Day 16 - Fear of Being Here

After reading Gian's blog, I realized the hidden conversations I have been having lately in my mind.  I was justifying them as 'working myself out' within my process.  The hidden fear within my justifications was that I am afraid of having to 'do the work' of actually directing every action that I do, and every word that I speak as equal to who I am here as a physical being.  I am afraid of facing the fact that I am currently not directing every single action that I am doing within my physical experience.

Inter-arrestingly, I fear not being able to 'rest'.  In so, I deny the rest of myself, and allow unrest to exist within me and my world through my personal desire for comfort and rest.  

I am not referring to issues where I have to common sensically figure things out such as 'how will I repair my truck' or 'how many such and such I will need for this job' etc.

I am referring to the conversations in my head where I try to justify my ego/personality thinking processes out of fear, instead of applying self-forgiveness when they arise, as investigating and stopping myself from being controlled by thoughts.  I am a physical being, and so apart from practical living responsibilities that require calculations, I do not need a judge in my head to tell me I am 'right' or 'wrong'. 

When I think I am 'right' - I am automatically 'wrong' by default, because I participated in the polarity design thought process, where one creates the other as cause and effect.

Why do I fear taking responsibility for each thought that arise and direct myself to do Self-Forgiveness and walk the physical correction? 

For myself, it is the fear of being honest with myself, fear of admitting to myself that I was 'wrong'.  Reluctance to go back and have to re-walk the point where I fucked up.  I seem to prefer to believe that I am right in my mind because it makes me feel better about myself, instead of sticking to my commitment of aligning myself with the physical as being here, constantly and consistently without thought judgements and justifications.

It seems so much easier to just forget about it.  But each time I miss the opportunity to transcend the 'desire to be right', the desire to be a 'hero in my mind' and so continue to exist as a 'mind robot' enslaved to a personality construct. 

I just had the thought now "gawd I hope this gets easier" lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my mind conversations as 'working myself out' in my mind, where I realize that those points that come up must be addressed and forgiven so I can walk the correction of just being here in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I don't think about things, I will not understand myself and perhaps miss a point about myself. Yet if I simply direct myself in everything I do as breath as the physical, that is how I will transcend all ego and self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not worthy of becoming life here as the physical in the polarity design of believing that I am less than the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear directing myself as purely physical here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become because I fear the consequences of what I have allowed.  I realize that I must face the consequences regardless, so there is no point in fearing what is already here.  The only way to stop further consequence is to stop my ego and become purely physical here in living what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear torture and pain and death, as that is fear of self and thus pointless.  I embrace myself here so I can change what I have allowed myself to become and support equality of life in all ways to actually stop torture pain and death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to rest in the desire for personal comfort while others suffer in my world.  I realize that comfort and rest can only be real if all are able to be comfortable and rest equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being wrong and desiring to be right in my head.  I realize that this fear and desire is based on a polarity design that only exists within my self-created fantasy world of imagination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear 'doing the work' to perfect myself as standing absolutely within and as the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define self-correction as 'work' as enslavement when actually self-correction is the opposite as stopping the enslavement as work so I can free myself as all of existence from the enslavement to systems of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am right so I can have a good feeling about myself rather than actually face myself and walk the correction and change myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget the commitment I have made to myself as standing for equality and what is best for all until it is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a hero in my mind where I am the winner that must be worshiped as a god in deluded self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the design of 'hope' where I only hope to transcend my ego rather than actually facing the points here as and when they come up as thoughts, judgements and justifications within me.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'Gawd, I hope this gets easier', while in reality as the physical, there is only what is here as not existing within a definition of 'hard' or 'easy' but me as having the opportunity to face myself and correct myself here within and as breath in each new moment until I live what is best for all in every way.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 12 - Domination

Every time we have a thought, it is accepted and allowed desire for Submission or Domination.  And so, we have Dominated ourselves, and all become slaves to our minds. 

Domination is often played out in sexual fantasy games such as BDSM.  Why is it that we enjoy these experiences?  For the most part, we are seeking energetic experiences through pushing our limitations of fear and pain.  But the interesting part is that this type of experience can create an addiction to an energetic rush of fear and excitement, where we are seeking a limited personal bliss as a form of enlightenment, rather than actually transcending our fears and directing ourselves to become effective and do what is necessary to be done to change our world as a whole.  

Humans are considered the 'Dominant' species.  Yet, do we humans ever consider what we are Dominating? Is it not obvious that through our desire for Domination, we are acting like Dominoes in killing and destroying all life on earth?    Domination is the polarity of Submission, so we have also desired Submission through wanting others to take responsibility for us rather than taking responsibility for ourselves. All mankind has ever done throughout history is seek Domination through war and conflict in the quest for power and control.

The solution to the problem is common sense within understanding who we really are as Equals.

Therefore the only thing that stands in the way of becoming life - Self-Realization.  And there are only 2 things that stand in the way of self-realization;

Fear and Resistance.

Both of which are programs taught to us through our predecessors.  And so we believed them because we thought them to be 'wise' and 'understanding'.  Yet if we look at our current existence, it is plain to see that clearly they lacked understanding - because we still have a world full of humans who heedlessly seek Domination, power and control.  Why do we allow this?  Because the Domination and Submission systems exist within US.

What is the Fear?

Simply facing who we really are as physical beings rather than 'ideas' and 'opinions' and 'beliefs' of who we are.  Personalities and status identities in conflicting rivalries that resonate and manifest war both inside ourselves and outside as our world as a whole.

We are all Equally responsible.   So how do we stop conflict and war?  By individually taking responsibility to stop supporting and participating in ideas, opinions, beliefs and egotistical personalities, erroneously thinking 'that is who we are'.  Nonsense.  Certainly we can all agree on the one and only absolute reality that is not debatable - We are physical beings on a physical planet.  In so doing, we will actually work to create Heaven on Earth.

Common Sense. If everyone on earth gave everything they had instead of greedily hoarding the resources on our planet - EVERYONE would have access to EVERYTHING they need and more than they could ever imagine. We would all live RICH and fulfilling lives beyond our wildest dreams, and for the first time ever in existence - we would not have to fight for our survival, but we would actually LIVE - through giving.  Every day would be ten thousand times better than the best Christmas anyone ever had!

What is the Resistance? 

Change.  Believing that we cannot change because we are so afraid of letting go of our personal desires and beliefs.  Hung up on guilt and self condemnation.  Hung up on living in self-interest.  Hung up on fears of what we would have to give up.  All mind created non-sense that does not take into consideration what it is we are actually sacrificing by NOT giving up our self-interest and false ideas of free choice.  Change happens only though self-forgiveness and self-correction.

Domination is not Life.   Can we all agree to Live for once, and for All?


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek Domination as that of desiring power and control through egotistical desires and personality constructs that I have accepted and allowed as real throughout my life experience when they were not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and Dominate myself as the physical reality and in so create machines of enslavement, where I thought I would find comfort and happiness, but instead I found only misery and delusion as being subject to, and less than my physical existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a Domino effect within my reality through inconsideration of myself as Equal to my reality and in so I found myself subject to consequential outflows of fear, suffering and enslavement, which I allowed though my active participation within fear and not transcending resistance to change myself into that which stands for what is best for all in all ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect myself and be ignorant of the fact that desiring energetic experiences of myself as pictures in my mind in self-interest are not in fact real, but me attempting to Dominate myself in fear of facing who I am.  I realize that I am here as the physical and so must face resistance and use it as a tool in establishing who I am as Equal to my world and my reality.  Therefore I take responsibility to stand within the realization that - who I am affects my world and my reality as me in resonant agreement to unconditionally stand for Equality of Life in all ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek Submission as enslavement to systems, whereby I do not live but exist as an organic robot slave.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek Submission as enslavement as trying to escape responsibility to direct myself and avoid facing myself as who I am as co-creator of existence here within manifested consequential outflows which reflect to me myself.  I no longer accept and allow myself to desire to be directed by systems, but I choose to live as Equal, as self-direction and in so I give myself to Life so that I may give and all may see that giving is the way to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a Master and in so create myself as a slave to my own creation as systems.