Saturday, 21 January 2012
Why I Was Able To Hear The Desteni Message
I was brought to church on Sundays as a kid and went to some religious camps, so I started off with the basic religious program in my head. When I was around the age of 8, I asked myself a question, "What do you want to do in life?". So I thought about it for a few seconds, and replied to myself "I want to help people". I remember hearing a voice in my head saying "You are just like Jesus". I shook my head and said no, no way. I see now that I feared myself and could not trust myself. Somehow I was worried that if I were equal to Jesus, I might allow myself to fall into greed and ego. I was also worried about how I would have to express myself, I didnt want to look funny in front of people or stand out.
As a child, I often reflecting to myself, my inner thoughts. I recall one summer lying on the grass, just staring at the sky for a long time. Why was the world so fake? And why was everyone acting like everything is OK when it was clearly not? This struck a chord in me which laid the foundation for a distrusting attitude in my teens. No way was I going to trust a system that did not address this core issue that was in myself, even though I did not yet have the answers, I knew what I was experiencing was in many ways, not real. I longed for realness inside myself, but I did not know how to get it.
A profound experience I recall in my teens, was during a hard rock concert. I remember seeing all these cool people, they were all so interesting, i wanted to talk and share with them all. Many were just like me. And then I felt this overwhelming sadness. I was realizing that, this moment we were all experiencing, would just pass away..? I couldn't explain it, yet it was there, clear as ever. Why is it like this? I thought to myself in an attempt to understand.
I experienced a car accident when I was around 19. We were all drinking, and I flew out the back of a pickup when the driver hit a wall. I had smashed my head and was knocked unconscious. When I came to, my brother was in front of me holding my hand with a police officer was behind him swinging a flashlight. I became quite scared at this point, and asked my other friend to hold my hand as well. I thought maybe I was dying. Maybe this was it, just like that. "I'm not ready", I repeated to myself in fear.
I spent the night in the hospital and was released the next day with some stitches in my face. Like a big reality check, this was the wake up call I needed. I could have easily been killed. Experiences such as this can really help 'open ones eyes'. I looked at myself differently after this, now I had to understand what was my responsibility here in this life. And having a religious upbringing, I figured I would find out what god wanted from me.
I decided to read the bible, and a certain verse convicted me of my 'double-mindedness'. I was living two separate personalities I saw within myself. I felt absolutely terrible about this, I knew I wasn't being real with myself, so I immediately became a zealous christian after that.
A few years after being Christian, I was told by someone, and confirmed by others that I was very 'close' to god, which I naively believed. It was an interesting experience, thinking you are a god lol. I imagine there are many others who fall for that as well. But it really did give me insights into myself that I would not have otherwise had. I became less afraid of god, and was able to question things about him and different religions and things like aliens etc.
Through this I practiced Buddhism and spent quite a few years studying many other mystical teachings, trying to get all the answers while waiting for heaven to arrive. It was then that I found the Desteni videos on the History of Mankind. I was immediately captivated. How the **** did this young girl know all this **** that I had been studying for years, and I didn't even have the answers to this stuff yet!?? I was a little pissed yes, but, I was far more intrigued. She had ALL the answers to EVERYTHING. And it all fit PERFECTLY in a perfect picture puzzle.
I watched videos sometimes 8 hours or more a day. I couldn't get enough. It was around 2 weeks that I was listening to the parts where Anu was being described. Because I had such a "close relationship" with god, I could see how he was deliberately lying to everyone. And sadly, I had accepted that, fearing for my own ass. Suddenly, it hit me... I realized, wow... if he is lying to everyone else then.... zomg! I felt like such an idiot. But, not much I could do but say wow like a hundred times.
Shortly thereafter I went out and deliberately committed a whole bunch of 'sins' hahahaaa. But the main realization that I had was the fact that, I could be EQUAL to people. This was such a huge relief to me, this is what I always wanted, where everyone is accepted and considered equally, smallest to the highest, a TOTAL DREAM COME TRUE! This was me, for real.
So within my experience, I can see how I put the pieces of the puzzle together throughout my life in asking questions of myself and getting some answers for myself. The bottom line for me was that I wanted the truth from a young age, and I was willing to sacrifice myself to get it. The fears and hatred for the way our world exists helped push me along. I gave up a lot of things for my realization, but I'm eternally grateful that I did, and I would not trade it for anything. People can have all their money and greed and delusion, its not gonna last. And then what will they do when they have no choice but to face themselves as who they really are? Not going to be a pretty sight... until we learn to stand as equals in every way, rough road ahead for everyone.
Study Desteni people, you will be glad you did... and that is an indescribably, huge understatement.