168 - The Evil Trinity of Beliefs Hopes and Desires

Something has been haunting me for a long time now, only to finally reveal itself while contemplating early this morning.

The infamous quote 'Know Your Role' on the surface it would appear to be an obvious slander. For myself it has been a bit of an issue, representing the submission and acceptance of oppression in hierarchical society.  From a different perspective however, this is something that I can see as being practical support.  In order to 'know my role', it is first important that I first 'know myself'.

Due to the extensive programming over my entire lifetime, I have allowed myself to fall into the many pitfalls of Desire, Hope, and Belief.  The combination of these three evils has formed the basis for repeated and extensive cycles of depression and disillusionment - for which I never saw how the pattern played out entirely.  I will attempt to outline the pattern to assist myself in this.

1.  Belief - The entry point for this whole programmed pattern is Belief.  That is to say many Beliefs are formed and accepted as 'the way it is' with the excuse that 'this is the way everyone exists', therefore I must exist in this same way – as holding Beliefs (borrowed and concocted opinions) of who I am in comparison with others, rather than accepting as who I actually am, as a physical being and an Equal in my reality.

2.  Desire – Through the existence of Beliefs, many selfish Desires begin to creep their way into the mind, and then they are accepted as 'natural' and 'normal', with the justification that everyone else is doing it – and it is even somehow acceptable to have 'secret' Desires.

3.  Hope – Hopes are consequently created through Desires, as Hope and Desire are inseparable - all three together form the Holy Trinity of Delusion.  Hope is the carrot on the stick that constantly leads into self-deception.  Through the Beliefs and Desires we create images of ourselves in our minds that are not real.  These images are the manifestation of us seeking to escape all of the (at times extreme) unpleasant consequences we have created for ourselves through denial.  We create alternate realities - personalities and characters in our mind to suite all of our false Hopes.

We then take these images as personalities and characters and act them out in order to try and get the experience that would match the desired outcome of how we would 'like' to experience ourselves, rather than accepting who we are here.  Then when we inevitably face the real consequences of what our delusional personalities (Hopes and Desires) created – which are unpleasant, or what we would classify as 'negative' energy experiences, we go into all kinds of reactions of frustration, anger, denial, depression etc etc.  All this without realizing that we accepted all the programmed false Beliefs, Hopes and Desires in the first place.

I am seeing this whole pattern with regards to a specific situation, and how it has played out in my life, and consequently lead to many disastrous situations.  Compounding the consequences is the continued denial through grasping for additional Beliefs, Hopes, and Desires - in addition to those already existing, hoping to find the right pattern for happiness and fulfillment.

This constant feedback loop takes us out of alignment with ourselves... thus 'Know Your Role', is really about knowing ourselves for who we really are, and so I am (we are) denying responsibility to ourselves and all, through chasing Beliefs, Hopes, and Desires. This eventually leads to blame and recreating the whole infinite pattern again.

Beliefs, Hopes and Desires ought to have no place in reality as they are actually neglect of who I am here, and what I have created for myself through past acceptances and allowances – this includes every aspect of my environment.  According to the images of my mind, my life would appear to be a disastrous failure - as not having achieved my grandest Hopes and Desires, thus judging myself and defining myself as a failure for not choosing the correct patterns of Beliefs, Hopes, and Desires, which were all deception from the start.

The lesson being – no matter how awful the situation appears to be, we really have no choice but to accept it and embrace who we are here, as that is the only way we can change to deprogram ourselves - to stop chasing selfish Desires, and so create the best possible situation for ourselves and everyone through living what is best for all.



artwork credit www.southvalleyart.com 

Day 156 - Monkey On My Back

For many years I have been my own monkey on my back, dragging myself down with the extra weight of guilt and self-judgments, catering to memories of the past in attempt to right the massive wrong I experienced within and as myself - That I could not deny, only hide inside myself.


I could clearly see the disappointment I was becoming to myself, yet I attributed it to Gods will, Gods divine plan...  Gods purpose..., Gods problem... the fault of everyone, and so Gods fault.  I acted out on the revenge I sought within myself by sabotaging myself, sacrificing myself at the alter of my belief in God to try and get a reaction from God.  See no evil, Speak no evil, Hear no evil.  Although I did learn some things along the way, the problem only got worse and worse, as I clung with desperate hope to the idea that someday, somehow it would all be accounted for, people would pay for this neglect, and so it would all be made right again.  Here is my shit thrown in my face... for not trusting myself, and for placing my trust in an idea that someone told me to believe.  Eventually I was able to forgive myself for this, but I was too messed up inside to fix myself or realize the extent of the problem.


I can understand that this may have been necessary for me to realize myself here, so it's all I can do now to walk this process of self-honesty.  Yet the question remains - Who the fuck am I now ? I don't even really know myself, I mean... I believe I know myself, as the idea in my head of who I should or could be, but that is not me, it is illusion.  My egotistical mind still wanting to play the hero character.  That is how I got into shit in the first place, trying to be the hero rather than realizing myself as an Equal in my reality.  I have never actually lived absolutely as myself, as Equal to myself, as Equal to the physical and all of existence.  


Thankfully I was able to realize the Desteni message, and I mean exceedingly thankful, as I would not trade this understanding of myself for anything in the world, literally.  To now have the opportunity to establish an honest relationship with myself is a rather humbling experience, yet the reward of self-honesty is beyond all compare... it is never fully realized, as it always continues to give, and continues to grow beyond the capacity of our limited minds to understand.  If we imagine heaven as blissful experience, well then certainly the greatest bliss to be found in this world full of suffering, is to stop the cause of suffering at the source, and so prevent the abuse of Life.


Join the Journey to Life as we Dump the Monkeys off our backs and walk the Process of extracting the Parasite that Leeches off our existence, and prevents us from Creating Heaven on Earth, as it should be for Everyone.


Artwork credited to - http://www.spraygraphic.com/ViewProject/2297/normal.html

Day 75 - The Ultimate Root of All Evil - FamiLIES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to - when I was a child, give in to fear as believing it to be greater and more powerful than myself, and in so create the belief that my Parents were God, and so I Worshiped them and perceived them as something I had to attain to, as 'Higher', and 'Better Than' myself, and so I allowed them to teach and Program me that - they were always Right, Just and honest.  Yet what I did not realize was that my Parents were Imposters of God, and this was a reflection of me, of how I imposed fear on myself, with the resultant consequence of me caving in to the Fear of Death, as the memories of trauma and pain I experienced at birth. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a Parent - as an Imposter of God - with the appearance of goodness, while in reality I was a Wicked Deceiver of Life, because I only cared about my Characters Limited Perception of Reality in Selfishness, as the false belief that I am 'Better Than' my child, and so I refused to be honest with myself and take responsibility for all Life as Equal as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do good deeds and promote 'good' causes, to hide and cover up my Selfishness, as the Desire for Power and Higher Status in my family system.  I realize that I was reluctant to For-Give myself due to fear - not realizing that this manifested and fueled the abuse of Life, as my personal Revenge on myself, through self-deception in the false beliefs of who I AM as separate from my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself in the character and role of a Pay-Rent, so that I could feel good about myself within my Secret desire to Dominate Life, as Revenge for the pain I felt because I had accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself through being Dominated by my own Pay-Rents.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequences of imposing my will as Vengeance on physically weaker and defenseless children through me programming them in my belief systems - through using my own crafty fear based system of reward and punishment - to re-enforce their fear for their survival, and so forcing my children to believe that they have to deceive themselves in creating for themselves a False Morality System, if they want to avoid suffering and survive in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a Parent, create the false idea of Heaven, wherein if my child Obeys my Holy Command(ment)s as a good Servant and Slave, they will be rewarded peace, comfort, rest, food, Television and Games. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Force my children through reward and punishment, to believe that if they don't follow my Rules and Serve my Holy Opinions as a Self-Righteous Parent God, they will go through a life of Hell, as Fear, Anger, and Suffering that I projected and created for them in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, as a Grand Parent, to portray the Care-actor of myself as a form of Supreme Righteousness and Holiness through my perfected Art of Deception and Subversion, as the appearance of gentleness, kindness and false love so that I could in fear, Win the Favor of the child as a Favorite, in order to re-enforce their belief in the system of Lies as the FamiLIE.  As the Grand Parent, I am often the one who smLIES the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an Evil Dictator of Life as a Parent, as I am the first and primary influence on a child when it is born, therefore I am directly responsible for the creation and development of a child, thus I am directly responsible for making sure that the child creates and accepts Characteristics as Personalities for him/herself, as suppression of self, rather than live the True Expression of self in self-honesty, as a physical expression of Equality, as what is Best for All.

I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Hierarchy, Dictatorship and Control as The Fam-I-LIE 

I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Belief Systems, False Hopes, and False Dreams - FamiLIES

I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Pride, Valuation, and Ownership - FamiLIES

I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Competition, Greed, and Lust for Power - FamiLIES

I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Secrets, Pretentiousness, and Hate  - FamiLIES

I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Rejection, Fear, and Loneliness - FamiLIES

I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Domination, Submission and Predation - FamiLIES

I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Imposters, Characters, and False Gods - FamiLIES
 
I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Wickedness, Deception and Lies - FamiLIES

I commit myself to expose the root and starting point of Fakeness, Fuckedness, and Evil Suppression of Life - FamiLIES

I commit myself to Reveal what is Real as Self - Here, as Equality - In that all must Change to no longer be Enslaved to False Fears which are Hosted and Bred through - FamiLIES. 


I commit myself to See/Realize/Understand that without FamiLIES, Each Being would have no choice but to become Self-Responsible to Life, and so Life would be born in the Physical For Real.

Day 69 - The Rebel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe the obvious deception in the world, and judge it as 'evil', in an attempt to separate myself from the world system, and in so define myself as a rebel, and 'good' as its opposite polarity, secretly thinking that I am better than the system, because I saw the inherent lies and abuse.   In seeing the system as evil in separation from myself, I decided that the best way to beat the system and stop the abuse, was for me to become a rebel and fight against it, as my personal war with the system, as a spiteful rebel against the system.  In so I claimed victory within myself in my mind, having beaten the system through not allowing it to enslave me to its ideas.  What I did not realize is that, I myself, created the system through my acceptances and allowances throughout my life and many past lives.  And so my mind-victory was in vain, as it did nothing to change the system to which I am still subject and enslaved to within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe the deception in the world, and judge it as 'good', in an attempt to separate myself from the world system, and in so define myself as a rebel, and 'evil' as its opposite polarity, secretly thinking that I am better than the system, because I was able to face a point of fear which others were unable to face - as the fear of defining myself as evil.  In so doing, I further perpetuated the polarity war of good vs evil, which only fueled the system I was rebelling against in my character definition of myself, and thus I actually created a war within myself in spite of myself as the system I created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly define myself as a brave and rebellious, hero character in my mind - as a positive energy experience of myself - through self-righteous judgement of the system as being evil - as a negative energy experience - without realizing that I was being irresponsible to myself as my world and reality, as, in order to address, solve and change the system, I have to stand within it and as it.  Therefore becoming the rebel character did nothing to support the actual solution to change the system as what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the actuality of myself here as a physical being.  Through my constant attempts to validate my brave, rebellious hero-character of the mind/ego, I realize that I portrayed my character as openly defiant, in thinking I was doing good by calling out perceived injustices in the system.  Yet I did not allow myself to realize, that abstaining from participating in system based functions such as the education system only put me deeper in debt to myself and life.  I realize that this abstinence, as me attempting to escape the system, in no way assisted and supported stopping the abuse of the system, but merely allowed it to persist as, hierarchical, mind-control and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the hero character of my mind through granting him mental attributes of other hero's extracted from my memories of movies and books.  In that, I realize that the hero's in my mind were not real, but glorified, positively charged ideas I had created about what it must be like to be a real hero so that I can get glory for myself, in my war against myself, not realizing I was actually sacrificing myself as life, and the consequences of being enslaved to consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to validate my character through deliberately defining myself as 'crazy' so that I could strengthen the false perception of fearlessness as an attribute of my rebel character, and so design my character as 'free' in opposition to all the injustice represented in the system.  What I did not realize, is that in defining myself, as my  character, as 'crazy', I was enslaving myself even further, because my character was never free in any way, as it was completely make-believe within a false perception of myself as separate within my mind. In addition to that, I was clearly still dependent on the system for my survival, thus making my claim of being free based on my limited idea of myself - as a character in my mind - utterly foolish and altogether ridiculous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use activism for causes as a means whereby I can further separate myself and define my multiple characters in opposition to the system.  I realize that these attempts to judge the system is me judging myself, to which the outflow is more abuse, more war, more suffering and more deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that my perception of myself as my character, as being a brave rebel, was actually a cover for the fear I had of the system, as being too hard to understand and too powerful to stop or change.   I realize that this was a false perception that I accepted through not understanding myself as part of the system.  When I realize who I am as an equal, I can take responsibility to first understand myself, and in doing so, I can understand how the system functions and in so change myself to put myself in a position with a group that supports life, where my contribution actually supports the solution - as Equal Money for All - through a group effort, which is the only way the system can change.

I commit myself to a process of birthing myself as life in the physical, which will stop the mind system within me, which will stop supporting the polarity war of good vs evil within me, so that I can begin to understand who I am as a physical being to understand and live what it means to stand for life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to stand as who I am as my physical body, as taking responsibility as an Equal, and in so doing stop the characterization of myself which only deludes me further into the mind as the polarity war with myself and the system, resulting in all the raging wars in our world and reality.

I commit myself to realize who I am here through understanding my physical body, and myself within breath, so that I no longer participate in mental judgements of myself, of the system, or of others.  In so doing, I can get myself to a point of clarity, where I can actually assist and support making real, physical change within my world and reality

I commit myself to realize that in order for me to be effective and change myself and the system to that which supports life, I must stand with the group that supports life as what is best for all.  And in so doing, I can contribute my efforts which will have exponential impact through collectively assisting and supporting each other to change our world and create heaven on earth.

I commit myself to face and embrace myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, so that I may face the hidden fears and false characters I have created through cycles of the past, to no longer accept and allow any abuse of life within myself.  In that way, by accumulation factor and the equality equation of 1+1=2, we can eventually change the world system as a whole to that which supports life as what is best for all in all ways. 

7yr Journey to Life Day 41 - Aligning the Compass

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as definitions of being less than, whereby I limit myself and punish myself in not embracing and accepting myself here, where I can change myself in each moment.  I realize I have allowed this because I have held onto the belief (of being less than the physical as me) and that I was subject/slave to systems of my mind that I have accepted and allowed in my life through self-imposed fear of myself. 

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that by me embracing myself here and realizing that I am fully capable and responsible to change myself to direct myself in each moment, I am making the only logical decision to stop myself from being enslaved to a spiteful program which professes the absurdity that abuse and suffering is 'just the way it is', and such is life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget how utterly detestable this existence actually is, and in so realizing I can use this knowledge to push myself, change myself and realize myself as Equal, and stand as a physical being not influenced by the mind of the make believe world of consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pity myself or my world as I realize that each must take responsibility for self, and that I cannot help myself or anyone through pity, as this only stems from false perceptions and ideas of the mind as the desire to be a savior and/or to fuel a belief that I am in some way good in the polarity game of good/evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future.  I realize that my responsibility lies here in each moment as breath, and therefore future consequences only play out as a result of me not taking responsibility here in each moment.  I realize I am limited in my ability to change already existent consequences in my world, yet that does not excuse me from taking responsibility to do what I am able here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate on getting things done because I fear making decisions.  I realize that if I take too long in making decisions then I am making the decision to 'not make a decision' and therefore sabotaging myself through stagnation as not moving myself effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have more responsibility that what is here as what I have created for myself.  I realize that for me to have more responsibility, I must first take responsibility for what is here as me, and so become responsible to myself in my agreement with myself to become absolutely Equal in every way within and as myself in this life.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that in order to get things done that are priorities in my life, it is necessary to sacrifice that which is not necessary, and in so I must prioritize myself and discipline myself to not accept and allow myself to fall victim to consequence of lack of responsibility to prioritize things in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking risks.  I realize that everything I do entails some risk, therefore I must carefully calculate the risks I take so that all outflows are considered and in so I can make responsible decisions that are common sense and best for all.

I commit myself to embracing myself within developing self-trust as myself - this I can do through taking responsibility for myself in each moment as doing what is necessary to be done, therefore proving and establishing self-trust here as myself where self-judgement is no longer necessary, as I stand Equal to all as myself.

I commit myself share my realizations with others unconditionally - to those that will hear. Those that do not hear, I will not waste my words. 

I commit myself to stand Equal to each moment and situation that arises within my experience of myself here, and in so take responsibility through accountability and accumulation within the Equality equation 1+1=2...

I commit myself establish myself as self-trust and self-responsibility and self-honesty through walking each layer of myself back to the starting point of how it was created and thereby deconstructing the illusions and beliefs I allowed through my participation in fear and self-sabotage.

Day 17 - What is a Hero

What is a hero?

A hero or idol - be it fantasy or historical or current living being - within our world is simply a figure, as an image or persona, based on what we perceived as a 'courageous', and/or someone who defeated a form of injustice or evil.  We would not have hero's unless we WANTED to be a hero ourselves.  A hero is therefore purely based on our or ego, our own personal desire to be strong, brave, right, and just... one who has overcome their fears, and so deserves to be worshiped by others - and so, a hero is the undeniable evidence of our own self-dishonesty.   

A hero is a mind projection of how we have neglected and sabotaged ourselves in self-dishonesty in our past.  Our secret desire for revenge in blaming others for our individual irresponsibility.  So we hold an image of a hero in our minds to feel better about ourselves, because we believe someone else is taking the responsibility for our failure to realize ourselves - we are relieved that we can lay the responsibility on someone else to tell us what is the 'right' thing to do in any given situation.  We place our trust in a mind illusion because we see our own dishonesty and thus believe we are inferior not worthy.  Our inferiority is then projected out as a superior being that is virtually indestructible in our minds eye - all because we are dishonest with ourselves as who we really are - as Equals.

Most of us, if not all create an image of ourselves as our own hero in our minds.   We imagine ourselves doing great things, being strong or beautiful or powerful and the crowd cheers for us as we vanquish our imaginary foes.  We are gods in our minds, but remain ignorant and spiteful of the actual physical reality we live and exist in.  What most don't realize is that there is significant consequence in allowing these thought projections.  We miss our opportunity to see ourselves for real, and so miss our opportunity to live for real. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play out a drama in my mind where I am the hero of the story and I subject my enemies to the wrath of my vengeance so I may stand in awe of my imaginary fans who worship me as an imaginary god.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself in my physical reality and living experience because I hold onto an idea of myself as a hero in my mind that is strong and true and wise and powerful and beautiful and everything that everyone loves and adores, all so that I can be worshiped as a superior being. 



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my imaginations of me as a hero in my mind are real when in fact it is only a projection of my mind and imagination as fuel for my ego where I live a double life, dishonestly attempting to portray to myself that I am better than in an attempt to hide the fact that I am fearful of facing myself as who I really am in my world and physical reality.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am better than anyone else in the physical reality through projections of my mind/ego



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being better than anyone else in my physical reality because I want to be loved and adored by others. In this I realize that be me desiring to be loved by others I am not facing the point of me fearing that I am not cared about as an equal in my world.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to make others happy by vanquishing evil in my mind so I can be the god of my imaginary world where everyone loves and adores me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can justify the abuse of myself through playing out imaginations of myself as being godly and strong and beautiful and powerful, yet neglect the fact that these imaginations have consequences in my physical reality where I am in denial of who I actually am and what is happening as a result of my dishonesty in my world.

Hero's are a con of consciousness.