158 - Questioning the Universe

Caught myself pondering the vast mysteries of the Universe this evening.  I was going to blog about something 'er other but of course, someone had to go and fiddle with my kaleidoscope again, messing up the perfect little image I had of everything... OK.  Looking at this whole thing from a new perspective now.  I was watching a documentary on the universe narrated by Morgan Freeman, sitting in my chair I dosed off in the first 5 minutes, only to awake to catch the last 3 minutes or so.  At the end he was speaking about scientists definition of life, and what parameters they put on weather or not something is actually considered life or not, (for those unaware, as the scientists, everything has awareness lol)  ex. Does it replicate itself? - In which case many things such as machines or even cars may do so in a factory, where robots carry out instructions rather like DNA would be used as the blueprint.... this is somewhat besides the point.

So having all of my background understanding from the Desteni material, as well as perspectives of beings  brought through the inter-dimensional portal whom have done interviews from the afterlife, I began to consider the fact (as I had heard) that a 'being' can span multiple bodies.  This I find interesting, yet somewhat awkward to grasp, as how can a body, or cell, or organism... be itself as an individual, as well as part of other bodies, cells, or organisms at the same time as if to comprise itself of 2 or more 'life' embodiment's/beings?

This seemed strange to me... I have no doubt that there are more than likely perspectives and answers to this that I have not yet been privy to, in which case I remain content with the fact that I will understand more in time.  It was then that I considered something that I have already 'known' from a certain perspective, yet perhaps not entirely.

Until several years ago, I had been living my whole life within the assumption that I am a separate being.  So looking back at my childhood, my whole starting point of who I am - as who I understood and believed myself to be - was based on this assumption that -- I am separate from reality.  Rather Frightening.  This 'idea' or belief that 'I am separate' from my reality induces a tremendous amount of fear, if one perceive and consider the actuality that - I am subject to death - Death, as the untimely, untamed, and unknown monster, more evil and sinister than my greatest known fear.  The fact that it is not talked about or discussed by my parents, whom are the living representation of God to me, only re-enforces this great fear I have of death within me.  It is apparent to me that no one can actually save me from a potentially random terrifying experience, in which case I would have to face God knows what... the indoctrinated idea of hell, or my worst fear of all, non-existence.

This experience of fear, now deeply suppressed, becomes a driving force which impacts and creates my experiences of myself.  It also causes me to question who I am, but it is clear that I do not even know myself, and can only guess and 'make-believe' answers, which children frequently do. Is it any wonder that we grasp after definitions, labels, personalities, opinions and classifications of ourselves, desperately seeking to answer the question we are unable to even formulate?  Although we cannot calculate precisely, we can certainly observe the consequences in our world, of our collective irresponsibility as parents - deliberately neglecting to address this fear of death within children and themselves, rather preferring to focus on achieving egotistical goals of morality, education, and financial success. In so, many of us have yet to realize the full impact of this indescribable shame, yet we will all see soon enough, as the time has come to reap what we have sewn.  This, besides the fact that this world is already living hell for millions.

Who I am, as this 'Belief of myself' as a separate being - is really just another bubble, which eventually has to burst.  As long as I am here, I am a participant in this shared physical reality. I could say from a certain perspective that 'Who I am', as this experience of myself, is actually the Universe in totality, indirectly experiencing itself as me, through this physical body.  So I must abolish that part of me that is an illusion - the parasite - which is the belief I have always selfishly believed myself to be - so that I can be here in existence solely to share and express myself in the best interest of all life, in so creating myself as Equal to Life.  As Jesus said... I am the way - funny I always assumed that meant 'He' was the way, not understanding that Life can only exist in Equality, as standing Equal to All things.

Join The Journey to Life Group on Facebook and check out the Free Course provided by Desteni which is great Self Support.

Day 30 - Excuses

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live my life based on the false belief that I am a good person because I care and do good deeds, such as giving to charity or helping people, when in fact, it is dishonest and irresponsible for any person to define themselves as good while existing in a world where billions suffer - because EVERYONE thinks they are a good person, thus this belief that 'I am a good person' is the very LIE that promotes and justifies abuse where one fools oneself into believing 'I am doing my part' - while refusing to stand ACCOUNTABLE in every breath, and support the ONLY solution to solve the entire problem within our world - Equal Money for All. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that inequality is 'just the way it is' and justify my beLIEf with statements such as 'it will never change' 'it can't change' or 'Equal Money is Communism' - in doing so I am only justifying my fears that I cannot change myself and that the truth is that I do not WANT to change because I enjoy living in my own false mind bubble of selfishness and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the game of FALSE HUMILITY, where I continually justify my denial of myself and abuse because I feel protected by the system.  In that I feel comfortable playing the game while my world is being destroyed and life is being subject to unimaginable horrors for which I am in FEAR of facing as what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the game of false humility wherein I deliberately appease my mind with thoughts that 'I am content being/existing as just another clone of the system' with the justification that 'I am doing my part through my good deeds'.  I realize with absolute awareness that these justifications and excuses are me HIDING from the truth of WHO I REALLY AM, as equal to all of my world and reality.

In realizing this, I see that I am 'no better than' a murderer, or a drug pusher, or a corrupt politician, or a serial rapist, because I have allowed this type of behavior to exist in my world through my passive yet deliberate acceptance and allowance by NOT supporting the only solution which would create a world that is BEST FOR ALL.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play dumb with myself in my mind, telling myself that 'I just don't understand it all', meanwhile all the answers are HERE as me as the physical that CANNOT BE DENIED, because we all move and interact within the physical in every moment, as within absolute awareness of (the denial of) ourselves.  I realize that even DEATH is not an escape from myself as who I have allowed myself to become, but at death, the shameful realization of who I am is faced head on as I allowed myself to live in self-interest and self-denial.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate life to a personality so that I could CAMOUFLAGE myself within the system and only look out for myself and those who support my selfish disguises as personalities which only serve to justify my dishonesty and abuse of life within my secret mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the goal of life is to just 'BE HAPPY' in seeking happiness for myself only, rather than support what is best for all.  In realizing this, I see that I have allowed abuse of my world through my selfishness with the evidence being that I am CONSTANTLY SEEKING A DIVERSION such as trying to make myself happy, or being a sports fanatic, or constantly seeking a joke to laugh at, or wanting to get high, or vegetating in front of the TV, or blabbering about the stupidity of the world - while REFUSING to face myself and change myself in order to change my world for REAL by standing with a group that supports what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to point fingers, blame and mock the world in an expression of 'I am better because I see how retarded the world is'. Meanwhile, I COMPLETELY DENY that the world is the way it is because I accepted and allowed it to get to this through my deliberate participation withing the mind of thoughts, judgements, blame, irresponsibility and DISHONESTY with myself as who I am and the reflection of me as my world.

I commit myself to stand as a point of responsibility to change myself and support life in every way possible until absolute Equality is established in every way so as to put an absolute end to neglect and inconsideration which has brought us hell on earth.

I commit myself to stand for the only solution that will change my world to that which is best for all in challenging myself and the system to expose the dishonesty within myself and my world which is perpetuated through the secret mind of self-interest and irresponsibility.

I commit myself to relentlessly pursue absolute Equality, and not stop until I have turned this abusive and atrocious Hell-world on its head as a heaven on Earth for EVERYONE.

I commit myself to expose the delusional deception and cowardly lies of people who are promoting love and light and charity as the solution, all of which have done NOTHING but bring our world to the brink through the parasitic, ego mind.

I commit myself to stand with the GROUP which stands for what is best for all in every way, in so I realize that I am supporting the only solution to the enormous problems within our world where no law or guru or religion or politician has EVER considered the consequences of inequality. 

7yr Journey to Life - Day 25 – Self Writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be seen by others as zealous, as a personality, as opposed to being an absolute equal in every way as a physical being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to appear as a 'know it all' in the fear that I will judge and/or define myself as unintelligent if I do not offer a plethora of knowledge and information as justifications to my ego/intelligence.  I realize that knowledge and information is not evil, but rather the self-condemnation through wanting to be seen as 'better than' that subverts and suppresses me into and as the polarity of 'less than' in self-judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to act, move, and speak without being the director of every action, movement and word spoken as myself.  In realizing this I find that all want or desire within myself is actually a fear of being here, in facing my responsibility to live myself to life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to haste, rush, and get through things, rather than take each moment breath by breath, step by step, word by word, in walking myself into and as equal to all of existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be perfect in every way, in so believing perfection to be something to be attained as separate from myself, as an idea of perfection, rather than simply being my breath, and taking responsibility for myself as all of existence, consistently, point by point.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that by me slowing myself down, I am able to be more direct, and specific with myself and others. Within slowing down, I can easily spot any point within myself where I am acting or speaking in want/desire of something rather than unconditional self-acceptance and self-forgiveness, and in so I live self-forgiveness as me in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that what I see in others is a reflection of myself.  In realizing that reflection of myself, I can observe others, and what I see in others can assist me to discover what points of self-forgiveness are required for myself in self-honesty, and in so walk the correction in myself to align myself with what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive and fear my resistances as negative in self-judgement, as opposed to trusting myself in allowing myself to face my resistances in order to change and support myself here as becoming life.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself in the belief that becoming nothingness is negative and so fear nothingness as myself.  I realize that in order to change myself as all of existence, I must return to the point of origin in order to re-create/re-birth myself as Equal and One with all of existence.  I realize that there is no fear in nothingness, and neither is there any choice within this, as it is the only way to end all separation and suffering.