Day 82 - Re-Constructing Consequence

Self Writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself through not prioritizing my days.

I have seen this before lol.  I have written it a number of times, yet I have not yet walked the point to completion, as I have prioritized things, and then fall back into old patterns when I forget about doing it because have not fully integrated prioritization as myself, and I believe that I am past the point.  And so consequence creeps up on me again as the point seems to be more extensive than I had perceived it to be.  My system is very adverse to prioritization, there is definitely a negative charge attached to the word, as if it would make my skin crawl. 

I have defined prioritization as 'being enslaved' where I have to follow rules.  For my whole life I have sought to bypass the rules of the system, as if this were the very key and expertise within the system - do as little as possible so i can have as much free time as possible.  So within that, the opposite charge as defined as 'freedom' - free time.  However this freedom is in self-interest.

When I don't prioritize correctly, I have taken on actual points within myself, but since they are 'out of priority', my pile continues to grow bigger.

Within this there are many supporting points/characters, such as;

- I have defined myself as a loner character, thus I have walked alone for most of my life
- I have relied on my physical strength character, and knowledge character to get by, which is typically not enough to compete with groups within the system, as there is no support when things get difficult
- I have created an efficiency character, where prioritization is based on whatever occurs, or whatever I prefer to do on any given day - thus prioritization is out the window, as I have relied on myself where I did not take into account all the facets of the mind characters.
- I have created a hope character, where I have been waiting and hoping that things would simply fall into place.
- Past situations where I had allowed the anger character are still playing out as I am still paying for the consequences rather than creating and expanding myself.
- There are still remnants of the blame character as backchat indicates.
- Within situations where I feel I have done all that I can, there is still the frustration character
- There is still the resentment for the past character, as the pattern keeps repeating.
- There is a valuation character, where the fear of losing money character keeps me from spending money because I have not made as much as I expected to and dislike being in debt.
- Within that there is another resentment character - resenting mr. Nice guy character for not charging enough money on jobs where I should have made more.
- Then when I am faced with situations, the indecisive character shows up, due to me not recognizing and correcting all these characters, but rather want to go into the blame character and the I give up character and the passify and denial characters in a never ending loop of fuckness.
- Through the passify, denial and indecisive characters, I end up with the negative energy experience as self-defeat character wanting to blame the fact that I dont have enough money to invest to expand how I would like, as I know I could be effective.
- So I go back to the resentment for the past character and ultimately self-imprisonment character as the warden of my mind prision, where I experience myself as the comfortable character who supports the fear of change and uncertainty characters.  Somewhere in the middle, there is the evade character, where when I get stuck on issues, I want to change tasks to let the problem simmer itself out for a little while.

Underlying all of that, there is the character that just wanted to live a simple, easy life - which contrasted the secret character that wants to be famous.  And of course there is still the lingering character that judged anyone who had a title, as seeing themselves as important in a position of authority in the world as evil, therefore my polar opposite spiritual and caring character avoided positions in the system that my character considered evil - through my intention to do good and be a good person character.

Lets see if I have all the characters and the entire pattern this time so I don't have to make even more rounds on this fucking bullshit merry go round.

Backchat

"If I just had money, all of these characters wouldn't be a problem". The situation as it stands is not so, therefore blaming the system will not help me here.  And there was a time where I was existing fully within the evade, fantasy and fear characters, so I am reaping the consequence of that. 

"I can't stop the consequence, its too strong for me to deal with... "

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as internal conversation where I have created the belief as separate from myself as I cant stop the consequences of what I have created, thereby limiting myself to a belief as an idea and thought projection of myself in the future which is not best for all. 

"everything I have tried to get myself back on my feet has not been successful".

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as memories where my mind is directing me into self suppression and self-sabotage, as keeping me enslaved to a system of self victimization.

"I wish I could win the lottery"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as desire to win the lottery, to have the easy way out.  I realize that what I have created is my responsibility and I must face what I have allowed and walk through it so that I can realize myself and live self change for myself. 

"I hate the idea of going to kiss ass"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as a belief system and character that hates kissing ass, I realize that within this system I must support myself, but do not have to create a character that kisses as to do so.


"Its a good thing I can write so at least I know how fucked I am"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into backchat as the realization of fuckness, yet I do not accept and allow this knowledge to condemn me, but rather use it as a tool to assist me to direct the points that need direction in my process.

 The reality is, if I had not realized Equality through Desteni, Im almost certain I would have been in an entirely worse situation by now. The fact that I am in process does not exempt me from consequences. It only shows me how to stop creating more ill consequence.  I still have to pay up - as walking self change for myself. 


Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have walked the point of prioritization to completion, creating a prioritization character rather than continue to walk it until I have fully integrated the point into and as myself so that I become stable - financially.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a loner character who is able to do everything myself.  I (at last) realize that this loner character is not effective therefore I must place myself in an environment where I have support from others, even though it may be difficult.  Either that or I make the decision to take a financial risk on investment to grow. Decision pending.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely solely on my belief in my physical strength and strength of mind to succeed.  I realize that this is not practical and that I need to find a way to get assistance or get involved with a team for support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on the efficiency character.  While I have created a very efficient efficiency character, it at times goes against me and I have created  in-efficiency, in that I have allowed myself too much slack and prioritization has been neglected, and I have allowed myself to become subject to consequences of self sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and rely on the hope character.  In this I realize that hope has deserted me, as hope is not real and only produces expectations of the mind that are doomed because the expectations are based on ideas which are not physical application as dealing with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to situations in the anger character for which there are consequences which I must face.  I realize that the anger character does not support me, but is a manifestation of the blame character in that I have not fully taken responsibility to deal with my issues effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in the frustration character.  I realize that frustration does not help or assist me in any way other than to show me the point that is necessary to be dealt with.  I realize that the frustration character shows up when I have not identified characters and prioritized issues that are necessary to be dealt with.  Rather, I have forgotten about issues because I have allowed myself to procrastinate as a character, because I was uncertain as to which decision to make, because I was in fear of loss and fear of change and still relating experiences of the past to the current situation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in resentment, where I have allowed myself to fear future consequences based on past experiences rather than trusting myself to make an effective decision that would support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the fear of loss as fear of losing money.  This without realizing that if I make investments practically into my business I will have returns that will support my decision - despite the fact that some decisions have not worked in the past - does not mean I should stop making decisions in fear that they will not go as expected.  I have to take some risk in any event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the Mr. Nice guy character, in that I have not been firm and specific enough in negotiations so that I am covered for all the work that I do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to portray the blame character when situations appear difficult, in fearing the future as opposed to being here and dealing with what is necessary to be dealt with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that there are too many variables when I am stuck on making a decision.  I realize that when that comes up, I can explore my options by writing down all the possibilities and from there move myself to make a decision based on my written assessment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give up because the situation appears hopeless and futile.  I realize that giving up is not an options, and that I must do what is necessary to be done in the most effective way I can manage. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the passify and denial characters, where I seek to evade responsibility within the belief that "I don't know" what to decide because there are too many variables and I believe that I am uncertain, which is used as an excuse for me not to do the work that is necessary to be done to get business going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the indecisive character.  I realize this happens when I fail to prioritize myself properly and so create a procrastinating character in the belief that I will have time to do it later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the self-defeat character, where I have judged my situation as too difficult to overcome and in so wanting to go back into the passify, denial and blame characters as not seeing the full extent of connected points that lead to the complete construct of characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the pattern and so again fall into the resentment of the past character where are attached feelings of guilt and regret of missed opportunities that I did make the effort to put into perspective the starting point of what I was accepting and allowing within myself and my world.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the self-imprisonment character, where I have secluded myself in the psycho ward of my mind in trying to figure out what went wrong, but inevitably do not sort it out, because I am attempting to sort it out within my mind in which the actual starting point is easily lost and avoided in fleeting thoughts and memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to portray the fear of change character, where I fear that whatever situation I decide to make will not support me or will not work out.  I realize that this fear of change is limiting and suppressing me within my mind as a character and creates situations where I am unable to move myself through the point of fear of change because I have created layers of deception as beliefs for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the uncertainty character, where I do not walk self-trust here, but rather look at my past and judge myself according to my past failures in fear of failure character, because I have not sorted out the starting point of uncertainty, fear of change and indecisiveness within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the anxiety character where I exist in a thought projection of the future rather than deal with what is here and what is necessary to be done in the present.  I realize that I must plan for all eventualities so that I make sure my bases are covered within priorities.

Within this, I realize there is a point of me fearing to express myself because I had considered myself - in the past - as dishonest within myself and uncertain, because I judged myself as 'not good enough' and 'not as good as' others.  I realize that this is directly the result of the preprogramming of the mind that was designed to keep me enslaved to the idea that I was an evil character so that I would never realize myself as Equal. I realize that the judgement of myself was also due to fear of death and the pictures that flashed in my head where I would be acutely aware of in thinking that I was the creator of such pictures, and so not understanding how to stop them as myself, I rather went into self-judgement and sought to condemn myself for creating atrocities in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire things to be simple and easy in the desire to escape myself and what I have created for myself.  I realize that this is a fantasy character of the mind that only serves to comfort and energize my mind, and in so allows ill consequences to persist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be famous in my secret mind, as the polar opposite of the quiet humble character.   I realize that this desire is in self interest, selfish and does not serve what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a good person character, and in so allow myself to exist within an idea in my mind in trying to be the Houdini character  who is an escape artist of physical consequence of what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a good person character and in so perpetuate the belief system of the mind rather than actually dealing with what is necessary to be done here in changing and aligning myself with myself in the physical through writing myself out and walking the correction for myself in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by energy systems of the mind as 'mental tiredness' when writing this blog.  I realize that this is the minds attempt to get me to stop writing so I do not have to face the points within me that need to be addressed so that I can stop my mind as characters and thoughts and become effective in supporting myself and others. 





Self Commitment Statements

I commit myself to prioritizing issues in my life that need to be attended to so that I can sort out what is necessary to be done.  In that, I realize that this is a point that I really need to work on so that I can take responsibility for the primary points that need to be addressed and I can focus myself on productivity that will produce that which will support me effectively.

I commit myself use opportunities to engage others so that I may seek to get involved with a team where I can work as part of a team in supporting myself and becoming effective and expand myself and my understanding of myself and existent systems.

I commit myself to realize that I will be more effective should I be working with a team, therefore I commit myself to stop fearing myself and move myself.

I commit myself to fully consider the decisions I am making so that I do not put too much unnecessary stress on my physical body and can move effectively within making decisions.

I commit myself to rather than rely solely on myself as knowledge I have acquired realize that I can learn from others as I will also be able to assist them in understanding aspects of work as well as aspects of self realization.

I commit myself to  realize that efficiency is only a portion of being effective as myself in totality, where in becoming effective I push myself to move myself so can accumulate consistency and discipline within myself so that I do not allow myself to exist solely as part of myself.   Within that I realize that I must push resistances to move myself effectively and stop wasting time.

I commit myself to realize that hope is useless, as I must move myself and become effective, not wainting for the perfect scenario I have in my head appears to support me.  I take responsibility to support myself in what ways I am able so that I can stop being directed and controlled by the mind as fear.

I commit myself to become as effective as possible within writing and business so that I no loger accept and allow myself to create more characters that do no support life.

I commit myself to move myself and no longer allow myself to create false hope which does not support me or life in any way.

I commit myself to direct myself within breath as what is here as me, so that I do not accept and allow anger to germinate and spread within my physical body, but I direct myself to move myself within what is best for all.

I commit myself to direct myself within breath as what is here as me, so that I do not accept and allow frustration to form and develop within me as an outflow of not prioritizing and taking responsibility for what is necessary to be done in my reality.

I commit myself to take responsibility to recognize resentment when I see it within myself as looking at the past and what I have created myself as.   Within that, I commit myself to direct myself with what is here as breath so that I can accomplish that which is necessary to be done to become effective in walking my process of self realization and self change.


I commit myself to direct myself within breath as what is here as me,to no longer accept and allow the fear of loss character, but rather direct myself in self trust as what is here as me within realization that allowing fear creates fear, therefore fear does not assist me in any way.

I commit myself to realize that Mr. Nice Guy does not assist me, but rather only supports the character of the mind where I am existing within the belief that I am special and can save others through my good deeds as my belief that I am a good person.   Therefore I commit myself to assist others to realize what they have created themselves as for themselves and stop trying to take responsibility for others.

I commit myself to, rather than blaming others, take responsibility for myself so that I can change myself for myself as what is best for all so that I can stand and become effective in supporting the group that supports what is best for all .

I commit myself to stop making excuses such as there are too many variables - which only hinders my process and shows me that I am not taking my process step by step and breath by breath, but attempting to skip steps to get things done out of fear.

I commit myself to develop consistency within and as myself so that I may become effective and support myself.

I commit myself to realize that there is no such thing as giving up as there is no escape from myself here.

I commit myself to stop making excuses and face myself so that I no longer allow myself to exist within the passify and denial characters.

I commit myself to recognize when I see myself participating within the indecisive character, so that I may address the starting point as the root cause as to what I am doing to sabotage myself within my process of standing for Life.  In so I commit myself to address any points where I find myself procrastinating so that I may become effective in taking responsibility to support myself.

I commit myself to stop existing within the belief that I am defeated as a character of my mind that only wishes to suppress me and make me ineffective entirely.

I commit myself  to recognize all patterns where my mind is directing me to go back into the passify, denial and blame constructs as opposed to directing myself here within breath as the directive principle of myself.

I commit myself to stop judging myself as a failure having failed at life.  I realize that this belief system does not support life, or the process of me becoming Equal to life as my commitment to myself.

I commit myself to identify points of backchat, as these are the keys to unlocking how I am sabotaging myself within my process.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself go into moments of resentment, stop, breathe and clear my starting point to here so that I may realize what my mind is attempting to do as self-sabotage and keeping me enslaved to ideas and memories of past experiences.

I commit myself to free myself from the enslavement of the mind as self-imprisonment where I have in the past condemned myself and subject myself to self-punishment because I have defined myself as having failed myself.

I commit myself to embrace change and see it as an opportunity to move myself and align myself with the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself existing within uncertainty, write myself out, so that I may place my words in writing as visible so that I may identify any patterns that are creating uncertainty within me, so that I may become directive and eventually certain within the decisions I am making for myself as all.

I commit myself to stop fearing failure and move myself without fear of failure, fear of loss, and fear of change - but rather as self directive in doing what is necessary to be done.

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself anxious, stop, breathe and clear my starting point to here so that I can address what issues are creating anxiety within me and face myself in aligning myself with what is best for all through organizing and prioritizing what is necessary to be done.

I commit myself to self-discipline, in limiting my selfish desires for relaxation and non-participation.

I commit myself to walk my self forgiveness and self-correction statements despite the spitefulness of the system which I have accepted and allowed in the past - with a clean slate from here - no longer judging and condemning myself within the realization that characters of the mind are abusive to life.


Word Redefinition

Prioritization

Dictionary definition :

1. to arrange (items to be attended to) in order of their relative importance

2. to give priority to or establish as a priority

 

 

 

Redefinition - To order myself, as self-organization.  To discipline myself so that I may accumulate an outcome for myself that does not create ill consequence but rather creates what is best for all including myself. 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a negative charge to prioritizing as organization and order where I have programmed myself to believe that this action is evil based on subjecting myself to a system of enslavement.  I realize that prioritization, order and organization are self-disciplines that I must develop for myself in order to create what is best for all, therefore the word has no charge, but rather it is essential that I create prioritization for myself so that I can become effective in walking my process of becoming self-directive and take my power back for Equality for all.