176 - Self-Punishment

A point has come up with me recently, I wake up in the morning already in a heavy, negative emotion of agitation or frustration.  Yesterday I did not realize exactly what the point was, there were a number of points which were triggered and I assume it is a culmination of multiple factors that I am facing from stress of my current situation to still hanging on to points of the past, and still some regrets.  Regrets because I realize I missed many points through not understanding myself.  There is also the point of me 'second guessing' myself as I feel constricted by my current situation.  I realize that I have to stop and breathe during these episodes, yet the other day the emotional reaction seemed to be so strong I did not push the resistance, but fell into resentment and neglect as the pattern of self-punishment in anger towards myself.

It took me a while before I allowed myself to see all the points connected, and from this I realize there is still a significant amount of self-forgiveness I have to do to stop myself from going into this pattern.  The point is also connected to my work/money situation which plays a significant role in this, as work has been a struggle recently, as winter is typically slower for me.  Additionally from this pattern comes all kinds of future projections, even though I do not know what the future holds, some play-outs appear to be inevitable as the consequences I have created for myself are significant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the emotions of agitation and frustration when I wake up in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to punish myself when I feel the emotions of agitation and frustration

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to punish myself through neglect when I make future projections in my mind regarding how I think things will play out based on what I assume will happen based on my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my self-created future projections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled the feelings of guilt, resentment and regret.  I realize I cannot change the past and all I can do is learn from it.  I also realize that punishing myself does not help the situation any and only makes it worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into temper tantrum mode where I believe that spiting myself and others through neglect will cause the situation to be over with sooner or somehow create a better consequence for me, when clearly it will not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to the ideas of myself I created in the past.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to understand myself and how I can use the best of my abilities to contribute to this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't know or understand where I can fit it or participate in something that is effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the belief that I have no motivation, when I realize I do not need a motivating factor to move myself besides the goal of Equality of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that someone would help me solve myself and/or desire to be special and get special attention.  I realize I am walking my process alone and no-one is able to assist me besides practical communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to escape myself and my consequences through neglect.  I realize I must face the consequences I have allowed so that I understand what I do creates consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be someone more than who I am as my physical body here.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire an external form of stimuli in order for me to experience happiness within myself.  I realize I am the starting point of happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and so go into resentment through defining myself as a complete failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within thinking of all of the things I could have had/done for/with myself - go into a pattern of resentment, self-punishment and neglect, and so compromise myself even further in the pattern that has existed within me ever since I can remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow along within the pattern that I learned from my parents and teachers - that I have to punish myself - without realizing that there is a far better way to learn to discipline myself through gentle encouragement and breaking the problem down in order to see how it plays out and then gradually work it out step by step.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for all the mistakes I made in the past - when if I simply had realized and understood from the start I would not have allowed myself to get into this whole mess to begin with. I realize this is an opportunity for me to face what I have accepted and allowed, and so change myself.



I commit myself to channel my resentment, guilt, frustration, agitation, anger and all other emotional reactions - into moving myself to become life as Equal to the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself having a negative energy experience, to embrace myself within the realization that I have done a lot of work on myself through study and self-forgiveness, and so write myself out so I can see the starting point and pattern of what specifically triggered the emotional reaction - so that I can gently push the resistance and free myself from self-harm and punishment.

I commit myself to rather than punishing myself - to realize that punishing myself is not effective - but rather commit myself to achieving small goals for myself in reward to myself for all my hard work.

I commit myself to realize that there is no point fearing what is not here.

Day 83 - Limitation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that limitation only exists because we have all individually and collectively allowed it to exist, as the system of the mind of judgments, ideas, perceptions, beliefs, control and power.  All because we fear ourselves, and feed an illusion of limitation by way of self-denial and self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the limitations of my mind, where I only consider myself in self-interest and fear, as the boundaries of what I have been taught, programmed and punished to believe.  I realize that I am responsible for accepting and allowing myself to believe the limitations of the system, despite the programming that took place, because I have contributed in creating the current abusive system in past lives that I do not remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to such an extent that I have diminished myself to a point where I do not even realize how much I have diminished myself and what I have actually sacrificed - as myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight for my limitations within arguing and defending my limited point of view as my opinion, in ignorance and denial of myself as who I actually am as Equal to all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to such an extent that I actually believe that bullying, punishment, suppression, oppression and existing within the starting point of fear is OK with me - in my personal opinion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only reason limitation exists is because I have created it through my irresponsibility to myself as Life. I realize that this occurs through me accepting and allowing a system of inequality to rule over me, and dictate how I should act, how I should express myself, what I should say, how I should say it, what I should wear, where I can or cannot go, and what I should be like - all promoted as freedom, when in fact it is absolute enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I am contributing to my own limitations through thinking that I am happy enough, and everything is going to be alright in the end.  I realize that this is the deception, and that me accepting and allowing myself to follow the deception as a sheep - I have become the deceiver of myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the fact that my existence as all is far worse than I can comprehend through my limited senses of sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing.  In that I realize that it is my responsibility to understand the deception that is going on beyond the borders of my senses, because if I do nothing, and just let it slide, inevitable destructive and horrific consequences will be faced by all, including myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that denying responsibility creates serious consequences of abuse of Life and self-diminishment, and if I continue to deny responsibility to Life as all as myself, I will suddenly be subject to consequences and instantly become powerless to change or correct myself for the life I lived in ignorance and spite.

I commit myself to consider that which is beyond the limited ideas of what I have been taught to believe.  In so I commit myself to realize that if I stand with the group that supports Life as Equality, limitation of the mind will diminish in time, and what will be left is unconditional self-expression, as me expressing, giving and sharing myself with all in self-honesty - rather than living a lie.

I commit myself to face my fears so that I do not accept and allow fear to rule my existence.

I commit myself to stop blaming others and relying on others to take responsibility for me

I commit myself to rather than fight for my limited and borrowed opinions and perspectives, trust myself to understand how I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself through following the opinions of others.

I commit myself to - within common sense - push myself beyond the limitations of what I have been taught to believe I am, and so face my fear of myself so that I can get to know who I really am for real as a physical being Equal to all.

I commit myself to take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to exist in my world and reality, and in so, look into myself in self-honesty so I can change myself and align myself with the Life honoring principle of that which is Best for All.

I commit myself to supporting the only solution to the current abusive money system - which is Equal Money for All.

I commit myself to undertake the Journey to Life in blogging and sharing myself and my self-realizations so that all will be supported in giving ourselves to life through self-forgiveness.


Artwork by :

Sebastian Eriksson

Day 80 - Self Forgiveness for The Activist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself within a character that pretends to care rather than become actual caring as myself in considering all life Equally and living the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that an opinion is based on a limited perspective, and thus dishonest and not real.  In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Value my Opinion Above what is best for all, and in so, I have created an opinionated character who perceives myself as being special. and better than others in my world and reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed to exist as myself in this world, and so believe that I must take up a cause so that I can redeem myself, not realizing that I am only perpetuating my characters ego, and thus not making any difference in the world because I am not addressing the starting point of the problem - myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that everything I believe about this character of mine was borrowed from others, just a copy and not original in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character of Hope so that I can gain sympathy from others, so that I may further manipulate myself and others within the belief that I am fighting for a good cause, when actually, I am only denying myself, to the detriment of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what I am doing with my characters is in separation of myself as the physical, therefore through playing the role of my characters, I am leeching energy off the physical in order to keep my make believe characters alive - as consciousness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use characters to justify hiding from myself and so refusing to face myself in self-honesty as who I am here as a physical being, no better and no less than anyone or anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice my self-honesty, only to replace it with a false character of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others do not understand my struggles, and so believe that I am better than others because I have struggles that no one sees I am going through, yet those struggles have only resulted in me creating more characters for myself in my denial of myself as a physical being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in all my characters roles to the extent that I get fearful when at times I do not know which character to play, as the evidence that I am acting an array of characters rather than being myself as the physical which does not change roles out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in which I can believe I am Humble, and so, when appropriate, I can fall back on this character so that I may attempt to avoid responsibility to myself as all, as well as manipulate myself and others for my own self interest because I fear for my characters survival.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a character of Hope, in that I want and desire others to validate my characters as Compassionate, Loving and Caring because I have deluded myself into believing that someone or something is going to solve everything for me, and reward me for my dishonesty to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to receive a high honor, as wanting to be seen as better than others, not realizing that that is hierarchy and abuse of life as is existent within the current world system which is ready to collapse due to this system of abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of others as ignorant and unaware, without placing myself in their shoes to fully understand their whole life story to find out what actually caused others to be the way they are.  In so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others based on my opinion that I am good, because I am doing a good deed, in character, thus judging others as less than myself in self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be wiser, smarter, or more intelligent than others based on my limited point of view of myself.  In that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to falsely blame others for not taking responsibility, when I myself am not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by energy as emotions and feelings, where I will react in situations where I feel threatened, as opposed to stopping myself and clearing myself in breath so that I may speak - not in reaction, but rather speak words as myself so that I can take responsibility to direct myself in what is best for all in each situation, rather than be directed and controlled by fears and projections of the mind.

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 55 - Self Realization

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have allowed my mind as a system to direct and control my physical body.  I realize that by allowing my mind to be the master of my physical body and reality, I have abdicated myself to a system of enslavement. 

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my responsibility to direct myself, my physical body, my breathing and through those applications I can have a clear starting point to direct my world and reality without being influenced by a mind system which feeds off the physical as a parasite seeking an energy fix as a drug.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that allowing my mind to direct and control me, is giving my power away to a system of enslavement through energy.  I realize that enslavement diminishes me and does not support life or what is best for all, therefore slavery is unacceptable and is the enemy of life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the obvious truth that is right before my eyes - as ME - as the physical reality.  How could I possibly not see that the physical for what it is - as the reflection of what I have manifested myself as in separation from myself, through spitefulness and fear of facing who I am for real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that spitefulness to myself, everyone else, and my world is the most hideous form of cruelty which is perpetuated through DENIAL and false appearances for the sake of SELF-INDULGENCE and SELF-INTEREST, where people only CLAIM to love and care,  yet all our loving and caring is nothing more than an insult to life – Because we do not stand AS EQUALS! I realize that love and care in they eyes of this world is abused through denying reality, in exchange for a temporary illusion, a fleeting feeling, and/or an energy rush...all of which is of consciousness and therefore deceitful.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to think I can blame the system, or blame politicians, or blame bankers or blame god, or blame some higher power, or blame my parents, or blame my friends, or blame my teachers, or blame my boss.  I realize that no-one can take responsibility for me, and I must be the one to stand and walk myself out of the brutal consequences I have created for myself through my self-dishonesty to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from myself in fearing who I am and fearing what I will lose in this reality if I stand for life as Equality.  I realize that I can never hide from myself and I am FULLY AWARE of each action I take that does/does not support all life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to stand for all life as Equality - as what is best for all - is THE HIGHEST HONOR any being can attain – as standing as an Equal, as breath, as the physical – and there is no other honor worthy of life in this current reality – as all other honors and awards are based in self-interest and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire revenge on those who I have blamed as evil, when all along I have been lying to myself because I am the creator of evil in this world and it is my responsibility to stand for life alone.  I realize that if I desire revenge on another, I am desiring revenge for myself and therefore I will not transcend my mind as the seeker of vain glory and personal gratification within and as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prey on the weak and disadvantaged in my world through using, and abusing a money system that is utterly corrupt, brutal and insidious in nature.  A system which only protects the abusive people and abusive system through portraying a pretty picture of false love, false hope and false life.

I commit myself to re-defining my world and reality within the context of Equality as what is best for all, so we can stop the illusion and bring about a real change in our physical world so that all life can be honored Equally.

I commit myself to direct myself from the starting point of me here, as the source of existence, working for the single purpose of birthing myself as life in and as the physical, so that we can put an end all abuse of life forever.

I commit myself to understand - through research and the free support offered through Desteni group – and face my fears, because I realize that fears are harmful in that they create consequence for me and others in my world and reality. Therefore when and as I see a fear within me, I stop and breathe.  I then address the fear to deconstruct the starting point of the fear, so that I may re-align myself as being here, as a physical being seeking the best interest of all rather than just living for myself in self-interest.

I commit myself to walk my process of self-honesty and self-correction, and self-realization until it is done and there exists no separation, abuse or deception - anywhere in existence whatsoever. 

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 54

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone my responsibilities till the last minute.  I realize that doing this creates consequences that I will have to face as not being effective as possible within my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think to myself that I can relax and not push myself throughout the day even at times where I feel that I don't have much to do, there are things that I can do that will assist myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself too much slack within my daily participation, as still not being completely effective with self-discipline.  I realize I need to develop a system for myself where I can discipline myself to direct myself in working at expanding myself and doing things that will manifest changes that will be reflected in my outer world as changes that are moving myself towards assisting others and myself to stand up and support equality and equal money for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect the primary points in my life that need to be dealt with - with regards to work and positioning myself somehow so that I am better able to support myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inconsistent with pushing my resistances, where at times if I don't feel like doing something because I feel tired or too relaxed, I have allowed myself to become ineffective through doing things that produce no real change in myself and or my world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider those in my world that are in desperate situations.  Just because I do not see them right here in front of me does not mean that it is not happening - I know it is happening - and just because I am not experiencing the suffering they are going through right now does not mean it is not happening, or that I will have to face similar consequences in the future through my accepted and allowed consequences of lack of self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect my responsibility to myself to motivate myself, not through fear, but through me upholding my responsibility to myself as supporting life and living the principle of what is best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to change myself in every moment and to realize that I am able to change in every moment.

I commit myself to motivating myself through constantly bringing my awareness here, as the physical, and remembering what horrors this world actually exists as so that I can change myself and my world for which I am responsibile for creating as this horrible atrocity that it is.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and facing each point that comes up within me - and to no longer accept and allow myself to define myself with my mind as the ideas and personalities of the past which kept me enslaved to an idea of myself - as 'good' or 'funny' or 'cool' or 'intelligent'. I realize that the only way to solve the problems in our world is for each to self-realize through self-honesty so we can all contribute and work together to create a world that is best for all.

7yr Journey to Life Day 52 - Excluded

 I was just out for a bike ride and stopped by a baseball diamond, where there were people playing softball.   I wanted to play, but I did not ask anyone because I did not want to 'impose' on everyone and disrupt the game, or the score.  Everyone saw me sitting there watching, yet neither did anyone ask me to play.  It's so easy to just say 'ah whatever' and forget about it - as humans always do.  Yet here is a small, yet clear example highlighting the collective negligence and spitefulness in our world.  I realize I did not take responsibility to express myself, yet that is not the point I care to share here.  The point is what is the source of the COLLECTIVE failure?

Why is our reality so Exclusive? - to the extent that we disregard ourselves and others, and in so allow suppression/exclusion to exist?  Clearly we all share this experience in our world, and ALL are able to participate, so why are we not ALL-Inclusive?  The answer is simply, because our reality is a FEAR based SYSTEM - pre-programmed through KNOWLEDGE, with the resulting consequence of self-denial.

Welcome to the wonderful world of 'fuck you buddy!'... lets everyone just PRETEND we are not fully aware, and that life does not care.  Humans are Artisans of pretentiousness.  We physically see eachother and the exclusivity, yet not only do we blatantly deny it, we then go on to actually DEFEND it!!...  As if we are actually afraid of losing our pretend - and sickening - reality!!  To take it even further what really amazes me is that people actually think they can get away with it... As if life would never call us to account.  People actually live by the core morality of "No one else is admitting it, I don't have to either!" Complete bullshit, and irresponsibility to life.

This example is merely a fractal of the greater picture, where exclusivity is taken to the extreme, causing massive abuse and torment beyond comprehension.  

Within the realization of Equality - as what is best for all - full payment for our shockingly outstanding and overdue debt to Life is suddenly upon us.  And to those that outright deny Equality, even when directly presented with its cold, hard truth - will find themselves excluded through their own devices, as they deny themselves life, because Equality is the only road to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a pretentious reality where exclusivity is accepted and allowed as the norm wherein we humans do not seek to solve the problem, but bury it within suppression and self-denial.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Life will not call me to account for my self dishonesty in how I have denied myself and others within living a lie of exclusivity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a system which is based in fear as knowledge and information where fear is permitted to exist within the false belief that this is just the way it is and nothing can be done about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend that this 'fuck you buddy' reality is acceptable in any way, and use that justification to live in self-interest rather than change myself for the good of all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend a sickening world system because I fear losing my pretentiousness and changing myself into a being that honors life - as opposed to self denial where extreme consequence takes place through me making false excuses and justifications.

I commit myself to change myself to align myself with that which is best for all so that I can change my world and reality through being self honest with myself first.

I commit myself to face the actual physical reality and stop the ego/mind reality so that all can be physically manifested and exposed so that no point goes without notice

I commit myself to create a world that is all inclusive and nothing is excluded in false mind beliefs and fears.

Day 46 - Before Its Too Late

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by money, where my feelings are determined by the number in my bank account.  I realize we live in a system that is not Equal or fair in any way, but destructive in nature and that it came to be through my acceptances and allowances.  Therefore there is no choice in the matter, I must stand up for life and change myself so that I can change the system to stop the abuse of life and create a new system that supports life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think only of myself, where I lived in the belief that the rest of the world was not my responsibility and the belief that I did not create this mess, when in fact I did create this mess through my acceptances and allowances and participating in a system based on greed and self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to blame others such as politicians, stock market traders, bankers and those that attain money easily through leverage tactics and deliberate harm such as drug dealers and criminal activities groups.  I realize that I am no better than any of these people because I myself allowed the system to function through my direct participation, and therefore I am equally guilty for the demise of life as anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system which tolerates abuse of life in infinite ways through the promotion of capitalism, consumerism, war, slavery and all types of cruelty and disregard for life.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system based on fear where three quarters of the world are struggling to survive because money and resources to make money is extremely difficult if not impossible to attain. I realize that this type of capitalistic system promotes fear as the primary driving force for life and thus many are so driven by fear they will stop at nothing to obtain money, even killing and torturing other human beings and animals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the deliberate murder of those who are unfortunately are out of the loop, unable to attain resources that are necessary to survive such as medicine, health care, food, water and shelter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where people are so fearful that it is necessary to have a police force, military, and weapons that can destroy the whole planet. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that breeds clones that mimic eachother out of fear of facing themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where parents punish their children into submission and submit them to an education system that programs them to be good slaves to the system rather than allowing them to express themselves as life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system of religion where people are so fearful of an imaginary god that they don't even realize they are funneling money into the system which perpetuates false beliefs and false people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where money is given more value than Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where profit and greed are promoted through the media in a propaganda war against Life to keep the masses blind to the fact that they are living in a system of enslavement, functioning as organic robot slaves to money, profit and greed.

I commit myself to stand for life in appling myself in self-honesty to stop the mind system of consciosness that is conning all of humanity into self-delusion and self-destruction.

I commit myself to expose all the abusive ways the system is being sustained through selfishness and inconsideration for everyone as a whole.

I commit myself to realize and see and understand what is really going on in my world and reality so that I can do what is necessary to be done, as standing with the group that stands for what is best for all.

I commit myself to align myself with the physical in stopping participation in the mind as that which is based on energy and pictures/thoughts/feelings/emotions/perceptions/beliefs/ideas and opinions which do not support life.

Day 31 - Rednecks guide to Equality

Breaking teh ice is perty easy these days... any oppertunity I git, I like tuh chat wit folks n bring up dis here muney system 'n how its so crupt n abusive 'n all.  Then, when ah git em goin, I like tuh take things a lil further, yeah hehee.. I know, seems ta git folks all worked up inside... kina like firin up an ol rusty tracter, one dat ain't bin started in years woohee!  So, Ah take de oppertunity ta see where folks r standin on dis here matter uh "Eekwul Muney fer Allll"!  Yeehaw, kina fun, yeah I know. 

Mazin tho idnit? Many folks jus wanna challenge me right off de bat dog-gonit! Sayin things lak, uhh 'dat wud never wurk'.... -_-

Uh, Wut?  Right then n there, mah jaw drops rite teh de floor, and it almost knocks me outta ma britches!... How'd yall know it'll never work!!! When I dint even splain it yet???  Ah jus gotta sit dere in awe fer a secnd, scratch'n ma head...  Hmmmm... Mighty strange... Miiighty strange ndeed... that der answer seems laik sum kina Meeraculous, Extra-Ordinary form of En-lighten-ment er sumpin...  clearly b'yond mah understandin.  Maybe I need ta practice dat der Tran-scendental Meditation uh bit more... cept ima need teh kine fer hillbilly redneck folks laik maself, cuz Ah jus don't undetstand it one bit.  I sit dere fer five minutes, an I'ma thinkin "Wuuut in teh Helllll Am I Doin Here!!?  Hole lotta nutin, dats wut!!  I gotta go n plant sum corn, er feed dem cows er sumpn...Transcendental hogwash.... mah ass, I gots ta wurk for a livin!"

So Ah figur if Ah cud jus git em t'understand wut's best fur all, is best fer dem, maybe den dey cud git it, cuz its jus so simple n all, but noooo sir-ee... an den dey say sumpin r'diclous laik... "oh-hoah, so ur wunna dem Comm-u-nists,.. oh-ho-hoah!" 

Awwwe possum feathers, here we go agin... sheesh.  Tho, sum times I jus gotta have a lil chuckle at dat one...Heeeheehee, whoo-eeee, yeah...   Jus laik a robot wud say.  Lisen up now, Comm-u-nizm wuz dsignd ta keep y'all enslaved, an it AINT laik Ekwul Muney 'tall. Naut one dang bit! If ya thank Ekwal Muney is Comm-u-nizm, den y'aint figured nutin out yet an yeh probly wont git it, till ur sarry ass is in teh di-menshuns, an bye den it's too late! Tzif ya'll r on auto-pilot r sumpin.

Maybe Ahm not splainin it right er sumpin, but cmon now... t'aint all dat hard te git! Jus think, if evryone shared everything n stopped all teh greed n killin n spite, we cud all have us a whole lotta good times n fun fer all, n we cud sort out da real problems on deh planit.  We cud solve starvation n slavery n cruption n everythin! Woweee dat 'd be mazin wudnit?  I dunno bout you, but Ah'd kina laik ta take care of ma planit, rather 'n destroy it cuz uh sum silly misunderstandin.  Ah'd laik ta live fer once, staid uh being a slave ta muney and corperations fer ma whole life.

Lets all join dat der Destny group, dem folks know wut der talkin bout, no nonsense folks laik u n me who jus wanna spport life, n do wuts best fer all.  Thats de way't shud be.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 27 - Love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could experience love for myself while the rest of the world suffers.  And in so, I justified my personal and selfish desire for love through the excuse -  'It's to big for me to understand' - 'there's nothing I can do about it' and 'it's too scary for me to consider'.  Never allowing myself to realize and understand that all the fictitious bandage excuses I used were only a cover up, and never able to stop my addiction to the desire to experience love - in spite of the big picture - I always knew my love wasn't real, the evidence was all around me, every moment of my existence, I was just too afraid to face who I am for real, and in so, I denied who I am, and traded my eternal self for a morphine high, subject to the ultimate low of death, as complete self-denial.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is a spiritual 'heart of love' out there somewhere, in the great beyond, that has accounted for - numbered, and made a record of, all my feelings of love that I had in my life, so that I in my selfish mind, could use these thoughts of love to comfort myself in thinking that I lived a good life - because I felt feelings of love.  Yet I never allowed myself to realize that these feelings of love can only exist within a physical body - therefore when my body dies, all my love DIES with it - completely proving that my love was never real, but only fleeting feelings of selfishness to cover my guilt and shame of who I had accepted and allowed myself to become - as a self-deceiver that did not give my whole life to expose spite, and honor all life Equally.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the lie that love is forever, when in fact love is subject to time and death, and cannot exist without me or the earth - as a physical expression of me, as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my love is sweet and caring, when in fact, my love has only the appearance of sweetness, but it is a deadly poisoned apple, seducing and killing all who eat it through a slow and painful death by corruption.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my love as bait to lure others into my traps of guilt, shame and desire for revenge I experienced within myself, so that I could have company in my judgement against life, sighting legalities and false justifications, in my self-denial, misery and deceitfulness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself through thinking that I wanted love when what I really wanted was sex, as an energy high to pacify my irresponsibility to life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become entranced and enchanted with thoughts of love and delight, seeking nothing but fulfillment of selfish desire, in full awareness of how I was injecting hatred and enmity into all of existence as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to celebrate the lie of love, and in so manifest the extreme polarity as murder, rape and killing in my world because I laughingly accepted my own lie, thinking I could somehow escape myself, and would not have to face the consequences of what I had allowed myself to become.     

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am brave because I accepted the lie of love, I am brave because I can deny myself,  I am brave because I see fear in the reactions of others, I am brave because I can cheat death,  'I must be a supreme God' because I can abuse love - when the reality is no one is able to cheat death, as the manifested consequence of what we have allowed through the belief in love - which is spite - as fear of self.

I commit myself to expose the lie of love and its deception which is used by Hollywood, media, and corporations to sell more products to fuel consumerism for profit resulting in the corruption of life and the destruction of our planet.

I commit myself to live myself here as breath in every moment facing myself for who I am as a physical being that does not require love from an outside source.  I embrace, support and care for myself as I embrace, support and care for all life as changing myself and our world into a place where life is honored in Equality

I commit myself to stand for and support the only solution that will bring us out of the massive problems and consequences we face in our world.  Equal Money for All.

I commit myself to bring awareness of Equality to those who do not fully understand the deception propagated by corporations, Hollywood, media and politicians in our world through blogging and sharing and becoming a living example of what is best for all

I commit myself to give all of myself to Life as Equality as breath as aligning myself with the physical in all ways so that I may become the living expression of life, Equal and One, until it is done.