Day 42 - The Cold, Hard Truth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hide from the illusion of this world through creating personalities and false ideas that 'I am in love' or 'I love someone' or 'someone is special to me'.  I realize that in doing this, I am further separating myself into and as energetic identities which feed off my physical body ultimately resulting in diminishment and death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the crowd without investigating for myself what is really going on in my world and reality.  I realize that in not taking the time to research for myself, I am placing my trust in others so I can live my life in self-interest within the assumption that I will have someone to blame in the end.  I realize that the belief that I can blame someone for my own self-dishonesty is actually self-sabotage to which there is no escaping myself as I know exactly what I have been doing all along.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately deny the abuse and suffering going on in my world in the belief that 'as long as I can have fun and do what I want' - purely living for myself, not caring or considering the fate of all as me.  I realize that this denial of myself can only lead to my disillusionment and my complete non-existence, because I proved that I was unworthy of life through my living experience through denial and did not take heed to forgive and change myself when the opportunity was here as me.  I realize there is no excuse that will save me from the truth of who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I will have a chance to change someday in the future, not realizing that my life could end at any moment, and I would have to face the truth of myself as a deceiver, as someone who denied myself and the true nature of my existence, because I allowed myself to fall into the trap I set for myself as the belief I had free choice to do whatever I wanted - based on my false personality which I believed to be me, when it is not me at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up and making a visible statement of who I am as Equal and in so work with self-honesty and self-forgiveness to change myself to a physical being that supports all life Equally.  I realize that fear of standing up and being visible is me being a slave to fear, thus not being real with myself and therefore I cannot be life if I cannot even be real with myself by standing up and living the truth of who I am - through participating with the group that supports Life and the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what others will think of me if I say something that is contrary to my personality system or the system in general.  In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by fear instead of facing the fear - how can I be life if I am controlled by fear?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be worshiped and honored by others as being seen as special, so I can charge up the belief in my mind that I am a good person and deserve to be treated as special and 'better than' others.  I realize that me desiring to be seen/treated as special or good or loving or caring is self-deception, and in this desire I am creating an alternate personality of myself rather than honestly expressing myself as a physical being that is no more or less important than anyone/anything in the physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in conversations in my head where I think less of others and more of myself so I can 'win' in my mind and thus feel better about myself through energy.  I realize that this secret mind I am expressing is mining my body of energy through/into/as my mind which I give power to through the spitefulness.  I realize that I believe that I am powerless to change because I am addicted to the 'feel good' high of energy as thoughts and emotions, and I believe I don't have the guts to face myself as who I really am - which is a deceptive, programmed belief to keep me enslaved to the mind as energy.

I commit myself to STAND UP within myself and become a living statement of Equality and what is best for all through having the courage to face my fears which are merely the tools of enslavement.

I commit myself to OPEN MY EYES in no longer following the crowd, but develop my own self-honesty through self-intimacy as into-me-I-see and have insight as to how I have allowed myself to deceive myself in the past so that I can stop all participation in that which perpetuates abuse in my world and reality.

I commit myself to WILL MYSELF to face my fears and change through the Desteni-I-Process of self-change where I will learn what it really is to face myself in self-honesty rather than continuing to live the lie of my self-created personality in fear of survival and death.

I commit myself to CATCH myself when I find that I am having spiteful backchat conversations within my mind that I am deliberately using to make myself feel better in fear that if I stop my mind, I will not exist, so I commit myself to face myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath so I can be here with myself, and stop searching for myself in delusions of love and friendship.

I commit myself to Self-love, where I stand as an Equal in my world, no longer seeking to vaunt myself into a blissful mind-state for the sake of temporary comfort, but support myself in common sense in what is necessary to be done, and changing myself into a living example so I can assist others and so assist all life in self-realization. 

Day 22 - Emotions Energy and My Physical Body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to be directed and controlled by personal 

emotions and feelings, in that I have allowed myself  

to create emotions and feelings based on fear-of-loss 

and fear-of-death, not realizing within myself that I 

am responsible for stopping those feelings and 

emotions from raping and controlling me, so that I 

can stand for life as what is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to believe that I was separate from my reality 

and therefore justify my emotional reactions as 

'defending myself' from my self-created fears through 

separation whereas I viewed my mind as the totality 

of me in not wanting to equally take responsibility for 

All of the me's that I am. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to fuel my emotional reactions with thought 

energy and picture projections in my mind as 

justifications for those fears, when all along, those 

pictures were not the actuality of the situation, but a 

false representation presented so that I could remain 

enslaved to my fears.   And the energy is what I have

allowed myself to become addicted to as addiction to 

fear, through me fearing myself and attempting to 

comfort and escape myself.  It is obvious that I cannot

escape myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to extensively judge and condemn myself in 

guilt, shame, and regret in an attempt to punish 

myself for how consequences manifested in my life, 

rather than slow myself down within breath, and 

realize and understand how I was accepting and 

allowing undesirable consequences in my life 

experience and how I could realize the patterns I was 

creating and stop them from re-occurring. Within that,

I commit myself to change myself to stand in self-

responsibility to myself AND all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to blame others for my own emotional and 

feeling reactions, and the painful consequences that I 

experienced within my physical body.  In that I realize

that I neglected the experience of myself by neglecting

the fact that my physical body was specifically showing

me that I was not being honest with myself as I was 

trying to be a hero and appear as 'a good guy' to 

others by acting as an 'energy garbage collector' and 

thus attempting to purify everything through my mind,

rather than actually stand as an Equal and share 

responsibility with everyone through allowing 

everyone work out their own dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to place my trust in others and the advice of 

others before trusting myself as seeing myself as the 

point of responsibility in understanding myself and my

reality wherein I am capable of seeing - what is best 

for all is best for me - rather than trying to collect 

knowledge and information and so use it to gain power

over others as a false god of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to think and believe the idea that my physical 

body is the personal property of my mind in which I 

have to defend through fear of losing my personal 

property.  I realize that while we are within this 

current system, place and time, it is common sense to

defend my body if physically threatened. My physical 

body is my primary point of responsibility as the 

vehicle where I learn to stand and express myself as a 

responsible steward-in-training until I am perfectly 

standing Equal to my physical body in standing as the

living expression of what is best for all life in all ways.

In that I realize that much abusiveness and delusion 

exists within our world, therefore I commit myself to 

take responsibility for my body, in not accepting 

and allowing my physical body to be subjected to 

abuse, harm or false sentiments of those who are 

ignorant and/or unaware of the consequences of 

inequality and of being subject/slave to a mind which 

only seeks its own self-interest at the expense of Life 

as a whole.

I will not trade Life for a bowl of soup. 

Image of an inside view of a heart

from http://science.nationalgeographic.com/science/photos/heart/#/inside-heart_1008_600x450.jpg