Day 183 - Spite the Spite

I realized have been blaming the subconscious mind - as the layers of thought which circulate within myself and others - for holding me back in my process.  In addition to that blame, I, as my mind, created opinions and beliefs about those subconscious thoughts as a means to condemn and disqualify myself from applying myself in my process.  I could also refer to it as my judgement thoughts of the thoughts.  From those judgments/beliefs/opinions, (which I also referred to as 'passive spite') I allowed myself to be drained of my 'will' to direct myself and pursue my journey to Life - as if I were to blame others perceptions of me (and/or the mirror images in my mind) for not allowing myself to stand for Life.

Seems to be such an incredibly simple, yet subtle, point in hindsight, and the obvious solution being - to spite the spite.  Apply myself despite what others may think of me.  Apply myself despite whether or not I believe I can do it or not.  Spite the fear of not being able to do it.  Spite the judgments and beliefs I had placed on the thoughts, through not accepting and allowing myself to judge the thoughts, or be influenced by them.  Just do it regardless, without looking for approval or disapproval - because I realize it is in the best interest of everyone, not just my selfish, fearful opinion of myself.

I was trying to save myself ahahahaa...
trying to save my mind hhmmmhmmhmm...

How is it possible for fear to keep me from that which I... dare I say the 'L' word.  Yet as long as I am in separation from myself as my mind, my 'love' is not real... still only a fantasy. I have the opportunity to stand by myself, for myself, for and as All - despite my minds opinions of whether or not a belief exists as to whether or not I am able to fulfill my commitment to myself - Life can exist within and as me, I just have to become Equal to it.

Spite the Spite,
All that is not the real me,
As the real me is the physical,
And nothing more.

Then it all becomes clear,
And I can learn to direct myself,
In Common Sense as
What is Best for All of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the subconscious mind for holding me back in my process.  I realize that I accepted and allowed those thoughts, ideas and beliefs to be 'more' than me rather than standing Equal to them and realizing that it was the mind attempting to disqualify me from applying myself in my process so I would not realize who I am as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge thoughts through the mirror of my mind and  classify them as personal beliefs about myself and others and so suppress and drain my will, and prevent myself from realizing myself for who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give fear and selfish opinion precedence over the physical me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create discord within myself through allowing thoughts as judgments and beliefs to dictate to me who and what I am and/or should be, rather than me directing who I am and living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and save my mind as the judgments and fearful opinions opinions of myself.

I commit myself to Spite the Spite, and so not accept and allow the illusions, the passive spite as thoughts, judgments, and beliefs to direct and control the manifested physical reality.