177 - Commitments

I am Here

I commit myself to stand Equal to the physical in this Life

I commit myself to realize that speaking words resonates within my physical body and changes me

I commit myself to re-program myself through writing, speaking words as me, and standing Equal to my words


I commit myself to speak words that support Equality of Life

I commit myself to speak myself to Life - OUT LOUD

I commit myself to speak myself to Life even when I don't feel like it


I commit myself to learn to take responsibility for myself, my world, and my words

I commit myself to challenge my self-imposed limitations of mind

I commit myself to transcending the desire for comfort and self-interest

I commit myself to create myself as the directive principle of myself

I commit myself to enjoy my opportunity to become Life

I commit myself to redefine fear as the sign that points the way and shows me what I need to face and direct

I commit myself to enjoy pushing my resistances when I am challenged by the mind/ego

I commit myself to Educate myself to understand the process of becoming Life

I commit myself to constantly work at being here in and as the physical through breathing

I commit myself to enjoy my work

I commit myself to redefine work - to creating myself as Life

I commit myself to sharing my process and realizations with others

I commit myself to re-peat these words that support Life until all points are transcended

I commit myself to continue to support myself through purifying my words until I stand absolute as Life here

I commit myself to realize that making videos is very supportive of myself and others

I commit myself to move myself for no other reason but to support what is Best for All

I commit myself to - when a personality system arise - stop myself within breath to see the starting point of what triggered the personality/pattern so I can forgive myself and speak or write words to change myself.

163 - Miss Breath and Miss Opportunity

Today I had to do an estimate.  During negotiations, I realized that I would not be able to do the job due to an outlet being in the wrong place.  For some reason, perhaps I figured it would take too long with the electrical work that needed to be relocated.  I quickly assumed that I would not be able to do the job, explained this to the client and closed negotiations saying I could come back when he had that issue fixed himself.

While I was driving home, it occurred to me that I probably could have done the relocation myself and charged the customer a little more for the time involved.  Why had I not seen that opportunity?  My assumption was quick, as the customer and I had been bartering over price - which was already very low, and this was causing me some frustration as I had already taken the time to drive all the way out there, which has already cost me 1/5th of the total job price in gas.

I see that I had already begun to become negative about the job, and when I realized that the plug had to be moved, I entertained a good feeling of not having to do the work with the excuse that I could not do it now.  The happy feeling was compounded by the negative feeling that I was not going to make any money, and I had in fact lost money by doing the estimate.  Within all of these feelings, I did not stop myself to assess the situation here as breath, trusting myself and the physical.  I was going by the emotion of how events like this had played out in the past - so I was in fear that the worst would happen.

The other point I realized is that, had I seen the opportunity to relocate the electrical myself and negotiated with the client for it, I may well have been upset with myself for undertaking the job, especially if there were any surprises as there always are in this line of work.  So it is a situation where I would judge myself either way.  The only solution to this is to remain here in breath, and not go into self-judgement for any reason.  Stop living my past and to live every moment as me, as breath.  I was aware of my breath the whole way to the clients house, however when I got there and the stress of the job kicked in, I lost all awareness and went on autopilot.

Business is more competitive in the winter here, and I had not prepared enough advertising for myself in the fall.  I had a job lined up which did not work out, and then expected to be able to get a job somewhere but that has not panned out either.  I will be exploring my options over the next little while to see where I can place myself to be effective and to support myself.   Besides that, process wise, things seem to be going well.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to - when I encounter a stressful situation where I am in the vicinity of people - go on autopilot and forget my breath awareness causing me to make rash decisions and choices based in fear and how things have played out in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by systems as the projection of fear that the worst would happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not realizing the opportunity to do the extra work and make some extra money from the situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget my newly learned skills of persuasion when dealing with clients - reciprocity, authority, scarcity, consistency, liking and consensus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to direct myself in the most effective manner so that I am able to support myself and change my world to a world worth living in with Equality of Life as the principle we all live by.

I commit myself to pushing myself to remain in breath awareness when involved in stressful situations where other people are around.

I commit myself to stop living in past definitions and begin to take responsibility for me in all situations through breathing and living from the starting point of here - as seeing every situation as a completely new experience of myself here, equal to the physical reality.

I commit myself to the realization that, to walk this process of awareness in each moment is... to bring myself back from the state of absolute self-devaluation, where my existence hangs by a single strand of knowledge of myself, in the understanding that the whole universe has in fact betrayed me, as the reflection of my own self-betrayal.... to align myself with the actual starting point of myself here, as breath, so that I may create myself as Equal to all things, as the final end of all enslavement and beginning of Life without limitation or judgement, where the value of All is Equally precious as Life.
     

Day 92 - Tarot Self Reflection

The card in the center represents the attitude you assume.
Ten of Swords (Ruin): Crushing defeat brought about by idle intellectualism divorced from reality. Sadness and desolation in the aftermath of a catastrophic and total collapse. A decisive conclusion brought about through the swift and merciless application of overwhelming force.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the attitude of defeat, as being defeated, as the mind stuck in limitation and fear of facing myself because I am embarrassed (I'm-bare-assed!) about who I am as who I have allowed myself to become - as uncertain, not knowing myself based on self-reflection from my parents, and not the hero I made myself out to be in my mind. Within this I also fear failure, as the ultimate rejection, as the rejection I felt because my parents split up when I was young and I felt rejected.

I commit myself to change my attitude of defeat to the attitude of success within creating myself as Life, by dissolving the reasons why I feel defeated and fear facing myself

Why do I not have the will to succeed, why have I given up on myself?
- Frustration
- Giving up
- Self punishment?
- Self pity?
- Blame?
- revenge?



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the pattern of Frustration leading to Self-Pity leading to Giving up as a form of Self-punishment, Blame and thus trying to get Revenge as the abdication of Self-Responsibility for what I accepted and allowed to transpire through not seeing or accepting myself as Equal to my world and reality.

I commit myself to take full responsibility for myself and my world in so that I no longer accept and allow myself to blame or punish myself, but rather direct myself in Equalizing myself to what is here and creating the solution to all as myself as Equal Responsibility for All. 



The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. Nine of Wands (Strength), when reversed: Delayed preparations for an impending trial. Efforts compromised by traitors or saboteurs. The scattering of forces before the conclusive battle is fought. Ill health and faltering of the will.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the thoughts and feelings of weakness within giving up on myself based on my projected idea of how the situation will play out as knowledge of my past.

I commit myself to strengthen myself within breathing and preparing myself and strengthening my will to direct myself as Life and do what is necessary to be done.  I no longer accept and allow thoughts or feelings or beliefs of weakness as pathetic excuses of the mind.


The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. The Empress: The essence of femininity and matriarchy. Creativity, productivity, and the foundation of civilization. Initiative and practical actions that promote prosperity, comfort and luxury. Fruitfulness and motherhood.

As creating myself as Equal as Life



The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. The Hermit: Withdrawal from events and relationship to introspect and gather strength. Seeking the inner voice or calling upon vision from within. A need of understanding and advice, or a wise man who will offer knowing guidance. Personal experience and thoughtful temperance.

Each is Self-Responsible as Responsibility to All as Self.



The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. Six of Pentacles (Success): A time of prosperity and profit. Success and generosity in material things. Power and influence turned to noble pursuits. Philanthropy, and the balancing of physical and spiritual life. May suggest gifts or aid to one in need.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot face success, as defined as me directing myself and my world as becoming the living decision to live what is Best for All. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear success and profit, as judgment based on my past programming of Self-punishment as opposed to Self-Acceptance and living Self-Forgiveness so Self can change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear debt, but rather I should use my debt as a means out of my current situation - in facing my accepted and allowed fears, fearlessly.

Day 48 - Change is Constant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself.  I realize that to give up would mean that there is no opportunity for change, yet there is no such thing as giving up on myself as I am here and everything is constantly changing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the program of my past where I feel I need to punish myself.  I realize that punishing myself will not assist me in any way, but rather I need to change punishment to changing myself as self discipline - so that I can do what is necessary to be done to support myself and others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the temper tantrums of my mind direct and control me in avoiding my responsibilities to support myself and get my work done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the outcome of what will happen if I move myself in doing tasks.  I realize that this is self-sabotage and it is showing me that I have not yet developed self trust as myself here as constant and consistent moving myself and facing myself within responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate and wait till the last moment to get working on things.  I realize this reluctance to work is based in past acceptances and allowances where I only wanted to do what would give me gratification in self-interest, rather than placing myself as Equal to my world and reality in changing myself so that I could assist all as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the potential that even small changes that produce and effect that is best for all are helpful and can have great impact on my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself through allowing myself to get discouraged with myself where my mind tells me I have nothing to offer as seeing myself as useless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as useless and disregard myself through thoughts and beliefs of the mind.

I commit myself to change myself in every moment - to not accept and allow discouragement but to encourage myself in the fact that I understand myself as Equal to all, which very few understand that point in our world.

I commit myself to - when I see myself wanting to give up, stop and breathe and face my problems so that I can work them out step by step and get things done little by little.

I commit myself to self-encouragement where I can motivate myself as self-will through standing Equal to my world as the physical

Day 42 - The Cold, Hard Truth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hide from the illusion of this world through creating personalities and false ideas that 'I am in love' or 'I love someone' or 'someone is special to me'.  I realize that in doing this, I am further separating myself into and as energetic identities which feed off my physical body ultimately resulting in diminishment and death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the crowd without investigating for myself what is really going on in my world and reality.  I realize that in not taking the time to research for myself, I am placing my trust in others so I can live my life in self-interest within the assumption that I will have someone to blame in the end.  I realize that the belief that I can blame someone for my own self-dishonesty is actually self-sabotage to which there is no escaping myself as I know exactly what I have been doing all along.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately deny the abuse and suffering going on in my world in the belief that 'as long as I can have fun and do what I want' - purely living for myself, not caring or considering the fate of all as me.  I realize that this denial of myself can only lead to my disillusionment and my complete non-existence, because I proved that I was unworthy of life through my living experience through denial and did not take heed to forgive and change myself when the opportunity was here as me.  I realize there is no excuse that will save me from the truth of who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I will have a chance to change someday in the future, not realizing that my life could end at any moment, and I would have to face the truth of myself as a deceiver, as someone who denied myself and the true nature of my existence, because I allowed myself to fall into the trap I set for myself as the belief I had free choice to do whatever I wanted - based on my false personality which I believed to be me, when it is not me at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up and making a visible statement of who I am as Equal and in so work with self-honesty and self-forgiveness to change myself to a physical being that supports all life Equally.  I realize that fear of standing up and being visible is me being a slave to fear, thus not being real with myself and therefore I cannot be life if I cannot even be real with myself by standing up and living the truth of who I am - through participating with the group that supports Life and the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what others will think of me if I say something that is contrary to my personality system or the system in general.  In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by fear instead of facing the fear - how can I be life if I am controlled by fear?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be worshiped and honored by others as being seen as special, so I can charge up the belief in my mind that I am a good person and deserve to be treated as special and 'better than' others.  I realize that me desiring to be seen/treated as special or good or loving or caring is self-deception, and in this desire I am creating an alternate personality of myself rather than honestly expressing myself as a physical being that is no more or less important than anyone/anything in the physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in conversations in my head where I think less of others and more of myself so I can 'win' in my mind and thus feel better about myself through energy.  I realize that this secret mind I am expressing is mining my body of energy through/into/as my mind which I give power to through the spitefulness.  I realize that I believe that I am powerless to change because I am addicted to the 'feel good' high of energy as thoughts and emotions, and I believe I don't have the guts to face myself as who I really am - which is a deceptive, programmed belief to keep me enslaved to the mind as energy.

I commit myself to STAND UP within myself and become a living statement of Equality and what is best for all through having the courage to face my fears which are merely the tools of enslavement.

I commit myself to OPEN MY EYES in no longer following the crowd, but develop my own self-honesty through self-intimacy as into-me-I-see and have insight as to how I have allowed myself to deceive myself in the past so that I can stop all participation in that which perpetuates abuse in my world and reality.

I commit myself to WILL MYSELF to face my fears and change through the Desteni-I-Process of self-change where I will learn what it really is to face myself in self-honesty rather than continuing to live the lie of my self-created personality in fear of survival and death.

I commit myself to CATCH myself when I find that I am having spiteful backchat conversations within my mind that I am deliberately using to make myself feel better in fear that if I stop my mind, I will not exist, so I commit myself to face myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath so I can be here with myself, and stop searching for myself in delusions of love and friendship.

I commit myself to Self-love, where I stand as an Equal in my world, no longer seeking to vaunt myself into a blissful mind-state for the sake of temporary comfort, but support myself in common sense in what is necessary to be done, and changing myself into a living example so I can assist others and so assist all life in self-realization.