Day 195 - By Whose Authority?

I woke up this morning from last nights sleep, grabbed some breakfast and sat down at my computer.  It was right then that I had the thought "you're not free to do what you want - you have to push your resistances" which resulted in a negative energy experience/feeling, because I did not want to push the resistance or deal with it at the moment.  So In that moment I chose to watch some videos... when what I should have done is address the energetic experience I felt, but rather I chose to simply put the thought out of my head. What I was doing was giving in - sacrificing my self-responsibility as my directive principle of myself in the comforting hope/desire to avoid/escape the negative energy experience I felt.

What I realize looking back at the experience is that - because I have allowed such points of self-denial in the past - within an instant of this single thought, my mind had conjured and executed from my memory, a program based on my past experiences and beliefs of 'who I was' as (being subject to and therefore less than) knowledge of my past (in case any is unaware, knowledge in the form of energetically charged streams of information which is simply a limited and defined misinterpretation of myself and my existence from a separation standpoint in fear of self, believing it to be inherently evil - but we all know evil in the greater context is in polarity to good and therefore another false opinion based on separation, and therefore unacceptable - lol).

In that moment, I accepted and allowed that program to 'authenticate' itself through my permission, therefore through my authorization as my acceptance and allowance.  I subscribed and signed myself over to the belief that it is 'who I am' - as less than/subject to the knowledge and information.  So I subjected/diminished myself to the authority of that belief program as me having to struggle with this constant and nagging negative energetic experience of myself.  I believed myself to be too weak to stop the program - partly because my own energy was being resourced to run and execute the program - I created the idea that it (facing the energetic reaction) was a 'big deal' which it is not really - and I am fully capable of stopping and changing the program because I am the one who created it - I am the author, I wrote the book and therefore I can change the ending or re-write the entire book if I like lol.  

This comes back to my commitment.

Realizing that while in the physical I have the power to change in each moment.  Now that I recognize how it works and the consequence it creates for myself and others, I simply refuse to allow it to control me by addressing it when I see energetic movements within myself.  I make the connection to who I actually am as the directive principle of myself, not subject to anything, but standing Equal in taking responsibility for myself now, and in the future to create a world that is best for all.

With this point, I realized that I was trying to avoid the negative experience because I had defined pushing resistances as 'boring' and/or 'draining', when in fact NOT pushing resistances is the actual drain.  I can change the negatively charged definition of 'pushing resistances' I have created for myself and so redefine and realize pushing resistances as the 'live show' of me facing myself and creating myself as self-honest as Life... and learning to trust myself in the process.  Pushing resistances is literally creating heaven on earth as the accumulated outcome of moment by moment transcendence of each fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pushing resistances within myself as work/slavery/drudgery/negative/boring/tiring as I realize that pushing resistances is me becoming Life for real, and that is the best and most awesome most rewarding experience as it is teaching myself to be absolutely honest with myself which is the best I can possibly be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my authority of myself as Life to a knowledge based program.

I commit myself to take back my authority as Life, in that there is zero tolerance and no program shall be permitted access to execute or run in place of my self-direction as what is best for all Life.

I commit myself to directly facing all energetic experiences first thing in the morning as they come up so that I can stop the program before it takes control and traps my mind into a belief of myself.

I commit myself to investigate all things which go on within myself so that all things may be tested to see which is good for myself and all and which is not - so that I may recognize myself and realize my ability to forgive myself and change myself in each moment to create myself as self-honest and Equal in all ways.

I commit myself to realize that I can absolutely do this without question - because I see/realize/understand how it works and how the addiction to energy destroys and where that leads us all.


It's interesting that the mind tends to value the present moment over the future - 'I want to feel better now' type of thing - thinking and believing I am giving 'sufficient' value to the future here, when actually I am giving it significantly less value within the mental perception that it is not here now, therefore not a guarantee, so I should live for the moment.  I have considered my future 'less important' because it is not within my direct experience here now. This is a problem because (as it exists now) the future is inevitable and as such a direct result of what and who we accept and allow ourselves to be in the present moment.  We sacrifice the future here rather than standing Equal to it - so that we may have that warm cozy feeling of hiding under the electric blanket.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice the future here for a more cozy present here now.  I realize that taking value from the future is diminishing my own value here now, and in the future here, because I am not standing in Equality with myself and taking responsibility for myself in all dimensions.

I commit myself to give myself Equal value for here now and for the future here and now that is inevitable.

Day 66 - Self-management

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making the wrong decisions based on past experiences where so many times I have, within a false starting point, not fully considered the outflows of what I was actually participating in and thus made errors in judgement which created situations that did not assist me, but rather created more consequences which I had to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame parts of the system for my lack of responsibility to accomplish tasks that require direction, within this I realize that I must face points that my mind does not want me to face.  In that fear as blame, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate, and not take self-direction due to uncertainty.  Within that, I realize that the act of self-discipline is tied to the point of establishing a stable consistent self-discipline, where I can place myself within the system to interact with people as self-movement and expansion.  My current situation is proving to be ineffective as I do not have enough interaction with people, and thus not enough contacts as support.  Therefore I direct myself here in making the decision to changing and align my situation with something that will create a more stable interaction with the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to prioritize tasks and responsibilities.  I realize that if I do not prioritize, then I am subjecting myself to postponement as falling into past cycles of living in self interest, doing what I want, when I want as being directed by the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget what I have written as the direction I have given to myself in my blogs.

Therefore I commit myself to write out and prioritize all the points that need direction, and to direct myself to applying myself in accomplishing those tasks - IN PRIORITY.  If a higher priority task requires direction - I do not allow myself to move to the next priority until it is directed effectively.  If the task is difficult for some reason, I break it down into smaller steps so that I can manage it more easily.

Within this self-management program I am going to run for myself, I will place it in a structured manner and discipline myself to update and assess it daily so that I can track my progress of achieving my goals as that which is required to be accomplished. Within this self-management program, I will commit myself to goals based on time frames of short, mid and long term goals. I will not judge myself if I do not achieve goals, however I will commit myself to consistency and diligence in my self management program in that I am constantly applying myself within it until I am able to walk it and execute it effectively.  If the point is not directed effectively, I commit myself to write out my self-management program again with more specificity in aligning myself with myself here and what is required for me to become effective, and stop wasting time.

Within this self-management program, I commit myself to train myself in making decisions immediately, in one breath, and in so develop self trust within supporting myself in my daily participation, in taking responsibility for myself and my world, so that I will no longer be a slave to consequence due to irresponsibility to face each and every point. 

Day 22 - Emotions Energy and My Physical Body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to be directed and controlled by personal 

emotions and feelings, in that I have allowed myself  

to create emotions and feelings based on fear-of-loss 

and fear-of-death, not realizing within myself that I 

am responsible for stopping those feelings and 

emotions from raping and controlling me, so that I 

can stand for life as what is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to believe that I was separate from my reality 

and therefore justify my emotional reactions as 

'defending myself' from my self-created fears through 

separation whereas I viewed my mind as the totality 

of me in not wanting to equally take responsibility for 

All of the me's that I am. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to fuel my emotional reactions with thought 

energy and picture projections in my mind as 

justifications for those fears, when all along, those 

pictures were not the actuality of the situation, but a 

false representation presented so that I could remain 

enslaved to my fears.   And the energy is what I have

allowed myself to become addicted to as addiction to 

fear, through me fearing myself and attempting to 

comfort and escape myself.  It is obvious that I cannot

escape myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to extensively judge and condemn myself in 

guilt, shame, and regret in an attempt to punish 

myself for how consequences manifested in my life, 

rather than slow myself down within breath, and 

realize and understand how I was accepting and 

allowing undesirable consequences in my life 

experience and how I could realize the patterns I was 

creating and stop them from re-occurring. Within that,

I commit myself to change myself to stand in self-

responsibility to myself AND all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to blame others for my own emotional and 

feeling reactions, and the painful consequences that I 

experienced within my physical body.  In that I realize

that I neglected the experience of myself by neglecting

the fact that my physical body was specifically showing

me that I was not being honest with myself as I was 

trying to be a hero and appear as 'a good guy' to 

others by acting as an 'energy garbage collector' and 

thus attempting to purify everything through my mind,

rather than actually stand as an Equal and share 

responsibility with everyone through allowing 

everyone work out their own dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to place my trust in others and the advice of 

others before trusting myself as seeing myself as the 

point of responsibility in understanding myself and my

reality wherein I am capable of seeing - what is best 

for all is best for me - rather than trying to collect 

knowledge and information and so use it to gain power

over others as a false god of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to think and believe the idea that my physical 

body is the personal property of my mind in which I 

have to defend through fear of losing my personal 

property.  I realize that while we are within this 

current system, place and time, it is common sense to

defend my body if physically threatened. My physical 

body is my primary point of responsibility as the 

vehicle where I learn to stand and express myself as a 

responsible steward-in-training until I am perfectly 

standing Equal to my physical body in standing as the

living expression of what is best for all life in all ways.

In that I realize that much abusiveness and delusion 

exists within our world, therefore I commit myself to 

take responsibility for my body, in not accepting 

and allowing my physical body to be subjected to 

abuse, harm or false sentiments of those who are 

ignorant and/or unaware of the consequences of 

inequality and of being subject/slave to a mind which 

only seeks its own self-interest at the expense of Life 

as a whole.

I will not trade Life for a bowl of soup. 

Image of an inside view of a heart

from http://science.nationalgeographic.com/science/photos/heart/#/inside-heart_1008_600x450.jpg