I am, as it is within the idea that I cannot stop myself based on past experiences where I found stopping sugar to be 'difficult'.  I realize that it is not difficult, I create the idea that it is difficult through my fear that I cannot stop.  Sugar is not best for all of my body, therefore I do not support this relationship I have formed with sugar.

I commit myself to face the sugar point within myself.  When and as I see the desire for sugar, I stop and clear my starting point within breath, I state myself as 'here'.  I take authority to direct myself within my decision to honor my agreement with myself as my physical body to stop the addiction to sugar.  Sugar is a fleeting experience as taste that I must face and deal with before the consequence forces me to the point where I have no other choice but to stop.

I commit myself to when and as I see my mind try and justify itself in directing me to have sweets, I stop and clear my starting point to here.  I direct myself in the moment of breath to consider and do what is best for all of my physical body.

I commit myself to realize that I must take responsibility for my self-created addictions, and in so, eat responsibly what my body needs and to not eat as a form of escaping myself, but eat what supports my body when actually required.

I commit myself to walk the process of directing myself and facing myself in each moment within the realization of what is necessary for my body and to not compromise myself within the justification of good taste, which is in polarity to bad taste yet has no relevance to what is actually supporting me and what is harmful for me. 

I commit myself to walk this point I have realized for myself into living application of myself, proving to myself that I am able to change, to realize myself within self-honesty.  To realize what I have missed of myself through succumbing to the addiction to sugar.

Any point can be walked with self-commitment as self-support in the starting point of Equalizing myself in self-honesty

Day 60 - Times and Seasons

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to energy fluctuations based on the time of day.  I realize that consciousness attempts to dictate my moods and feelings based on the programmed idea of how I should feel like at certain times of the day. My physical body has no preference for time of day, therefore any preference such as 'morning person' or 'night owl' is of the mind.  I realize that any time of day is equal in nature and there are no moods connected and determined by time of day by my physical body.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to energy fluctuations based on the day of the week.  My physical body does not function by the day of the week, but supports me unconditionally as it supports itself to be here in the present moment as the physical expression of me.  Therefore I am not limited to feeling the ups and downs based on the day of the week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to energy fluctuations based on the seasons or the time of the year.  I realize that while my physical body may feel more comfortable in warm temperatures as opposed to cold, I am equally able to express myself within cold temperatures as well as warm. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and controlled by feelings based on traditional holidays and celebrations.  I realize that my physical body has no preference for any mind created idea of separation wherein a 'holiday' is created.  All days are equally here as I am here as my physical body.  I direct myself to express myself without having or allowing myself to be directed and controlled by a system of beliefs which seek to determine my moods (as doom) and expression - that would be self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any day that I am here, I am able to express myself in supporting all life equally.  Through supporting all life as what is best for all, I am supporting myself and bringing myself back to the starting point of myself so that life can be born from the physical as actual real expression of self - not controlled by a system of beliefs and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in celebrations.  I realize that while my world as me is in tremendous agony - celebration is inconsideration and spiteful towards myself as my world.  How can I celebrate the suffering of billions of people, animals, plants and the entirety of existence?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create times and seasons in separation of myself as the physical.  In doing so I have attempted to understand myself within a definition of myself in separation, when I am here and I have been here all along.  I do not need a definition of myself to exist, as that only diminishes me.  All I need is for me to be honest with myself and to live as Equal to all as what is best for all in all ways always, and I will realize myself and birth myself as life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on times and seasons and holy-days out of fear of facing and expressing myself.  I realize that all I have to do to realize myself is to take responsibility to face my fears in self-honesty, and if I find I am not being honest with myself, I simply forgive myself, and change myself to live as an Equal in every way.  Living in self-interest is HELL, and I hate it through and through.

I commit myself to direct myself in every moment, as each moment being equal - no time separation.

I commit myself to mess with the system through getting up in the middle of the night and waking someone up... just for the fuck of it.

I commit myself to being equal to my physical body in every way, directing myself in what is here, and changing whatever needs to be changed to align with what is best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to realize that I am the directive principle of myself here, and in so I direct all life as me in what is best for all

I commit myself to expose the deception of the system which has enslaved

I commit myself to take responsibility to express myself as here, as birthing myself in the physical.

I commit myself to assisting everyone I meet, because naturally, if my only reason for living is equality, as what is best for all, every thing I do and say will be directed to support life as Equality until it is done, and no more ignorance, fear or senseless suffering exists within me as my world.

Artwork by hibbary
http://hibbary.deviantart.com/art/Four-Seasons-82254728

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 58 - Sharing Equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that each person is as me as a physical being.  Therefore any judgement I have that is 'of my mind' is separating myself into and as that which is not physical.  I realize that the deception that pervades all of existence - as people abusing life through the secret mind, and not understanding themselves as who we are as physical - must be exposed openly, so that all may have the opportunity for self-realization.  I also realize that I cannot judge others - aside from stopping myself from participating in obvious, deliberate and spiteful behavior that clearly does not support life, in which case it is not a mental judgement but a physical, open statement of who I am, and what I will or will not allow myself to participate in. 

Anyone can, at any time, move themselves to 'wake up' to the self-realization of what is necessary to be done to stand for, and support Life as Equality.   I do not know the outcome - therefore I support all those willing to hear unconditionally, so that I may assist others as I would like to be assisted, were I in their shoes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within my participation with others, I am accountable to share myself as who I have realized myself to be - As taking responsibility to direct and change myself into that which is best for all as Equal.  Within this realization, I am able to skillfully direct myself to assist another as myself, to see past the limitations of the mind, and to assist another to face the reality of the world we have all collectively accepted and allowed as ourselves - as the calculated, and self-willed abuse of life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confront others from the starting point of seeing myself as 'better than' because I have acquired the knowledge of Equality.  In so doing, I create a polarity friction war between them and myself, and manifest a point of separation within myself, as using knowledge to 'try to do something good' to make myself feel superior.  I realize that this only charges the mind within reactions, judgements and beliefs, in attempt to make others feel inferior within a knowledge belief system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to change others in my own self-interest.  The actuality is that I cannot change anyone, I can only assist others that wish to change themselves, as each is self-responsible, and any action that is an attempt to change another is merely manifesting a master/slave relationship or polarity war in and as the mind as ego consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my expression of self-standing in responsibility to myself, as self-trust, as embracing myself unconditionally is the best support I can offer myself or anyone else, where, my expression is not dependent on the perfection of grammar or phrases that I use, because my self-honest expression - regardless of the word configuration - is what will be the most effective in assisting others to see beyond their own fears and into their own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the exponential outflow of each moment/opportunity as the compression of time as myself.  In that outflow, I can direct myself within and as self-honesty and so expose the deception, so that it can be eradicated and Life can be born - timeless and eternal, where all that will exist is Equality as Life forever.

I commit myself to stop all mental judgements that do not support life or what is best for all.

I commit myself to bring realization to myself as self-honest expression as me as doing what is best for all in every moment, every movement and every breath so that I can enjoy the fruit of my labor as having extracted the parasite of consciousness which has blinded me for eons of time. 

I commit myself sharing myself unconditionally to all who will hear the desteni message of Equality so that all of existence may understand and be brought to account of how we have abused Life

I commit myself to applying self-forgiveness and corrective application as well as making myself available to show others the tools that will assist one to change oneself to serve Life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to support life through the creation of an Equal Money System so that all that are here may be supported and life will be honored and given Equal value as the value of Life as what it should be. 

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 57

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of dullness.  I realize that dullness is of the mind/ego where my mind is attempting to dictate a mood and feeling as an experience of self-suppression.  When and as I see myself within the dullness frame of mind/limitation of mind, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself in and as my physical body to do what is necessary to be done to take responsibility for myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing myself as physical movement because my mind tells me that it will cost me energy.  At the same time my mind wants to consume energy for itself rather than me giving my energy to life as what is best for all, because when I do that, the mind cannot feed off of my physical body and so the mind will starve and cease to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist directing myself for fear that I will be exhausted.  To exhaust myself in changing myself to become Equal to the physical is actually the great opportunity I am dedicated to giving myself so that I can honor all life with my existence rather than consume the physical through energy which depletes the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in each moment that to desire experiences such as happiness, comfort, peace, love, joy or any feeling or emotion good or bad - only for myself - is separation and deception.  I realize that all selfish desires are fleeting, and not real if they cannot be shared Equally among ALL that exist.  That is why we must start over, from nothingness, so that all may be shared Equally by all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the tremendous gift of opportunity as the portal-to-unity as a chance to change myself and to realize myself here within self-honesty and self-responsibility in this lifetime. I am grateful for this magnificent opportunity and in so commit myself to assist in birthing life as Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'puffed up' with knowledge and information as 'hot air' floating into the mind as consciousness, spiteful and ignorant of what is right under, in, and as my nose. My nose knows the duality/polarity of consciousness, and at the same time it is the key, the primary point where breath physically enters my body, therefore my nose is aware if I am directing my breath or not... and if not, then what is? If not, where am I? Do I exist?  Where and how can I exist if I do not direct the breath?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize myself through knowledge and information, rather than directing myself as Equal to all that is here as me.  I realize that if I use knowledge and information to make myself 'appear intelligent' or 'better than' others I am only boosting the false image of myself in my mind.  In this I realize I must slow myself down when interacting with others so I can assist myself to be aware of any fears that may arise, so I can clear myself without jumping on the first thought that comes to mind.  In this I discipline myself with patience, to take responsibility to direct my words as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear appearing foolish to others because I may stumble with my corrective application as I learn how to direct myself - as a baby learning to walk for the first time.  Within this I realize that the fear of appearing foolish is actually an opportunity to enjoy the inevitable comedy of the moment.


I commit myself to continue to write out points that I have not fully integrated into and as myself until I get it and I am stable in living the application of my words.

I commit myself to push myself to take responsibility for myself in fully executing self-correction.

I commit myself to be aware of the fear of appearing foolish, where this may allow me to discover points where I have previously hidden issues from myself.

I commit myself to use this opportunity to change myself and my world so that all life can be supported physically and practically in Equality, such as would happen if we all supported an Equal Money System.

Day 48 - Change is Constant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself.  I realize that to give up would mean that there is no opportunity for change, yet there is no such thing as giving up on myself as I am here and everything is constantly changing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the program of my past where I feel I need to punish myself.  I realize that punishing myself will not assist me in any way, but rather I need to change punishment to changing myself as self discipline - so that I can do what is necessary to be done to support myself and others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the temper tantrums of my mind direct and control me in avoiding my responsibilities to support myself and get my work done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the outcome of what will happen if I move myself in doing tasks.  I realize that this is self-sabotage and it is showing me that I have not yet developed self trust as myself here as constant and consistent moving myself and facing myself within responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate and wait till the last moment to get working on things.  I realize this reluctance to work is based in past acceptances and allowances where I only wanted to do what would give me gratification in self-interest, rather than placing myself as Equal to my world and reality in changing myself so that I could assist all as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the potential that even small changes that produce and effect that is best for all are helpful and can have great impact on my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself through allowing myself to get discouraged with myself where my mind tells me I have nothing to offer as seeing myself as useless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as useless and disregard myself through thoughts and beliefs of the mind.

I commit myself to change myself in every moment - to not accept and allow discouragement but to encourage myself in the fact that I understand myself as Equal to all, which very few understand that point in our world.

I commit myself to - when I see myself wanting to give up, stop and breathe and face my problems so that I can work them out step by step and get things done little by little.

I commit myself to self-encouragement where I can motivate myself as self-will through standing Equal to my world as the physical

Day 36 - Exponential Potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss opportunities in my life where I could have assisted someone to understanding Equality and coming to self-realizations because I did not make an effort to express myself out of fear and/or self-interest.  I realize that there is tremendous potential in every moment if I am here as breath living what is best for all.  I also realize the exponential factors involved in that what can potentially happen through a simple act of selfless support, where resonant outflows can produce multiple self-realizations culminating in more pressure on the entire system to stop abuse of life, and change to a system that is best for all - The Equal Money System. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my potential through limiting myself in and as my mind. I see that at times I could do more for Equality, but I do not because I am still subject to the mind as limitation through past programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the mind of past programming rather than stop myself in the moment, clear myself through breath, and change myself within the moment freeing myself from the limitations of the past.  I realize that the past assists me to see how I went wrong so I can correct myself, but the past in itself is gone with no value other than that.  Memories do not serve life here in any way other than to assist with changing me here and now so that I can delete all memories of the past, as it only existed in the starting point of abuse and self-denial.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust and belief in someone  rather than trust myself as what I know to be true to myself as - what is best for all is ALWAYS the absolute best - it can get no better than that.  Anyone telling me that I need to do this, or I need to do that, so that I can improve my image, or be faster, or be better, or look better  - is deceived - in trying to manipulate me into the polarity game of winner/loser which is NEVER best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a cult. I realize that this is a ridiculous fear because I realize the whole world is full of cults/cultures - which all they really are are organizations and corporations of people who serve a common purpose - to abuse life.  I realize there is only ONE cult that has the guts to stand in support of ALL LIFE.  I love being in that cult, because Desteni is the BEST ******* CULT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!! 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and squirm my way out of facing my fears through changing the subject or excuses and justifications, or occupying my mind with trivial things - PRETENDING I'M NOT AWARE OF MYSELF HERE - rather than face my fears and dishonesty directly in the EXACT moment that I am aware of them.  I realize that if I do not face my fears in the moment I see them, I will time-loop in a cycle of dishonesty and so miss my opportunity to transcend my fear and compound harmful consequences upon myself and others.

I commit myself to showing myself what points I need to face and apply self forgiveness for in each moment of each breath, so that I may stop self deception and change myself to develop self-honesty, integrity, and dignity to stand for Life as Equality as what is best for all in all ways. 

I commit myself to summon all my courage as I develop self-trust in walking with the group that stands for Life, to remove petty fears that stand in the way of my ETERNAL life within and as the physical expression of Life.

I commit myself to allow/open myself to realize the unlimited potential of what is possible when a group stands in absolute agreement - with one common goal and one common purpose - and when that purpose is to support ALL LIFE, then NOTHING is impossible for that group.