168 - The Evil Trinity of Beliefs Hopes and Desires

Something has been haunting me for a long time now, only to finally reveal itself while contemplating early this morning.

The infamous quote 'Know Your Role' on the surface it would appear to be an obvious slander. For myself it has been a bit of an issue, representing the submission and acceptance of oppression in hierarchical society.  From a different perspective however, this is something that I can see as being practical support.  In order to 'know my role', it is first important that I first 'know myself'.

Due to the extensive programming over my entire lifetime, I have allowed myself to fall into the many pitfalls of Desire, Hope, and Belief.  The combination of these three evils has formed the basis for repeated and extensive cycles of depression and disillusionment - for which I never saw how the pattern played out entirely.  I will attempt to outline the pattern to assist myself in this.

1.  Belief - The entry point for this whole programmed pattern is Belief.  That is to say many Beliefs are formed and accepted as 'the way it is' with the excuse that 'this is the way everyone exists', therefore I must exist in this same way – as holding Beliefs (borrowed and concocted opinions) of who I am in comparison with others, rather than accepting as who I actually am, as a physical being and an Equal in my reality.

2.  Desire – Through the existence of Beliefs, many selfish Desires begin to creep their way into the mind, and then they are accepted as 'natural' and 'normal', with the justification that everyone else is doing it – and it is even somehow acceptable to have 'secret' Desires.

3.  Hope – Hopes are consequently created through Desires, as Hope and Desire are inseparable - all three together form the Holy Trinity of Delusion.  Hope is the carrot on the stick that constantly leads into self-deception.  Through the Beliefs and Desires we create images of ourselves in our minds that are not real.  These images are the manifestation of us seeking to escape all of the (at times extreme) unpleasant consequences we have created for ourselves through denial.  We create alternate realities - personalities and characters in our mind to suite all of our false Hopes.

We then take these images as personalities and characters and act them out in order to try and get the experience that would match the desired outcome of how we would 'like' to experience ourselves, rather than accepting who we are here.  Then when we inevitably face the real consequences of what our delusional personalities (Hopes and Desires) created – which are unpleasant, or what we would classify as 'negative' energy experiences, we go into all kinds of reactions of frustration, anger, denial, depression etc etc.  All this without realizing that we accepted all the programmed false Beliefs, Hopes and Desires in the first place.

I am seeing this whole pattern with regards to a specific situation, and how it has played out in my life, and consequently lead to many disastrous situations.  Compounding the consequences is the continued denial through grasping for additional Beliefs, Hopes, and Desires - in addition to those already existing, hoping to find the right pattern for happiness and fulfillment.

This constant feedback loop takes us out of alignment with ourselves... thus 'Know Your Role', is really about knowing ourselves for who we really are, and so I am (we are) denying responsibility to ourselves and all, through chasing Beliefs, Hopes, and Desires. This eventually leads to blame and recreating the whole infinite pattern again.

Beliefs, Hopes and Desires ought to have no place in reality as they are actually neglect of who I am here, and what I have created for myself through past acceptances and allowances – this includes every aspect of my environment.  According to the images of my mind, my life would appear to be a disastrous failure - as not having achieved my grandest Hopes and Desires, thus judging myself and defining myself as a failure for not choosing the correct patterns of Beliefs, Hopes, and Desires, which were all deception from the start.

The lesson being – no matter how awful the situation appears to be, we really have no choice but to accept it and embrace who we are here, as that is the only way we can change to deprogram ourselves - to stop chasing selfish Desires, and so create the best possible situation for ourselves and everyone through living what is best for all.



artwork credit www.southvalleyart.com 

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 62

So much to write about.  I woke up feeling shitty and allowed that 'mood' to dictate my morning, through hiding from myself in a computer game of chess.  I was within limitation of the mind, blinding myself to the potential to move myself, and so not allowing myself to do anything constructive.  I was stuck in decision again... not sure what to do.  Trying to get myself out of my mindfuck by using my mind, comparing myself in my mind to the less fortunate.  So I try to be grateful, yet still fear of money exists.  The fear of god as money.  There is also the fear of being enslaved to responsibility, of having to work and slave for money, only to end up in a fuckup where I wont be seen as worthy of the money I worked for, and so become broke.  So I try to put shit out of my mind, fearing a mountain of consequences, which only makes matters worse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be subject to morning moods which are passed from the past of the last day.  Even thought that is what I just blogged about the day before, I realize - and commit myself - that I must discipline myself first thing in the morning to clear myself, as when I awaken in the morning, I am more susceptible to autopilot syndrome and thus allowing myself to feel down on myself and my situation. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear money and spending money - as fear of taking the risk.  I realize that everything in this matrix is a risk, whether I make a decision or refrain, I am risking myself as expressing myself within and as risk. I realize that I must write out what risks I plan to take so that I can check the starting point.  If the starting point is clear on paper as me moving myself to support myself, as well as all other factors being clear, I must move myself to make a decision and stay with it until it is time for change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to the less fortunate and thus use that comparison as a starting point for encouraging and moving myself.  This is a mindfuck because through this comparison, I end up feeling shitty about myself and my world.  I go into a limited perception of myself such as "everything is so fucked up, nothing I do will have any effect".  So then I just want to neglect myself.

Within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to neglect myself because I do not see any potential outcome.  I realize that regardless of the fact of me being able to see my impact, I must walk the process of disciplining and directing myself here in the physical, and in so doing change myself to not be directed and controlled by energy.

By the time I was able to move myself, I went and did a job, which came together well.  I noticed some fear of expressing myself here as me when talking to the customer.  I tried to curb the conversation and eventually got to mention the abusive money system, gently pushing some points and took self-direction in the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself within conversation from the start.  I realize that I created the outflow through me allowing the conversation to go in the direction it was going - because I did not direct it immediately within breath, and so I had to curb the conversation to regain my directive principle.

I was able to tell both of the customers about equal money which was cool.

I then decided to go downtown as it was a warm evening.  Being around many people there, there were many observations to take note of, which I will share in the next blog.  It is interesting to note how my day did not go anything like what I expected it to be when I woke up in the morning, it ended up being quite interesting.