I woke up this morning from last nights sleep, grabbed some breakfast and sat down at my computer. It was right then that I had the thought "you're not free to do what you want - you have to push your resistances" which resulted in a negative energy experience/feeling, because I did not want to push the resistance or deal with it at the moment. So In that moment I chose to watch some videos... when what I should have done is address the energetic experience I felt, but rather I chose to simply put the thought out of my head. What I was doing was giving in - sacrificing my self-responsibility as my directive principle of myself in the comforting hope/desire to avoid/escape the negative energy experience I felt.
What I realize looking back at the experience is that - because I have allowed such points of self-denial in the past - within an instant of this single thought, my mind had conjured and executed from my memory, a program based on my past experiences and beliefs of 'who I was' as (being subject to and therefore less than) knowledge of my past (in case any is unaware, knowledge in the form of energetically charged streams of information which is simply a limited and defined misinterpretation of myself and my existence from a separation standpoint in fear of self, believing it to be inherently evil - but we all know evil in the greater context is in polarity to good and therefore another false opinion based on separation, and therefore unacceptable - lol).
In that moment, I accepted and allowed that program to 'authenticate' itself through my permission, therefore through my authorization as my acceptance and allowance. I subscribed and signed myself over to the belief that it is 'who I am' - as less than/subject to the knowledge and information. So I subjected/diminished myself to the authority of that belief program as me having to struggle with this constant and nagging negative energetic experience of myself. I believed myself to be too weak to stop the program - partly because my own energy was being resourced to run and execute the program - I created the idea that it (facing the energetic reaction) was a 'big deal' which it is not really - and I am fully capable of stopping and changing the program because I am the one who created it - I am the author, I wrote the book and therefore I can change the ending or re-write the entire book if I like lol.
This comes back to my commitment.
Realizing that while in the physical I have the power to change in each moment. Now that I recognize how it works and the consequence it creates for myself and others, I simply refuse to allow it to control me by addressing it when I see energetic movements within myself. I make the connection to who I actually am as the directive principle of myself, not subject to anything, but standing Equal in taking responsibility for myself now, and in the future to create a world that is best for all.
With this point, I realized that I was trying to avoid the negative experience because I had defined pushing resistances as 'boring' and/or 'draining', when in fact NOT pushing resistances is the actual drain. I can change the negatively charged definition of 'pushing resistances' I have created for myself and so redefine and realize pushing resistances as the 'live show' of me facing myself and creating myself as self-honest as Life... and learning to trust myself in the process. Pushing resistances is literally creating heaven on earth as the accumulated outcome of moment by moment transcendence of each fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pushing resistances within myself as work/slavery/drudgery/negative/boring/tiring as I realize that pushing resistances is me becoming Life for real, and that is the best and most awesome most rewarding experience as it is teaching myself to be absolutely honest with myself which is the best I can possibly be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my authority of myself as Life to a knowledge based program.
I commit myself to take back my authority as Life, in that there is zero tolerance and no program shall be permitted access to execute or run in place of my self-direction as what is best for all Life.
I commit myself to directly facing all energetic experiences first thing in the morning as they come up so that I can stop the program before it takes control and traps my mind into a belief of myself.
I commit myself to investigate all things which go on within myself so that all things may be tested to see which is good for myself and all and which is not - so that I may recognize myself and realize my ability to forgive myself and change myself in each moment to create myself as self-honest and Equal in all ways.
I commit myself to realize that I can absolutely do this without question - because I see/realize/understand how it works and how the addiction to energy destroys and where that leads us all.
It's interesting that the mind tends to value the present moment over the future - 'I want to feel better now' type of thing - thinking and believing I am giving 'sufficient' value to the future here, when actually I am giving it significantly less value within the mental perception that it is not here now, therefore not a guarantee, so I should live for the moment. I have considered my future 'less important' because it is not within my direct experience here now. This is a problem because (as it exists now) the future is inevitable and as such a direct result of what and who we accept and allow ourselves to be in the present moment. We sacrifice the future here rather than standing Equal to it - so that we may have that warm cozy feeling of hiding under the electric blanket.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice the future here for a more cozy present here now. I realize that taking value from the future is diminishing my own value here now, and in the future here, because I am not standing in Equality with myself and taking responsibility for myself in all dimensions.
I commit myself to give myself Equal value for here now and for the future here and now that is inevitable.
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