162 - Parental Cloning - Part 3

Throughout my years of being cloned - and cloning myself - I developed an affinity towards a particular pattern.  Although it was clearly spiteful and self-destructive in hind-sight, it is quite fascinating to now realize how I am able to use this pattern of 'giving-up' or 'self-rejection' to easily spot behavior patterns of the past which I directly need to face.  This provides keys to working my way out of my shell, or removing the bricks in the wall I constructed for myself.    

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of 'giving up' and or 'sulking' - withdrawing my participation in an attempt to sabotage myself and so make everyone feel bad, through the belief that the problem is impossible, or there is no solution but self-defeat.  I realize that I must take responsibility to stop my thoughts of self-judgment, and the corresponding emotional reactions of blame and self-pity, so that I can stand as the solution to myself and all, in bringing about a world that is Best for All in Equality.  

I also realize within this, that I must not judge or blame myself for not being able to do everything all by myself, and that I will always be more effective with the help of others.  I also realize that others may be more inclined or adept at certain tasks than I am, and in so it is not to be offended by the skills of another, but to find what skills I have to offer, as everyone has an equal and essential part to play as the whole of existence learns how to cooperate and use what is here. 

When and as I see myself going into a state of 'withdrawal', 'giving-up' or 'emotional reactions of blame or judgment' - I stop and clear my starting point to here within breath.  I recognize the pattern and change myself within the realization that I must take responsibility to direct myself in living and doing what is best for all in each moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to differ blame onto my parents - for labeling and defining me as 'sulking', or 'suck-hole' or 'having a fit' or 'temper tantrum' in which I had the reaction of extreme inner anger at being teased, defined, belittled, and diminished - thus preventing me from actually seeing and realizing the point I actually needed to face, of what I was allowing in withdrawing myself from situations – was not helping myself or anyone, only compromising myself in anger, blame, resentment, and selfishness because things did not turn out the way I expected them to, I felt less than, and I did not understand myself as Equal to All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to words that my parents used – seeing the words as threatening, while it was my own self-judgment that allowed me to compromise myself through me resisting change and wanting to blame others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the coping mechanism of withdrawing myself - as a way of me trying to manipulate my reality, rather than actually expressing how I feel about a situation - such as me feeling left out, and so searching for, and working towards a solution where everyone and all are included.

Resistance is my assistance to dissolve the limitations of my existence.

I commit myself to investigate all confrontations where I experience a resistance or reaction within me to words someone is using to define me, and within that to clear all reactions within myself - so that I can observe myself from a non-judgmental and non-reactive state, to see if there are any points of self-dishonesty within myself that need to be addressed and aligned to change myself to living what is best for all.

I commit myself to within breath awareness, push myself to face all points of denial, judgement, or fear of facing myself so that I can learn what it is to stand for Life and change myself to become Life. 

161 - Parental Cloning Part 2

Continuing from yesterdays post - http://transmutation-process.blogspot.com/2013/01/160-parental-cloning-part-1.html


As children, we are dragged in all directions, attempting to keep a balance between our personal drive for fun and exploring our expression, while trying to understand and keep out of trouble with our parents and various other relationships.  I recall my parents constantly saying to me "Why don't you listen!?".  I never really understood or tried to answer that question actually, until they had repeated it about 15 times or so, then one day I decided to ask myself,... the only answer I could come up with was 'because I don't want to'.

I found it very odd that they actually expected me to enthusiastically obey and carry out their every wish - so I could be just like them?  All clean and proper all the time so I could appear presentable and in-style to others?  Looking back now, it is apparent that they thought of me as a lesser object, of which I owed them my worship and devotion. I recall being instructed to tell them 'I loved them' - how disgusting.  Whats just as disgusting is that I was too afraid to tell them what I actually thought.  Yet I had already been punished for stating how I truly felt in the past, and I deemed myself too young to fend for myself on the streets.

There were the frequent guilt trips which were mostly spoken out of frustration about total insignificant issues like shoes lying in the wrong place... Parent A "I bust my ass all day so I can put food on the table, the least you can do is..." - as if to make a person feel guilty just for being alive!  Eventually I did get a paper route of my own when I was 11 yrs old, at which time the constant nagging began to wear off for the most part.

What my parents never understood is that they were trying to impose a form of 'love' which, in their imagination was real to them, yet to the recipient of this 'love' - it is quite repulsive.  It was clear that they expected me to repay this same 'love' by having children of my own some day "Just wait till you have kids of your own... you'll see" they said, expecting I would play the same 'guilt and frustration' song and dance.  No, but thanks for all the training.  I had already taken in enough programming from them, school, church and friends to lay significant guilt trips on myself, punishing myself for reasons I didn't even understand.  This lead to many problems within self-suppression and not understanding myself, and so extensively compromising myself out of low self-esteem and a rebellious personality construct.  

I was very happy to finally move out on my own at 17, although I was facing a world which I did not understand.  I was full of dissonance within myself and without, casting myself to the mercy of the system to see if I could survive.

There is much I could rant about how much I despised my parents, however I see that they were just participants in the system I was also participating in, and had also created through my acceptances and allowances.  There is no point in blaming them, as I see how the whole system works now - one big guilt trip, disguised as 'love' so people punish themselves and others within the belief and excuse that they are 'doing it for love' and so the lucky ones remains in the semi-comfortable arms of a programmed system of  love/hate.

The real problem is that it's all fear - Fear of Self - Fear of Self-honesty - Fear of the Truth of who we are.  Its funny really... how we fear ourselves.  It would seem like that would be such an easy thing to see and transcend?  Its just me... you... here... how long will we endure this cruel game of hide and seek?

Everyone has fallen for the big delusion, so its not like anyone has to continue to feel guilty for it, especially now that we understand the solution - Self forgiveness and 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'... seeing ourselves as Equals in a shared physical reality - now there is no excuse, because once one is faced with the absolute truth of themselves, it is apparent, and inescapable, the big lie of who we are is completely exposed.  Interestingly we can deny it through a belief system, however, no belief holds water -  it is composed of an imaginary, second-hand opinion, grasped in hope that someone will verify its authenticity and make us feel better so we don't have to face our self-dishonesty and take responsibility to change ourselves.  This trap will take considerable work to get out of.

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160 - Parental Cloning Part 1

We grow up thinking life will be fun.   I recall my parents yelling at my siblings and I, condescendingly saying  'Do you think life is a big joke..?'

As a child, it soon becomes apparent that we are constantly dealing with a constant barrage of problems with friends, family, school and inside ourselves.  It's like we are being dragged in all directions as if to be drawn and quartered - one horse attached to each limb by a rope.  Some would refer to this as growing pains, however that is a gentle cover-up for the real story.

Due to the accepted and allowed nature of how society functions in our world - as being based in self-interest - there is a great deal of confusion and 'mixed messages' being communicated to children and teenagers.  This can make it extremely difficult, for any child or teen to decide which, or how much moral principle should be attributed to a given situation when uncertainty presents itself.  What choice should be allotted the highest value?..  and at what time?.. depending on who one is with?.. and where?

Children are instilled with moral guidelines from a very early age, as their parents train them how to 'react' when they speak, or want them to do/not do something.  Some of these moral guidelines are common sense in order to prevent the child from hurting themselves or others.  Often however, these moral guidelines are based on cultural beliefs or opinions of behavioral idealism's of the parents which are not common to everyone in society, but often based on a 'class' system, for example manners.  This presents a problem.  As the child learns these patterns of behavior, later on in their lives they act out these patterns for themselves, thinking they are 'right' as their parents taught them to believe so - only to find out that they have either offended someone, or made a 'mistake' by using the patterned behavior at an inappropriate way, time, or place.  

This is just a small fraction of the problem, as the entire sociological makeup of the child is absolutely inundated with all kinds of patterns of behavior inherited from the parents.   Everything from feelings, emotions, reactions, coping mechanisms, vices, excuses, habitual patterns, opinions, judgments, classifications, beliefs, personalities, etc etc.  In fact, the entire makeup of the parents character is imprinted on the child literally from birth, making every 'parented' child susceptible to, and a clone of their parents.

I will continue in the next post discussing the inherent problems and solutions of parental cloning.