Friday, 8 June 2012

Day 42 - The Cold, Hard Truth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hide from the illusion of this world through creating personalities and false ideas that 'I am in love' or 'I love someone' or 'someone is special to me'.  I realize that in doing this, I am further separating myself into and as energetic identities which feed off my physical body ultimately resulting in diminishment and death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow the crowd without investigating for myself what is really going on in my world and reality.  I realize that in not taking the time to research for myself, I am placing my trust in others so I can live my life in self-interest within the assumption that I will have someone to blame in the end.  I realize that the belief that I can blame someone for my own self-dishonesty is actually self-sabotage to which there is no escaping myself as I know exactly what I have been doing all along.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately deny the abuse and suffering going on in my world in the belief that 'as long as I can have fun and do what I want' - purely living for myself, not caring or considering the fate of all as me.  I realize that this denial of myself can only lead to my disillusionment and my complete non-existence, because I proved that I was unworthy of life through my living experience through denial and did not take heed to forgive and change myself when the opportunity was here as me.  I realize there is no excuse that will save me from the truth of who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I will have a chance to change someday in the future, not realizing that my life could end at any moment, and I would have to face the truth of myself as a deceiver, as someone who denied myself and the true nature of my existence, because I allowed myself to fall into the trap I set for myself as the belief I had free choice to do whatever I wanted - based on my false personality which I believed to be me, when it is not me at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up and making a visible statement of who I am as Equal and in so work with self-honesty and self-forgiveness to change myself to a physical being that supports all life Equally.  I realize that fear of standing up and being visible is me being a slave to fear, thus not being real with myself and therefore I cannot be life if I cannot even be real with myself by standing up and living the truth of who I am - through participating with the group that supports Life and the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what others will think of me if I say something that is contrary to my personality system or the system in general.  In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by fear instead of facing the fear - how can I be life if I am controlled by fear?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be worshiped and honored by others as being seen as special, so I can charge up the belief in my mind that I am a good person and deserve to be treated as special and 'better than' others.  I realize that me desiring to be seen/treated as special or good or loving or caring is self-deception, and in this desire I am creating an alternate personality of myself rather than honestly expressing myself as a physical being that is no more or less important than anyone/anything in the physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in conversations in my head where I think less of others and more of myself so I can 'win' in my mind and thus feel better about myself through energy.  I realize that this secret mind I am expressing is mining my body of energy through/into/as my mind which I give power to through the spitefulness.  I realize that I believe that I am powerless to change because I am addicted to the 'feel good' high of energy as thoughts and emotions, and I believe I don't have the guts to face myself as who I really am - which is a deceptive, programmed belief to keep me enslaved to the mind as energy.

I commit myself to STAND UP within myself and become a living statement of Equality and what is best for all through having the courage to face my fears which are merely the tools of enslavement.

I commit myself to OPEN MY EYES in no longer following the crowd, but develop my own self-honesty through self-intimacy as into-me-I-see and have insight as to how I have allowed myself to deceive myself in the past so that I can stop all participation in that which perpetuates abuse in my world and reality.

I commit myself to WILL MYSELF to face my fears and change through the Desteni-I-Process of self-change where I will learn what it really is to face myself in self-honesty rather than continuing to live the lie of my self-created personality in fear of survival and death.

I commit myself to CATCH myself when I find that I am having spiteful backchat conversations within my mind that I am deliberately using to make myself feel better in fear that if I stop my mind, I will not exist, so I commit myself to face myself in self-honesty in every moment of every breath so I can be here with myself, and stop searching for myself in delusions of love and friendship.

I commit myself to Self-love, where I stand as an Equal in my world, no longer seeking to vaunt myself into a blissful mind-state for the sake of temporary comfort, but support myself in common sense in what is necessary to be done, and changing myself into a living example so I can assist others and so assist all life in self-realization. 

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