Thursday, 18 April 2013
Day 193 - Daily Reflection
Looking at the extent of the deception in people and the system, it is apparent that, despite the obviousness of abuse, any attempts to provoke realization in others are largely in vain. I say 'vain' because not only is there little recognition or realization, but also because I myself have to look at my starting point as to why I am so 'anxious' to 'preach' about Equality to others. Why do I insist on being so 'wise' to think that I can assist anyone to realizing themselves? It is as if I have taken the point of caring for Life and formed it into a character of myself who thinks he's got all the answers for everyone. I recognize the pattern within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get all worked up in my mind about sharing Equality, only to entertain the vain and charitable character, and so watch my words fall into the abyss of arrogance and self-pity.
I commit myself to focus on standing for myself as my priority point, so that I may be as effective as possible at directing myself in self-honesty, and not waste my words and efforts on a fictional character of my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in frustration towards myself because change seems to move too slowly. I realize that this self-judgement of myself is showing me that I must continue to push through resistances to realize change as myself in each moment.
I commit myself realize that pushing through resistances is the key to change and standing up for and as myself as change in each moment - so that I may change myself and realize my ultimate goal of self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get discouraged with myself in recognizing this point within myself - where I look at my application throughout the day and see how pushing resistances appears difficult, and at times confusing - as within pushing resistances there exists some uncertainty and ambiguity. I realize that this point is showing me that these resistances are opportunities for me to realize myself in being specific within my application, so that I can focus myself and direct myself in learning to trust myself to stand by my decisions with absolute certainty. When and as I see my situation as difficult or confusing I slow myself down and bring myself back to breathing and doing what is necessary to be done, trusting myself that any point of dishonesty will reveal itself.
I commit myself to honor my commitment to myself in my goal of self-honesty through pushing resistances and changing myself.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in making and standing equal to my decisions as my self-movement due to past 'failure programming'. I realize that my entire life has been taught, dictated and programmed to think and act within the success/failure construct where most experiences have been subject to failure, rejection, abandonment and criticizing, thus I accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to that very same system in an infinite loop of self-condemnation and self-judgement, ultimately creating the over-riding fear of failure. This creates the consequence of me fearing to trust myself to make decisions and take responsibility for myself. I realize that the process of making decisions and seeing them through to whatever end, so that I can face myself in becoming self-honest with myself.
I commit myself to recognize any fear of failure within myself and change myself to align myself with my ultimate goal of self honesty
Also within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to the fear of futility - where I see my decisions as insignificant and of little value. I realize that this point is showing me that I am still comparing myself to - and thus acting within the fear of - the money system. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue myself through comparing myself with money as the value that is dictated by the system rather than valuing myself and each decision that I make as Equal to Life.
I commit myself to stand Equal to myself as the value of Life here and work to create an Equal Money System so that Life can be dignified for everyone.