Day 206 - Self Movement as Breath

This morning was a time where my self-directed breathing seemed easy and constant, as compared to other times when I have to constantly bring myself back to breath and it doesn't 'stick'.  I find it most challenging when I am working to stick to breath awareness, as I get caught up in figuring out how to complete a task - which seems to take up all the memory and cpu cycles lol.  So that is the point I am working on for myself - directing every breath at work, multitasking breath awareness and problem solving.

A point that did assist me in sharpening my breathing is seeing self-movement as breath, meaning that I move my body in accordance with or in rhythm with my breathing

Self-movement as Breath

Applying this, I find myself moving more slowly.  I do not waste energy on thoughts/feelings/emotions, I am more aware of myself and prepared.  I am able to work with more precision, which helps me focus myself and as a result of that, I make less errors in my work - which leads to getting more work done despite the appearance of working slowly.   Errors in my job are costly as they can cost me a lot of lost time and effort, so breathing is very supportive in many ways.


I enjoy challenging myself to direct my breath as I realize that I am changing, developing, and taking responsibility for myself in preparation to face and correct self-created consequences derived from the past.  There is also the point of remaining aware of inevitable mind distractions that come up which seek to blame, discourage, or possess me into the mind of emotions and feelings.

Self-movement as Breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to direct myself as breath in some moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - in some moments - forget to direct myself as my physical body as breath.

I commit myself to becoming effective at multitasking where I focus myself on breathing, slowing myself down, moving myself in awareness and at the same time address problems that come up which I must carefully think through so that I can complete tasks in the most efficient and effective manner.  

I commit myself to constantly challenging myself to direct my breathing within the realization that this is the solution to all the problems within myself and my world and reality.

163 - Miss Breath and Miss Opportunity

Today I had to do an estimate.  During negotiations, I realized that I would not be able to do the job due to an outlet being in the wrong place.  For some reason, perhaps I figured it would take too long with the electrical work that needed to be relocated.  I quickly assumed that I would not be able to do the job, explained this to the client and closed negotiations saying I could come back when he had that issue fixed himself.

While I was driving home, it occurred to me that I probably could have done the relocation myself and charged the customer a little more for the time involved.  Why had I not seen that opportunity?  My assumption was quick, as the customer and I had been bartering over price - which was already very low, and this was causing me some frustration as I had already taken the time to drive all the way out there, which has already cost me 1/5th of the total job price in gas.

I see that I had already begun to become negative about the job, and when I realized that the plug had to be moved, I entertained a good feeling of not having to do the work with the excuse that I could not do it now.  The happy feeling was compounded by the negative feeling that I was not going to make any money, and I had in fact lost money by doing the estimate.  Within all of these feelings, I did not stop myself to assess the situation here as breath, trusting myself and the physical.  I was going by the emotion of how events like this had played out in the past - so I was in fear that the worst would happen.

The other point I realized is that, had I seen the opportunity to relocate the electrical myself and negotiated with the client for it, I may well have been upset with myself for undertaking the job, especially if there were any surprises as there always are in this line of work.  So it is a situation where I would judge myself either way.  The only solution to this is to remain here in breath, and not go into self-judgement for any reason.  Stop living my past and to live every moment as me, as breath.  I was aware of my breath the whole way to the clients house, however when I got there and the stress of the job kicked in, I lost all awareness and went on autopilot.

Business is more competitive in the winter here, and I had not prepared enough advertising for myself in the fall.  I had a job lined up which did not work out, and then expected to be able to get a job somewhere but that has not panned out either.  I will be exploring my options over the next little while to see where I can place myself to be effective and to support myself.   Besides that, process wise, things seem to be going well.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I encounter a stressful situation where I am in the vicinity of people - go on autopilot and forget my breath awareness causing me to make rash decisions and choices based in fear and how things have played out in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by systems as the projection of fear that the worst would happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not realizing the opportunity to do the extra work and make some extra money from the situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget my newly learned skills of persuasion when dealing with clients - reciprocity, authority, scarcity, consistency, liking and consensus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to direct myself in the most effective manner so that I am able to support myself and change my world to a world worth living in with Equality of Life as the principle we all live by.

I commit myself to pushing myself to remain in breath awareness when involved in stressful situations where other people are around.

I commit myself to stop living in past definitions and begin to take responsibility for me in all situations through breathing and living from the starting point of here - as seeing every situation as a completely new experience of myself here, equal to the physical reality.

I commit myself to the realization that, to walk this process of awareness in each moment is... to bring myself back from the state of absolute self-devaluation, where my existence hangs by a single strand of knowledge of myself, in the understanding that the whole universe has in fact betrayed me, as the reflection of my own self-betrayal.... to align myself with the actual starting point of myself here, as breath, so that I may create myself as Equal to all things, as the final end of all enslavement and beginning of Life without limitation or judgement, where the value of All is Equally precious as Life.
     

Day 91 - Williams 7yr Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to complete my process because I have not yet been able to direct every breath, as me fearing the future outcome based on the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself through self-judgement and the belief that I cannot change myself or my situation no matter how hard I try to apply myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that this process be over and I could just wake up and everyone would be standing as Equals as heaven on earth. In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to 'skip steps' as if I am searching for a shortcut to some place I have defined in separation from what is here. I realize there is no shortcut to life, as all that is here as me must be considered, deconstructed, redefined, and walked into Equality and Oneness.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to the idea that I am stuck.  I realize that the mind is stuck in self-interest as self-limitation, therefore I am stuck is but a false perception of who I am here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of powerlessness.  I realize that the idea that I am powerless is of the mind and actually a reflection of how I am giving my power away through the belief that I am stuck or trapped.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire everything to be easy for myself when easy is not what is here.  Life would be easy if we all stood as Equals, yet we have made our situation appear difficult due to separation and perceptions, simply due to our collective denial of responsibility to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fear when things appear difficult.  I realize difficulty is of the mind as fearing the future and fearing for my survival as this character and thus not who I am, but a limited perceptional point of view of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to wonder about things in the desire to 'know' things as knowledge and information thinking that that will help me understand myself and be myself, when in fact knowledge of myself is only the tool with which I use to deconstruct myself so that I may stand Equal to my physical body as the physical existence in Equality here.

I commit myself to push myself in supporting and directing myself to align myself with living what is best for all in each moment.

I commit myself to constant change as self-movement, as me in the realization that I am able to change myself, integrating into and as my physical body and out of my mind of ego and abuse.

I commit myself to expose the falsehood of preprogrammed expectations of myself within 'what I think will happen' is never actually what happens, as happening is always happening here, as me birthing and changing myself so no enslavement exists within me or my world.

I commit myself to embracing what is here as me so that I can use this opportunity to Equalize myself with all of existence. 

I commit myself to change myself when times appear difficult and use those experiences as opportunities to transcend my fear of the future/fear of survival as thought projections, expectations and ideas based on my past.

I commit myself to, when and as I perceive myself to be stuck, use the opportunity to change and direct myself so that I can move myself and prove to myself that being stuck is merely a limited idea of the mind and an illusion.

I commit myself to Equalize myself in all ways so that each moment is Equally here as me and I stand in Equality as myself no matter what.

I commit myself to realize that limitation is of the mind as it attempts to fool me into the belief that I am limited and therefore cannot change or move myself.

I commit myself to stop judgements of time as I realize that time is a mechanism through which I am able to see myself and use to expose the deception that exists within my world and reality.

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 87

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 
that I have free time.  I realize that 'Free time' cannot exist - as long as I 
am enslaved to time, and the world suffers, I am not free - thus free time 
is an illusion of temporary comfort/stimulation in self-interest, waiting for 
consequences to catch up with me rather than me facing consequence 
here through creating myself as Life as what is Best for All in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself 
as breath, but rather placed my trust as a belief in a character of my past 
memories of mistakes and failures based on valuations created through my 
programmed mind.  In not trusting myself as breath, I have not trusted life, 
and so I have manifested fears based on my past accepted and allowed 
characters whom have continually misguided me. 


I realize that Self trust cannot exist outside of standing Equal to breath, as 
trusting the mind is like trusting a cloud to remain in the same shape forever. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequences, 
and so create more ill consequences for myself through my accepted and 
allowed fear of consequences, following the patterns of my upbringing and my 
parents systems which have enslaved me to fear of taking responsibility.
I realize that Confidence cannot exist outside of breath, all confidence that is 
not within breath is of the mind, which con's oneself into thinking that one can 
Con Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of 
others who are working to place themselves in positions where they will have 
influence in the system and so be able to impact the world and change it to 
what is best for all.  I realize that this jealousy is based on fear of being 
less than others, and that my responsibility is to align myself with what is best 
for all, and so doing, I will become self-responsible and have opportunity to 
participate in supporting Equality of Life for All. 

 

I enjoy being the directive principle of myself here

I enjoy taking responsibility for who I am in each breath

I enjoy directing my breath

I enjoy the opportunity to become Life

I enjoy being here as the physical, moving myself

I enjoy facing my resistances

I enjoy the opportunities to face myself

I enjoy taking responsibility for myself

I enjoy seeing my reflection in existence so I can change myself to what is 

best for all in all ways 

I enjoy cleaning up my mess

I enjoy exposing the lie

I enjoy the fact that I have misplaced my trust and fucked up my life for the 
sole reason that I am able to correct myself so that this will not happen ever 
again. 

I enjoy the journey to nothingness, as the journey to Life as it is the only way 
to be Life

I enjoy this opportunity to share my realizations, so that all may be free from 
the illusion. 

I enjoy freeing myself from the addiction to energy 

I enjoy becoming Equal to All as the physical

I enjoy setting myself as all life free from the abuse and harm I have allowed

Day 66 - Self-management

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making the wrong decisions based on past experiences where so many times I have, within a false starting point, not fully considered the outflows of what I was actually participating in and thus made errors in judgement which created situations that did not assist me, but rather created more consequences which I had to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame parts of the system for my lack of responsibility to accomplish tasks that require direction, within this I realize that I must face points that my mind does not want me to face.  In that fear as blame, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate, and not take self-direction due to uncertainty.  Within that, I realize that the act of self-discipline is tied to the point of establishing a stable consistent self-discipline, where I can place myself within the system to interact with people as self-movement and expansion.  My current situation is proving to be ineffective as I do not have enough interaction with people, and thus not enough contacts as support.  Therefore I direct myself here in making the decision to changing and align my situation with something that will create a more stable interaction with the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to prioritize tasks and responsibilities.  I realize that if I do not prioritize, then I am subjecting myself to postponement as falling into past cycles of living in self interest, doing what I want, when I want as being directed by the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget what I have written as the direction I have given to myself in my blogs.

Therefore I commit myself to write out and prioritize all the points that need direction, and to direct myself to applying myself in accomplishing those tasks - IN PRIORITY.  If a higher priority task requires direction - I do not allow myself to move to the next priority until it is directed effectively.  If the task is difficult for some reason, I break it down into smaller steps so that I can manage it more easily.

Within this self-management program I am going to run for myself, I will place it in a structured manner and discipline myself to update and assess it daily so that I can track my progress of achieving my goals as that which is required to be accomplished. Within this self-management program, I will commit myself to goals based on time frames of short, mid and long term goals. I will not judge myself if I do not achieve goals, however I will commit myself to consistency and diligence in my self management program in that I am constantly applying myself within it until I am able to walk it and execute it effectively.  If the point is not directed effectively, I commit myself to write out my self-management program again with more specificity in aligning myself with myself here and what is required for me to become effective, and stop wasting time.

Within this self-management program, I commit myself to train myself in making decisions immediately, in one breath, and in so develop self trust within supporting myself in my daily participation, in taking responsibility for myself and my world, so that I will no longer be a slave to consequence due to irresponsibility to face each and every point. 

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 57

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of dullness.  I realize that dullness is of the mind/ego where my mind is attempting to dictate a mood and feeling as an experience of self-suppression.  When and as I see myself within the dullness frame of mind/limitation of mind, I stop, I breathe, and I direct myself in and as my physical body to do what is necessary to be done to take responsibility for myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing myself as physical movement because my mind tells me that it will cost me energy.  At the same time my mind wants to consume energy for itself rather than me giving my energy to life as what is best for all, because when I do that, the mind cannot feed off of my physical body and so the mind will starve and cease to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist directing myself for fear that I will be exhausted.  To exhaust myself in changing myself to become Equal to the physical is actually the great opportunity I am dedicated to giving myself so that I can honor all life with my existence rather than consume the physical through energy which depletes the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in each moment that to desire experiences such as happiness, comfort, peace, love, joy or any feeling or emotion good or bad - only for myself - is separation and deception.  I realize that all selfish desires are fleeting, and not real if they cannot be shared Equally among ALL that exist.  That is why we must start over, from nothingness, so that all may be shared Equally by all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the tremendous gift of opportunity as the portal-to-unity as a chance to change myself and to realize myself here within self-honesty and self-responsibility in this lifetime. I am grateful for this magnificent opportunity and in so commit myself to assist in birthing life as Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'puffed up' with knowledge and information as 'hot air' floating into the mind as consciousness, spiteful and ignorant of what is right under, in, and as my nose. My nose knows the duality/polarity of consciousness, and at the same time it is the key, the primary point where breath physically enters my body, therefore my nose is aware if I am directing my breath or not... and if not, then what is? If not, where am I? Do I exist?  Where and how can I exist if I do not direct the breath?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize myself through knowledge and information, rather than directing myself as Equal to all that is here as me.  I realize that if I use knowledge and information to make myself 'appear intelligent' or 'better than' others I am only boosting the false image of myself in my mind.  In this I realize I must slow myself down when interacting with others so I can assist myself to be aware of any fears that may arise, so I can clear myself without jumping on the first thought that comes to mind.  In this I discipline myself with patience, to take responsibility to direct my words as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear appearing foolish to others because I may stumble with my corrective application as I learn how to direct myself - as a baby learning to walk for the first time.  Within this I realize that the fear of appearing foolish is actually an opportunity to enjoy the inevitable comedy of the moment.


I commit myself to continue to write out points that I have not fully integrated into and as myself until I get it and I am stable in living the application of my words.

I commit myself to push myself to take responsibility for myself in fully executing self-correction.

I commit myself to be aware of the fear of appearing foolish, where this may allow me to discover points where I have previously hidden issues from myself.

I commit myself to use this opportunity to change myself and my world so that all life can be supported physically and practically in Equality, such as would happen if we all supported an Equal Money System.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 51 - Words Change Time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my self-forgiveness statements as not standing Equal to and One with my words, where I have written out words of self-forgiveness, and yet not followed through with the full corrective application in changing myself to align myself with my words as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat my words as less than me - through not living true to my words as who I am in each moment - as directing myself as the physical in standing for life, without compromise, or going into my mind of thoughts as desires for experiences of the past where experiences 'felt good'.  I realize this desire to go back into the past is in separation of myself here, and what is necessary to be done for me to stand as life in self-responsibility to all in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must discipline myself - because my programmed mind and the information stored within my physical body will still want to take the easiest road as following the path of cycles of the past so I can operate on autopilot as being dragged through life by my mind of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my responsibilities to myself and my group where I have not given my best in each and every moment, through allowing myself to be subject to discouragement - as fear of not having any encouragement in the polarity system as needing an external stimulus in order to conduct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being here and directing my movements, my breath and my words as me, constantly making excuses in my mind because my mind wants control of me because my mind fears its own death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use my time as effectively as possible.  I realize at times when my mind takes over - as autopilot - I have accepted it and allowed it to continue unchecked, assuming that everything is fine, yet if this happens, it is evidence that I am not fully directing myself in every moment and I am allowing myself to be mind controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project ideas of my financial situation into the future and so allow my mind to use that as a tool against me to sabotage me into believing that my situation is much worse than it is. I realize that if I move myself here in each moment as doing what is best for all, then I will be able to support myself as always doing what is necessary to be done in any given situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a reaction to my minds future projection of the possibilities of what could happen, and in so allow it to impose feelings of discouragement on me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change, in any construct that I have created.  ALL mind/personality manifestations can be stopped with the tools of self-forgiveness, breathing, and corrective application.   I realize I do not have to fear stopping patterns, or fear letting go of patterns because I am still here in each moment and I am doing what is best for me as best for all. And best of all I am birthing myself as life by walking myself to nothingness to undo all of the spitefulness that I have accepted and allowed within my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the reactions of others if I talk slowly, and or directly, with care for my words, correcting myself if necessary and speaking self forgiveness.  I realize that me fearing what others will think of me creates anger and indignation within me through suppression of self and conformity to a system of false beliefs.

I commit myself to stand equal to my words, to slow myself down and stand boldly in the face of fear so I can express myself without concern for what others think.  In so, I am allowing myself to express myself as true to myself, as standing Equal to my words so that I can by example, change my world and reality.

I commit myself to integrate all that is not physical within me, all that is not Equal and One with my physical body.  I will do this through deconstructing the mind and thoughts, feelings, emotions and DESIRES and transmuting them into physicality, as what is tangible, able to be seen by all, and thus trustworthy

I commit myself to self-realization in each moment, despite what fears may come up, I deal with them without judgment upon myself, I stand for life no matter what events or experiences occur.

I commit myself to use my time effectively in moving myself and directing each movement so all aligns with the principle of what is best for all - so there need be no feelings of guilt or remorse, as everything I do supports life as best as I am able.

Day 48 - Change is Constant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself.  I realize that to give up would mean that there is no opportunity for change, yet there is no such thing as giving up on myself as I am here and everything is constantly changing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the program of my past where I feel I need to punish myself.  I realize that punishing myself will not assist me in any way, but rather I need to change punishment to changing myself as self discipline - so that I can do what is necessary to be done to support myself and others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the temper tantrums of my mind direct and control me in avoiding my responsibilities to support myself and get my work done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the outcome of what will happen if I move myself in doing tasks.  I realize that this is self-sabotage and it is showing me that I have not yet developed self trust as myself here as constant and consistent moving myself and facing myself within responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate and wait till the last moment to get working on things.  I realize this reluctance to work is based in past acceptances and allowances where I only wanted to do what would give me gratification in self-interest, rather than placing myself as Equal to my world and reality in changing myself so that I could assist all as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the potential that even small changes that produce and effect that is best for all are helpful and can have great impact on my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself through allowing myself to get discouraged with myself where my mind tells me I have nothing to offer as seeing myself as useless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as useless and disregard myself through thoughts and beliefs of the mind.

I commit myself to change myself in every moment - to not accept and allow discouragement but to encourage myself in the fact that I understand myself as Equal to all, which very few understand that point in our world.

I commit myself to - when I see myself wanting to give up, stop and breathe and face my problems so that I can work them out step by step and get things done little by little.

I commit myself to self-encouragement where I can motivate myself as self-will through standing Equal to my world as the physical

7yr Journey to Life - Day 25 – Self Writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be seen by others as zealous, as a personality, as opposed to being an absolute equal in every way as a physical being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to appear as a 'know it all' in the fear that I will judge and/or define myself as unintelligent if I do not offer a plethora of knowledge and information as justifications to my ego/intelligence.  I realize that knowledge and information is not evil, but rather the self-condemnation through wanting to be seen as 'better than' that subverts and suppresses me into and as the polarity of 'less than' in self-judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to act, move, and speak without being the director of every action, movement and word spoken as myself.  In realizing this I find that all want or desire within myself is actually a fear of being here, in facing my responsibility to live myself to life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to haste, rush, and get through things, rather than take each moment breath by breath, step by step, word by word, in walking myself into and as equal to all of existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be perfect in every way, in so believing perfection to be something to be attained as separate from myself, as an idea of perfection, rather than simply being my breath, and taking responsibility for myself as all of existence, consistently, point by point.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that by me slowing myself down, I am able to be more direct, and specific with myself and others. Within slowing down, I can easily spot any point within myself where I am acting or speaking in want/desire of something rather than unconditional self-acceptance and self-forgiveness, and in so I live self-forgiveness as me in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that what I see in others is a reflection of myself.  In realizing that reflection of myself, I can observe others, and what I see in others can assist me to discover what points of self-forgiveness are required for myself in self-honesty, and in so walk the correction in myself to align myself with what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive and fear my resistances as negative in self-judgement, as opposed to trusting myself in allowing myself to face my resistances in order to change and support myself here as becoming life.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself in the belief that becoming nothingness is negative and so fear nothingness as myself.  I realize that in order to change myself as all of existence, I must return to the point of origin in order to re-create/re-birth myself as Equal and One with all of existence.  I realize that there is no fear in nothingness, and neither is there any choice within this, as it is the only way to end all separation and suffering.