Wednesday, 23 May 2012
7yr Journey to Life - Day 26 - Life for Sale
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell myself for money and/or credit, as a false valuation of myself, so that I could be seen by others as special, gifted, strong, caring, wise, beautiful and powerful, in the desire to be 'more valuable' than others, foolishly thinking that I could find love and happiness in under/over-valuing myself. Fearing myself, I attempted to pass off the responsibility to someone else to 'save me', 'love me' and 'give me myself', not realizing that I was the one deceiving and denying myself.
In so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others in order to hide myself from the shame I experienced in hiding myself from myself, because I feared the valuations and judgement of others. As fearing my own reflection, I traded the truth of me for the image in the reflection of my mind, culminating in my worst nightmare, as self-denial, anger, and self-abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell myself for a momentary energy high, as a rush of temporary bliss - a bump in the graph of my monotonous existence - totally neglecting that what I was doing was seeking my own selfish satisfaction in the disregard of others, and that the energy highs had deadly consequences, which were only causing me to desire more and more and more, to get higher and higher and higher in my egotistical desire, in the hope that I could one day escape it all.
In realizing this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself, through my selfish desire to be more, get more, and have more, I neglected the fact that the only solution is to realize myself as Equal to my world and reality, and in that I am responsible to care for myself and others Equally so that I can finally get off the energy roller-coaster, and bring myself home to the end of all selfish and insatiable desires. I realize that everything I do always comes back to me - here, and that I can never escape myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trade myself for the illusion of being 'good at something' or a 'winner', in the belief that the ultimate goal of life is to score the most goals/get the most money and WIN. When in fact, all I was doing was perpetuating the false belief that 'I am somehow better', as if I can take credit for who I am, when who I am is determined by all of existence as me. As if, through winning, I can conquer and subdue the world, because I am so good and I don't need support from anyone.
In that, I realize that my world and reality is threatened with total annihilation - because of competition, and the desire to win and conquer the physical world we live in. Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in competition/desire to win/desire for money, fame and glory when I see that these desires are self-deception which only bring destruction to me and everyone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell myself for the false reward of FALSE HUMILITY. I realize that false humility is any action that I take wherein I try to make myself feel better, secretly thinking I am a 'good person'. When what is really happening is I am abdicating my responsibility to everyone as a whole in thinking that I am good and others are 'less good' or evil in a secret-mind polarity game.
I realize that the only solution to stop abuse in our world is to stop the problem at the source, through realizing we are all Equally responsible for creating the self-destructive money system currently in place in our world. When I participate in a false humility such as - thinking that I am a 'good person' because I give to charity - or smiling to people to try and brighten someones day, or doing something good for the planet, or giving a gift to someone in an act of kindness, or promoting a 'good cause' without standing for the only solution which is best for all, I stop - and realize the game I am playing in my mind is not solving the problem, but making it worse, because I am only playing a mind game with myself, and therefore not taking responsibility to support the only solution on the grand scale of Life - Equal Money for All.
I commit myself to not longer accept and allow myself to sell myself for false rewards such as false humility.
I commit myself to not longer accept and allow myself to sell myself for false rewards of thinking I am a winner through participation in competition, which is self-denial and abuse of myself.
I commit myself to not longer accept and allow myself to sell myself for false rewards as false and temporary energy highs, which only serve to slowly diminish and destroy me through my fear of facing myself.
I commit myself to stand accountable for all of existence, my world and my reality and to no longer accept and allow myself to sell myself in selfish desires for false rewards of personal happiness and love which have never helped the world in any way.