Day 180 - Redefining Discipline

Dicitionary Definition

dis·ci·pline

n.

1. Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.

2. Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.

3.

a. Control obtained by enforcing compliance or order.

b. A systematic method to obtain obedience: a military discipline.

c. A state of order based on submission to rules and authority: a teacher who demanded discipline in the classroom.

4. Punishment intended to correct or train.

5. A set of rules or methods, as those regulating the practice of a church or monastic order.

6. A branch of knowledge or teaching.

Redefinition

I have defined the word discipline as within the context of 'being disciplined' or 'punished' by a parent or teacher, and so attaching a negative energetic response within myself – relating the word to past belittling and humiliating experiences of 'being disciplined' by parents and teachers – as well as the extreme definition of the word in the context of the militaristic system of subservience and/or submission. Other interpretations/definitions/relations to the word are;

• Loss of self-control
• loss of personal freedom
• submitting myself to a hierarchy or system of control

Another context of the word I have defined is 'disciple' or 'follower', where I have a negative energetic reaction/response triggering the rebellious system within myself. I realize that rebellion actually an act of self-sabotage.

Therefore it is necessary to redefine Self-discipline within myself, so that no energetic response occurs, but rather 'making the connection' within myself in the realization that Self-discipline is a matter of moving and directing myself so that I can manage and prevent undesirable/unpleasant consequences from occurring now and in the future, and so inevitably resulting in sequences of events that are best for myself as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect moving and directing myself due to the interpretation of my mind as defining discipline within the context of a negative energetic memory/past experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-discipline within the context of memories of being bullied, humiliated, belittled and punished by parents, coaches, law-enforcement, judges, bosses, friends, enemies, and teachers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-discipline within the context of being a follower, and therefore believing that I am subjecting myself to a process of enslavement and loss of control, when in actuality learning to direct myself is the means by which I regain authority of and for myself so that I may direct myself in changing myself and living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and associate discipline within the negative energetic polarity as torture, slavery, submission, boring, humiliating, belittling or unpleasant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny self-discipline in the belief that I can allow consequences to play out so that I can gain momentum from the accumulated anger/pain/frustration/resentment as me desiring to be moved by energetic reactions as opposed to me moving myself in realization of how the system functions within myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the rewards of self-discipline and self-control as being giving myself back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-discipline as subjecting myself to a set of mindless rules and/or self-righteous moral and/or cultural beliefs.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-discipline was only a means of achieving an elevated egotistical belief of seeing oneself as 'better than others', and so neglecting to discipline or 'assist' myself in fear and distrust of myself and ultimately rebellion to this self created belief.  I realize self-discipline is a tool to assist and support myself to pro-actively face my problems and so prevent consequences, and create myself as self-responsible, as Life, as Equality.  

161 - Parental Cloning Part 2

Continuing from yesterdays post - http://transmutation-process.blogspot.com/2013/01/160-parental-cloning-part-1.html


As children, we are dragged in all directions, attempting to keep a balance between our personal drive for fun and exploring our expression, while trying to understand and keep out of trouble with our parents and various other relationships.  I recall my parents constantly saying to me "Why don't you listen!?".  I never really understood or tried to answer that question actually, until they had repeated it about 15 times or so, then one day I decided to ask myself,... the only answer I could come up with was 'because I don't want to'.

I found it very odd that they actually expected me to enthusiastically obey and carry out their every wish - so I could be just like them?  All clean and proper all the time so I could appear presentable and in-style to others?  Looking back now, it is apparent that they thought of me as a lesser object, of which I owed them my worship and devotion. I recall being instructed to tell them 'I loved them' - how disgusting.  Whats just as disgusting is that I was too afraid to tell them what I actually thought.  Yet I had already been punished for stating how I truly felt in the past, and I deemed myself too young to fend for myself on the streets.

There were the frequent guilt trips which were mostly spoken out of frustration about total insignificant issues like shoes lying in the wrong place... Parent A "I bust my ass all day so I can put food on the table, the least you can do is..." - as if to make a person feel guilty just for being alive!  Eventually I did get a paper route of my own when I was 11 yrs old, at which time the constant nagging began to wear off for the most part.

What my parents never understood is that they were trying to impose a form of 'love' which, in their imagination was real to them, yet to the recipient of this 'love' - it is quite repulsive.  It was clear that they expected me to repay this same 'love' by having children of my own some day "Just wait till you have kids of your own... you'll see" they said, expecting I would play the same 'guilt and frustration' song and dance.  No, but thanks for all the training.  I had already taken in enough programming from them, school, church and friends to lay significant guilt trips on myself, punishing myself for reasons I didn't even understand.  This lead to many problems within self-suppression and not understanding myself, and so extensively compromising myself out of low self-esteem and a rebellious personality construct.  

I was very happy to finally move out on my own at 17, although I was facing a world which I did not understand.  I was full of dissonance within myself and without, casting myself to the mercy of the system to see if I could survive.

There is much I could rant about how much I despised my parents, however I see that they were just participants in the system I was also participating in, and had also created through my acceptances and allowances.  There is no point in blaming them, as I see how the whole system works now - one big guilt trip, disguised as 'love' so people punish themselves and others within the belief and excuse that they are 'doing it for love' and so the lucky ones remains in the semi-comfortable arms of a programmed system of  love/hate.

The real problem is that it's all fear - Fear of Self - Fear of Self-honesty - Fear of the Truth of who we are.  Its funny really... how we fear ourselves.  It would seem like that would be such an easy thing to see and transcend?  Its just me... you... here... how long will we endure this cruel game of hide and seek?

Everyone has fallen for the big delusion, so its not like anyone has to continue to feel guilty for it, especially now that we understand the solution - Self forgiveness and 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'... seeing ourselves as Equals in a shared physical reality - now there is no excuse, because once one is faced with the absolute truth of themselves, it is apparent, and inescapable, the big lie of who we are is completely exposed.  Interestingly we can deny it through a belief system, however, no belief holds water -  it is composed of an imaginary, second-hand opinion, grasped in hope that someone will verify its authenticity and make us feel better so we don't have to face our self-dishonesty and take responsibility to change ourselves.  This trap will take considerable work to get out of.

Join the Journey to Life 

Self Support at Eqafe.com

7yr Journey to Life - Day 53 - Enjoy the Challenge

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in a rush while working because I fear not making money fast enough.  When and as I notice myself rushing and pushing myself to hard, I stop and breathe for a moment to slow myself down so that I am not allowing my mind to dictate the pace.  I realize that I must direct myself in each moment and no longer accept and allow myself to be controlled by fear of not having money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that consistency is the most effective and practical method to direct myself so that I can be effective in my work and direct myself in and as the physical.  If I am rushing, I must stop myself and check whether my starting point is fear or me directing myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all situations I find myself in are self-created, and so I must walk out the consequences.  Within that I realize that I must stop myself from creating consequences by directing myself in and as breath in every moment, not reacting to situations but directing them as myself in what is best for all and common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my programmed personality based on my parents personalities and how they dealt with issues such as frustration and anxiety.  I no longer accept and allow myself to grasp onto a personality, but rather I face myself here in the challenge to change myself and direct myself in each moment, so that I can align myself with the physical as what is best for all. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear directing myself in each moment, as if I would fear facing myself as how I have created myself.  I realize that in taking responsibility for myself here, I must walk the consequences of what I have created, so that I can challenge myself to change myself in undoing what I have done and created as myself as this world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that facing resistances and challenging my personality/ego/mind is the way to freeing myself from self-created consequence, and therefore I enjoy that challenge and I enjoy taking responsibility for myself rather than exist as a slave robot to a system of abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put on a nice face, smile or laugh to make someone else feel more comfortable.  I realize that this is self-compromise and I am sick of compromising myself as a program of trying to please others in fear of expressing myself self-honestly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in any way to people within conversation.  I realize that reacting is of the mind, therefore I direct myself to directly speak words as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self-correction in the presence of another person.  I realize that taking responsibility to correct myself in front of others is not only assisting myself but assisting others as well.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face myself within self-correction immediately, so as to catch myself instantly, and walk the necessary steps to actual change from the starting point of me being honest with myself.

I challenge myself to change myself within the presence of others, within slowing down and applying the necessary steps to correct and change myself so I am speaking words as me, not in reaction, but directly speaking based on what is here as me.

I challenge myself to enjoy the challenge of pushing my resistances to change myself, and to see it as an opportunity in each moment to realize myself and to stand up for myself as what is best for all.

I challenge myself to share who I am unconditionally with those who are able to hear

I challenge myself explore new ways of expressing myself, to redefine expression as no longer within the fear of embarrassment, rather cutting through all the judgement bullshit and getting to the critical point of exposing the lies and deception in our world that has been promoted by a system of dishonesty.