Day 234 - Investigative Writing

This blog may seem a bit jumbled, as I was doing investigative style writing in order to get to the issue which I have been experiencing and dealing with over the past little while.

So considering this morning, how I experience the point within myself of frustration/resentment towards myself, where I appear to want to get revenge on myself, and through this I do not want to assist and support myself, but prefer to suppress myself in denial, as if to desire to get back at myself for all the injustice I have suffered.  So the point must be blame – blame of myself and others on a deeper level?  Do I blame so much that I cannot get past the point?  Is it covering up fear?  Fear of what?  Why must I get revenge on myself all the time as if my personality must equalize the score – to prove to myself that I suffered and to make sure that that other aspect of my bi-polar personality clearly understands that I suffered so it gets the message not to do it again – but the mind doesn't stop, it compounds until I can find my true expression of myself in self-honesty.  

So there are times when I feel as though I am 'winning the race', and everything is going great, and I am exuberant and feel that nothing can stop me or get in my way.  Then there at times I feel like I am desperately losing the race, and that I am so far behind there is no point even trying.  It is at these low points that I want to deny everything and just hide from myself, as if wanting to just give up, all hope seems lost.  At these low points, self-honesty seems like the system, where I would have to apply self-discipline – yet disciplining oneself when one feels 'down' only seems like further punishment.  

The point is why does it take me so long to pull out of negatively charged experiences?  Why do I fear/resist being diligent?  Why do I resist changing myself as an expression? Why do I resist self-honesty?  Why do I not trust self-honesty?  Do I feel it is because it is a borrowed idea of myself – yes.  I see so much superficiality around me, self-honesty seems extremely superficial to me, as I see many people claim to be honest, yet they are motivated by fear and/or comfort, which is very transparent.

So my point of self-denial comes from within my mind, where I am in judgment of others because I have seen within them their starting point of fear being expressed as 'a form of self-honesty', yet it is dishonesty – so I have taken the polarity of that expression where I am trying to get revenge on others whom I have judged in my mind as 'dishonest' (whether it be true or not is irrelevant).  So to re-iterate, I desire to punish myself for what I see in others through taking on a personality, and this prevents me from seeing/realizing and understanding my actual expression of myself – because I feel so upset that so many people seem to be getting away with the equivalent of murder, and because I see it, I have to be responsible in my mind to judge it and condemn it, which ultimately leads to self-sabotage.  Self sabotage seems to be related to how much I am aware of my own self-suppression and denial.

Similar to the point is self-righteousness, which from the perspective of Equality is quite perverse and detestable.  I understand that whenever I am not pushing my resistance I am giving in to this system of self-righteousness, where I take the liberty to decide that I would rather not push my resistance at the moment because it seems like work - as the negatively charged energetic experience of myself.

There is no real backchat, as it is an assumption I have lived all my life as, if there is no-one here, I can do whatever I want, where I have created a situation for myself where my responsibilities are very limited - thus excuse not to move myself.

The backchat is that I am not happy with myself, where I am in my situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat that "I am not happy with myself right now" as a means of self-manipulation where I can go into self-pity and emotional feelings of positive/negative energetic experiences of myself as a false reward system I have created for myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent myself and get frustrated with myself and my situation, and in so desire to seek revenge on myself because I have accepted and allowed myself to get into this situation in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in denial of myself because I sense the resistance as I do not wish to push the resistance because I define it as a 'negative energy' experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others and myself for the mind created 'injustice' I have apparently suffered.  I realize that this is a self-centered belief that does not help me or support me in any way but only leads to thoughts of comparison and frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get revenge on myself from the thought that I have suffered because of the greed of others in this world - yet I was actually the one that allowed greed to exist and evolve over time to the extent which it exists today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a personality of who I would like to experience myself as rather than standing as myself as the physical in applying myself with consistency, integrity and disciplining myself in awareness of how the mind sabotages my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the motivation that I feel that I am winning, and so feed off that energy in order to further motivate myself in getting things done.  I move myself as self movement which requires no motivation to direct myself as Equal to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get upset and down on myself when things do not appear to be working the way I expected them to, or unexpected things come up - which they ALWAYS do.   I realize that at these low points I must investigate myself and what triggers am I allowing within myself that cause such self-destructive patters within myself... this so that I can prepare myself  to focus myself so that I may face myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the realization that I must discipline myself as the mind or it will take me where it wants to go as riding the magic carpet of the mind into delusion and self-manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my judgment of others as being honest or dishonest and so create a reflective personality within myself where I desire to punish myself in an effort to appear to my mind that I am doing something to make myself 'feel better than' person x whom I have judged as dishonest.  Interesting how the mind wants to use judgment as a form of condemnation, and this when I am not even being fully honest with myself in all ways and in every breath.   I realize that I must be clear on this point within myself so that I do not sabotage myself further... As feeling good about myself tends to put me in a state of ease and specialness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/desire that other people should punish themselves because of their own dishonesty.  I realize that each person must realize for themselves on their own time, as that is just how self-honesty works, no one is able to do it for someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my actual expression of myself because I desire to get revenge through a belief/judgment in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the liberty to allow the mind to dictate what I should do and when, and in so I am allowing myself to create myself as self-centered and self-righteous.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself in stopping these patterns of denial within myself.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself in stopping the patterns of manipulation within myself

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself in stopping the patterns of judgment within myself, and so learn to discipline myself in learning to trust myself here as breath without the need/desire of positive/negative energetic experiences which only serve to fuel my ego personality, which is not real.

Day 233

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get discouraged with myself in process due to an illness, and so within that allow myself to blame myself and get frustrated with myself for getting sick and not understanding the reason/diagnosis of why I got sick.  I realize that blame and frustration are not acceptable because they only further support the mind in suppression of myself and charging the mind with energy in polarity and so propagating more and more delusions within myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and avoid my responsibility to myself through deciding to do the easiest thing to do in the moment.  This because I decide to believe that I have a choice to do 'what I want to do', and neglect what is necessary to be done.  I realize I do this because I fear the possibility of failure and/or facing negative consequence - so I allow my mind to direct and control me because there is the justification that if I just put things off long enough, the problem will go away on its own, and I will not  have to deal with the possibility that I did not do a good enough job, or that someone will say that I did not work hard enough, or that I am somehow not skilled enough.

I realize this fear of failure/fear of consequence comes from how the conscious mind was programmed as my personality as - GIVING UP with the excuse and justification that I don't have to do it if I don't want - because I am free to be SPITEFUL because I can, and everyone else is spiteful of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe compliance with Equality as living what is best for all is ass kissing, being a suck, and being a 'goodie-two-shoes'.  I realize that these definitions I have created in my mind are based on the past within the system as judgments of others so that I could feel better about myself and not have to take responsibility to do and be the best that I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I would be were I to take responsibility for myself in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning and dread having to push resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that pushing resistances is actually the only way that I will feel best about myself as doing what is best for everyone.  Everything else will lead to misery for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the negative energy I experience within myself when working will go on seemingly forever and there will be no break from the negative energy I experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would give up should anything happen to my physical body that would prevent me from functioning in a reasonable manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get revenge on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the positive energy experience of avoiding responsibility through going on auto pilot and doing nothing productive.


I commit myself to direct myself to push my resistances first thing in the morning and throughout the day - this in spite of how I feel.  I realize that emotions will come up, so I must write them out to expose them right away so that I can stop the source of the problem.

I commit myself to walk this process as breath in moving myself and shaking myself out of the mind possession so that I can contribute and create myself as what is best for all in all ways and at all times.

Day 230 - Agreements

The point of relationship/agreement came up within me today as it often does.  So looking at the point is somewhat perplexing as it has so many facets, so many variables, and so many unknowns... like a massive web of uncertainty... This must be Shelob's Lair haha.   The question I ask myself is... "What is My Relationship to Life?"

One of the main points I see within this is in the past the relationships that I have had have been based on self-interest, so from a certain perspective it was easy as I was just trying to get what I wanted.  Then as any challenge presented itself, there was nothing holding me (system wise or self) to any relationship, because I was aware that it was all self-interest on both ends.

Another point is that I realize that there are rewards from an agreement, yet I do not always consider that there are challenges as well, yet with applying oneself self-honestly, there is always the realization that there is always a solution that is best for all, and the rewards will outweigh the problems as they provide the lasting solution to the problems.

Another point I see within myself is considering the fragility of our existence, the many factors and fears which come into play based on this ought to be enough to make anyone question and wonder what the hell is really going on here, obviously far, far more than meets the eye.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own existence as within the definition of being fragile and so use this definition as a justification to not move myself, subjecting myself to fear in fearing for my own survival.

Another point is self-acceptance and do I fully accept myself enough to support myself and another within an agreement?  That is to say to walk in all ways that support self in the process of walking, pushing resistances, trusting oneself and changing oneself to support one another to be the best that each one can be.   As I look at this point I become more aware of physical uniqueness and being able to embrace that as myself and within another.   I am committed to myself regardless of whether or not an agreement is reached with another or not, I will walk alone if necessary, as I have for many years.

Related to this is the actual practicality, which has an endless amount of obstacles on it's own, all attached to every other point all leading back to the starting point of myself here in my decision to live what is best for all.

Another point being that within our current system, financial stability has a great deal to do with what/how/when/why/who relationships/agreements are established, and to the extent that a person's/couples complete identity is based on a financial statement.  This - complete bullshit - stifles Life out of everyone and everything yet at the same time I realize the necessity of self support, so the point has to be taken into consideration as always within the context of what is best for all.  
  
Clearly there are many other points as this barely scratches the surface. Overall there is greater potential as strength in numbers and coordinated support, yet the task of creating it remains to be seen.

I realize Desteni has an Agreement Course which will definitely be worth while looking into as a foundational support for establishing an agreement.

Day 222 - Fear, Desire, and Consequence

I saw a video of a man playing guitar on the street.    The strangest things can at times show us something profound within ourselves – the key is that we must have placed ourselves in a position to be able to see it.  If we have allowed ourselves to be blinded to our true self (by emotions, feelings, and ideas such as - guilt, shame, judgment, blame, regret, and anger etc.) we will not see who we really are when opportunities present themselves here... we will not have profound realizations, and we will not grow to our fullest potential, because we are literally constricted, choked, and smothered out by the belief that these emotions, feelings, and ideas are “Who We Are”.


This 'Belief' then creates a Fear, the Fear that if we were to give up our feelings/emotions/ideas about ourselves, we would be completely miserable, and so just want to die!!  So because we fear losing our belief of “Who We Are” - We try to hide that realization from ourselves by creating, accepting, and allowing another Belief in/as the Justification that “We are Powerless to Change!... But really, it's a simple case of Fear, based solely on a past indoctrination, upbringing, and memories which are all formulated, biased, passed-down, second-hand opinions and therefore merely recycled false-assumptions.  


The fear then goes unchallenged, because this is apparently the 'Very Scary' and 'Untouchable' God of the mind, which is simply the system as knowledge and information.  This system wants you to remain enslaved to fear forever, because if you are enslaved to fear, you are enslaved to the system.


Out of these false assumptions and beliefs, we then develop a desire, which is actually an advanced state of fear, where we have so earnestly sought an escape from all the negative feelings of abuse, suppression, and self-denial, that we think an energetic high as a personal experience will make us feel better and everything will be OK again!?  Not So.  We actually amplify and create more fear (as desire) in order that we may give ourselves more excitement within the mind as energetic delusions and temporary highs – which only serve to create more consequence in waiting.


Nonetheless, we remain addicted to our energetic mind-games.  We nurture the desire to feel better about ourselves at the expense of others.  This despite the consequence, which we cannot grasp as the extreme limitation of the mind as consciousness.  We claim to not understand how it works... another clever justification to the extent that we actually create the idea that we can simply turn a blind eye to all the suffering in the world and believe that we are separate from it,... “So glad I will never have to face that situation/problem”.  “Its in a different area of the world, so I can just forget about it and pretend that it is not really happening”... “Everyone over there deserves it anyway”.  


That is the lie.  The reality is that we can change, and we all have the power to direct ourselves and change into what is Best for All.  Most simply prefer to use any given random excuse to justify why they do not wish to change.  For example, the other day I heard the following excuse when I suggested to someone that they could support Equality. “I/We can't”... “It's too big”.  Will that excuse fly when you die and face yourself?  You didn't want to be honest with yourself because... it's too big?  What would assist one more would be to say “I don't want to change because I don't want to give up my comforts and self-enjoyments”, that way perhaps would make it easier to see your own selfishness, and then perhaps assist yourself to change, to give as you would like to receive.

The only real joy is in Self Honesty.




Investigate the Desteni I Process

Day 212 - A Reflection

Looking from the other side...

As it is certain, you are going to die.

So consider for a moment,

You are now dead.



As you look back on your life,

You realize the great shame that you existed as,

The whole world is a shameful place,

So none are exempt



You played your part,

And worst of all,

You denied it all.

You denied yourself Life.



You accepted the system, the program,

You supported it, and encouraged it,

You reveled amidst the Massacre of Life

There's no point denying it now.



You gave up the Greatest Love of All,

Equality as Life,

Afraid of what people would think of you,

If you were Honest with yourself,



You traded Reality for the Illusion,

And refused the Gifts of Self Forgiveness and Change,

While the physical was always right here as You,

In every moment.



"Why did I not See!!!"  You try to scream,

But you have no voice,

You are dead.

You exist now only as a single point of reflection.



You misplaced your Trust,

You accepted the bribe in your secret mind,

You thought no one would Ever find out,

But you Knew



You valued your own Opinions,

What you thought was Right and Good,

Nothing but Lame Excuses and False Justifications...

All worthless now.



You proved that All you Really wanted,

Was Your Dreams, and Your Selfish Desires, for You,

The You who you BeLIEved yourself to be in your Imagination,

You fell for the cheapest lie.



You were too busy to care for real,

Too obsessed with yourself to give a fuck about Life

Now you realize...

It is over.



You had your chance,

To Stand Equal to Life,

But your sudden death was tragic,

And now you have no expression



Ask yourself this...

What would you Give,

Given the chance to go back?

Anything? ...Everything.



That is the Only Gift,

Worthy of Life

Yet when you are dead,

It is too late.

Day 182 - 101 Ways The Desteni-I-Process Will Help You

101 Ways The Desteni-I-Process Will Help You


1.   Learn to develop Self-Honesty
2.   Learn to develop Self-Trust
3.   Learn what is Self-Responsibility
4.   Learn how to develop Self-Confidence
5.   Learn how to practically change yourself through writing
6.   Learn how the universe came into being
7.   Learn to apply and use Self-Forgiveness to effectively and positively change your life
8.   Learn to improve your writing skills by writing yourself out daily
9.   Learn to have an impact in changing our world
10. Learn to develop your vocabulary and communication skills

11. Learn what are the consequences of passive acceptances and allowances
12. Learn what is real happiness
13. Learn how to be real with yourself and others through stopping false characterizations of yourself
14. Learn how to stop judging yourself
15. Learn how to stop judging others
16. Learn how to give as you would like to receive
17. Learn how to be the best you can be through living what is best for all
18. Learn to focus yourself and critical thinking techniques
19. Learn to stop internal conversations and voices in the head
20. Learn to stop internal justifications

21. Learn to stop feeling guilty all the time
22. Learn how to stop feeling depressed through self-forgiveness
23. Learn how to discover patterns in your past that are holding you back from being the best you can be
24. Learn the practicality of how to love thy neighbor as thyself
25. Learn how and why the system was created
26. Learn how to stop the systems within your own mind
27. Learn how to take directive principle of yourself
28. Learn to face and stop all of your fears
29. Learn to stop all of your addictions
30. Learn to expand yourself in your reality

31. Learn how to utilize breathing effectively to slow yourself down
32. Learn self-intimacy through self-honesty
33. Discover who you really are and how you came to be who you are now
34. Realize the gift of Life within yourself
35. Learn how to stop manipulating yourself and others
36. Learn what it means to make a real life commitment to yourself
37. Learn to effectively walk out self-corrections and manifest real change
38. Learn the reasons why we take on false personalities
39. Learn critical investigation techniques
40. Learn to process information faster

41. Learn about the quantum mind and quantum physical existence
42. Learn what is Equality and Self-awareness
43. Learn how to consider what has not been considered and how it impacts your life
44. Learn how to find the starting point of problems in your life so you can take responsibility to correct them
45. Learn how to stop projecting fears from your past into your future
46. Learn how fears create future consequences
47. Learn how we became enslaved to ourselves
48. Learn how to free yourself from enslavement
49. Learn how to become Life!
50. Learn how to equalize the outer world with the inner world of our mind

51. Learn how to apply the Equality Equation
52. Learn why and how Consciousness is a Con
53. Learn how our words were preprogrammed
54. Learn how to deconstruct words to discover their root meanings
55. Learn how to use your words effectively
56. Learn how to speak words as yourself
57. Learn how to stop and reverse the preprogramming within yourself
58. Learn the most effective way to educate yourself through understanding how the mind works
59. Learn how to push through resistances
60. Learn how energy functions in our physical bodies

61. Learn how images in our minds are used to control our decision making processes
62. Learn what the imagination actually creates
63. Learn what are desires and where they come from
64. Learn the difference between self-interest and best for all
65. Learn to stop being selfish
66. Learn how humans evolved/devolved over time in the universe
67. Learn how our DNA was created and used as the blueprint for our programming
68. Learn the gift in making mistakes (as I mess up the numbers and have to re-write them)
69. Learn the role memories play and why we value them
70. Learn how to be absolutely certain about yourself and you Desteni

71. Learn how the economic system functions
72. Learn the difference between honesty and Self-honesty
73. Learn how the physical body communicates to us to assist us in our process
74. Learn what is real Self-expression
75. Learn from the experiences of those who are currently in the dimensional existence
76. Learn how the animal kingdom, the earth, and nature are assisting humanity in our process
77. Learn how to care for your physical body nutritionally
78. Learn how to raise children responsibly
79. Learn how our thoughts/emotions/feelings impact our physical body and that of others
80. Learn how polarity works and how energy is created through conflict of ideas/beliefs and opinions

81. Learn how and why war/starvation/poverty/suffering/exploitation and cruelty exists in our world
82. Learn why our physical bodies deteriorate over time
83. Learn how time/space was created
84. Learn how the physical existence manifested
85. Learn how separation occurred and why
86. Learn how to stop the illusions and delusions within yourself
87. Learn how to recognize and deal with/ban spiteful people
88. Learn how to develop effective relationships
89. Learn how to stop participating in destructive relationships
90. Learn the simplicity of being here and enjoying yourself

91. Learn how to discover how you have compromised yourself in the past and how to correct it so that it no longer controls you
92. Learn to recognize and stop the patterns within yourself
93. Learn how to transcend your fear of expressing yourself through making vlogs and blogs
94. Learn how to transcend fear of being alone
95. Learn to embrace and accept yourself
96. Learn to assist others in seeing themselves and transcending their fears
97. Learn what it is you are able to do to participate in the group
98. Learn the design of sex and how to develop Self-honest sexual expression with yourself and/or your partner
99. Learn about the existence/non-existence of god and how and why religious systems exist in our world
100. Learn what is self-perfection

101. Learn to support yourself and become the REAL YOU as the best you you can be


I could go on and on, because there is so much more!  I can assure you that it will help you more than you can imagine - as it has helped me tremendously. There is no greater gift than the gift of Life. See for yourself, take the free course and discover what you have been missing for so long... yourself!

There is also plenty of Amazing support over at Eqafe so check it out.

177 - Commitments

I am Here

I commit myself to stand Equal to the physical in this Life

I commit myself to realize that speaking words resonates within my physical body and changes me

I commit myself to re-program myself through writing, speaking words as me, and standing Equal to my words


I commit myself to speak words that support Equality of Life

I commit myself to speak myself to Life - OUT LOUD

I commit myself to speak myself to Life even when I don't feel like it


I commit myself to learn to take responsibility for myself, my world, and my words

I commit myself to challenge my self-imposed limitations of mind

I commit myself to transcending the desire for comfort and self-interest

I commit myself to create myself as the directive principle of myself

I commit myself to enjoy my opportunity to become Life

I commit myself to redefine fear as the sign that points the way and shows me what I need to face and direct

I commit myself to enjoy pushing my resistances when I am challenged by the mind/ego

I commit myself to Educate myself to understand the process of becoming Life

I commit myself to constantly work at being here in and as the physical through breathing

I commit myself to enjoy my work

I commit myself to redefine work - to creating myself as Life

I commit myself to sharing my process and realizations with others

I commit myself to re-peat these words that support Life until all points are transcended

I commit myself to continue to support myself through purifying my words until I stand absolute as Life here

I commit myself to realize that making videos is very supportive of myself and others

I commit myself to move myself for no other reason but to support what is Best for All

I commit myself to - when a personality system arise - stop myself within breath to see the starting point of what triggered the personality/pattern so I can forgive myself and speak or write words to change myself.

164 - Here

Time it has come to reap what we've sewn,
This beauty-filled circus, flesh'd bare to the bone.

Smog-toxic filled air, sun scorches the hotter,
Poison laced food, fed of foul treated water.

The plight of the beast, baring much of the brink,
Locked 'way in dark places, one shudders to think.

Even tho in plain sight, oft the horror is shared,
Few of us humans, who have truly cared.

In fantastical places, found I my delight,
Conspiring in mind, oh how I reveled in spite.

Naught could I see what such consequence bare,
Nor did I conceive, t'explore my own lair.


Far aloft was I, with the dreams of my youth,
In hope I'd waylay, my own inner truth.

But how could it be, that I was amiss?
So seduced by the sounds, deep hypnotical bliss.

Thought I of life's purpose, t'which ougt make me whole,
In mercy believed I, t'unravel my soul.

Yet there was no answer, of all which I sought,
To unlock all this deception, into which I had so bought.

One day in my search, were the answers unraveled,
As the Portal had opened, all dimensions had traveled.

The message was bitter, and there was no yeast,
This pill was quite jagged, to say the least.

As Bernard hath thus said, 'ye are not life',
Thus am I Death, existing in strife?


When suddenly shattering, realization of Self,
There is no escape, no use hiding oneself.

What price of redemption, thus far hath I strayed?
What cost for solution t' this body's decay?

For Life ye must be, as that ye are not,
Thine breath must thou wed, while ye are here caught.

This maze of the mind, contrived by a thought
Let's lay aside fear, find that which we've sought...

That which has always been...

Here

Forever

160 - Parental Cloning Part 1

We grow up thinking life will be fun.   I recall my parents yelling at my siblings and I, condescendingly saying  'Do you think life is a big joke..?'

As a child, it soon becomes apparent that we are constantly dealing with a constant barrage of problems with friends, family, school and inside ourselves.  It's like we are being dragged in all directions as if to be drawn and quartered - one horse attached to each limb by a rope.  Some would refer to this as growing pains, however that is a gentle cover-up for the real story.

Due to the accepted and allowed nature of how society functions in our world - as being based in self-interest - there is a great deal of confusion and 'mixed messages' being communicated to children and teenagers.  This can make it extremely difficult, for any child or teen to decide which, or how much moral principle should be attributed to a given situation when uncertainty presents itself.  What choice should be allotted the highest value?..  and at what time?.. depending on who one is with?.. and where?

Children are instilled with moral guidelines from a very early age, as their parents train them how to 'react' when they speak, or want them to do/not do something.  Some of these moral guidelines are common sense in order to prevent the child from hurting themselves or others.  Often however, these moral guidelines are based on cultural beliefs or opinions of behavioral idealism's of the parents which are not common to everyone in society, but often based on a 'class' system, for example manners.  This presents a problem.  As the child learns these patterns of behavior, later on in their lives they act out these patterns for themselves, thinking they are 'right' as their parents taught them to believe so - only to find out that they have either offended someone, or made a 'mistake' by using the patterned behavior at an inappropriate way, time, or place.  

This is just a small fraction of the problem, as the entire sociological makeup of the child is absolutely inundated with all kinds of patterns of behavior inherited from the parents.   Everything from feelings, emotions, reactions, coping mechanisms, vices, excuses, habitual patterns, opinions, judgments, classifications, beliefs, personalities, etc etc.  In fact, the entire makeup of the parents character is imprinted on the child literally from birth, making every 'parented' child susceptible to, and a clone of their parents.

I will continue in the next post discussing the inherent problems and solutions of parental cloning.

Day 152 – The Official Zombie Questionnaire

My Dear Zombies,

I write this for you.   It is my heartfelt desire that you read this letter, so that perhaps you may finally come to realize yourself, to understand who you really are in this world.  In so doing, may you realize that you are capable of changing yourself, to become a being who truly cares, so that together we may work to free all the other zombies, and create a world that is best for all life. 

If, upon reading this list of questions I have prepared you, you find yourself answering ‘yes’ to one or more, you must realize that you my friend, are mind controlled.   Not to panic, there are many just like you in this world, unaware of themselves… all living in self-interest.  Much work has already been done to provide support specifically for cases like yours.  May you take hold of this crucial opportunity… while you have the chance.  

In All Sincerity,
William




The Official Zombie Questionnaire


Do you believe in the boogie man?

Do you believe that some being is going to save you?

Do you think you are special?

Are you afraid of who you would be if you were absolutely honest with yourself always?

Do you ever find yourself, not being yourself?

Do you ever hide behind a false personality?

Do you believe you are superior or inferior to any other beings?

Do you hear voices in your head?

Do you fear losing any personal possessions?

Do you ever wonder, or get concerned about what other people think about you?

Do you ever compare yourself to others, or judge anyone in any way?

Do you ever judge yourself?

Do you ever have secret thoughts about another person?

Do you have any personal beliefs or opinions?

Do you hold value in memories of past experiences?

Do you blame anyone for bad experiences in your life?

Do you ever get angry, upset, depressed, worried or lonely?

Do you think Love and Happiness are the primary goals in life?

Do you believe you will ascend to a higher realm when you die?

Do you allow your body to breathe for you, without your active participation in each breath?

Do you believe you can never change yourself?

Do you believe the world is just fine the way it is?


If you have answered yes to any of the preceding questions and suspect that you yourself may be a mind controlled Zombie, DO NOT PANIC!  There is plenty of help and support available for you at Eqafe.com

Day 117 – The End of All Selfishness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that love can only exist if Life exists, and that love can only be real when it is given Equal value as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the extent to which I have allowed neglect and spite to exist, and the extent to which it causes pain, fear, suffering and sorrow, and the extent to which it is so easily swept away and forgotten in the mind, only to be re-enacted through the very same cycle within the desire for selfish experiences, as limited joy, and pretentious love.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to clearly see and understand, that the problem has a root within myself, and that unless the root of the problem is corrected, the problem continues to physically consume me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the solution to the problem as simply taking responsibility to change myself, to give up selfishness… and in doing so, I can contribute to the solution to the root of the problem, to bring an end to fear, suffering, sorrow and all enslavement forever. 
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the simplicity, that Equality as What is Best for All is the absolute solution to all problems, as everyone working together for the common sense practical solutions to assist all Life to have an Equal opportunity to express and enjoy Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that through the inner valuation and judgments of my secret mind, I have participated and given my support to the greater valuation system, in spite of myself and as all of existence.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Life cannot exist within competition, conflict and careless consumption, nor can it exist within a valuation system where Life is regarded as the lowest of all values, in favor of self-indulging experience as greed, as this results in Life itself being consumed, for nothing.

I commit myself to creating myself as Equal to Life so that love can exist for real, as Life, as me

I commit myself to abandon all selfish desire, so that I may honor myself and All as Equal so that Life can be of real value

I commit myself to understanding the common sense that the root of the problem must be corrected and lived within myself

I commit myself to realize the simplicity of changing myself to live Equality, and to work for common sense practical solutions that will give every being an opportunity to live, express and enjoy the gift of Life

I commit myself to make a stand against all valuations and judgments so that we can replace this valuation system for a system where Life can be supported

I commit myself to give Life as Equality the highest value so that a valuation system is no longer necessary, as all can exist Equal to Life.

Day 96 - Dream Reflection

Dream

I was on a couch beside a TV (not watching it) 'Person A' was sitting on a chair... I Asked Person A a question regarding breathing, Person A understood and interpreted my question as me wanting to be a portal - Person A appeared to grow increasingly attractive with a growing smile as if to convey a sense of certainty and urgency. I focused intently at her right eye (which appeared as a greenish color) in attempt to understand the message she was conveying. She informed me that "111 portals are needed to solve/save myself - we are currently at 14". There was a slight fear that came up with that knowledge. I was slightly disappointed with myself, and slightly jealous that I was not yet able to leave my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as pride as the desire to leave my body, existing within the desire to 'save myself' and 'save the world' and 'do good' when what I am actually doing is seeking to escape myself and the work that I need to do on myself here, as deleting my memories, stopping energy addictions, and directing my breath. I realize this desire is actually a fear of facing myself and changing myself to take responsibility and live within and as my physical body as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be disappointed with myself within my process where I have created a fear of who I am, as not being able to take full responsibility for who I am and what I have created myself as - as existing within the mind of Pride/Ego/Vanity and Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the beauty system where I define myself and others as beautiful or ugly. I realize that desiring beauty is existing in and as fear of myself where I am seeking a positive energy experience and so seeking to avoid the negative energy experience. I realize that hiding from ugliness is defining myself in polarity based on personal opinion and thus denying myself as who I am here as the physical. All must be taken into consideration Equally as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within desiring to have more knowledge of life, as if knowledge of Life would save me from myself, when knowledge is not Life. I realize this is a manifestation of the Fear of not being able to become Life myself - this rather than apply myself and push myself to realize myself in each moment HERE, through breathing and deleting memories as they come up with self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not have enough value - as a statistic based on knowledge - to be Life. I realize that this is a false perception within my mind which keeps me in an imaginary character of myself as the mind, which is preventing me from realizing myself and becoming the directive principle of myself as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the act of Smiling as a stimulation and in so created the simulation of life which can only function through the stimulus of mind/energy as polarity - rather than actually living as Self-directed Equals in common sense.

I commit myself to face myself as the dimensions of myself which I have created in trying to escape myself in order that I may align myself with Equality as what is best for all through stopping my mind as memories and desires/fears.

I commit myself to walk myself out of the dimensions I have created for myself so that I can live as a physical being here in applying myself to realize myself here as an Equal in every way.

I commit myself to realize that in order for me to pass through 'the eye of the needle', I must take full responsibility for who I am and all that I have created and all that I will create in the past so that all align with the principle of Equality as Best for All.

I commit myself to make breathing with myself as the director - a habit in which I am constantly pushing myself to be aware of every breath until the mind has no power over me to enslave me to a program.

I commit myself to transform myself into a person that actually cares about life for real, so much so that I become the living expression of what is best for all in every way. 

I commit myself to realize that Desteni is the only group of human beings that are actually working on a solution that would actually SOLVE every problem in the world without creating any new problems. 

I commit myself to realize that dreams are an illusion created through consciousness as a reflection of who I am as the physical, and in so dreams are able to assist me solely for the purpose of stopping my selfish desires and fears so that I can take responsibility for myself as birthing myself as Life in the physical.  

I delete the memory of the dream  

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 87

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 
that I have free time.  I realize that 'Free time' cannot exist - as long as I 
am enslaved to time, and the world suffers, I am not free - thus free time 
is an illusion of temporary comfort/stimulation in self-interest, waiting for 
consequences to catch up with me rather than me facing consequence 
here through creating myself as Life as what is Best for All in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself 
as breath, but rather placed my trust as a belief in a character of my past 
memories of mistakes and failures based on valuations created through my 
programmed mind.  In not trusting myself as breath, I have not trusted life, 
and so I have manifested fears based on my past accepted and allowed 
characters whom have continually misguided me. 


I realize that Self trust cannot exist outside of standing Equal to breath, as 
trusting the mind is like trusting a cloud to remain in the same shape forever. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequences, 
and so create more ill consequences for myself through my accepted and 
allowed fear of consequences, following the patterns of my upbringing and my 
parents systems which have enslaved me to fear of taking responsibility.
I realize that Confidence cannot exist outside of breath, all confidence that is 
not within breath is of the mind, which con's oneself into thinking that one can 
Con Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of 
others who are working to place themselves in positions where they will have 
influence in the system and so be able to impact the world and change it to 
what is best for all.  I realize that this jealousy is based on fear of being 
less than others, and that my responsibility is to align myself with what is best 
for all, and so doing, I will become self-responsible and have opportunity to 
participate in supporting Equality of Life for All. 

 

I enjoy being the directive principle of myself here

I enjoy taking responsibility for who I am in each breath

I enjoy directing my breath

I enjoy the opportunity to become Life

I enjoy being here as the physical, moving myself

I enjoy facing my resistances

I enjoy the opportunities to face myself

I enjoy taking responsibility for myself

I enjoy seeing my reflection in existence so I can change myself to what is 

best for all in all ways 

I enjoy cleaning up my mess

I enjoy exposing the lie

I enjoy the fact that I have misplaced my trust and fucked up my life for the 
sole reason that I am able to correct myself so that this will not happen ever 
again. 

I enjoy the journey to nothingness, as the journey to Life as it is the only way 
to be Life

I enjoy this opportunity to share my realizations, so that all may be free from 
the illusion. 

I enjoy freeing myself from the addiction to energy 

I enjoy becoming Equal to All as the physical

I enjoy setting myself as all life free from the abuse and harm I have allowed

Day 84 - Illusion

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that excuses in and as self-denial create Hell on Earth so that the Earth has become the executed-use of Life, relegated to a memory to be forgotten and drained of all ability to give Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there will be enough time - later.  I realize and I am fully aware that time was created through separation and self-deception, therefore relying on time in the hope that I will have 'more time' only creates more deception of time as spiraling and diminishing cycles of enslavement.  I realize that my stubborn belief that I was born a long time ago as 'just a stub', separate from the whole Tree of Life is a justification as to why I can persist in the desire to be enslaved to time, as opposed to taking responsibility for myself as all in each moment of time I created, and so untie myself from Tie-me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions, as believing a conclusion to be something, somewhere safe to land, where I can relax... pat myself of the back and feel better about myself, because I, as my ego/mind, have formed the Great Religion of Knowledge of Who I Am, in my spitefully concocted-illusion as consciousness, rather than physically working to create myself as Breath, as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-forgiveness, as if it is some kind of imaginary monster that is going to conjure up fear and judgement against me.  I realize that in fearing myself, I am the Conjurer that cons myself, and the Jury that judges myself, condemning myself in the Preference to make myself magically appear how I Like to be as the illusion - conjuring images and thoughts in my mind in the desperate attempt to escape responsibility for who I am as a physical being with an opportunity to become Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pain and death, not realizing that I created pain and death for myself, as my gift to me, the mirror reflection of what I have allowed myself to become, as consciousness - a cruel and thieving bully who's only goal is to steal life, as I have siphoned energy off the physical in fear of my creation - Pain and Death - In so I have preferred to be content with contention, and to remain silent and phony when faced with my own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can hide from myself in the secret paradise of my mind, where I roll a random pair-of-dice to run from my self-domination and enslavement to choose a role for myself, as a character who will play out my secret fantasies in Spite of all that is here as me as the physical.  I realize that all secrets are inevitably secreted, and that my mind is merely the magic projector in the back of my head, playing a movie of pretty lights and colors, distracting me and stimulating my selfish addiction to energy, in the foolish hope that one day, the reel would become real.


I commit myself to realize that there is nowhere in the entire universe where I can hide from myself.

I commit myself to understand that understanding is the way to gain perspective of how knowledge is the impostor of Life, and through understanding I can learn how to forgive my abuse of knowledge and move myself from a place of standing under to standing Equal to Life.

I commit myself to share who I am and to give myself as who I am so that I can for-give myself as who I have allowed myself to become - as a database of knowledge - and change myself to support all Life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to expose myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become so that all secrets can be forgiven and so we can learn that secrets are harmful abuse of life.

I commit myself to realize that to be life is to be here as breath in taking responsibility for all that we create individually and collectively so that no more harm, enslavement, or abuse of Life is ever again allowed to exist.

I commit myself to supporting systems that will support Life, as what is best for all, such as the Equal Money System.

I commit myself to agreements that support Life, so that Life can be born from the physical as Equal.    

Day 83 - Limitation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that limitation only exists because we have all individually and collectively allowed it to exist, as the system of the mind of judgments, ideas, perceptions, beliefs, control and power.  All because we fear ourselves, and feed an illusion of limitation by way of self-denial and self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the limitations of my mind, where I only consider myself in self-interest and fear, as the boundaries of what I have been taught, programmed and punished to believe.  I realize that I am responsible for accepting and allowing myself to believe the limitations of the system, despite the programming that took place, because I have contributed in creating the current abusive system in past lives that I do not remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to such an extent that I have diminished myself to a point where I do not even realize how much I have diminished myself and what I have actually sacrificed - as myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight for my limitations within arguing and defending my limited point of view as my opinion, in ignorance and denial of myself as who I actually am as Equal to all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to such an extent that I actually believe that bullying, punishment, suppression, oppression and existing within the starting point of fear is OK with me - in my personal opinion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only reason limitation exists is because I have created it through my irresponsibility to myself as Life. I realize that this occurs through me accepting and allowing a system of inequality to rule over me, and dictate how I should act, how I should express myself, what I should say, how I should say it, what I should wear, where I can or cannot go, and what I should be like - all promoted as freedom, when in fact it is absolute enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I am contributing to my own limitations through thinking that I am happy enough, and everything is going to be alright in the end.  I realize that this is the deception, and that me accepting and allowing myself to follow the deception as a sheep - I have become the deceiver of myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the fact that my existence as all is far worse than I can comprehend through my limited senses of sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing.  In that I realize that it is my responsibility to understand the deception that is going on beyond the borders of my senses, because if I do nothing, and just let it slide, inevitable destructive and horrific consequences will be faced by all, including myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that denying responsibility creates serious consequences of abuse of Life and self-diminishment, and if I continue to deny responsibility to Life as all as myself, I will suddenly be subject to consequences and instantly become powerless to change or correct myself for the life I lived in ignorance and spite.

I commit myself to consider that which is beyond the limited ideas of what I have been taught to believe.  In so I commit myself to realize that if I stand with the group that supports Life as Equality, limitation of the mind will diminish in time, and what will be left is unconditional self-expression, as me expressing, giving and sharing myself with all in self-honesty - rather than living a lie.

I commit myself to face my fears so that I do not accept and allow fear to rule my existence.

I commit myself to stop blaming others and relying on others to take responsibility for me

I commit myself to rather than fight for my limited and borrowed opinions and perspectives, trust myself to understand how I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself through following the opinions of others.

I commit myself to - within common sense - push myself beyond the limitations of what I have been taught to believe I am, and so face my fear of myself so that I can get to know who I really am for real as a physical being Equal to all.

I commit myself to take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to exist in my world and reality, and in so, look into myself in self-honesty so I can change myself and align myself with the Life honoring principle of that which is Best for All.

I commit myself to supporting the only solution to the current abusive money system - which is Equal Money for All.

I commit myself to undertake the Journey to Life in blogging and sharing myself and my self-realizations so that all will be supported in giving ourselves to life through self-forgiveness.


Artwork by :

Sebastian Eriksson

Day 48 - Change is Constant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself.  I realize that to give up would mean that there is no opportunity for change, yet there is no such thing as giving up on myself as I am here and everything is constantly changing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the program of my past where I feel I need to punish myself.  I realize that punishing myself will not assist me in any way, but rather I need to change punishment to changing myself as self discipline - so that I can do what is necessary to be done to support myself and others in my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the temper tantrums of my mind direct and control me in avoiding my responsibilities to support myself and get my work done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the outcome of what will happen if I move myself in doing tasks.  I realize that this is self-sabotage and it is showing me that I have not yet developed self trust as myself here as constant and consistent moving myself and facing myself within responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate and wait till the last moment to get working on things.  I realize this reluctance to work is based in past acceptances and allowances where I only wanted to do what would give me gratification in self-interest, rather than placing myself as Equal to my world and reality in changing myself so that I could assist all as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the potential that even small changes that produce and effect that is best for all are helpful and can have great impact on my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself through allowing myself to get discouraged with myself where my mind tells me I have nothing to offer as seeing myself as useless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as useless and disregard myself through thoughts and beliefs of the mind.

I commit myself to change myself in every moment - to not accept and allow discouragement but to encourage myself in the fact that I understand myself as Equal to all, which very few understand that point in our world.

I commit myself to - when I see myself wanting to give up, stop and breathe and face my problems so that I can work them out step by step and get things done little by little.

I commit myself to self-encouragement where I can motivate myself as self-will through standing Equal to my world as the physical

7yr Journey to Life - Day 35 - Unplugging

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions of regret for having lived my life in ignorance and self-subjugation where I squandered my time, energy and effort in the hope of being saved by someone and finding love in another being/god that only existed as the image I had been programmed to believe and thus projected in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences for myself wherein I had to face regret as an outflow of my life experience, where I denied myself and my world because I was afraid of facing myself, of trusting myself, and of directing myself in my experience of myself.  In so, I attempted to escape myself through the use of computer games, where I could hide from myself and experience the thrill of a virtual life of my dreams, rather than face what was actually happening in my world as the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I was too small, 'not good enough', not eloquent enough, not sharp enough, not smart enough, not wise enough to face myself and my world head on in dealing with the deliberate abuse that was happening to me and my world.  In that I realize that I am here as a physical being JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, and as a physical being I am accountable to myself and my whole world and reality, to expose spiteful behavior and abuse of life, wherever and whenever I observe it.  I realize that I must prepare myself to take on the task, addressing myself first as the primary point of self-responsibility, and from that point I can expand myself within walking as a group with Desteni and the Desteni I Process course - which is the ONLY REAL SUPPORT FOR ALL LIFE OFFERED IN THIS WORLD.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself and sharing myself out of fear of what value others will put on me.  I realize that this fear is only me fearing myself and that that fear must be faced and transcended so that I can free myself from the constriction of fear and learn to expand myself in self-honesty through self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to the fear-of-loss, in fearing what I will have to give up if I apply myself in self-honesty, in being honest with myself, sharing myself, and how I feel about the world and my reality.  I realize that nothing of/in this world is worth giving up my self-honesty to myself, and that if I do not move myself, I will be allowing fear to take over and diminish me. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my physical energy, support, time and effort to those who are so completely consumed by the ego that they do not consider anyone beyond the borders of their imaginary world of self-interest.   I realize that there is no point in lecturing to those who will only react in obstinate resistance, in spite of all the FREE support that is being offered by Desteni and those with the courage to walk the 7 year journey to Life.


I commit myself to face my fears of sharing who I am so that I can find out how I created myself and thus how I can change myself to stop awful consequences from happening in my life in the future.

I commit myself to face myself in self-honesty by using the breath as a tool so that I can take each point, breath by breath so as to deal with each point in a manageable way, being patient and gentle with myself so that I can walk myself slowly back to nothingness, to start over in creating myself as all as equal as the physical.

I commit myself to see the common sense in what is happening in our world and so realize that the only solution to such terrible abuse of life is to absolutely stand within and as the principle of what is best for all - as absolute Equality for all.

I commit myself to realize this profound opportunity I have in this life, and take advantage of it while I am able - an not squander - because I realize that this is my only opportunity to support and become life.  If I do not do it now... when?

7yr Journey to Life - Day 26 - Life for Sale

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell myself for money and/or credit, as a false valuation of myself, so that I could be seen by others as special, gifted, strong, caring, wise, beautiful and powerful, in the desire to be 'more valuable' than others, foolishly thinking that I could find love and happiness in under/over-valuing myself.  Fearing myself,  I attempted to pass off the responsibility to someone else to 'save me', 'love me' and 'give me myself', not realizing that I was the one deceiving and denying myself. 

In so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others in order to hide myself from the shame I experienced in hiding myself from myself, because I feared the valuations and judgement of others.  As fearing my own reflection, I traded the truth of me for the image in the reflection of my mind, culminating in my worst nightmare, as self-denial, anger, and self-abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell myself for a momentary energy high, as a rush of temporary bliss - a bump in the graph of my monotonous existence - totally neglecting that what I was doing was seeking my own selfish satisfaction in the disregard of others, and that the energy highs had deadly consequences, which were only causing me to desire more and more and more, to get higher and higher and higher in my egotistical desire, in the hope that I could one day escape it all.

In realizing this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself, through my selfish desire to be more, get more, and have more,  I neglected the fact that the only solution is to realize myself as Equal to my world and reality, and in that I am responsible to care for myself and others Equally so that I can finally get off the energy roller-coaster, and bring myself home to the end of all selfish and insatiable desires. I realize that everything I do always comes back to me - here, and that I can never escape myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trade myself for the illusion of being 'good at something' or a 'winner', in the belief that the ultimate goal of life is to score the most goals/get the most money and WIN.  When in fact, all I was doing was perpetuating the false belief that 'I am somehow better', as if I can take credit for who I am, when who I am is determined by all of existence as me.  As if, through winning, I can conquer and subdue the world, because I am so good and I don't need support from anyone.

In that, I realize that my world and reality is threatened with total annihilation - because of competition, and the desire to win and conquer the physical world we live in.  Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in competition/desire to win/desire for money, fame and glory when I see that these desires are self-deception which only bring destruction to me and everyone. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell myself for the false reward of FALSE HUMILITY.  I realize that false humility is any action that I take wherein I try to make myself feel better, secretly thinking I am a 'good person'.  When what is really happening is I am abdicating my responsibility to everyone as a whole in thinking that I am good and others are 'less good' or evil in a secret-mind polarity game. 

I realize that the only solution to stop abuse in our world is to stop the problem at the source, through realizing we are all Equally responsible for creating the self-destructive money system currently in place in our world.  When I participate in a false humility such as - thinking that I am a 'good person' because I give to charity - or smiling to people to try and brighten someones day, or doing something good for the planet, or giving a gift to someone in an act of kindness, or promoting a 'good cause' without standing for the only solution which is best for all, I stop - and realize the game I am playing in my mind is not solving the problem, but making it worse, because I am only playing a mind game with myself, and therefore not taking responsibility to support the only solution on the grand scale of Life - Equal Money for All. 
 
I commit myself to not longer accept and allow myself to sell myself for false rewards such as false humility.

I commit myself to not longer accept and allow myself to sell myself for false rewards of thinking I am a winner through participation in competition, which is self-denial and abuse of myself.

I commit myself to not longer accept and allow myself to sell myself for false rewards as false and temporary energy highs, which only serve to slowly diminish and destroy me through my fear of facing myself.

I commit myself to stand accountable for all of existence, my world and my reality and to no longer accept and allow myself to sell myself in selfish desires for false rewards of personal happiness and love which have never helped the world in any way.

Day 17 - What is a Hero

What is a hero?

A hero or idol - be it fantasy or historical or current living being - within our world is simply a figure, as an image or persona, based on what we perceived as a 'courageous', and/or someone who defeated a form of injustice or evil.  We would not have hero's unless we WANTED to be a hero ourselves.  A hero is therefore purely based on our or ego, our own personal desire to be strong, brave, right, and just... one who has overcome their fears, and so deserves to be worshiped by others - and so, a hero is the undeniable evidence of our own self-dishonesty.   

A hero is a mind projection of how we have neglected and sabotaged ourselves in self-dishonesty in our past.  Our secret desire for revenge in blaming others for our individual irresponsibility.  So we hold an image of a hero in our minds to feel better about ourselves, because we believe someone else is taking the responsibility for our failure to realize ourselves - we are relieved that we can lay the responsibility on someone else to tell us what is the 'right' thing to do in any given situation.  We place our trust in a mind illusion because we see our own dishonesty and thus believe we are inferior not worthy.  Our inferiority is then projected out as a superior being that is virtually indestructible in our minds eye - all because we are dishonest with ourselves as who we really are - as Equals.

Most of us, if not all create an image of ourselves as our own hero in our minds.   We imagine ourselves doing great things, being strong or beautiful or powerful and the crowd cheers for us as we vanquish our imaginary foes.  We are gods in our minds, but remain ignorant and spiteful of the actual physical reality we live and exist in.  What most don't realize is that there is significant consequence in allowing these thought projections.  We miss our opportunity to see ourselves for real, and so miss our opportunity to live for real. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play out a drama in my mind where I am the hero of the story and I subject my enemies to the wrath of my vengeance so I may stand in awe of my imaginary fans who worship me as an imaginary god.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself in my physical reality and living experience because I hold onto an idea of myself as a hero in my mind that is strong and true and wise and powerful and beautiful and everything that everyone loves and adores, all so that I can be worshiped as a superior being. 



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my imaginations of me as a hero in my mind are real when in fact it is only a projection of my mind and imagination as fuel for my ego where I live a double life, dishonestly attempting to portray to myself that I am better than in an attempt to hide the fact that I am fearful of facing myself as who I really am in my world and physical reality.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am better than anyone else in the physical reality through projections of my mind/ego



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being better than anyone else in my physical reality because I want to be loved and adored by others. In this I realize that be me desiring to be loved by others I am not facing the point of me fearing that I am not cared about as an equal in my world.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to make others happy by vanquishing evil in my mind so I can be the god of my imaginary world where everyone loves and adores me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can justify the abuse of myself through playing out imaginations of myself as being godly and strong and beautiful and powerful, yet neglect the fact that these imaginations have consequences in my physical reality where I am in denial of who I actually am and what is happening as a result of my dishonesty in my world.

Hero's are a con of consciousness.

Day 16 - Fear of Being Here

After reading Gian's blog, I realized the hidden conversations I have been having lately in my mind.  I was justifying them as 'working myself out' within my process.  The hidden fear within my justifications was that I am afraid of having to 'do the work' of actually directing every action that I do, and every word that I speak as equal to who I am here as a physical being.  I am afraid of facing the fact that I am currently not directing every single action that I am doing within my physical experience.

Inter-arrestingly, I fear not being able to 'rest'.  In so, I deny the rest of myself, and allow unrest to exist within me and my world through my personal desire for comfort and rest.  

I am not referring to issues where I have to common sensically figure things out such as 'how will I repair my truck' or 'how many such and such I will need for this job' etc.

I am referring to the conversations in my head where I try to justify my ego/personality thinking processes out of fear, instead of applying self-forgiveness when they arise, as investigating and stopping myself from being controlled by thoughts.  I am a physical being, and so apart from practical living responsibilities that require calculations, I do not need a judge in my head to tell me I am 'right' or 'wrong'. 

When I think I am 'right' - I am automatically 'wrong' by default, because I participated in the polarity design thought process, where one creates the other as cause and effect.

Why do I fear taking responsibility for each thought that arise and direct myself to do Self-Forgiveness and walk the physical correction? 

For myself, it is the fear of being honest with myself, fear of admitting to myself that I was 'wrong'.  Reluctance to go back and have to re-walk the point where I fucked up.  I seem to prefer to believe that I am right in my mind because it makes me feel better about myself, instead of sticking to my commitment of aligning myself with the physical as being here, constantly and consistently without thought judgements and justifications.

It seems so much easier to just forget about it.  But each time I miss the opportunity to transcend the 'desire to be right', the desire to be a 'hero in my mind' and so continue to exist as a 'mind robot' enslaved to a personality construct. 

I just had the thought now "gawd I hope this gets easier" lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my mind conversations as 'working myself out' in my mind, where I realize that those points that come up must be addressed and forgiven so I can walk the correction of just being here in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I don't think about things, I will not understand myself and perhaps miss a point about myself. Yet if I simply direct myself in everything I do as breath as the physical, that is how I will transcend all ego and self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not worthy of becoming life here as the physical in the polarity design of believing that I am less than the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear directing myself as purely physical here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become because I fear the consequences of what I have allowed.  I realize that I must face the consequences regardless, so there is no point in fearing what is already here.  The only way to stop further consequence is to stop my ego and become purely physical here in living what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear torture and pain and death, as that is fear of self and thus pointless.  I embrace myself here so I can change what I have allowed myself to become and support equality of life in all ways to actually stop torture pain and death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to rest in the desire for personal comfort while others suffer in my world.  I realize that comfort and rest can only be real if all are able to be comfortable and rest equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being wrong and desiring to be right in my head.  I realize that this fear and desire is based on a polarity design that only exists within my self-created fantasy world of imagination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear 'doing the work' to perfect myself as standing absolutely within and as the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define self-correction as 'work' as enslavement when actually self-correction is the opposite as stopping the enslavement as work so I can free myself as all of existence from the enslavement to systems of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am right so I can have a good feeling about myself rather than actually face myself and walk the correction and change myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget the commitment I have made to myself as standing for equality and what is best for all until it is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a hero in my mind where I am the winner that must be worshiped as a god in deluded self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the design of 'hope' where I only hope to transcend my ego rather than actually facing the points here as and when they come up as thoughts, judgements and justifications within me.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'Gawd, I hope this gets easier', while in reality as the physical, there is only what is here as not existing within a definition of 'hard' or 'easy' but me as having the opportunity to face myself and correct myself here within and as breath in each new moment until I live what is best for all in every way.