Sunday, 1 July 2012
Day 64 - Relaxing, Moments, Boredom and Excitement
Fear of slowing down/desire to go fast. Desire to live in self interest, as doing what I want for myself. Defining responsibility as 'work'/slavery/drudgery within my mind and not being free to relax. While relaxation exists within current consequence, as our physical bodies eventually require rest at some point in the day, relaxation can be an acceptance of neglect and ignorance. Through perceiving my life experience as 'long and arduous', relaxation can be a stimulus of the mind through the energetic charge in the positive polarity, where work is the negative. Working has become slavery, rather than the act of giving myself, through and as self-responsibility and supporting all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed off the positive energy charge within and as the word 'relaxation' as seeing and defining relaxation as a stimulus point where I think of relaxation as a means of acquiring energy of the mind, as an escape from taking responsibility for myself as all in directing every breath.
I no longer accept and allow myself to participate in the energetic charge of the word relaxation, as seeing it as a positive stimulus to charge the energy systems of the mind, but rather change myself to see that relaxation - when rest is not actually necessary for the physical body - is an acceptance of ignorance in the desire to live in self interest, as passing off my responsibility to the mind to direct me, instead of me directing myself here in each breath, moment by moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have created moments as separations in time, where I/we have created mo-ments - as the desire for 'more mental energy', I perceive that each moment appears to be a monumental task - the created monument in the mind - the graven image of myself in separation. Perceiving life as a long arduous struggle, everything is fucked up, dangerous, fearful, abusive and a big lie - based on the perspective of me, seeing myself through the eyes of my mind/ego.
Yet the actuality of life as source is so incredibly simple - being here in taking responsibility for directing myself within breath - I can enjoy myself in slowing myself down - within the realization that in taking responsibility for myself as breath, I am taking responsibility for ALL LIFE as me - thus removing the guilt and blame associated through relationship, as each is now self-responsible.
Through that realization and application - each moment is equal and one, and the moment is no longer monotonous or monumental, as 'mon-u-mental' being the mental projection of me, as I have moaned about not getting my selfish desires, and so created hierarchy/inequality/slavery. Monotony, or mono-tone, a sound without variety or variation - boring and dull.
We are bored-dumb. The fear of being 'bored' creates the experience of boredom within the mind. Life is not boring, because life is not defined by boredom - if I am bored, it is because I have created the idea of boredom and subject myself to the con-fines of that belief, thus having to serve the sentence and the fine, where I have 'sent' myself into broken moments of 'tense', clinging to the past 'tense' and creating a future 'tense' based on the past 'tense', where I am always 'tense' in fear of facing the inevitable consequence for what I have accepted and allowed as me.
Boredom is false perception as desiring to be 'someone else' or be with 'someone more exciting' - seeing oneself as boring - to bore, or drill a hole through - thus the definition is given a negative energy charge - seeing boredom as 'monotonous', 'painful' and 'slow'. Yet boredom is created through participation in the idea of limitation, due to false perception and irresponsibility, not seeing or realizing the opportunities and potential to share myself. In fear of the idea of boredom, we often find 'work' to preoccupy ourselves to make ourselves busy with work. Trying to fake ourselves out, pretend responsibility we have created more and more work to do, rather than simply living and expressing ourselves as life. Thus wurk has become urk, as we urk ourselves through enforced movement from the starting point of servitude, as one is forced into serving the hierarchy of the mind, as the self-created system.
The phrase "I am boring" is opposed to a real expression of life - as giving myself unconditionally through my expression as an Equal. To enjoy the act of giving rather than desiring to feed on the energy of others - which is seeking for self in others, thus attempting to blame life because I did not have the courage to take responsibility to express and share myself, and therefore created the consequence of me existing within and as jealousy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am boring, or my life is boring, or that someone else is boring within definition as self-judgement. I realize that I have not ever really considered what was the starting point of boredom which is actually do to the desire to escape responsibility, and the desire for an energy high that would stimulate my senses to make me feel alive, yet I am not alive because all of existence is enslaved to consciousness.
I commit myself to, when and as I see myself participating within the mind as 'feeling bored', to move myself in the physical to do something practical that would assist myself and others. There are an infinite number of things that I can do in each moment to push my resistances and support life.
The opposite polarity charge 'exciting' - as the stimulating and positive energy experience we constantly seek to escape the negative. Constantly seeking to have an experience of ourselves. Ex-sight-ment is the externalization of sight - as opposed to having In-sight, where we look into ourselves in self-honesty. Ex-sight-ment is the false perception as the mental creation in denial of the negative association, thus the fuel of consciousness which produces the system as cycles in continuous polarity and enslavement.
Sex-citing. Sex is often the most sought after experience. Not to take away from the physical experience of sex, but when sex is used within the fantasies of the mind, it creates abuse through fueling and energizing the polarity mind systems where one is seeking power and control over another so that one can achieve personal satisfaction and good feelings for oneself in separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need for an energy high as excitement. I realize that excitement is driven through desire to have a special experience of myself within my reality, however this desire for personal excitement carries with it the polar opposite as boredom. Also, excitement as searching for myself outside of myself within an experience is separation. I am not saying that I cannot do things that are 'fun', only that the addiction to excitement as energy addiction in wanting to escape responsibility to myself and all is abuse.
I commit myself to direct myself to enjoy myself in all moments equally, to stop searching for excitement outside of myself, but to work with what is here as myself so I can become life and assist all as I would like to be assisted.