Wednesday, 9 May 2012

7yr Journey to Life - Day 13 - Interlock Step and Walkway

Today I was working on covering an existing step and walkway with some new patio stones.  My fingers were constantly wet, so they became very wrinkled.  I joked to myself how old they looked "I am old Gandalf..." lol.  It occurred to me that I was drowning the cells in my fingers and they were telling me they had had enough.  My gloves as well were worn out.  But I could not stop working.  I had a job to do - and the man I was doing the job for wanted it done asap.  So I really had no choice.

Then the man began mentioning the price of the saw rental and how that if I got done sooner, he would be able to return it and save money.  So I reacted in unawares by getting a bit stressed over the fact that I now had to work more hours today and then get up very early tomorrow to finish the cutting as soon as I could so he could save money.   I began making dangerous cuts on small pieces of stone and having anxiety - This is typically how frustration system would be triggered, but I did not allow myself to get frustrated.

It began to rain and thunder and lightning.  I went to my truck for a break till it passed.  I realized what was happening in the truck and did self-forgiveness for participating in anxiety based on the man's fear of losing money.  After a short break, I continued working in the rain trying to get as much done as possible.  The saw was soaking wet and I got 3 small electric shocks from the saw, so I cleaned up the site a bit and finished for the day. 

Point here being that I am subject to to fight for as much money as I can get to survive in this system.  To the extent that I have to continue working even though my body does not want to work anymore.  We have disregarded life as our bodies in order to 'be better' and 'look superior'.  We have chosen the idea that we can just force our physical bodies to do our bidding despite what our bodies can handle, thus we push them to extremes.  Its no wonder why we live very short lives and die.

My fingers are still wrinkled so I put some vitamin E on my hands and they feel a bit better - Vitamin E is very good for healing skin by the way. 

In an Equal Money system, we could all work at a pace where we don't have to overwork our bodies because we would realize that we have to treat our bodies with care and respect, as Equal to who we are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in stress and anxiety in compromising myself in unawares when the man mentioned that he wanted to save money.  I realize I was trying to be a 'nice guy' and a 'good worker' by sympathizing with his wishes and fears rather than standing as Equal to who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sympathize with others and trying to solve their problems for them through sacrificing my own self-honesty in an attempt to be a 'nice guy' and a 'good guy' and a 'savior'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and save other people because I want to appear as 'mr responsible' for others meanwhile not realizing I am compromising myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the point of transcendence because I was unaware in the moment, because I am giving people more respect than they deserve as we are all Equals. 

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