Thursday, 5 July 2012
Day 68 - The Comedian
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as a comedian, and so believe that my soul purpose in life is to always be funny and make people laugh. I realize that this is an attempt to make people believe that I'm a happy and fun person to be with, meanwhile the reality is, that I have secret thoughts, fantasies and desires in which I fear what others would think of me if they found out what was really going on in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my comedic character is actually a cover for my hidden character as the MASTER MANIPULATOR. Through which I use my cover as comedian as an energetic vampire, falsely preaching that laughter is bliss and happiness, in the denial of who I really am - as a clever deceiver of myself and others, in that I can effortlessly play them like a flute - thus validating both of my characters through my secret competition of having won over the crowd.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that I secretly think that through my ability and talent to manipulate words, timings and expressions - I am therefore also a GENIUS character, because everyone loves my personality and my jokes, not seeing or realizing that the primary reason people laugh at my jokes is because they are also afraid to face themselves, and thus seeking to escape from themselves through the instructions of the master escape artist, so that they too may avoid having to face what they have allowed themselves to become - as characters.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that through my belief that I am a genius, I am simultaneously presenting myself as the RETARDED character within the inescapable nature of energetically charged, polar opposites. Not realizing the one-dimensionality of the characters I have created as my mind/ego are all just a mask of myself as jokers and clowns all with funny faces.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all the personality characters I have created in order to deceive myself and others have an accumulated effect, where I am forced to maintain my image as these characters through the desire of others to see my character, even when I do not want to play the characters - and within my compliance, I am proving that I am enslaved to my characters, and not able to be real with myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that my character as a comedian is limited - as the tunnel vision, and one-dimensional perception of myself as my mind/ego, which explains why I feel it necessary to make multiple one dimensional characters, so that I may fool myself into believing that I am special, unique, crazy and weird - as additional one-dimensional false characterizations and false attributes of myself, in my continuous attempts to validate myself as characters.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the desire for the emotional experience of comedy, in that I see comedy and laughter as the best medicine, and in so using that phrase as an excuse to perpetuate manipulation through characters I play - Not realizing that this is actually FEAR of facing and changing myself in self-honesty, as a physical being that requires no characters to function and exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously fantasize about making jokes, in so that I seek opportunities in every situation to hide and cover up the real points to be faced in my addiction to energize, evaluate, and validate my characters humor. In doing so, I am insanely repeating the same cycles over and over, as evidence of my insecurity and my inability to walk in self-trust and stability within who I am as a physical being.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the fact that I have automated responses, go to's, safe bets, and guaranteed laughs - not necessarily with the same words because that would be easily detectable, but with any variety and combination of words expressed through the personality traits of my characters - proves that I am not being myself, but rather accessing a character program I have created for and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my humor is used as a drug, and that me as the comedian character, and my audience characters are both addicted to laughter as positive energy experience, in seeking to escape the negative energy experience. I realize that comedy is used as a release agent of accumulated stress and anxiety resulting from irresponsibility to deal with the real issues in my life, which I have neglected through suppressing my actual expression as a physical being without characters.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that self-suppression does not stand for life as what is best for all. In that, I realize that I have become the unwilling tyrant and slave of my mind, that has deceived myself in the attempt to place blame on others for my accepted and allowed dishonesty to myself. I realize that to live as an Equal in unconditionally expressing myself requires that I must learn how to change myself and align myself to living what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that constant and forced comedy in a world full of atrocity is blatantly ignorant and inconsiderate of ones fellow man.
I commit myself to have the courage to face myself in self-honesty so that I may transcend the belief that I am not just a character in my mind, but a multidimensional physical being, here.
I commit myself to investigate the Desteni-I-Process course so that I may remove my false characters and learn what it is to live what is best for all.
I commit myself to support Equality as myself, and in so realize that unconditional self-expression is not limited to just one character attribute, but unlimited, thus freeing myself from the one-dimensional characters I have enslaved myself to.
I commit myself to full awareness of who I am, so that I may use this opportunity to change myself to become an Equal in every way.