Day 195 - By Whose Authority?

I woke up this morning from last nights sleep, grabbed some breakfast and sat down at my computer.  It was right then that I had the thought "you're not free to do what you want - you have to push your resistances" which resulted in a negative energy experience/feeling, because I did not want to push the resistance or deal with it at the moment.  So In that moment I chose to watch some videos... when what I should have done is address the energetic experience I felt, but rather I chose to simply put the thought out of my head. What I was doing was giving in - sacrificing my self-responsibility as my directive principle of myself in the comforting hope/desire to avoid/escape the negative energy experience I felt.

What I realize looking back at the experience is that - because I have allowed such points of self-denial in the past - within an instant of this single thought, my mind had conjured and executed from my memory, a program based on my past experiences and beliefs of 'who I was' as (being subject to and therefore less than) knowledge of my past (in case any is unaware, knowledge in the form of energetically charged streams of information which is simply a limited and defined misinterpretation of myself and my existence from a separation standpoint in fear of self, believing it to be inherently evil - but we all know evil in the greater context is in polarity to good and therefore another false opinion based on separation, and therefore unacceptable - lol).

In that moment, I accepted and allowed that program to 'authenticate' itself through my permission, therefore through my authorization as my acceptance and allowance.  I subscribed and signed myself over to the belief that it is 'who I am' - as less than/subject to the knowledge and information.  So I subjected/diminished myself to the authority of that belief program as me having to struggle with this constant and nagging negative energetic experience of myself.  I believed myself to be too weak to stop the program - partly because my own energy was being resourced to run and execute the program - I created the idea that it (facing the energetic reaction) was a 'big deal' which it is not really - and I am fully capable of stopping and changing the program because I am the one who created it - I am the author, I wrote the book and therefore I can change the ending or re-write the entire book if I like lol.  

This comes back to my commitment.

Realizing that while in the physical I have the power to change in each moment.  Now that I recognize how it works and the consequence it creates for myself and others, I simply refuse to allow it to control me by addressing it when I see energetic movements within myself.  I make the connection to who I actually am as the directive principle of myself, not subject to anything, but standing Equal in taking responsibility for myself now, and in the future to create a world that is best for all.

With this point, I realized that I was trying to avoid the negative experience because I had defined pushing resistances as 'boring' and/or 'draining', when in fact NOT pushing resistances is the actual drain.  I can change the negatively charged definition of 'pushing resistances' I have created for myself and so redefine and realize pushing resistances as the 'live show' of me facing myself and creating myself as self-honest as Life... and learning to trust myself in the process.  Pushing resistances is literally creating heaven on earth as the accumulated outcome of moment by moment transcendence of each fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pushing resistances within myself as work/slavery/drudgery/negative/boring/tiring as I realize that pushing resistances is me becoming Life for real, and that is the best and most awesome most rewarding experience as it is teaching myself to be absolutely honest with myself which is the best I can possibly be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my authority of myself as Life to a knowledge based program.

I commit myself to take back my authority as Life, in that there is zero tolerance and no program shall be permitted access to execute or run in place of my self-direction as what is best for all Life.

I commit myself to directly facing all energetic experiences first thing in the morning as they come up so that I can stop the program before it takes control and traps my mind into a belief of myself.

I commit myself to investigate all things which go on within myself so that all things may be tested to see which is good for myself and all and which is not - so that I may recognize myself and realize my ability to forgive myself and change myself in each moment to create myself as self-honest and Equal in all ways.

I commit myself to realize that I can absolutely do this without question - because I see/realize/understand how it works and how the addiction to energy destroys and where that leads us all.


It's interesting that the mind tends to value the present moment over the future - 'I want to feel better now' type of thing - thinking and believing I am giving 'sufficient' value to the future here, when actually I am giving it significantly less value within the mental perception that it is not here now, therefore not a guarantee, so I should live for the moment.  I have considered my future 'less important' because it is not within my direct experience here now. This is a problem because (as it exists now) the future is inevitable and as such a direct result of what and who we accept and allow ourselves to be in the present moment.  We sacrifice the future here rather than standing Equal to it - so that we may have that warm cozy feeling of hiding under the electric blanket.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice the future here for a more cozy present here now.  I realize that taking value from the future is diminishing my own value here now, and in the future here, because I am not standing in Equality with myself and taking responsibility for myself in all dimensions.

I commit myself to give myself Equal value for here now and for the future here and now that is inevitable.

164 - Here

Time it has come to reap what we've sewn,
This beauty-filled circus, flesh'd bare to the bone.

Smog-toxic filled air, sun scorches the hotter,
Poison laced food, fed of foul treated water.

The plight of the beast, baring much of the brink,
Locked 'way in dark places, one shudders to think.

Even tho in plain sight, oft the horror is shared,
Few of us humans, who have truly cared.

In fantastical places, found I my delight,
Conspiring in mind, oh how I reveled in spite.

Naught could I see what such consequence bare,
Nor did I conceive, t'explore my own lair.


Far aloft was I, with the dreams of my youth,
In hope I'd waylay, my own inner truth.

But how could it be, that I was amiss?
So seduced by the sounds, deep hypnotical bliss.

Thought I of life's purpose, t'which ougt make me whole,
In mercy believed I, t'unravel my soul.

Yet there was no answer, of all which I sought,
To unlock all this deception, into which I had so bought.

One day in my search, were the answers unraveled,
As the Portal had opened, all dimensions had traveled.

The message was bitter, and there was no yeast,
This pill was quite jagged, to say the least.

As Bernard hath thus said, 'ye are not life',
Thus am I Death, existing in strife?


When suddenly shattering, realization of Self,
There is no escape, no use hiding oneself.

What price of redemption, thus far hath I strayed?
What cost for solution t' this body's decay?

For Life ye must be, as that ye are not,
Thine breath must thou wed, while ye are here caught.

This maze of the mind, contrived by a thought
Let's lay aside fear, find that which we've sought...

That which has always been...

Here

Forever

The Choice

Day 143


Suffering is proportionate to Separation,

as Separation is proportionate to Denial


Denial is proportionate to Delusion,

as Delusion is proportionate to Abuse


Abuse is proportionate to Inequality,

as Inequality is proportionate to Hierarchy


Hierarchy is proportionate to Power,

as Power is proportionate to Enslavement


Enslavement is proportionate to Irresponsibility,

as Irresponsibility is proportionate to Valuation


Valuation is proportionate to Self judgement,

as Self Judgement is proportionate to Spitefulness


Spite is proportionate to Greed,

as Greed is proportionate to Selfishness


Selfishness is proportionate to Ego,

as Ego is proportionate to Fear


Fear is proportionate to Choice,








                              ------ as Choice -----

…is proportionate to Understanding


Understanding is proportionate to Communication,

as Communication is proportionate to Common Sense


Common Sense is proportionate to Consideration,

as Consideration is proportionate to Self Awareness


Self Awareness is proportionate to Self Honesty,

as Self Honesty is proportionate to Self Trust


Self Trust is proportionate to Self Commitment,

as Self Commitment is proportionate to Self Realization


Self Realization is proportionate to Self Forgiveness,

as Self Forgiveness is proportionate to Self Responsibility


Self Responsibility is proportionate to Self Will,

as Self Will is proportionate to Participation


Participation is proportionate to Cooperation,

as Cooperation is proportionate to Effectiveness


Effectiveness is proportionate to Transformation,

as Transformation is proportionate Freedom


Freedom is proportionate to Self Expression,

as Self Expression is proportionate to Heaven on Earth


Heaven on Earth is proportionate to Equality,

as Equality is proportionate to Life



The Journey to Life awaits…

But not forever.

Only for those who Dare

To make The Choice

As To become Life…


The course is set,

The path is clear,

See you at Eqafe…

If you have Ears to Hear

Day 66 - Self-management

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making the wrong decisions based on past experiences where so many times I have, within a false starting point, not fully considered the outflows of what I was actually participating in and thus made errors in judgement which created situations that did not assist me, but rather created more consequences which I had to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame parts of the system for my lack of responsibility to accomplish tasks that require direction, within this I realize that I must face points that my mind does not want me to face.  In that fear as blame, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate, and not take self-direction due to uncertainty.  Within that, I realize that the act of self-discipline is tied to the point of establishing a stable consistent self-discipline, where I can place myself within the system to interact with people as self-movement and expansion.  My current situation is proving to be ineffective as I do not have enough interaction with people, and thus not enough contacts as support.  Therefore I direct myself here in making the decision to changing and align my situation with something that will create a more stable interaction with the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to prioritize tasks and responsibilities.  I realize that if I do not prioritize, then I am subjecting myself to postponement as falling into past cycles of living in self interest, doing what I want, when I want as being directed by the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget what I have written as the direction I have given to myself in my blogs.

Therefore I commit myself to write out and prioritize all the points that need direction, and to direct myself to applying myself in accomplishing those tasks - IN PRIORITY.  If a higher priority task requires direction - I do not allow myself to move to the next priority until it is directed effectively.  If the task is difficult for some reason, I break it down into smaller steps so that I can manage it more easily.

Within this self-management program I am going to run for myself, I will place it in a structured manner and discipline myself to update and assess it daily so that I can track my progress of achieving my goals as that which is required to be accomplished. Within this self-management program, I will commit myself to goals based on time frames of short, mid and long term goals. I will not judge myself if I do not achieve goals, however I will commit myself to consistency and diligence in my self management program in that I am constantly applying myself within it until I am able to walk it and execute it effectively.  If the point is not directed effectively, I commit myself to write out my self-management program again with more specificity in aligning myself with myself here and what is required for me to become effective, and stop wasting time.

Within this self-management program, I commit myself to train myself in making decisions immediately, in one breath, and in so develop self trust within supporting myself in my daily participation, in taking responsibility for myself and my world, so that I will no longer be a slave to consequence due to irresponsibility to face each and every point. 

Day 60 - Times and Seasons

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to energy fluctuations based on the time of day.  I realize that consciousness attempts to dictate my moods and feelings based on the programmed idea of how I should feel like at certain times of the day. My physical body has no preference for time of day, therefore any preference such as 'morning person' or 'night owl' is of the mind.  I realize that any time of day is equal in nature and there are no moods connected and determined by time of day by my physical body.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to energy fluctuations based on the day of the week.  My physical body does not function by the day of the week, but supports me unconditionally as it supports itself to be here in the present moment as the physical expression of me.  Therefore I am not limited to feeling the ups and downs based on the day of the week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to energy fluctuations based on the seasons or the time of the year.  I realize that while my physical body may feel more comfortable in warm temperatures as opposed to cold, I am equally able to express myself within cold temperatures as well as warm. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and controlled by feelings based on traditional holidays and celebrations.  I realize that my physical body has no preference for any mind created idea of separation wherein a 'holiday' is created.  All days are equally here as I am here as my physical body.  I direct myself to express myself without having or allowing myself to be directed and controlled by a system of beliefs which seek to determine my moods (as doom) and expression - that would be self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any day that I am here, I am able to express myself in supporting all life equally.  Through supporting all life as what is best for all, I am supporting myself and bringing myself back to the starting point of myself so that life can be born from the physical as actual real expression of self - not controlled by a system of beliefs and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in celebrations.  I realize that while my world as me is in tremendous agony - celebration is inconsideration and spiteful towards myself as my world.  How can I celebrate the suffering of billions of people, animals, plants and the entirety of existence?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create times and seasons in separation of myself as the physical.  In doing so I have attempted to understand myself within a definition of myself in separation, when I am here and I have been here all along.  I do not need a definition of myself to exist, as that only diminishes me.  All I need is for me to be honest with myself and to live as Equal to all as what is best for all in all ways always, and I will realize myself and birth myself as life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on times and seasons and holy-days out of fear of facing and expressing myself.  I realize that all I have to do to realize myself is to take responsibility to face my fears in self-honesty, and if I find I am not being honest with myself, I simply forgive myself, and change myself to live as an Equal in every way.  Living in self-interest is HELL, and I hate it through and through.

I commit myself to direct myself in every moment, as each moment being equal - no time separation.

I commit myself to mess with the system through getting up in the middle of the night and waking someone up... just for the fuck of it.

I commit myself to being equal to my physical body in every way, directing myself in what is here, and changing whatever needs to be changed to align with what is best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to realize that I am the directive principle of myself here, and in so I direct all life as me in what is best for all

I commit myself to expose the deception of the system which has enslaved

I commit myself to take responsibility to express myself as here, as birthing myself in the physical.

I commit myself to assisting everyone I meet, because naturally, if my only reason for living is equality, as what is best for all, every thing I do and say will be directed to support life as Equality until it is done, and no more ignorance, fear or senseless suffering exists within me as my world.

Artwork by hibbary
http://hibbary.deviantart.com/art/Four-Seasons-82254728

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 58 - Sharing Equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that each person is as me as a physical being.  Therefore any judgement I have that is 'of my mind' is separating myself into and as that which is not physical.  I realize that the deception that pervades all of existence - as people abusing life through the secret mind, and not understanding themselves as who we are as physical - must be exposed openly, so that all may have the opportunity for self-realization.  I also realize that I cannot judge others - aside from stopping myself from participating in obvious, deliberate and spiteful behavior that clearly does not support life, in which case it is not a mental judgement but a physical, open statement of who I am, and what I will or will not allow myself to participate in. 

Anyone can, at any time, move themselves to 'wake up' to the self-realization of what is necessary to be done to stand for, and support Life as Equality.   I do not know the outcome - therefore I support all those willing to hear unconditionally, so that I may assist others as I would like to be assisted, were I in their shoes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within my participation with others, I am accountable to share myself as who I have realized myself to be - As taking responsibility to direct and change myself into that which is best for all as Equal.  Within this realization, I am able to skillfully direct myself to assist another as myself, to see past the limitations of the mind, and to assist another to face the reality of the world we have all collectively accepted and allowed as ourselves - as the calculated, and self-willed abuse of life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confront others from the starting point of seeing myself as 'better than' because I have acquired the knowledge of Equality.  In so doing, I create a polarity friction war between them and myself, and manifest a point of separation within myself, as using knowledge to 'try to do something good' to make myself feel superior.  I realize that this only charges the mind within reactions, judgements and beliefs, in attempt to make others feel inferior within a knowledge belief system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to change others in my own self-interest.  The actuality is that I cannot change anyone, I can only assist others that wish to change themselves, as each is self-responsible, and any action that is an attempt to change another is merely manifesting a master/slave relationship or polarity war in and as the mind as ego consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my expression of self-standing in responsibility to myself, as self-trust, as embracing myself unconditionally is the best support I can offer myself or anyone else, where, my expression is not dependent on the perfection of grammar or phrases that I use, because my self-honest expression - regardless of the word configuration - is what will be the most effective in assisting others to see beyond their own fears and into their own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the exponential outflow of each moment/opportunity as the compression of time as myself.  In that outflow, I can direct myself within and as self-honesty and so expose the deception, so that it can be eradicated and Life can be born - timeless and eternal, where all that will exist is Equality as Life forever.

I commit myself to stop all mental judgements that do not support life or what is best for all.

I commit myself to bring realization to myself as self-honest expression as me as doing what is best for all in every moment, every movement and every breath so that I can enjoy the fruit of my labor as having extracted the parasite of consciousness which has blinded me for eons of time. 

I commit myself sharing myself unconditionally to all who will hear the desteni message of Equality so that all of existence may understand and be brought to account of how we have abused Life

I commit myself to applying self-forgiveness and corrective application as well as making myself available to show others the tools that will assist one to change oneself to serve Life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to support life through the creation of an Equal Money System so that all that are here may be supported and life will be honored and given Equal value as the value of Life as what it should be. 

Day 48 - Change is Constant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself.  I realize that to give up would mean that there is no opportunity for change, yet there is no such thing as giving up on myself as I am here and everything is constantly changing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the program of my past where I feel I need to punish myself.  I realize that punishing myself will not assist me in any way, but rather I need to change punishment to changing myself as self discipline - so that I can do what is necessary to be done to support myself and others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the temper tantrums of my mind direct and control me in avoiding my responsibilities to support myself and get my work done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the outcome of what will happen if I move myself in doing tasks.  I realize that this is self-sabotage and it is showing me that I have not yet developed self trust as myself here as constant and consistent moving myself and facing myself within responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate and wait till the last moment to get working on things.  I realize this reluctance to work is based in past acceptances and allowances where I only wanted to do what would give me gratification in self-interest, rather than placing myself as Equal to my world and reality in changing myself so that I could assist all as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the potential that even small changes that produce and effect that is best for all are helpful and can have great impact on my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself through allowing myself to get discouraged with myself where my mind tells me I have nothing to offer as seeing myself as useless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as useless and disregard myself through thoughts and beliefs of the mind.

I commit myself to change myself in every moment - to not accept and allow discouragement but to encourage myself in the fact that I understand myself as Equal to all, which very few understand that point in our world.

I commit myself to - when I see myself wanting to give up, stop and breathe and face my problems so that I can work them out step by step and get things done little by little.

I commit myself to self-encouragement where I can motivate myself as self-will through standing Equal to my world as the physical