163 - Miss Breath and Miss Opportunity

Today I had to do an estimate.  During negotiations, I realized that I would not be able to do the job due to an outlet being in the wrong place.  For some reason, perhaps I figured it would take too long with the electrical work that needed to be relocated.  I quickly assumed that I would not be able to do the job, explained this to the client and closed negotiations saying I could come back when he had that issue fixed himself.

While I was driving home, it occurred to me that I probably could have done the relocation myself and charged the customer a little more for the time involved.  Why had I not seen that opportunity?  My assumption was quick, as the customer and I had been bartering over price - which was already very low, and this was causing me some frustration as I had already taken the time to drive all the way out there, which has already cost me 1/5th of the total job price in gas.

I see that I had already begun to become negative about the job, and when I realized that the plug had to be moved, I entertained a good feeling of not having to do the work with the excuse that I could not do it now.  The happy feeling was compounded by the negative feeling that I was not going to make any money, and I had in fact lost money by doing the estimate.  Within all of these feelings, I did not stop myself to assess the situation here as breath, trusting myself and the physical.  I was going by the emotion of how events like this had played out in the past - so I was in fear that the worst would happen.

The other point I realized is that, had I seen the opportunity to relocate the electrical myself and negotiated with the client for it, I may well have been upset with myself for undertaking the job, especially if there were any surprises as there always are in this line of work.  So it is a situation where I would judge myself either way.  The only solution to this is to remain here in breath, and not go into self-judgement for any reason.  Stop living my past and to live every moment as me, as breath.  I was aware of my breath the whole way to the clients house, however when I got there and the stress of the job kicked in, I lost all awareness and went on autopilot.

Business is more competitive in the winter here, and I had not prepared enough advertising for myself in the fall.  I had a job lined up which did not work out, and then expected to be able to get a job somewhere but that has not panned out either.  I will be exploring my options over the next little while to see where I can place myself to be effective and to support myself.   Besides that, process wise, things seem to be going well.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I encounter a stressful situation where I am in the vicinity of people - go on autopilot and forget my breath awareness causing me to make rash decisions and choices based in fear and how things have played out in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by systems as the projection of fear that the worst would happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not realizing the opportunity to do the extra work and make some extra money from the situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget my newly learned skills of persuasion when dealing with clients - reciprocity, authority, scarcity, consistency, liking and consensus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to direct myself in the most effective manner so that I am able to support myself and change my world to a world worth living in with Equality of Life as the principle we all live by.

I commit myself to pushing myself to remain in breath awareness when involved in stressful situations where other people are around.

I commit myself to stop living in past definitions and begin to take responsibility for me in all situations through breathing and living from the starting point of here - as seeing every situation as a completely new experience of myself here, equal to the physical reality.

I commit myself to the realization that, to walk this process of awareness in each moment is... to bring myself back from the state of absolute self-devaluation, where my existence hangs by a single strand of knowledge of myself, in the understanding that the whole universe has in fact betrayed me, as the reflection of my own self-betrayal.... to align myself with the actual starting point of myself here, as breath, so that I may create myself as Equal to all things, as the final end of all enslavement and beginning of Life without limitation or judgement, where the value of All is Equally precious as Life.
     

158 - Questioning the Universe

Caught myself pondering the vast mysteries of the Universe this evening.  I was going to blog about something 'er other but of course, someone had to go and fiddle with my kaleidoscope again, messing up the perfect little image I had of everything... OK.  Looking at this whole thing from a new perspective now.  I was watching a documentary on the universe narrated by Morgan Freeman, sitting in my chair I dosed off in the first 5 minutes, only to awake to catch the last 3 minutes or so.  At the end he was speaking about scientists definition of life, and what parameters they put on weather or not something is actually considered life or not, (for those unaware, as the scientists, everything has awareness lol)  ex. Does it replicate itself? - In which case many things such as machines or even cars may do so in a factory, where robots carry out instructions rather like DNA would be used as the blueprint.... this is somewhat besides the point.

So having all of my background understanding from the Desteni material, as well as perspectives of beings  brought through the inter-dimensional portal whom have done interviews from the afterlife, I began to consider the fact (as I had heard) that a 'being' can span multiple bodies.  This I find interesting, yet somewhat awkward to grasp, as how can a body, or cell, or organism... be itself as an individual, as well as part of other bodies, cells, or organisms at the same time as if to comprise itself of 2 or more 'life' embodiment's/beings?

This seemed strange to me... I have no doubt that there are more than likely perspectives and answers to this that I have not yet been privy to, in which case I remain content with the fact that I will understand more in time.  It was then that I considered something that I have already 'known' from a certain perspective, yet perhaps not entirely.

Until several years ago, I had been living my whole life within the assumption that I am a separate being.  So looking back at my childhood, my whole starting point of who I am - as who I understood and believed myself to be - was based on this assumption that -- I am separate from reality.  Rather Frightening.  This 'idea' or belief that 'I am separate' from my reality induces a tremendous amount of fear, if one perceive and consider the actuality that - I am subject to death - Death, as the untimely, untamed, and unknown monster, more evil and sinister than my greatest known fear.  The fact that it is not talked about or discussed by my parents, whom are the living representation of God to me, only re-enforces this great fear I have of death within me.  It is apparent to me that no one can actually save me from a potentially random terrifying experience, in which case I would have to face God knows what... the indoctrinated idea of hell, or my worst fear of all, non-existence.

This experience of fear, now deeply suppressed, becomes a driving force which impacts and creates my experiences of myself.  It also causes me to question who I am, but it is clear that I do not even know myself, and can only guess and 'make-believe' answers, which children frequently do. Is it any wonder that we grasp after definitions, labels, personalities, opinions and classifications of ourselves, desperately seeking to answer the question we are unable to even formulate?  Although we cannot calculate precisely, we can certainly observe the consequences in our world, of our collective irresponsibility as parents - deliberately neglecting to address this fear of death within children and themselves, rather preferring to focus on achieving egotistical goals of morality, education, and financial success. In so, many of us have yet to realize the full impact of this indescribable shame, yet we will all see soon enough, as the time has come to reap what we have sewn.  This, besides the fact that this world is already living hell for millions.

Who I am, as this 'Belief of myself' as a separate being - is really just another bubble, which eventually has to burst.  As long as I am here, I am a participant in this shared physical reality. I could say from a certain perspective that 'Who I am', as this experience of myself, is actually the Universe in totality, indirectly experiencing itself as me, through this physical body.  So I must abolish that part of me that is an illusion - the parasite - which is the belief I have always selfishly believed myself to be - so that I can be here in existence solely to share and express myself in the best interest of all life, in so creating myself as Equal to Life.  As Jesus said... I am the way - funny I always assumed that meant 'He' was the way, not understanding that Life can only exist in Equality, as standing Equal to All things.

Join The Journey to Life Group on Facebook and check out the Free Course provided by Desteni which is great Self Support.

Day 63 - Big Bang Theory

Reflecting on conversation I had with a young christian man yesterday, he curiously wanted to know how the universe as existence came into being - How did it happen?  He was very persistent, and held onto the belief that he had to KNOW what 'IT' was that caused existence.  He claimed it had to be some intelligent life-form/being - as 'God' that created us - as the source of all life.   So in looking at the question from a christian perspective, we can see there is an obvious conundrum.  If God created us and the universe as it says in the bible, then he must have had a form of intelligence to do so - so who created God - and his (apparent) intelligence? The bible says that in the beginning was the word, and the word was God.  So for the purpose of explanation, we can simplify this to - 'in the beginning was sound, and sound was existence as a whole'.  So where did the sound come from?  What caused the sound? - Because all we know of and are apparently able to understand in our limited mind/ego based existence, is cause and effect.

Firstly, let's say we found 'the answer', something that could be put into a plausible explanation such as a strange cosmic burp of some sort.  The very searching for the answer to this question, while it is interesting to consider - does not actually serve to help the situation on our planet in any way besides helping people to understand - so that we can each individually change ourselves to support life.

If one is to claim that all of existence is a dream or 'not actually real' - consider the fact that we experience (preventable and unnecessary) pain, suffering and ultimately death as proof enough that there is a problem that must be solved here.  Fascinatingly, the solution is rather simple, yet at the same time so extensive as to make it appear difficult.  We just need to remove the false perception so that we may begin to understand, and learn to apply ourselves in walking out the solution.

So to find the first cause of existence/the universe/everything, lets put this question to a kind of allegorical test.  For example, lets say the first sound - sounded something like 'boom'.  So the first cause/intonation was 'b(uh)' as the sound of the letter b.  If I am sounding that for myself, I have to use the muscles in my face to form the expression, in which I flex my muscles within my body to then vibrate the sound.  So to create the sound 'b(uh)', I have to first 'will' the sound.  If one believes in some higher power/god is controlling me to resonate this sound, then that would fall within the belief that we are not existing, we are completely non-existent and/or completely controlled robots. 

Thus I contend that the actual cause of the sound - comes from self, in this case me - as my 'will' or desire to express the sound I created and expressed with my physical body.  So within the sounding of 'b(uh)', I realize that I AM the source of the sound, as self-will, as my desire to express myself within and as sound. 

Fascinatingly, I do not need a reason to form and express the sound - 'b(uh)'.  I can do it for NO REASON WHATSOEVER.  Alternatively, one might say - I can create the sound from NOTHING.  One might say that I made the sound because 'I am trying to find the cause of the universe'. No - I can simply create the sound for no reason, no purpose, but myself being here expressing sound.  Try it for yourself if you still don't believe me.

Interestingly, it is only when we create a sound for a REASON that we are acting within a controlled system, and thereby locked within the confines and definition of that reason, as the sound that is created is based on the reason, and not unconditional self-expression.  For example, lets say I am hungry and want something to eat, yet I do not have any food.  So I ask for some food from someone that has food.  I create the sounds "May I have some food?"  My reason or cause for expressing is that I am hungry.  So my expression is not unconditional, rather it is limited to the consequence of the cause, and so becomes the directly related effect, tied to the cause/necessity and desire for something I want and do not have.  Therefore I must convey the message accurately, so that the other person will understand me, and I can acquire the food, otherwise I will go hungry.  Hence my expression is conditional and limited to my ability to articulate my desire. 

So getting back to the point, in concluding that 'nothing' is the starting point of my sound creation, we must then go on to ask ourselves, but what is the cause of nothing?  The answer to that would be - there does not need to be a cause of 'nothing', as 'nothing' simply IS...  It is source as self, which defies definition, abstract of the limitation we currently find ourselves in.   It is a starting point, thus all attempts to define it through knowledge are useless.   Our very existence as being here experiencing ourselves is adequate proof that 'it' or 'nothingness' exists.

The real problem is that we do not understand ourselves and our existence, and WHY such atrocities exist in our world and reality.  Through our lack of understanding source(nothingness) - as self - as us here, we have separated ourselves from source through false ideas and perceptions created about our reality and thus we exist within a delusional fear-ridden reality... culminating in a disgraceful existence on a one way track to our ultimate doom.  This is essential to be understood so that we can stop abuse of life and implement a solution that would correct our starting point, as it is not aligned with what is best for all - which in itself is the ONLY way in which life can be free of limitation and the evident abuse of life.

The concept is not difficult to grasp, it is only when a person is trapped within the limitation of mind/ego that they will have a problem, because likely one is either hoping for heaven, or fearing hell. Whether it be a religious belief, or merely the religion of self - as self-interest, either way it is blatant denial for which there is no excuse, because no one can deny the physical, as we are all here, supposedly sharing it, yet it is not being shared Equally as it should be.

For a person that believes in a 'higher power' or 'god' as an intelligent being that is separate from self as source,  one must carefully consider, and beware of the limitations imposed by belief systems such as this - as they are extensive and delude one into self-deception - because one does not see the actual starting point of their self-created belief system - which is fear.  This delusional fear blinds one to the common sense and practical solutions of what is here.  If fear(delusion) is the starting point, then that fear is accepted and allowed through self-dishonesty, and carries with it inevitable consequence equal and one to the starting point of fear - that is to say - fear creates fearful consequence, not only for oneself, but for all.

That is why we at Desteni are diligently applying self-forgiveness and corrective application so that we can remove the fear that we have allowed within ourselves, so we can change ourselves to align with source - as what is best for all - as best for all supports life, AND source, as unconditional expression.  I challenge everyone to investigate Desteni and to take the Desteni-I-Process course - if you have the courage to take self-responsibility, the fears and delusional belief systems we have all allowed to exist.

Day 61 - The Theory of Everything

Einstein searched for the illusive formula that would solve existence, but to no avail.  Yet interestingly, anyone can discover it for themselves because it is right here, as each one is able to realize self.  We have always been here, but the problem is that we have been constantly searching for ourselves - out there.  The other aspect of the problem is that, through that constant searching for ourselves, we have created a big mess.  So in order to get out of that mess, we have to walk a process of self-realization through time.

Time is merely a measurement.  Time only exists in the mind, it is not a physical object.  The universe does not keep time - humans keep time, and hold it as an imaginary value to try and cope with and understand our universe.  Think about it - What purpose does time serve, other than to tell us when we HAVE to be at work?  If all humans simply lived for the collective good, as what is best for all, then time would be absolutely unnecessary, and everything would be common sense in supporting life.  But no, because we humans invented fear, and are thus irresponsible and spiteful to life, as the physical, we have created this false idea of time in which we have enslaved ourselves - through consciousness.

To try and understand the universe using a limited, one dimensional tool such as time, is like trying to catch a fish with your nose.  So why do scientists constantly use the factor of time in equations?  Sometimes it is, or can be for practical purposes, however, the fact that this simple realization is not widely understood by everyone is evidence of widespread deception. 

Why does science constantly promote their "intelligence" through propagating information, such as the idea that the universe is 13 billion years old?  Of what practical use is that information - in a world full of abuse and suffering?  None whatsoever.  Are humans are dumb enough to think that our technology is going to enable us to colonize the universe?  Seriously?  For what, so we can consume and trash other planets as we have done to earth, as the abomination to life that we are?  Yet still, humans are mystified by knowledge, and it sells many books and magazines.

If we look at quantum entanglement, where a jug of water is divided into 2 jugs and one jug is placed a far distance away from the other.  When the water molecules are structured in one jug, the other jugs water molecules INSTANTLY reflect the the change.  This phenomena proves that space - as distance and time - is not at all what we have been taught to believe.  Particles are in direct relationship to eachother, regardless of 'time' or 'spacial distance'. It is thus assumed that the entire universe is entirely entangled.

From a physics perspective, we must also take into consideration 'the measurement problem' - Where an atom only appears in a particular place, if you measure it.  An atom is spread out all over the place, until a conscious observer decides to look at it.  In other words, the act of observation creates the entire universe.   The actual problem is that of perception, as seeing self as separate from ones reality.

So what?  Well, if this is in fact the case, then the choices that are made by each being, which are based on relationships as false perceptions of reality - DIRECTLY affect everyone else, and in so create severe and horrible consequences that impact everyone.  The hitch, is that some are aware of this system of perceptions that dictates our reality, and so, spitefully use the system to manipulate the conscious mind of the masses into submission to the idea that - fear and spite is the inherent nature of existence, and thus cannot be changed.

This is absolutely not true, because we can see within ourselves that we can change and transcend fear through self-forgiveness, and understanding of the starting point of how the fear was created in the first place.  The problem is, most people are so consumed with fear, they just want to exist in their blissful ignorance, willing to accept the lie, as long as they can keep their temporary comfort - even at the expense of others.  This in ignorance of the fact that the universe is 'entangled', and so the choices that are created through ignorance are impacting not only others, but themselves as well, to grave consequence.  This self-compromise, or false contentment, is the evil of our existence, which must be exposed and stopped.

We are told in the Law of Thermal dynamics that Energy cannot be created or destroyed.  This 'law' is a limited idea, which quite typically does not take into account the inherent problem that energy feeds on the physical - converting matter into heat energy through friction.  Energy cannot exist without the physical as its source.  If all of the physical universe burns itself out, the heat would simply dissipate.

The problem with science, is that it tries to understand and define the universe in separation from self as the source of existence - hence no responsibility is necessary.  Scientists postulate ideas as if self is of no relevance whatsoever, thereby justifying free choice as 'do whatever you want, it doesn't matter anyway'.  Complete negligence.

For any formula or theory to be accurate, it must take into account all variables - Nothing can be omitted.  That is why the Equality equation - 1+1=2 - is the only trustworthy formula where we can 1 by 1 accumulate that which is best for all.... Because we have become so lost within ideas of science, separating ourselves from what is here - as selfishness and the desire for personal profit, that we have forgotten common sense.

Intelligence is non-existent, and those that claim to be intelligent, are actually complete fools, because they have not even realized, applied and understood the most basic formula of all - 1+1=2  to solve the most basic problems in our world.  Each person that realizes their responsibility to life, can change themselves, and so help to create a world that is best for all.  There is no excuse for self-denial, especially when the theory of everything is given to you on a golden platter.  Join the Desteni I Process and realize for yourself who you really are.

Day 36 - Exponential Potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss opportunities in my life where I could have assisted someone to understanding Equality and coming to self-realizations because I did not make an effort to express myself out of fear and/or self-interest.  I realize that there is tremendous potential in every moment if I am here as breath living what is best for all.  I also realize the exponential factors involved in that what can potentially happen through a simple act of selfless support, where resonant outflows can produce multiple self-realizations culminating in more pressure on the entire system to stop abuse of life, and change to a system that is best for all - The Equal Money System. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my potential through limiting myself in and as my mind. I see that at times I could do more for Equality, but I do not because I am still subject to the mind as limitation through past programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the mind of past programming rather than stop myself in the moment, clear myself through breath, and change myself within the moment freeing myself from the limitations of the past.  I realize that the past assists me to see how I went wrong so I can correct myself, but the past in itself is gone with no value other than that.  Memories do not serve life here in any way other than to assist with changing me here and now so that I can delete all memories of the past, as it only existed in the starting point of abuse and self-denial.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust and belief in someone  rather than trust myself as what I know to be true to myself as - what is best for all is ALWAYS the absolute best - it can get no better than that.  Anyone telling me that I need to do this, or I need to do that, so that I can improve my image, or be faster, or be better, or look better  - is deceived - in trying to manipulate me into the polarity game of winner/loser which is NEVER best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a cult. I realize that this is a ridiculous fear because I realize the whole world is full of cults/cultures - which all they really are are organizations and corporations of people who serve a common purpose - to abuse life.  I realize there is only ONE cult that has the guts to stand in support of ALL LIFE.  I love being in that cult, because Desteni is the BEST ******* CULT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!! 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and squirm my way out of facing my fears through changing the subject or excuses and justifications, or occupying my mind with trivial things - PRETENDING I'M NOT AWARE OF MYSELF HERE - rather than face my fears and dishonesty directly in the EXACT moment that I am aware of them.  I realize that if I do not face my fears in the moment I see them, I will time-loop in a cycle of dishonesty and so miss my opportunity to transcend my fear and compound harmful consequences upon myself and others.

I commit myself to showing myself what points I need to face and apply self forgiveness for in each moment of each breath, so that I may stop self deception and change myself to develop self-honesty, integrity, and dignity to stand for Life as Equality as what is best for all in all ways. 

I commit myself to summon all my courage as I develop self-trust in walking with the group that stands for Life, to remove petty fears that stand in the way of my ETERNAL life within and as the physical expression of Life.

I commit myself to allow/open myself to realize the unlimited potential of what is possible when a group stands in absolute agreement - with one common goal and one common purpose - and when that purpose is to support ALL LIFE, then NOTHING is impossible for that group.  

Day 16 - Fear of Being Here

After reading Gian's blog, I realized the hidden conversations I have been having lately in my mind.  I was justifying them as 'working myself out' within my process.  The hidden fear within my justifications was that I am afraid of having to 'do the work' of actually directing every action that I do, and every word that I speak as equal to who I am here as a physical being.  I am afraid of facing the fact that I am currently not directing every single action that I am doing within my physical experience.

Inter-arrestingly, I fear not being able to 'rest'.  In so, I deny the rest of myself, and allow unrest to exist within me and my world through my personal desire for comfort and rest.  

I am not referring to issues where I have to common sensically figure things out such as 'how will I repair my truck' or 'how many such and such I will need for this job' etc.

I am referring to the conversations in my head where I try to justify my ego/personality thinking processes out of fear, instead of applying self-forgiveness when they arise, as investigating and stopping myself from being controlled by thoughts.  I am a physical being, and so apart from practical living responsibilities that require calculations, I do not need a judge in my head to tell me I am 'right' or 'wrong'. 

When I think I am 'right' - I am automatically 'wrong' by default, because I participated in the polarity design thought process, where one creates the other as cause and effect.

Why do I fear taking responsibility for each thought that arise and direct myself to do Self-Forgiveness and walk the physical correction? 

For myself, it is the fear of being honest with myself, fear of admitting to myself that I was 'wrong'.  Reluctance to go back and have to re-walk the point where I fucked up.  I seem to prefer to believe that I am right in my mind because it makes me feel better about myself, instead of sticking to my commitment of aligning myself with the physical as being here, constantly and consistently without thought judgements and justifications.

It seems so much easier to just forget about it.  But each time I miss the opportunity to transcend the 'desire to be right', the desire to be a 'hero in my mind' and so continue to exist as a 'mind robot' enslaved to a personality construct. 

I just had the thought now "gawd I hope this gets easier" lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my mind conversations as 'working myself out' in my mind, where I realize that those points that come up must be addressed and forgiven so I can walk the correction of just being here in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I don't think about things, I will not understand myself and perhaps miss a point about myself. Yet if I simply direct myself in everything I do as breath as the physical, that is how I will transcend all ego and self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not worthy of becoming life here as the physical in the polarity design of believing that I am less than the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear directing myself as purely physical here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become because I fear the consequences of what I have allowed.  I realize that I must face the consequences regardless, so there is no point in fearing what is already here.  The only way to stop further consequence is to stop my ego and become purely physical here in living what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear torture and pain and death, as that is fear of self and thus pointless.  I embrace myself here so I can change what I have allowed myself to become and support equality of life in all ways to actually stop torture pain and death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to rest in the desire for personal comfort while others suffer in my world.  I realize that comfort and rest can only be real if all are able to be comfortable and rest equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being wrong and desiring to be right in my head.  I realize that this fear and desire is based on a polarity design that only exists within my self-created fantasy world of imagination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear 'doing the work' to perfect myself as standing absolutely within and as the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define self-correction as 'work' as enslavement when actually self-correction is the opposite as stopping the enslavement as work so I can free myself as all of existence from the enslavement to systems of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am right so I can have a good feeling about myself rather than actually face myself and walk the correction and change myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget the commitment I have made to myself as standing for equality and what is best for all until it is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a hero in my mind where I am the winner that must be worshiped as a god in deluded self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the design of 'hope' where I only hope to transcend my ego rather than actually facing the points here as and when they come up as thoughts, judgements and justifications within me.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'Gawd, I hope this gets easier', while in reality as the physical, there is only what is here as not existing within a definition of 'hard' or 'easy' but me as having the opportunity to face myself and correct myself here within and as breath in each new moment until I live what is best for all in every way.