Day 110 – Roots of Selfishness

Looking at my experiences when have allowed myself to go into thoughts and memories because I would rather not ‘be here’ as breath… typically because I am doing something I don’t want to do, such as heading to work, where fear and anxiety come up.   I want to avoid the situation, make myself feel better, disappear in to ‘my happy place’ in my mind… because I create the idea that ‘work’ is a negative experience – as it is tied to money as enslavement, as something I am forced to do.  As well I feel that I am being judged based on my performance and ability to ‘produce’ a good result based on the customers expectations.

I see where I have judged myself in the past if I did not meet up to expectations of others.  I have come to realize that I can only do what I am able to do, as my physical body has limitations.  So I have for the most part released that form of judgement on myself.  I don’t really mind the work most of the time.  Here though, is the stress factor, of having to work so fast that I am able to make a profit, along with not making mistakes and doing a good job  – so there is fear of the future as not having enough income to support myself.  I see this as fear of my own self judgement – as the fear of loss and fear of death.  Still discontent with who I am and what I have allowed myself to become. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts and memories for temporary ‘mind-highs’ - because I want to escape the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed in my world, and so I am reluctant to face the consequences I have created for myself here in each moment.   I realize that I cannot escape myself, nor does it make the situation any better when I try to escape into my mind – It only perpetuates the addiction to energy as spite.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as a ‘negative experience’ of myself because I fear failure, fear loss, and fear the judgement of myself and others.  In this,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing money and time, as selfish experiences of myself.  I realize that these experiences are necessary consequences that have played out in order for me to see who I am, and face myself as what I have accepted and allowed to exist here as me.  Thus it is supportive to myself and my process of understanding myself.  I realize I have to let go of the self-created idea of who I am as ‘separate’ – so that I can realize myself, as an interconnect part of my existence as a whole.
  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough income to support myself.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the selfish desire for ‘free time’ and ‘easy money’ wherein I seek my own self interest, or seek to boost my own ego/mind system with the idea that I could be better, have a better life, and or do things that would grant me more fun and enjoyment, as well as the admiration of others.   I realize that the first and primary responsibility I have is to become absolutely self honest with myself, so that I can rid myself of all fears, greed, and selfish delusion, and so become physical, and real with myself.  This is the only way I will free myself from the anxiety of self judgement and selfish desires, and in so I will actually be able to enjoy myself for real, for the first time ever.
Actually, the only reason for my anxiety, is because I know I am not absolutely honest with myself yet, I am not here taking responsibility for myself as all in every breath yet, and so I fear that about myself, fearing that I cannot do it, based on my past fuck ups.  I fear myself, because my mind fears losing the personal experiences of the selfish energy highs in my mind.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on my past experiences of myself – condemning myself in the idea that I cannot do it, creating an image of myself that I have too many systems, my selfish desires are too strong, or that I am too weak to stand absolutely equal with myself as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the energy highs of my mind - because my mind tells me that all I will experience will be ‘negative’ or ‘neutral’ all the time – Yet I realize that this is projection of my mind, not the actuality of me here.

My mind fears that it will take so much energy just to direct my breathing all the time, thus I fear losing the idea of myself as who I have defined myself as within my mind as energy, and  so I project that fear onto another self created idea of ‘who I would be’ (negative and/or neutral) if I stop my mind and take complete responsibility for myself in every breath.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping the energy highs of the mind because my mind tells me that “I am wasting good experiences”.  This comes from the self-definition I have created myself as a ‘non-wasteful’ person, or someone who does not like to waste things, as the fear of loss, fear of self-judgement, and fear of death.  In so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the ‘positive’ energy experiences because I fear ‘wasting the experience of myself’ in the fear of loss, fear of self-judgement, and fear of death.  I also forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as ‘non-wasteful’ in the belief that I am better than others in my world who I have defined as ‘wasteful’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent life, because I feel I was never given a fair chance to understand myself, and thus I made errors that cost me myself.  I realize that this life, and this realization is my opportunity to realize myself here. 

I commit myself to take this opportunity within this life to realize myself for myself and all so that I can rid myself of the guilt, shame, anxiety and resentment that I feel towards myself.
I commit myself to face my fears within writing so that I can realize where I am not taking responsibility for myself so that I may be as effective as humanly possible without fear of judgement, loss or death.
I commit myself to realize that the situations that I face in my reality are here to support me to self-realization, and in that, I am able to stop self-judgement so that I can stand equal to my world and reality in taking responsibility for what is here as myself as all.
I commit myself to stop all mind-created ideas and projections of ‘who I would be’ should I stop the positive, negative and neutral energy experiences within myself, which I realize are the desire for selfish experiences of myself in separation from myself as my mind.

What is Conscious Living

Conscious living is a relatively new expression that has recently become a popular buzz word and trend, promoted through media and magazines. Its interesting that the phrase clearly implies some sort of ‘deeper awareness’ of ones life, and what impact we are all having on each other and the environment. Many approach this topic from different perspectives, and thus, have varying opinions on what is actually implied by ‘Living Consciously’. So, in order to give ourselves a little deeper insight, we can look at it from three main perspectives.

1. Environment – It is all too evident, the impact we are having on our world, and many of us are saddened by what we are seeing. So we are beginning to realize that there is a sense of responsibility there that we did not understand before. How could we have let the world come to such and extent that it is currently existing as? Why do we not stop harming the earth and ourselves? Why are governments powerless to do anything? Why do we allow corporations to destroy the planet for profit?

So seeing the environment and what is really happening is a bit of a wake up call for us all. We are realizing that our children are inheriting our mess, so it is natural that we feel something, at the very least. We are starting to implement programs that curb our wasteful and profit driven activities, yet it is clearly nowhere near enough at this point. Many see this as the primary reason behind the move toward ‘Conscious Living’.

2. Health – We are also becoming more aware of the impact food has on our bodies. Many bewildering methods of modifying and processing our food are constantly being invented as a means of manipulating the food industry for profit, power and control. We as consumers just gobble it all up, because we are so inconsiderate of our own actions and how they are manifesting our reality. We use excuses like ‘Well, everyone else is doing it.” or “There’s nothing I can do about it, that’s just the way it is.” These are examples of excuses that are of no use whatsoever. There is no excuse for killing our world and we are all accountable for it, with our lives.

3. Business – Inevitably, wherever there is an opportunity to make a profit, we will find businesses, corporations and bankers all misty eyed and drooling with anticipation. Not to place blame on them specifically, as we all have accepted and allowed this system to exist as it currently does. The trend of conscious living has become the ‘worm on the hook’ for many organizations that are seeking to prey on those who are really looking to understand more about themselves and their world… Looking to see beyond the big lie.

Businesses and corporations will seek to bend the meaning of conscious living in order to make people believe that it is in their best interest to purchase a product, because it is the popular trend at the moment. So it is quite interesting that businesses who are promoting conscious living for their own profit, are actually promoting the opposite of what the words would imply as ‘seeking a deeper understanding of oneself’. It is the hidden greed that has for so long appeared to be inapprehensible... No more.

I will here like to frankly offer a fresh perspective on what is meant by ‘Conscious Living’. Although on the surface it appears somewhat harmless, it is not what it appears. The time is now here to expose the abuse in our world.

Conscious Living is a term that has been created to justify deception in our world through allowing people to ‘hide’ behind an organization or group or title promoting a cause that seeks to ‘do good’ in some form or another. However it is only the ‘appearance of goodness’, meanwhile it does nothing to address the real issue within our world. It is as ridiculous as if one would put a tiny band-aid on a severed arm or leg. It will not help, in fact it only adds insult to injury.

It is this false appearance... self-interest in disguise - as the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Who is willing really look at what is going on in our world of deception and abuse? Who is willing to look at the source of the problem, as in, face themselves on the inside, where the real evil exists? Why are we afraid to admit to everyone what’s going on in the back of our minds? Why are we afraid of losing our puffed up, vain, self-intoxicated false image? Obviously it would be rather embarrassing for us to be exposed to the world as a fraud. But at what cost are we not doing so? The cost is terrifying and unacceptable.

Yet that's exactly what Destonians are doing. We are exposing ourselves in learning how to be honest with ourselves. We are working together as a group. ONE group, not a religion, not a corporation, not a cult, just a group of people under the principle of what is best for all. We are aimed at the real heart of the issue in this world - the money system. We are absolutely committed to implementing and Equal Money System so that money is given the value of life, rather than humans being tortured and slaughtered for the sake of money. We understand how we have all been CON(ned) by consciousness, falling after false beliefs in gods and masters that have led us astray from who we really are. We are facing the shame of our existence for real, because we cannot continue to run forever, there is nowhere left to run, this is it.

So if you perchance would really like to understand yourself, rather than just all the media and corporate ideas of conscious living, then you should investigate for yourself. What do you stand for in your life? I can guarantee if its not best for all, then its of no use to you whatsoever. Help us support an Equal Money System and stop the abuse and deception of image and ideas like conscious living.

Why I Was Able To Hear The Desteni Message

I was brought to church on Sundays as a kid and went to some religious camps, so I started off with the basic religious program in my head. When I was around the age of 8, I asked myself a question, "What do you want to do in life?". So I thought about it for a few seconds, and replied to myself "I want to help people". I remember hearing a voice in my head saying "You are just like Jesus". I shook my head and said no, no way. I see now that I feared myself and could not trust myself. Somehow I was worried that if I were equal to Jesus, I might allow myself to fall into greed and ego. I was also worried about how I would have to express myself, I didnt want to look funny in front of people or stand out.

As a child, I often reflecting to myself, my inner thoughts. I recall one summer lying on the grass, just staring at the sky for a long time. Why was the world so fake? And why was everyone acting like everything is OK when it was clearly not? This struck a chord in me which laid the foundation for a distrusting attitude in my teens. No way was I going to trust a system that did not address this core issue that was in myself, even though I did not yet have the answers, I knew what I was experiencing was in many ways, not real. I longed for realness inside myself, but I did not know how to get it.

A profound experience I recall in my teens, was during a hard rock concert. I remember seeing all these cool people, they were all so interesting, i wanted to talk and share with them all. Many were just like me. And then I felt this overwhelming sadness. I was realizing that, this moment we were all experiencing, would just pass away..? I couldn't explain it, yet it was there, clear as ever. Why is it like this? I thought to myself in an attempt to understand.

I experienced a car accident when I was around 19. We were all drinking, and I flew out the back of a pickup when the driver hit a wall. I had smashed my head and was knocked unconscious. When I came to, my brother was in front of me holding my hand with a police officer was behind him swinging a flashlight. I became quite scared at this point, and asked my other friend to hold my hand as well. I thought maybe I was dying. Maybe this was it, just like that. "I'm not ready", I repeated to myself in fear.

I spent the night in the hospital and was released the next day with some stitches in my face. Like a big reality check, this was the wake up call I needed. I could have easily been killed. Experiences such as this can really help 'open ones eyes'. I looked at myself differently after this, now I had to understand what was my responsibility here in this life. And having a religious upbringing, I figured I would find out what god wanted from me.

I decided to read the bible, and a certain verse convicted me of my 'double-mindedness'. I was living two separate personalities I saw within myself. I felt absolutely terrible about this, I knew I wasn't being real with myself, so I immediately became a zealous christian after that.

A few years after being Christian, I was told by someone, and confirmed by others that I was very 'close' to god, which I naively believed. It was an interesting experience, thinking you are a god lol. I imagine there are many others who fall for that as well. But it really did give me insights into myself that I would not have otherwise had. I became less afraid of god, and was able to question things about him and different religions and things like aliens etc.

Through this I practiced Buddhism and spent quite a few years studying many other mystical teachings, trying to get all the answers while waiting for heaven to arrive. It was then that I found the Desteni videos on the History of Mankind. I was immediately captivated. How the **** did this young girl know all this **** that I had been studying for years, and I didn't even have the answers to this stuff yet!?? I was a little pissed yes, but, I was far more intrigued. She had ALL the answers to EVERYTHING. And it all fit PERFECTLY in a perfect picture puzzle.

I watched videos sometimes 8 hours or more a day. I couldn't get enough. It was around 2 weeks that I was listening to the parts where Anu was being described. Because I had such a "close relationship" with god, I could see how he was deliberately lying to everyone. And sadly, I had accepted that, fearing for my own ass. Suddenly, it hit me... I realized, wow... if he is lying to everyone else then.... zomg! I felt like such an idiot. But, not much I could do but say wow like a hundred times.

Shortly thereafter I went out and deliberately committed a whole bunch of 'sins' hahahaaa. But the main realization that I had was the fact that, I could be EQUAL to people. This was such a huge relief to me, this is what I always wanted, where everyone is accepted and considered equally, smallest to the highest, a TOTAL DREAM COME TRUE! This was me, for real.

So within my experience, I can see how I put the pieces of the puzzle together throughout my life in asking questions of myself and getting some answers for myself. The bottom line for me was that I wanted the truth from a young age, and I was willing to sacrifice myself to get it. The fears and hatred for the way our world exists helped push me along. I gave up a lot of things for my realization, but I'm eternally grateful that I did, and I would not trade it for anything. People can have all their money and greed and delusion, its not gonna last. And then what will they do when they have no choice but to face themselves as who they really are? Not going to be a pretty sight... until we learn to stand as equals in every way, rough road ahead for everyone.

Study Desteni people, you will be glad you did... and that is an indescribably, huge understatement.
Desteni-I-Process

Top 10 Reasons Destonians Fall in Process

We all fall at some point, so here is a list of some of the most common reasons/excuses, as well as some practical tips to get us back on our feet. If one is taking the Desteni-I-Process, I highly recommend that we ask our buddies for support when we need assistance. The forums (Desteni.org) are also a good place to write oneself out. So, if and when you fall, simply get back up, breathe, and start again.

10. The Old Ways - Whether consciously or subconsciously, in some way the systems within us still want to hold on to our 'old ways' of existing. This is an aspect of fearing to face oneself and fearing change of ourselves. Perhaps we fear the unknown of what we will become, or we second guess ourselves as what we have come to understand about ourselves. Equality is like a black hole, once you get past a certain point, you realize there is no turning back.

9. Not Understanding Points - 'Thinking' we understand but not really understanding. Research and self-introspection are our individual responsibilities. There are many articles and documents here at the desteni site to assist.

I myself struggled with the point of self-trust and self-expression for quite some time. Not trusting myself to be able to do the process, feeling overwhelmed as if I wasn't able to stop myself within the feelings of guilt, regret, anger and desires for things such as relationships. If you have not yet established self-trust, you just need to keep moving yourself, pushing your resistances, even if its just a little bit at a time. Realize that there is no such thing as giving up. Eventually you will come to a point where you are so sick of the mind games going on within yourself (as well as all the abuse within our world because of the mind) that you will find the strength and indignation to move yourself more effectively and establish stability and self-trust. Understanding it is a process that is deconstructed through time, so give yourself time and you will have time.

8. Self Punishment. This system can be from childhood from being punished as children by our parents or from bosses in work. Stop punishing yourself, it is not necessary - rather be gentle with yourself. Punishment is self-sabotage and abuse within the polarity of 'better than/less than'. Apply self-forgiveness and corrective application.

7. Laziness - as a construct of wanting to do things only in self-interest. We have to realize that process is going to be work until we get to the stage where we are standing in full awareness of ourselves as who we really are. When we are at the stage of self-perfection, doing what is best for all in all ways, process is no longer work but just self-here. Until then, we have to push ourselves and our resistances to be able to expand ourselves.

6. Not Understanding Our Responsibility - we must realize that what we do in our lives has a resonant outflow/consequence which affects everything. Either we are supporting life or we are suppressing it. This is our responsibility in walking as a group, to support life and do what is necessary to be done within the principle of what is best for all, and love thy neighbor as thyself.

5. Existing within Limitation. Limiting ourselves within our 'frame of mind' - the box. It is hard to see the limitation point if you are existing within limitation lol. Writing daily is tremendous self-support. Breathe and realize the infinite opportunity that exists in each moment as we walk our process of becoming life as unconditional, unlimited self-expression, here in every moment of breath.

4. Addiction To Energy - We must be a living example to stop our addictions which operate through energy systems in our minds. If you are in the process of stopping an energetic addiction, write about it, best not to share it openly but rather with a destonian buddy, until you are certain you have cleared the point within yourself.

3. The 'Im A Destonian' Belief System - Quite similar to a religion wherein we create an image of ourselves as wanting to appear different or special within definition - separation. This inevitably leads us to comparison and the polarity system. The outflows of this can be emotions, reactions, depression and self-judgement as well as fearing what others will think of you.

2. Guilt and Regret - Guilt is the mind showing us where we have been dishonest with ourselves in our process. Guilt is a system designed to 'weigh one down' and diminishes us if we allow it to. It does not support life, however, realize that guilt can be used as a tool to in seeing oneself and how we are accepting and allowing ourselves to compromise ourselves in our process of self-honesty and self-realization. Regret is simply holding on to the past and not applying self-forgiveness and corrective application effectively for oneself.

1. Self-Judgement - Self-judgement is a form or condemnation. This is a very common system that is essential to be looked at thoroughly through writing and applying self-forgiveness. We must understand what judgements we are placing on ourselves and others, and where they are coming from. Are they from past relationships? Parents? Siblings? Friends? Teachers? Perhaps it is an idea one has about something wherein we have created a belief and judge ourselves in comparison based on that belief/idea/perception/definition. Whatever, any judgement of self or others will only lead to self-sabotage and further cycles of enslavement. Fire the policeman in the head.

Basic Income Grant - The Costs of Economic Disparity

The costs of economic disparity are quite literally unspeakable and immeasurable. How have we as humanity become so inconsiderate to the extent that we just go on enjoying our lives while others in our world suffer needlessly? The fact is that each and every one of us has a responsibility to support life. Yet this is not something that is taught in our education system.

We have ALL, each and every one of us, created this chaotic mess we are experiencing on earth, and we are all accountable for it. The evidence of our blind, self-interested behaviour has lead us to the point of being utterly subject and enslaved to the systems of the world. We have created false systems of valuation and perpetuate them through the use/abuse of money. If one do not have money in this world, a person is virtually guaranteed to have a very stressful and harsh life, and often a premature death.

Everyone wants to place blame on others as lazy, or greedy, or inconsiderate, yet that very statement of blame is abdication of self-responsibility and an absolute false perception. It is therefore by no means a valid justification to not take responsibility in standing for life or to allow an abusive system to exist. The reality is that we are all equally responsible for the complete disgraceful existence we have created on this planet. How dare we call this life. This is not life, this is abuse of life.

If our planet is depleted or destroyed because of our collective irresponsibility to honor all life equally, what will our excuse be, and who will we plead with? The obvious answer is we will simply not be able to, because we will not have a voice, as the physical earth is the only means by which we can express ourselves. There is no heaven out there somewhere to go to, this is it. The physical earth and our physical bodies, have a deadline, and we must all change now, before that deadline.

The problem is that we have spitefully separated ourselves in thinking we have free will as self-interest, that we are not equal to or responsible for our world. Just because we cannot see our whole world with our eyes, does not mean that it does not exist or have direct impact on us.

Consider the utter inability of words to describe our experience. I could describe to you that I am suffering intensely, but words simply can not convey the actual experience, they only offer a very slight impression. Yet the suffering remains. Now imagine for a moment that instead of words to communicate, you directly felt what I am feeling as a direct experience. How much harder would we work to implement a real change in our world? I offer that change would be immediate. Is that not proof of our delusion? This inconsideration for life as a whole is absolutely inexcusable. How easy is it for us to pass off our responsibility to support life because we are comfortably protected by an abusive money system.

2008 BIG implemented in Otjivero, Omitara with huge success

- All those under 60 yrs received $100 without any conditions attached

- income at the health clinic increased 5x

- illegal activities such as poaching were reduced

- elimination of extreme poverty

- reduction in crime rates

- participation in education improved

- reduction in stress and anxiety

- committees were formed to curb alcohol abuse in the society

- prostitution decreased as it was not necessary for young women to sell their bodies to survive

- Big was proven to be very affordable

- helped achieved millennial goals

Some General Basic Income Grant Facts;

- increased nutritional heath and well being for everyone

- supports basic human dignity

- slight reduction in destructive impact of capitalism

- every human being is supported

- reduction in prostitution

- obvious common sense

- reduction in overall suffering

- provides more support for and within the system

- many people with plenty of wealth are willing to have their wealth taxed as a service to society

- half the worlds population is in poverty... this is insanity

- BIG would help support life as opposed to driving ourselves to extinction

- overall reduction in rivalries and gangs

- reduction in prostitution

- increased employment

- increased small business

- less degrading than charity

- quality of living increases for all

- reduction in violence as violence is the direct result of inequality

- crucial stepping stone system to true equality as an Equal Money System

Negatives

- BIG still allows capitalistic abuse to exist

- BIG still does not provide all the necessities of life

- BIG still does not foster or support true equality of life