Day 43 - Fear of Death

I recall a few experiences when I was younger where fear had become almost unbearable to me.  Some would look at you as 'weak' if you expose the point that you are afraid of something, however in actuality, confronting and/or expressing fears requires self-honesty and courage - as opposed to hiding them and pretending that they don't exist - which only prolongs the inevitable and creates further consequence for oneself. 

Here I will share some of the fears I had, they may sound strange, but they were real points I had to face.  It was very difficult to deal with fears when I did not understand the cause, nor did I understand how I was feeding and creating them or how to stop them - because I did not understand myself.

Once we understand how the mind works and that we are responsible for what we create, we can begin deconstructing our fears - which are based in our mind reality of thoughts, perceptions, and desires.  Once we find the cause through understanding how we have created ourselves in our reality, we can then get to the source, and so stop the effect, because we ultimately find that it is not real, and not who we are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that 'I AM EVIL' because of pictures flashing in my mind of all kinds of torture, suffering, and abuse.  I realize that the reality we exist in is collectively evil because we have all accepted and allowed this, however that does not mean that I am inherently evil as the source of who I am.  I realize that I can take responsibility to change myself here through self-forgiveness and self-honesty, to no longer accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by pictures in my mind.  I take responsibility to direct myself here in what is best for all, therefore I am not evil, but I commit myself to stand to support all life as Equal to and as the physical, until all of this evil reality is changed to an expression of LIFE that actually CARES.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going insane if I stop my mind.  I realize that this fear exists solely to keep me ENSLAVED to the mind system of consciousness, which conveniently allowed me to remain irresponsible to myself and/as all in stopping my mind - as the delusion mental reality I was living in my own self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself in the fear that I was going to suddenly DIE for no reason.  I realize this fear was a reflection of the entire world system we exist in and as, where fears were channeled throughout the subconscious/unconscious mind. I realize that I was aware of these fears and did not know how to deal with them at the time, so now that I understand that these fears are NOT ME - and that my responsibility is to stop these fears from controlling me, I am able to do so here and so I am able to do something to actually support all life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I had NOTHING TO OFFER life because I thought I was evil.  I realize that through not understanding myself as who I was, and the fact that I had very little money in a world run by money - the obvious conclusion is that I will not see any value in myself, and so end up with all kinds of fears, ANGER and AGGRESSION toward my world and reality.  I now realize how an abusive society that professes a FALSE morality and is ruled by FEAR and GREED actually abuses life, and the physical reality.  This motivates me to stop the abusive money system and support an Equal Money System so that all may be supported to stop fear, greed, and the abuse of Life.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself being unable to grasp my reality and that I would suddenly lose control of myself at any moment.   I realize that this fear existed within me because of me fearing myself as - the unknown.  I understood that I was harming myself through alcohol and drugs, yet I seemed unable to stop myself because I could not see a reason, because I hated the world so much (which was a reflection of me hating myself).  In seeing this point, I realize that a world that promotes false love, class separation, exclusivity and consumerism is doomed through its own deceptive devices.  Therefore I take responsibility for myself and my world to support Equality until it is established so that we can end all forms of self-abuse and harm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the vastness of existence and the universe as me being unable to grasp the fact that I seemed so small, insignificant, and powerless.  In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear 'falling into the sky' - to the extent that I had to look down at the ground for months because of this fear.  I realize that this fear was of me not trusting myself, NOT KNOWING MYSELF and fearing death - because I did not understand myself and why I lived in a world of such blatant IGNORANCE and INCONSIDERATION for others.  I realize that these fears were existent because I did not take responsibility to understand myself in absolute self-honesty.  If I had lived self-honesty, I would have seen through these fears as not being real as me.  Therefore I commit myself to live self-honesty as breath so that I can no longer be subject to and controlled by fears.  I direct me - and I stand for what is best for all.

Top 10 Reasons Destonians Fall in Process

We all fall at some point, so here is a list of some of the most common reasons/excuses, as well as some practical tips to get us back on our feet. If one is taking the Desteni-I-Process, I highly recommend that we ask our buddies for support when we need assistance. The forums (Desteni.org) are also a good place to write oneself out. So, if and when you fall, simply get back up, breathe, and start again.

10. The Old Ways - Whether consciously or subconsciously, in some way the systems within us still want to hold on to our 'old ways' of existing. This is an aspect of fearing to face oneself and fearing change of ourselves. Perhaps we fear the unknown of what we will become, or we second guess ourselves as what we have come to understand about ourselves. Equality is like a black hole, once you get past a certain point, you realize there is no turning back.

9. Not Understanding Points - 'Thinking' we understand but not really understanding. Research and self-introspection are our individual responsibilities. There are many articles and documents here at the desteni site to assist.

I myself struggled with the point of self-trust and self-expression for quite some time. Not trusting myself to be able to do the process, feeling overwhelmed as if I wasn't able to stop myself within the feelings of guilt, regret, anger and desires for things such as relationships. If you have not yet established self-trust, you just need to keep moving yourself, pushing your resistances, even if its just a little bit at a time. Realize that there is no such thing as giving up. Eventually you will come to a point where you are so sick of the mind games going on within yourself (as well as all the abuse within our world because of the mind) that you will find the strength and indignation to move yourself more effectively and establish stability and self-trust. Understanding it is a process that is deconstructed through time, so give yourself time and you will have time.

8. Self Punishment. This system can be from childhood from being punished as children by our parents or from bosses in work. Stop punishing yourself, it is not necessary - rather be gentle with yourself. Punishment is self-sabotage and abuse within the polarity of 'better than/less than'. Apply self-forgiveness and corrective application.

7. Laziness - as a construct of wanting to do things only in self-interest. We have to realize that process is going to be work until we get to the stage where we are standing in full awareness of ourselves as who we really are. When we are at the stage of self-perfection, doing what is best for all in all ways, process is no longer work but just self-here. Until then, we have to push ourselves and our resistances to be able to expand ourselves.

6. Not Understanding Our Responsibility - we must realize that what we do in our lives has a resonant outflow/consequence which affects everything. Either we are supporting life or we are suppressing it. This is our responsibility in walking as a group, to support life and do what is necessary to be done within the principle of what is best for all, and love thy neighbor as thyself.

5. Existing within Limitation. Limiting ourselves within our 'frame of mind' - the box. It is hard to see the limitation point if you are existing within limitation lol. Writing daily is tremendous self-support. Breathe and realize the infinite opportunity that exists in each moment as we walk our process of becoming life as unconditional, unlimited self-expression, here in every moment of breath.

4. Addiction To Energy - We must be a living example to stop our addictions which operate through energy systems in our minds. If you are in the process of stopping an energetic addiction, write about it, best not to share it openly but rather with a destonian buddy, until you are certain you have cleared the point within yourself.

3. The 'Im A Destonian' Belief System - Quite similar to a religion wherein we create an image of ourselves as wanting to appear different or special within definition - separation. This inevitably leads us to comparison and the polarity system. The outflows of this can be emotions, reactions, depression and self-judgement as well as fearing what others will think of you.

2. Guilt and Regret - Guilt is the mind showing us where we have been dishonest with ourselves in our process. Guilt is a system designed to 'weigh one down' and diminishes us if we allow it to. It does not support life, however, realize that guilt can be used as a tool to in seeing oneself and how we are accepting and allowing ourselves to compromise ourselves in our process of self-honesty and self-realization. Regret is simply holding on to the past and not applying self-forgiveness and corrective application effectively for oneself.

1. Self-Judgement - Self-judgement is a form or condemnation. This is a very common system that is essential to be looked at thoroughly through writing and applying self-forgiveness. We must understand what judgements we are placing on ourselves and others, and where they are coming from. Are they from past relationships? Parents? Siblings? Friends? Teachers? Perhaps it is an idea one has about something wherein we have created a belief and judge ourselves in comparison based on that belief/idea/perception/definition. Whatever, any judgement of self or others will only lead to self-sabotage and further cycles of enslavement. Fire the policeman in the head.