Day 188 - Dispelling the Delusions of Sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire within myself for a sexual experience with another person, as seeing sex as something separate from myself - which I must apparently 'attain to' in order to achieve value for myself as a positive/good energetic feeling - a false ego-boost - a positive/good energetically charged feeling of accomplishment - and/or a positive/good energetically charged feeling of excitement. I realize that the positive energy experience of myself is used by the mind in attempt to cover-up/pacify the negative energy experience, which only results in the perpetuation of separation of myself as (+ -) energy, and thus self-delusion and enslavement. I realize that the definition of sex which I have accepted and allowed to be programmed into my mind throughout my life experience is not real – as it was specifically designed to keep me distracted, and chasing after the desire for experiences, rather than realizing the truth of who I am and my responsibility to stand Equal to myself and Life as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to escape my responsibility to myself and my commitment to myself through chasing after the desire for a sexual experience - in the belief that I can release myself from the anxiety of life's problems through seeking/attaining a positively charged sexual relationship. I realize that this desire for a positively charged sexual experience - triggered by the mind - is a form of self-manipulation where I have defined the act of sex with another as simply 'enjoying myself', meanwhile not fully understanding 'who I really am' and thus not fully understanding 'what sex is' - I have neglected to see how the entire system is playing out within and as myself, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself, deny myself, and neglect seeing myself for 'who I really am' out of fear of facing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the 'fear of loss' system, where I have submitted myself to the fear of losing an opportunity to experience myself within a limited, predefined thought of myself, believing it to be the totality of 'who I am' when it is absolutely not. So within this belief, I have accepted and allowed my mind system of beliefs to direct and control me in seeking to fulfill this 'thought/fantasy' with justifications such as 'I will feel better' or I will have 'achieved something special' – when in actual physical reality, the positive energy feeling/excitement soon dissipates, and I all I have 'achieved' is the maintenance of the mind system which keeps me blinded and enslaved to chasing after positive feelings and fleeing from negative emotions. I realize that this form of self-denial accumulates, prolongs, and compounds consequence for myself and all, as I am fully aware that inevitably, I must face myself in self-honesty, and stop the enslavement of myself to false assumptions, delusional desires, and energetically charged feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase after a moment of enjoyment, and so within seeking to accommodate a selfish desire, I am accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice of a vastly larger part of myself for a limited, and temporary experience of myself - as allowing myself to be the subject of pre-programmed mind desires, rather than taking responsibility to be self-directed and express myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that Life in this physical existence is the priority, as without Life in the physical, sex cannot exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a relationship with the words sex and love, limiting and defining them within the beauty and value systems, and so limiting and defining myself in self-dishonesty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a high value on an experience of sex - defining it as the best possible experience I can have for myself, when in actuality, I realize that all moments must be Equalized as Equal to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the belief that within the act of having sex I am doing something good by making another person feel good. I realize that this justification is another program designed to 'make me feel better about myself' in order to feed the mind with energy, and that each person must take responsibility for themselves to stop enslavement to Equalize and direct themselves as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge sex as 'good' or 'bad' from the starting point of a morality based belief system, rather than assessing myself in self-honesty and self-intimacy, in order to determine and create myself as what is in fact, best for all.

I commit myself to stop all enslavement to energetically charged systems of the mind and so face myself in self-honesty in every moment so that I may stand Equal to myself in the physical as Life, here.