I described the weather as "perfect" for work today when prompted by the old man as he mentioned something about the day. I immediately caught myself - there is no such thing as perfection besides that which supports life equally in all ways. All days are Equal as the passage of time as opportunity to become life.
The weather was warm with overcast and a slight drizzle - a gray day, from the perspective of the mind it was 'dreary'. However every day has a point of transcendence in it. A part of ourselves that we are manifesting that must be unraveled and forgiven.
As I thought of what to write about today, nothing came to mind. The work was so dreary and every moment felt like drudgery. Had I missed the point? I fell asleep in my chair after I ate supper and woke up a couple hours later. I quickly glanced at the clock "shit, did I miss my opportunity to blog for today?" It was 11:06... cool, I have time.
As I came back to my awareness I was doing self-forgiveness in my head. I went to grab a few bites to eat and the point of the day clearly popped into my head.
Throughout the day I was trying to remain aware of my mind. Everything seemed blah, blech. This slavery really sucks. What is the point? I should just give up. I kept working away as a butterfly swooped right into my face and freaked me out a bit. That brought a little smile to my face which quickly faded.
The old man would come and inspect what I was doing from time to time. I tried to ignore him as much as possible. He was so inconsiderate of how much work I was doing and how much effort I put into the job. All he cared about was his own ideas of how the job should go and how much money he could save on the project, despite how much money I had already saved them.
I spoke with his son with whom I had also arranged to do the job for. He seemed open and I was able to share some perspectives on Equality and Equal Money with him, yet it was apparent he was not interested beyond understanding any further as soon as the fear took hold of him.
At the end of the day I was carrying my tools back to my truck as I walked back and forth past the ever watchful old man. I did not want to speak with him as I had already argued with him in my head and made every effort to stop it.
And now it has finally occurred to me, at the end of this day. The watcher... the complaining old man - is me. It is the manifestation of my conscious mind as 'the watcher'. Waiting for any opportunity to pounce on a point, and file a complaint. Any opportunity to isolate and condemn me. The judge that has nothing else to do but nit pick and make himself out to be better than me. Always watching, waiting for any foul up or mistake so he can feed off my guilt. That is what the system does - feeds on guilt.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subject myself to the judgements of the watcher as my conscious mind in attempt to isolate and condemn myself as life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blind myself to the presence of the watcher, not realizing that the watcher is me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complain about any aspect of my life without realizing that this is what I have created and so it is my opportunity to transcend and stop the illusion of myself within my physical interaction in the world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blind myself to who I really am as life as equal and one with my world and my reality which is shared by many other beings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself and my self created consequences and in so create a constant watcher as my mind in separation of myself which is constantly waiting to sabotage me through my accepted and allowed fears and illusions as guilt.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that every day - no matter how bleak - has a point wherein I have an opportunity to transcend and stand equal and one as breath here.