Day 230 - Agreements

The point of relationship/agreement came up within me today as it often does.  So looking at the point is somewhat perplexing as it has so many facets, so many variables, and so many unknowns... like a massive web of uncertainty... This must be Shelob's Lair haha.   The question I ask myself is... "What is My Relationship to Life?"

One of the main points I see within this is in the past the relationships that I have had have been based on self-interest, so from a certain perspective it was easy as I was just trying to get what I wanted.  Then as any challenge presented itself, there was nothing holding me (system wise or self) to any relationship, because I was aware that it was all self-interest on both ends.

Another point is that I realize that there are rewards from an agreement, yet I do not always consider that there are challenges as well, yet with applying oneself self-honestly, there is always the realization that there is always a solution that is best for all, and the rewards will outweigh the problems as they provide the lasting solution to the problems.

Another point I see within myself is considering the fragility of our existence, the many factors and fears which come into play based on this ought to be enough to make anyone question and wonder what the hell is really going on here, obviously far, far more than meets the eye.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own existence as within the definition of being fragile and so use this definition as a justification to not move myself, subjecting myself to fear in fearing for my own survival.

Another point is self-acceptance and do I fully accept myself enough to support myself and another within an agreement?  That is to say to walk in all ways that support self in the process of walking, pushing resistances, trusting oneself and changing oneself to support one another to be the best that each one can be.   As I look at this point I become more aware of physical uniqueness and being able to embrace that as myself and within another.   I am committed to myself regardless of whether or not an agreement is reached with another or not, I will walk alone if necessary, as I have for many years.

Related to this is the actual practicality, which has an endless amount of obstacles on it's own, all attached to every other point all leading back to the starting point of myself here in my decision to live what is best for all.

Another point being that within our current system, financial stability has a great deal to do with what/how/when/why/who relationships/agreements are established, and to the extent that a person's/couples complete identity is based on a financial statement.  This - complete bullshit - stifles Life out of everyone and everything yet at the same time I realize the necessity of self support, so the point has to be taken into consideration as always within the context of what is best for all.  
  
Clearly there are many other points as this barely scratches the surface. Overall there is greater potential as strength in numbers and coordinated support, yet the task of creating it remains to be seen.

I realize Desteni has an Agreement Course which will definitely be worth while looking into as a foundational support for establishing an agreement.

Day 182 - 101 Ways The Desteni-I-Process Will Help You

101 Ways The Desteni-I-Process Will Help You


1.   Learn to develop Self-Honesty
2.   Learn to develop Self-Trust
3.   Learn what is Self-Responsibility
4.   Learn how to develop Self-Confidence
5.   Learn how to practically change yourself through writing
6.   Learn how the universe came into being
7.   Learn to apply and use Self-Forgiveness to effectively and positively change your life
8.   Learn to improve your writing skills by writing yourself out daily
9.   Learn to have an impact in changing our world
10. Learn to develop your vocabulary and communication skills

11. Learn what are the consequences of passive acceptances and allowances
12. Learn what is real happiness
13. Learn how to be real with yourself and others through stopping false characterizations of yourself
14. Learn how to stop judging yourself
15. Learn how to stop judging others
16. Learn how to give as you would like to receive
17. Learn how to be the best you can be through living what is best for all
18. Learn to focus yourself and critical thinking techniques
19. Learn to stop internal conversations and voices in the head
20. Learn to stop internal justifications

21. Learn to stop feeling guilty all the time
22. Learn how to stop feeling depressed through self-forgiveness
23. Learn how to discover patterns in your past that are holding you back from being the best you can be
24. Learn the practicality of how to love thy neighbor as thyself
25. Learn how and why the system was created
26. Learn how to stop the systems within your own mind
27. Learn how to take directive principle of yourself
28. Learn to face and stop all of your fears
29. Learn to stop all of your addictions
30. Learn to expand yourself in your reality

31. Learn how to utilize breathing effectively to slow yourself down
32. Learn self-intimacy through self-honesty
33. Discover who you really are and how you came to be who you are now
34. Realize the gift of Life within yourself
35. Learn how to stop manipulating yourself and others
36. Learn what it means to make a real life commitment to yourself
37. Learn to effectively walk out self-corrections and manifest real change
38. Learn the reasons why we take on false personalities
39. Learn critical investigation techniques
40. Learn to process information faster

41. Learn about the quantum mind and quantum physical existence
42. Learn what is Equality and Self-awareness
43. Learn how to consider what has not been considered and how it impacts your life
44. Learn how to find the starting point of problems in your life so you can take responsibility to correct them
45. Learn how to stop projecting fears from your past into your future
46. Learn how fears create future consequences
47. Learn how we became enslaved to ourselves
48. Learn how to free yourself from enslavement
49. Learn how to become Life!
50. Learn how to equalize the outer world with the inner world of our mind

51. Learn how to apply the Equality Equation
52. Learn why and how Consciousness is a Con
53. Learn how our words were preprogrammed
54. Learn how to deconstruct words to discover their root meanings
55. Learn how to use your words effectively
56. Learn how to speak words as yourself
57. Learn how to stop and reverse the preprogramming within yourself
58. Learn the most effective way to educate yourself through understanding how the mind works
59. Learn how to push through resistances
60. Learn how energy functions in our physical bodies

61. Learn how images in our minds are used to control our decision making processes
62. Learn what the imagination actually creates
63. Learn what are desires and where they come from
64. Learn the difference between self-interest and best for all
65. Learn to stop being selfish
66. Learn how humans evolved/devolved over time in the universe
67. Learn how our DNA was created and used as the blueprint for our programming
68. Learn the gift in making mistakes (as I mess up the numbers and have to re-write them)
69. Learn the role memories play and why we value them
70. Learn how to be absolutely certain about yourself and you Desteni

71. Learn how the economic system functions
72. Learn the difference between honesty and Self-honesty
73. Learn how the physical body communicates to us to assist us in our process
74. Learn what is real Self-expression
75. Learn from the experiences of those who are currently in the dimensional existence
76. Learn how the animal kingdom, the earth, and nature are assisting humanity in our process
77. Learn how to care for your physical body nutritionally
78. Learn how to raise children responsibly
79. Learn how our thoughts/emotions/feelings impact our physical body and that of others
80. Learn how polarity works and how energy is created through conflict of ideas/beliefs and opinions

81. Learn how and why war/starvation/poverty/suffering/exploitation and cruelty exists in our world
82. Learn why our physical bodies deteriorate over time
83. Learn how time/space was created
84. Learn how the physical existence manifested
85. Learn how separation occurred and why
86. Learn how to stop the illusions and delusions within yourself
87. Learn how to recognize and deal with/ban spiteful people
88. Learn how to develop effective relationships
89. Learn how to stop participating in destructive relationships
90. Learn the simplicity of being here and enjoying yourself

91. Learn how to discover how you have compromised yourself in the past and how to correct it so that it no longer controls you
92. Learn to recognize and stop the patterns within yourself
93. Learn how to transcend your fear of expressing yourself through making vlogs and blogs
94. Learn how to transcend fear of being alone
95. Learn to embrace and accept yourself
96. Learn to assist others in seeing themselves and transcending their fears
97. Learn what it is you are able to do to participate in the group
98. Learn the design of sex and how to develop Self-honest sexual expression with yourself and/or your partner
99. Learn about the existence/non-existence of god and how and why religious systems exist in our world
100. Learn what is self-perfection

101. Learn to support yourself and become the REAL YOU as the best you you can be


I could go on and on, because there is so much more!  I can assure you that it will help you more than you can imagine - as it has helped me tremendously. There is no greater gift than the gift of Life. See for yourself, take the free course and discover what you have been missing for so long... yourself!

There is also plenty of Amazing support over at Eqafe so check it out.

Day 172 - Routine Self Support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to skip my routine this morning and so not set or accomplish my goal for the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push my resistance to work towards getting things done that I needed to get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my directive principle of myself through drifting into states of comfort and relaxation when there were things I needed to get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't know what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect outlining and establishing specific goals for myself that need to be addressed within this current lifetime process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat moments and days differently based on energy values of how I have valued days of the week, where Monday  Tuesday  and Wednesday are negative energy experiences - Thursday and Friday are neutral energy experiences and Saturday and Sunday are positive energy experiences of myself.  I realize that all moments must be Equal and not defined within energy experiences of how I have programmed myself to feel based on days of the week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear future consequence based on cycles of my past, and therefore repeat cycles of the past because I have allowed myself to be enslaved to the idea that I cannot transcend the past within my mind.


I commit myself to follow my morning routine as soon as I wake up and push my resistances to get things done that need to be done

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into a state of comfort and relaxation - breathe, and be aware of what I am accepting and allowing within myself so that I may push through the resistance to relax in comfort so as to not allow myself to fall into the subtle trap of self-deception and self-dishonesty.

I commit myself to set my goals for the day and for my lifetime process

I commit myself to stick to my goals and my routine so that I may take responsibility for myself in supporting myself and all in self-honesty.

I commit myself to take directive principle of myself and to not allow myself to abdicate it to anyone or any situation.

I commit myself to establish self trust and communication with myself and my physical body through self-honesty so that I do not compromise myself in any situation that would cause consequences that I will end up regretting in the future.

I commit myself to know myself without question.

Day 142–Self Forgiveness on Self Denial–Dimensions

This post is a continuation from the previous day …
http://transmutation-process.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-141-self-denial-dimensions.html

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to controlled by fear of others whom are threatening me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to avoid uncomfortable and/or stressful situations.  I realize that these situations must be faced and sorted out through doing what is practical common sense as what is necessary to be done, not out of anger or emotion, but from the starting point of here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to cause a conflict here” – I realize this as well as all the backchat below is/are a false justifications designed by myself so that I have an excuse as to not be direct with myself and others in doing what is necessary to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “don't want to hurt anyone”. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I will talk about/deal with that later”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I would rather not deal with that right now”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to deal with that right now”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to waste my energy on describing this whole thing”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to impose my beliefs on x”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to offend x”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I deserve what I'm getting, and so I have to deal with the consequences.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “They will not understand/They don't/won't get it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “Situation x will fail”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “What if situation x happens” – playing out worst case scenarios

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “What if desire x does not happen”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to expose myself”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want person x to hate me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want person x to think I'm using them”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want person x to be upset”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to be a bully”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I want to give others the opportunity to be responsible for themselves”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't know the answer”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I don't want to go there”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “What if I realize that I am at fault/guilty of x”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “Its easier if I just play along”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I can't wait to be alone/free of person x”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversation within my mind as “I'm not self-righteous"

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the resistance to be direct with myself and others within having integrity to say what is necessary to be said in the moment, without fear of repercussions or what others might think, or how they may or may not react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated with myself because I did not say what was necessary to be said in the moment, choosing rather to submit myself to fear of loss,  or fear of reactions from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward when confronted with others due to me fearing the awkward moment as fear of myself, fear that I am not going to be able to say what must be said, and fear of being uncomfortable in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself because of the negative energy connotation I have given to the experience of myself, and in so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the positive energy experience of myself through fantasizing within my mind about things that would make me happy rather than take responsibility to express myself and be here in the physical rather than imaginary realms of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for what has transpired in my life, and so desire to see them suffer in my mind.  I realize that this is self dishonesty as me not taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get an energetic high within conversing with others.  I realize that this desire is based on a personality system I have created where I have sought to avoid myself as who I am here in as a physical being, as an Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to appease others in order to avoid facing myself directly with integrity to say what is necessary to be said regardless of what the other will think of me afterwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by my mind within the reaction of tiredness, as this is the mind telling me that I am tired in order to try and avoid myself here, when I am not actually tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to slouch back or scratch my head when I am speaking with someone as a form of resistance to being here as breath in self-honesty and directly saying what is necessary to be said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot change the situation, when that is not the actuality whatsoever as I am here constantly changing and able to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am stuck in a situation, when that is not the case and only exists as my minds idea to keep me enslaved to self-pity and feeling down on myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have done everything I can do, when as long as there is inequality, there is work to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are no consequences for my actions because I do not see them immediately.  I realize that there is always consequence despite my ability to actually see it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing personal experiences of myself in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fantasize to myself in my mind what it would be like if situation x happened in the physical.   I realize that this is an energetic experience of myself and therefore not real, but spiting myself from the physical and diminishing myself through dishonestly trying to exist in two worlds at once.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that someone will be disappointed with me or put out if I express myself in self-honesty, in so valuing others as being of ‘more value’ than myself, not seeing myself as an equal participant in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the inferior/superior polarity as well as the dominant/submissive characters based on the perception that to stand inferior is to be humble, as well as the perception that to be dominant is to be successful.  I realize this is abusive to myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that someone will criticize me and consequently going into anger and self-punishment and self-denial.   I realize that these fears are self created self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will use my expression as leverage to gain advantage over me.  I realize that I am responsible for myself and that if I project fears, then they will materialize as a reflection of what I accept and allow in my world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself here as who I am as a physical being.  In so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than others or of less value or of more value in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure as within the belief that I will have to put great effort into working with myself and others within the fear of wasting my time within the fear of failure.  I realize that failure is necessary for me to understand that things will only work when everyone works together for the common good of all – and that is the only solution.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to move myself and direct myself and trust myself within the understanding of living what is best for all is the only way to live.

Self Support available at Eqafe.com

Day 141 - Self Denial Dimensions

 
Continuation from previous posts…
http://transmutation-process.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-130-self-denial.html
http://transmutation-process.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-131-self-denial-part-2.html
http://transmutation-process.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-132-self-denial-part-3.html
 
Triggers/Memories
Typically prominent when I am confronted and/or speaking with another person, yet also occurring when I am alone. Example memory - I recall when I was young, a situation where person x getting very aggressive with me.
 
Being in daycare at the time, it was winter and I had a full face mask to protect from the cold. Perhaps out of nervousness of attending daycare (I cannot recall), I chewed on the mouthpiece of the mask. Person z was asked to wear the mask by Person x, and did not want to wear it because he thought it was gross (it was all mangled up). Person x asked me why I chewed on the mouthpiece, and I replied “because it was juicy…” (lol). Person x immediately went into a rage, grabbed me by my jacket and threw me into the front seat of the car from the back. Person x began cursing and yelling at me “Why the @#$% did you do that!?”. Being in fear, I did not know what else to reply or what Person x wanted me to reply, so I kept repeating I don't know.
 
There were many similar occurrences in which I allowed myself to go into self-denial/suppression. In so I developed the personality character of Self-denial, preferring not to speak or express myself due to fear of others being disappointed with me or reacting in rage/anger that would potentially cause an uncomfortable or stressful situation which I sought to avoid.
 
 
Thoughts - Justifications and excuses
“I don't want to cause a conflict here”
“I don't want to hurt anyone”
“I will talk about/deal with that later”.
“I would rather not deal with that right now”
“I don't want to deal with that right now”
“I don't want to waste my energy on describing this whole thing”
“I don't want to impose my beliefs on x”
“I don't want to offend x”
“I deserve what I'm getting, and so I have to deal with the consequences”
“They will not understand”
“They don't/won't get it”
“Situation x will fail”
“What if situation x happens” – playing out worst case scenarios
“What if desire x does not happen”
“I don't want to expose myself”
“I don't want person x to hate me”
“I don't want person x to think I'm using them”
“I don't want person x to be upset”
“I don't want to be a bully”
“I want to give others the opportunity to be responsible for themselves”
“I don't know the answer”
“I don't want to go there”
“What if I realize that I am at fault/guilty of x”
“Its easier if I just play along”
“I can't wait to be alone/free of person x”
"I'm not self-righteous"
 
 
Feelings/Emotions
Resistance/Reluctance to direct myself. Frustration. Awkwardness. Sadness as self-pity where I create a positive energy experience of myself – to compensate for the negative experience I had of self-denial) within the point that I can blame someone else, and then enjoy going into my 'happy place' in my mind, where I can create all kinds of fantasies of imagining the other person suffering, and myself playing out and enjoying all of the things (expressions and dreams) that I feel I have been denied in my life by others - through blame.
 
 
Physical
Through taking directive principle in a conversation this evening, I realize that it takes a considerable amount of effort on my part, whereas before I could just relax and let my mind do all the work for me, only speaking to appease the other, or facilitate the conversation when I wanted to get an energetic high. Also noticing physical resistance as tiredness, and wanting to slouch back in my chair. Scratching/Rubbing my head (for luck hhh).
 
 
Beliefs/Perceptions
Belief that I cannot change the situation. Belief that I am stuck in this situation. Belief that I've done everything I can do. Belief that there are no consequences because I do not see them here now.
 
 
Desires
Desire for personal experience in self-interest, and so fear losing personal experience. Desire to fantasize what it would be like if situation x happened in real life, how I would express myself – yet only creating it in imagination dimension.
 
 
Fears
Fear someone will be disappointed or 'put out' if I express myself. Valuing others as being of more value than myself, as playing out the inferior/submissive personality character based on the perception that to be inferior is to be humble. Based in the starting point of me allowing others to take responsibility for themselves, not realizing that I was avoiding taking responsibility for myself, not understanding myself as an Equal participant or how I had been suppressing myself.
 
Fear someone will criticize me, and cause me to go into a reaction of anger and consequently self-punishment, which I also feared, as I have seen the destructive consequences of my anger. Fear others will use my expression as leverage to gain advantage over me and/or make fun of me within the context of fear of not being liked and/or accepted by others. Not accepting myself for who I am. Fear of having to put out all kinds of effort, but believing that nothing will come of it as everything has failed in the past.
 
 
Consequences
Finding myself in situations I despise and desperately do not wish to be in. Being in situations where I am forced to do something regardless of whether or not I wish to do it or not. This has the resulting consequence of me going into stress, frustration, and anger with more spin-off consequences of those patterns/systems of enslavement.
 
 
Correction
Move and direct myself to take directive principle
 
Self Forgiveness and Correction to follow in next post…

Day 110 – Roots of Selfishness

Looking at my experiences when have allowed myself to go into thoughts and memories because I would rather not ‘be here’ as breath… typically because I am doing something I don’t want to do, such as heading to work, where fear and anxiety come up.   I want to avoid the situation, make myself feel better, disappear in to ‘my happy place’ in my mind… because I create the idea that ‘work’ is a negative experience – as it is tied to money as enslavement, as something I am forced to do.  As well I feel that I am being judged based on my performance and ability to ‘produce’ a good result based on the customers expectations.

I see where I have judged myself in the past if I did not meet up to expectations of others.  I have come to realize that I can only do what I am able to do, as my physical body has limitations.  So I have for the most part released that form of judgement on myself.  I don’t really mind the work most of the time.  Here though, is the stress factor, of having to work so fast that I am able to make a profit, along with not making mistakes and doing a good job  – so there is fear of the future as not having enough income to support myself.  I see this as fear of my own self judgement – as the fear of loss and fear of death.  Still discontent with who I am and what I have allowed myself to become. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts and memories for temporary ‘mind-highs’ - because I want to escape the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed in my world, and so I am reluctant to face the consequences I have created for myself here in each moment.   I realize that I cannot escape myself, nor does it make the situation any better when I try to escape into my mind – It only perpetuates the addiction to energy as spite.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as a ‘negative experience’ of myself because I fear failure, fear loss, and fear the judgement of myself and others.  In this,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing money and time, as selfish experiences of myself.  I realize that these experiences are necessary consequences that have played out in order for me to see who I am, and face myself as what I have accepted and allowed to exist here as me.  Thus it is supportive to myself and my process of understanding myself.  I realize I have to let go of the self-created idea of who I am as ‘separate’ – so that I can realize myself, as an interconnect part of my existence as a whole.
  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough income to support myself.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the selfish desire for ‘free time’ and ‘easy money’ wherein I seek my own self interest, or seek to boost my own ego/mind system with the idea that I could be better, have a better life, and or do things that would grant me more fun and enjoyment, as well as the admiration of others.   I realize that the first and primary responsibility I have is to become absolutely self honest with myself, so that I can rid myself of all fears, greed, and selfish delusion, and so become physical, and real with myself.  This is the only way I will free myself from the anxiety of self judgement and selfish desires, and in so I will actually be able to enjoy myself for real, for the first time ever.
Actually, the only reason for my anxiety, is because I know I am not absolutely honest with myself yet, I am not here taking responsibility for myself as all in every breath yet, and so I fear that about myself, fearing that I cannot do it, based on my past fuck ups.  I fear myself, because my mind fears losing the personal experiences of the selfish energy highs in my mind.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on my past experiences of myself – condemning myself in the idea that I cannot do it, creating an image of myself that I have too many systems, my selfish desires are too strong, or that I am too weak to stand absolutely equal with myself as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the energy highs of my mind - because my mind tells me that all I will experience will be ‘negative’ or ‘neutral’ all the time – Yet I realize that this is projection of my mind, not the actuality of me here.

My mind fears that it will take so much energy just to direct my breathing all the time, thus I fear losing the idea of myself as who I have defined myself as within my mind as energy, and  so I project that fear onto another self created idea of ‘who I would be’ (negative and/or neutral) if I stop my mind and take complete responsibility for myself in every breath.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping the energy highs of the mind because my mind tells me that “I am wasting good experiences”.  This comes from the self-definition I have created myself as a ‘non-wasteful’ person, or someone who does not like to waste things, as the fear of loss, fear of self-judgement, and fear of death.  In so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the ‘positive’ energy experiences because I fear ‘wasting the experience of myself’ in the fear of loss, fear of self-judgement, and fear of death.  I also forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as ‘non-wasteful’ in the belief that I am better than others in my world who I have defined as ‘wasteful’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent life, because I feel I was never given a fair chance to understand myself, and thus I made errors that cost me myself.  I realize that this life, and this realization is my opportunity to realize myself here. 

I commit myself to take this opportunity within this life to realize myself for myself and all so that I can rid myself of the guilt, shame, anxiety and resentment that I feel towards myself.
I commit myself to face my fears within writing so that I can realize where I am not taking responsibility for myself so that I may be as effective as humanly possible without fear of judgement, loss or death.
I commit myself to realize that the situations that I face in my reality are here to support me to self-realization, and in that, I am able to stop self-judgement so that I can stand equal to my world and reality in taking responsibility for what is here as myself as all.
I commit myself to stop all mind-created ideas and projections of ‘who I would be’ should I stop the positive, negative and neutral energy experiences within myself, which I realize are the desire for selfish experiences of myself in separation from myself as my mind.

Top 10 Reasons Destonians Fall in Process

We all fall at some point, so here is a list of some of the most common reasons/excuses, as well as some practical tips to get us back on our feet. If one is taking the Desteni-I-Process, I highly recommend that we ask our buddies for support when we need assistance. The forums (Desteni.org) are also a good place to write oneself out. So, if and when you fall, simply get back up, breathe, and start again.

10. The Old Ways - Whether consciously or subconsciously, in some way the systems within us still want to hold on to our 'old ways' of existing. This is an aspect of fearing to face oneself and fearing change of ourselves. Perhaps we fear the unknown of what we will become, or we second guess ourselves as what we have come to understand about ourselves. Equality is like a black hole, once you get past a certain point, you realize there is no turning back.

9. Not Understanding Points - 'Thinking' we understand but not really understanding. Research and self-introspection are our individual responsibilities. There are many articles and documents here at the desteni site to assist.

I myself struggled with the point of self-trust and self-expression for quite some time. Not trusting myself to be able to do the process, feeling overwhelmed as if I wasn't able to stop myself within the feelings of guilt, regret, anger and desires for things such as relationships. If you have not yet established self-trust, you just need to keep moving yourself, pushing your resistances, even if its just a little bit at a time. Realize that there is no such thing as giving up. Eventually you will come to a point where you are so sick of the mind games going on within yourself (as well as all the abuse within our world because of the mind) that you will find the strength and indignation to move yourself more effectively and establish stability and self-trust. Understanding it is a process that is deconstructed through time, so give yourself time and you will have time.

8. Self Punishment. This system can be from childhood from being punished as children by our parents or from bosses in work. Stop punishing yourself, it is not necessary - rather be gentle with yourself. Punishment is self-sabotage and abuse within the polarity of 'better than/less than'. Apply self-forgiveness and corrective application.

7. Laziness - as a construct of wanting to do things only in self-interest. We have to realize that process is going to be work until we get to the stage where we are standing in full awareness of ourselves as who we really are. When we are at the stage of self-perfection, doing what is best for all in all ways, process is no longer work but just self-here. Until then, we have to push ourselves and our resistances to be able to expand ourselves.

6. Not Understanding Our Responsibility - we must realize that what we do in our lives has a resonant outflow/consequence which affects everything. Either we are supporting life or we are suppressing it. This is our responsibility in walking as a group, to support life and do what is necessary to be done within the principle of what is best for all, and love thy neighbor as thyself.

5. Existing within Limitation. Limiting ourselves within our 'frame of mind' - the box. It is hard to see the limitation point if you are existing within limitation lol. Writing daily is tremendous self-support. Breathe and realize the infinite opportunity that exists in each moment as we walk our process of becoming life as unconditional, unlimited self-expression, here in every moment of breath.

4. Addiction To Energy - We must be a living example to stop our addictions which operate through energy systems in our minds. If you are in the process of stopping an energetic addiction, write about it, best not to share it openly but rather with a destonian buddy, until you are certain you have cleared the point within yourself.

3. The 'Im A Destonian' Belief System - Quite similar to a religion wherein we create an image of ourselves as wanting to appear different or special within definition - separation. This inevitably leads us to comparison and the polarity system. The outflows of this can be emotions, reactions, depression and self-judgement as well as fearing what others will think of you.

2. Guilt and Regret - Guilt is the mind showing us where we have been dishonest with ourselves in our process. Guilt is a system designed to 'weigh one down' and diminishes us if we allow it to. It does not support life, however, realize that guilt can be used as a tool to in seeing oneself and how we are accepting and allowing ourselves to compromise ourselves in our process of self-honesty and self-realization. Regret is simply holding on to the past and not applying self-forgiveness and corrective application effectively for oneself.

1. Self-Judgement - Self-judgement is a form or condemnation. This is a very common system that is essential to be looked at thoroughly through writing and applying self-forgiveness. We must understand what judgements we are placing on ourselves and others, and where they are coming from. Are they from past relationships? Parents? Siblings? Friends? Teachers? Perhaps it is an idea one has about something wherein we have created a belief and judge ourselves in comparison based on that belief/idea/perception/definition. Whatever, any judgement of self or others will only lead to self-sabotage and further cycles of enslavement. Fire the policeman in the head.