Saturday, 9 June 2012

Day 43 - Fear of Death

I recall a few experiences when I was younger where fear had become almost unbearable to me.  Some would look at you as 'weak' if you expose the point that you are afraid of something, however in actuality, confronting and/or expressing fears requires self-honesty and courage - as opposed to hiding them and pretending that they don't exist - which only prolongs the inevitable and creates further consequence for oneself. 

Here I will share some of the fears I had, they may sound strange, but they were real points I had to face.  It was very difficult to deal with fears when I did not understand the cause, nor did I understand how I was feeding and creating them or how to stop them - because I did not understand myself.

Once we understand how the mind works and that we are responsible for what we create, we can begin deconstructing our fears - which are based in our mind reality of thoughts, perceptions, and desires.  Once we find the cause through understanding how we have created ourselves in our reality, we can then get to the source, and so stop the effect, because we ultimately find that it is not real, and not who we are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that 'I AM EVIL' because of pictures flashing in my mind of all kinds of torture, suffering, and abuse.  I realize that the reality we exist in is collectively evil because we have all accepted and allowed this, however that does not mean that I am inherently evil as the source of who I am.  I realize that I can take responsibility to change myself here through self-forgiveness and self-honesty, to no longer accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by pictures in my mind.  I take responsibility to direct myself here in what is best for all, therefore I am not evil, but I commit myself to stand to support all life as Equal to and as the physical, until all of this evil reality is changed to an expression of LIFE that actually CARES.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going insane if I stop my mind.  I realize that this fear exists solely to keep me ENSLAVED to the mind system of consciousness, which conveniently allowed me to remain irresponsible to myself and/as all in stopping my mind - as the delusion mental reality I was living in my own self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself in the fear that I was going to suddenly DIE for no reason.  I realize this fear was a reflection of the entire world system we exist in and as, where fears were channeled throughout the subconscious/unconscious mind. I realize that I was aware of these fears and did not know how to deal with them at the time, so now that I understand that these fears are NOT ME - and that my responsibility is to stop these fears from controlling me, I am able to do so here and so I am able to do something to actually support all life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I had NOTHING TO OFFER life because I thought I was evil.  I realize that through not understanding myself as who I was, and the fact that I had very little money in a world run by money - the obvious conclusion is that I will not see any value in myself, and so end up with all kinds of fears, ANGER and AGGRESSION toward my world and reality.  I now realize how an abusive society that professes a FALSE morality and is ruled by FEAR and GREED actually abuses life, and the physical reality.  This motivates me to stop the abusive money system and support an Equal Money System so that all may be supported to stop fear, greed, and the abuse of Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself being unable to grasp my reality and that I would suddenly lose control of myself at any moment.   I realize that this fear existed within me because of me fearing myself as - the unknown.  I understood that I was harming myself through alcohol and drugs, yet I seemed unable to stop myself because I could not see a reason, because I hated the world so much (which was a reflection of me hating myself).  In seeing this point, I realize that a world that promotes false love, class separation, exclusivity and consumerism is doomed through its own deceptive devices.  Therefore I take responsibility for myself and my world to support Equality until it is established so that we can end all forms of self-abuse and harm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the vastness of existence and the universe as me being unable to grasp the fact that I seemed so small, insignificant, and powerless.  In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear 'falling into the sky' - to the extent that I had to look down at the ground for months because of this fear.  I realize that this fear was of me not trusting myself, NOT KNOWING MYSELF and fearing death - because I did not understand myself and why I lived in a world of such blatant IGNORANCE and INCONSIDERATION for others.  I realize that these fears were existent because I did not take responsibility to understand myself in absolute self-honesty.  If I had lived self-honesty, I would have seen through these fears as not being real as me.  Therefore I commit myself to live self-honesty as breath so that I can no longer be subject to and controlled by fears.  I direct me - and I stand for what is best for all.

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