Day 74 - You're Special

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that in thinking I am special, I have actually allowed myself to become just a spec of the I of all, in separation and denial of all as me, thus when my body dies, it breaks down to specs of dust of the earth that will no longer animate my special characters. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be special, in so much that I create hypothetical situations in my mind, in trying to imagine what I would be like if everyone saw this care-actor and were so astounded by my words that they all talked about me and my great character amongst themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as a special character and so create imaginary dimensions in my mind as thoughts and judgements against others, so as to promote myself in seeking the attention and worship of others, because in the beLIEf that I am special, my point of view is more valuable, more profound, and strangely unique.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my personal feelings about someone are more valid than another beings feelings, because I believe I am special, I am an env(o)y of the universe sent to bring love and joy to everyone - even though most people do not appear to see my special character that I create in the magical world of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust that my magical character in my mind will save me from harm when danger threatens me.  I realize that I do this to bring a false sense of comfort to my special characters.  I realize that my magical mind character, my spirit guide that keeps me safe, is actually a reflection of my self-dishonesty - because I am too afraid to face the real consequences of what I have created, accepted, and allowed in the physical world - as absolute self-denial of who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create both an angel character to compliment me and validate my goodness, and also a demonic character whom I can blame everything on when I am faced with the actual physical consequences of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become - as a bi-polar mind slave that denies myself in the desire for excitement, as fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my lust for attention and energy, and in my decision to submit to fear, I have accepted myself as a compromise, a partial truth, of who I really am, and thus the partial truth of me is therefore the acceptance of me as the complete lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create thoughts in my mind as gods, demons, angels, masters, serving peasants, perverted liars and cheaters of life.  I realize that I have justified these characters as 'normal' and 'acceptable' in the I belief that 'I need them to survive', and 'I am strong and in control of my mind',  and 'I am good and would never let them get out of hand'.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create these characters in full understanding that these thoughts create severe consequences in my physical world, and thus all the torture, suffering and enslavement of the world is because of my thoughts, as I have loved my secret and selfish desires - at the extreme cost of making others pay the real price for my dishonesty, proving that I have feared death, suffering and have neglected my true self as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the simple, humble, caring and loving characters as a cover-up to hide the real me.  I realize that these cover ups are all very thin veils, and that anyone, even children and others who use fake characters, can easily see through my disguises, even though they be unwilling to drop the charade for themselves.

I commit myself to drop the charade and face myself and reality for real.

I commit myself to realize that fear is the con of consciousness which causes unnecessary and extreme suffering.

I commit myself to research and understand how I created this false mind-reality

I commit myself to stand for what is best for all.

I commit myself to changing myself from being a slave to my secret mind, to one who exposes the truth of myself to myself.

I commit myself to investing in the one and only solution to life as Equality for all

I commit myself to the journey to life, to nothingness so life can be born in the physical as best for all

I commit myself to distinguish with common sense - what is necessary for life, and what is not

I commit myself to give all of myself to life through self-forgiveness, as I would like to receive of life.