Day 217

Looking at an example of a point I am walking through.  I had struggled for a number of years with this point, not consecutively however.  There were times when I tried to stop the point, and did for a number of weeks only to have it return.  I did not consider the point as a priority point, so I deliberately allowed it as a means of coping with stresses in my life, as well as an emotional outlet rather than dealing with the emotions through breathing, self-forgiveness, and change.

So when recently I decided to make the point a priority, I spoke out loud, specific self-forgiveness statements on all aspects of the point I was able to see within myself.  I did this, despite the many previous failed attempts at stopping this particular point, and within the realization that it will require considerable inner fortitude to push through the resistance to change myself in this particular pattern.  So I decided I would continue with the self-forgiveness no matter what, and did so a number of times.  Seeing that I still was unable to fully push through the point - a consequence soon arose as a nausea within my physical body, which caused me some concern, thus leading to my ultimate and final decision to stop the point altogether.

My physical body had at other times shown me how this point was not supportive for me, yet I did not stop immediately. This time, there is no question, all desires are dismissed immediately because of my level of certainty and confidence within my commitment to myself.... I see no other way out. It is as if after I said the Self Forgiveness out loud, my body heard and understood exactly how to deal with the situation and decided to create a consequence to assist me to stopping myself and seeing what is going on and how. Maybe the point is not related at all to what my body is showing me, I am not fully aware either way, however I do know and realize a great sense of relief now that I have dealt with the point(s) and standing here.

Day 196 - Desire and Consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequence, and so allow myself to be directed and controlled by that fear - to the extent that I do not move myself effectively but rather remain 'stuck' in a position of fearing the worst, in the belief that the only thing I am capable of doing or creating is more consequence.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by me being here and working out the solution to myself is the best I can do to manage consequence and stop creating more consequences for myself.

 
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that facing and taking responsibility for consequence is assisting me to realize what I have accepted and allowed and therefore assisting me to become self-honest with myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to avoid consequence, as that is merely hiding from myself and not taking responsibility for what I have created myself as within this physical reality.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that my personal desires based in self-interest are self-sabotage in that they attribute a greater value to a selfish want/thought/idea in the imaginary hope of creating/experiencing something good for myself - thus creating the illusion that I am able to escape the consequences of what I am creating.  I realize that these selfish desires only create conflict within and without, because they are not what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a distance of time/space between myself and consequence in separation of myself through not being honest with myself in every moment.   I realize that the only way to stop creating consequence for myself and others in separation is to change myself here through self-forgiveness, so that I can take responsibility to prevent myself from creating anything that would potentially harm or abuse Life.  In this I also realize my responsibility to create and implement solutions to the already existing consequence that is currently playing out in myself and my world as a whole.

I commit myself to accept the reality of consequence and through the process of self-honesty face it directly.

I commit myself to bridge the gap between myself and consequence so that no separation exists between myself and the results of what I am creating.

I commit myself to stop all desires within myself which are not aligned to that which is Best for All Life.

I commit myself to create myself as the solution, managing consequence as effectively as I am able through standing Equal to myself and All in and as the physical.



 

Day 184 - Self-Created Desperation

This morning I woke up and there was strong energies running through my body, it felt like a form of positively charged excitement.  I had worked strenuously the previous day and there was some slightly 'positive' potential opportunities that opened up. I could not sit and focus myself, so I lay down in bed to ground them and ended up falling asleep.    

I am often inundated with strong, energetically charged feelings early in the morning, either positive or negative.  I attribute this to the fact that I see so many possibilities as ideas in my mind, and through this I create within myself desires to experience and express myself, or alternatively, if I feel that my situation is preventing me from expanding myself, I experience strong negative energetic resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to write out the issue for myself and so allow a cycle to pass without pushing the resistance, and so have to face it again in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by positive/negative/neutral energies which have been programmed into myself through the mind as desires and fears of facing and directing myself.

I commit myself to, when and as I see energetic feelings within myself controlling me, to stop and breathe and write out exactly what it is I am experiencing within myself so that I can sort out what is the starting point and apply self-forgiveness on the problem so that I may stop it at its source and no longer allow myself to be controlled by the thoughts/feelings/emotions.

When I went to see a tarot card reader a number of years ago, she confirmed that I was heavily influenced by emotions, which I admit I have been throughout my life.  Through my extensive self-suppression and denial (as well as fear of losing moments in time), I created a strong desire within myself to experience every moment to its utmost capacity.  Each time I was rejected or put down, I took it personally and hard, suppressing the feeling deep within myself until eventually, at some point I would explode in anger.  Never realizing and being reluctant to face myself and what I was creating myself as - which was a form of desperation - Justified by the 'good' character I created in my mind.

Desperately grasping at fleeting moments and memories, trying to squeeze out as much joy as possible
Desperately believing in a magical place I could one day escape to, and everything would be real, fun, and full of joy.
Desperately clinging to hopes of a happy ending.
Desperately hiding and avoiding who I was in my own fear of myself.
Desperately wishing people would like me.
Desperately blaming and hating the world in attempt to justify my own self-denial.
Desperately wanting someone to understand me.
Desperately angry with myself and punishing myself to justify my good, humble character  


So the starting point of all this desperation is fear of myself and not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out of desperation in fear of myself, neglecting to face the starting point of why I was so desperately angry with myself, which was because I accepted and allowed many self-judgments, believing them to be 'who I was' as less than and not 'wise' or 'intelligent' enough to understand how reality functions.   In that I also never considered specifically forgiving myself and correcting myself to that I could let go of all the anger and desperation and express myself without fear.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grasp at fleeting moments and memories in attempt to squeeze out as much joy as possible without realizing that grasping at the illusion in ignorance and fear is not the answer to myself, I must realize, accept, forgive the past, and face of who I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a magical place somewhere which I can one day escape to, where everything will be real, fun, and full of joy.  I realize here is the only place I can exist, and there is no-where else, but here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope for a happy ending.  I realize that hope is a useless idea without practical application in doing what is necessary to be done.  Therefore here is where I must create myself and my world as the best it can be for everyone, not just myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid who I am as a physical being, Equal to all that exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish people would like me in a mind-diversion and attempt to escape the responsibility of accepting and embracing myself through self-realization, self-forgiveness and self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and hate the world as a diversion of my own self-denial.  I realize my responsibility is to first correct myself so that I may be effective in changing myself and my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for someone to understand me when it is my responsibility to make the effort to understand myself, as no one will do it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself and punish myself.  I realize that these are not solutions to my problems, and only further suppress the problem and make things worse.  Self-forgiveness and self-correction are the only way to solve myself and assist myself to stand Equal to what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, and therefore change myself to become self-honest and live what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have people on 'my side' as if to make an excuse within myself as to why I cannot move myself by myself.  Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be seen as 'better than' others, as someone who is knowledgeable, wise, intelligent, honest, true, smart, funny or someone who knows the answers to everything.  I realize that thoughts such as these create a polarized reaction through thoughts/feelings and emotions and only serve to subvert the process of realization that we are all realizing and becoming Equal and so each of us have a responsibility and an Equally valid part to contribute.

Self help and support available at Eqafe.com

Day 153 – Personality Systems

Working on changing some personality systems within myself today.  Thus far, I have been able to oddly enjoy the frequent resistances, and direct myself (though there may be many contributing variables).  First - breathing and stabilizing myself in the moment.  Its interesting because the moment changes so quickly, its as if a desire comes up, and then as I breathe and focus on what I am doing, the desire is gone in a few seconds, as if it never existed… yet likely to return at a later time to test me multi-dimensionally, my self-preparedness, my self-directive principle, sticking to my commitment to myself, thoughts, triggers, reactions, emotions and feelings, coping mechanisms, etc. etc. .

Another point in reference to personality systems is how I perceive myself during a particular moment – as having already transcended the point - and then I feel ‘good’ about myself.  Clearly this is not supporting me, as I inevitably deal with the ‘bad’ feeling as fear of not transcending the point. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself in the idea that I have already transcended a personality system in my mind, as opposed to walking it here within moment by moment application as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future into an alternate reality, experiencing what I would do, what new decisions I would make, how I am going to live differently because I believe myself to have now transcended a personality system, making myself my own ass-ended master, by not being here directing myself as breath.   I consider the implications in full awareness of myself here, walking the point to completion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking out of a personality system, as walking it out reflects me to myself.  In so, I can see my effectiveness and my ability to process the system within myself, as directing the knowledge and information.  This includes my understanding of – to a certain extent, although all consequential outflows are exponential - what the apparent consequences will be, should I allow this system to execute itself within me.  Realizing and considering the potential consequences, I realize I do not want to participate in this system, as it will allow other sabotaging or self-compromising systems to trigger energetic reactions/emotions/feelings within myself.    

At the same time, I am starting to realize the previous unrealized potential for change, as when I make the decision to stand absolute within myself, how that can change many other things, as of course I am changing myself, so my inner world should eventually be reflected in my outer world.

I commit myself to walking through these two personality systems and using this opportunity to direct myself in each moment.  Through the frequent mind ‘reminder’ requesting my permission/decision to participate in a system of self-interest, as a thought or feeling, I breathe, and stop the personality system at the established check-point within myself.

See Eqafe for great self support

Day 117 – The End of All Selfishness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that love can only exist if Life exists, and that love can only be real when it is given Equal value as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the extent to which I have allowed neglect and spite to exist, and the extent to which it causes pain, fear, suffering and sorrow, and the extent to which it is so easily swept away and forgotten in the mind, only to be re-enacted through the very same cycle within the desire for selfish experiences, as limited joy, and pretentious love.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to clearly see and understand, that the problem has a root within myself, and that unless the root of the problem is corrected, the problem continues to physically consume me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the solution to the problem as simply taking responsibility to change myself, to give up selfishness… and in doing so, I can contribute to the solution to the root of the problem, to bring an end to fear, suffering, sorrow and all enslavement forever. 
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the simplicity, that Equality as What is Best for All is the absolute solution to all problems, as everyone working together for the common sense practical solutions to assist all Life to have an Equal opportunity to express and enjoy Life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that through the inner valuation and judgments of my secret mind, I have participated and given my support to the greater valuation system, in spite of myself and as all of existence.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that Life cannot exist within competition, conflict and careless consumption, nor can it exist within a valuation system where Life is regarded as the lowest of all values, in favor of self-indulging experience as greed, as this results in Life itself being consumed, for nothing.

I commit myself to creating myself as Equal to Life so that love can exist for real, as Life, as me

I commit myself to abandon all selfish desire, so that I may honor myself and All as Equal so that Life can be of real value

I commit myself to understanding the common sense that the root of the problem must be corrected and lived within myself

I commit myself to realize the simplicity of changing myself to live Equality, and to work for common sense practical solutions that will give every being an opportunity to live, express and enjoy the gift of Life

I commit myself to make a stand against all valuations and judgments so that we can replace this valuation system for a system where Life can be supported

I commit myself to give Life as Equality the highest value so that a valuation system is no longer necessary, as all can exist Equal to Life.

Day 91 - Williams 7yr Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to complete my process because I have not yet been able to direct every breath, as me fearing the future outcome based on the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to condemn myself through self-judgement and the belief that I cannot change myself or my situation no matter how hard I try to apply myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that this process be over and I could just wake up and everyone would be standing as Equals as heaven on earth. In this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to 'skip steps' as if I am searching for a shortcut to some place I have defined in separation from what is here. I realize there is no shortcut to life, as all that is here as me must be considered, deconstructed, redefined, and walked into Equality and Oneness.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to the idea that I am stuck.  I realize that the mind is stuck in self-interest as self-limitation, therefore I am stuck is but a false perception of who I am here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of powerlessness.  I realize that the idea that I am powerless is of the mind and actually a reflection of how I am giving my power away through the belief that I am stuck or trapped.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire everything to be easy for myself when easy is not what is here.  Life would be easy if we all stood as Equals, yet we have made our situation appear difficult due to separation and perceptions, simply due to our collective denial of responsibility to Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fear when things appear difficult.  I realize difficulty is of the mind as fearing the future and fearing for my survival as this character and thus not who I am, but a limited perceptional point of view of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to wonder about things in the desire to 'know' things as knowledge and information thinking that that will help me understand myself and be myself, when in fact knowledge of myself is only the tool with which I use to deconstruct myself so that I may stand Equal to my physical body as the physical existence in Equality here.

I commit myself to push myself in supporting and directing myself to align myself with living what is best for all in each moment.

I commit myself to constant change as self-movement, as me in the realization that I am able to change myself, integrating into and as my physical body and out of my mind of ego and abuse.

I commit myself to expose the falsehood of preprogrammed expectations of myself within 'what I think will happen' is never actually what happens, as happening is always happening here, as me birthing and changing myself so no enslavement exists within me or my world.

I commit myself to embracing what is here as me so that I can use this opportunity to Equalize myself with all of existence. 

I commit myself to change myself when times appear difficult and use those experiences as opportunities to transcend my fear of the future/fear of survival as thought projections, expectations and ideas based on my past.

I commit myself to, when and as I perceive myself to be stuck, use the opportunity to change and direct myself so that I can move myself and prove to myself that being stuck is merely a limited idea of the mind and an illusion.

I commit myself to Equalize myself in all ways so that each moment is Equally here as me and I stand in Equality as myself no matter what.

I commit myself to realize that limitation is of the mind as it attempts to fool me into the belief that I am limited and therefore cannot change or move myself.

I commit myself to stop judgements of time as I realize that time is a mechanism through which I am able to see myself and use to expose the deception that exists within my world and reality.

7yr Journey to Life - Day 26 - Life for Sale

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell myself for money and/or credit, as a false valuation of myself, so that I could be seen by others as special, gifted, strong, caring, wise, beautiful and powerful, in the desire to be 'more valuable' than others, foolishly thinking that I could find love and happiness in under/over-valuing myself.  Fearing myself,  I attempted to pass off the responsibility to someone else to 'save me', 'love me' and 'give me myself', not realizing that I was the one deceiving and denying myself. 

In so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others in order to hide myself from the shame I experienced in hiding myself from myself, because I feared the valuations and judgement of others.  As fearing my own reflection, I traded the truth of me for the image in the reflection of my mind, culminating in my worst nightmare, as self-denial, anger, and self-abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell myself for a momentary energy high, as a rush of temporary bliss - a bump in the graph of my monotonous existence - totally neglecting that what I was doing was seeking my own selfish satisfaction in the disregard of others, and that the energy highs had deadly consequences, which were only causing me to desire more and more and more, to get higher and higher and higher in my egotistical desire, in the hope that I could one day escape it all.

In realizing this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself, through my selfish desire to be more, get more, and have more,  I neglected the fact that the only solution is to realize myself as Equal to my world and reality, and in that I am responsible to care for myself and others Equally so that I can finally get off the energy roller-coaster, and bring myself home to the end of all selfish and insatiable desires. I realize that everything I do always comes back to me - here, and that I can never escape myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trade myself for the illusion of being 'good at something' or a 'winner', in the belief that the ultimate goal of life is to score the most goals/get the most money and WIN.  When in fact, all I was doing was perpetuating the false belief that 'I am somehow better', as if I can take credit for who I am, when who I am is determined by all of existence as me.  As if, through winning, I can conquer and subdue the world, because I am so good and I don't need support from anyone.

In that, I realize that my world and reality is threatened with total annihilation - because of competition, and the desire to win and conquer the physical world we live in.  Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in competition/desire to win/desire for money, fame and glory when I see that these desires are self-deception which only bring destruction to me and everyone. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sell myself for the false reward of FALSE HUMILITY.  I realize that false humility is any action that I take wherein I try to make myself feel better, secretly thinking I am a 'good person'.  When what is really happening is I am abdicating my responsibility to everyone as a whole in thinking that I am good and others are 'less good' or evil in a secret-mind polarity game. 

I realize that the only solution to stop abuse in our world is to stop the problem at the source, through realizing we are all Equally responsible for creating the self-destructive money system currently in place in our world.  When I participate in a false humility such as - thinking that I am a 'good person' because I give to charity - or smiling to people to try and brighten someones day, or doing something good for the planet, or giving a gift to someone in an act of kindness, or promoting a 'good cause' without standing for the only solution which is best for all, I stop - and realize the game I am playing in my mind is not solving the problem, but making it worse, because I am only playing a mind game with myself, and therefore not taking responsibility to support the only solution on the grand scale of Life - Equal Money for All. 
 
I commit myself to not longer accept and allow myself to sell myself for false rewards such as false humility.

I commit myself to not longer accept and allow myself to sell myself for false rewards of thinking I am a winner through participation in competition, which is self-denial and abuse of myself.

I commit myself to not longer accept and allow myself to sell myself for false rewards as false and temporary energy highs, which only serve to slowly diminish and destroy me through my fear of facing myself.

I commit myself to stand accountable for all of existence, my world and my reality and to no longer accept and allow myself to sell myself in selfish desires for false rewards of personal happiness and love which have never helped the world in any way.

Day 20 - What would you do with a Million Dollars?

What images flashed in your head?

Would you explore the world, entertain and be entertained, buy expensive gifts for yourself and others? Would you use all your free time doing things that you enjoy, and so leverage your time to gain fame, recognition, or even more wealth!?  

Most people desire money, because in this current world system, money can buy virtually any desire we have... even love!  Look at the point - If you have money, not only can you survive, but you will have access to all the necessities and luxuries to support your life.  Additionally, you can live a clean, rich and healthy lifestyle, with lots of free time, free from life threatening stresses many without money face in our world daily.  Many people will want to be around you (especially members of the opposite sex) because you have lots of money, even if you are an ass, its really not that hard to put on a fake face and act out a likeable personality - just look around you, everyone is doing it, everyone is a faker for money.  Rather disgusting isn't it.

Oh but you're not a faker you say?   Really?  Take a moment to ask yourself if you have any personal desires such as money, happiness, friends, career, home, travel.

Do you realize that every one of your desires is actually a FEAR in disguise?

Yes, interestingly your desires are not real in fact, because you are living in denial of yourself and supporting your fears, and fear is not real - it is self-deception. 

Money not only changes who you are, but actually DICTATES who you are.  In fact, you are not true to who you really are because of money.  Money - as the manifestation of greed and self-interest - rules this world. It is utterly corrupt and abused, and since we are all subject to money, we too are greedy and corrupted, and so it ruins our lives.  Only we do not see to what extent it does so, because we have been programmed to accept the system as 'just the way it is' and 'unchangeable'.  The truth is, we only accept it as unchangeable because we do not desire to change ourselves - because we see no money in it for us!!

And so the program runs in a loop.  We program our children to be better than others so they can win and get money.  Our children then succumb to personal desires and abuse money in self-interest and fear for their survival.  Through those desires they then accept the system as unchangeable and so fear changing themselves... and so the cycle of abuse continues.  

There is only ONE desire that is not fear based, and that is EQUALITY.  Within Equality and an Equal Money System where everyone's needs are met, we can stop fear and self-interest entirely. We can change ourselves to stop abuse and corruption, and live in the best interest of all.

There is no excuse to live in fear and denial of ourselves.  No excuse for being a faker.  We all reap the consequences if we allow greed and selfish desires to persist.  This leaves only one question: 

Will you stand for all Life within Equality, and support an Equal Money System, or will you try to hide in your selfishness.   My challenge to you is to see past your ego and fears, to stop being a faker and investigate Desteni and Equal Money.