Day 132 – Self Denial Part 3

 

 

Self Forgiveness on Self Denial

Continuation from…

Part 1 http://transmutation-process.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-130-self-denial.html

Part 2  http://transmutation-process.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-131-self-denial-part-2.html

Resistances to Facing the point of Self-Denial

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself for allowing myself to Deny myself.  I realize the past cannot be changed therefore anger will not resolve the issue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by anger over what has transpired in the past as me blaming myself for allowing myself to Deny myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot find all the source points of Self-Denial, when I realize this is mind chatter as the mind attempting to dissuade me from facing the point and walking through it.  I must simply slow myself down and trust myself within breath to walk through all the points to clearly see the starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have no value should I stop the points of Self-Denial within myself and be honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will impose myself as a system onto others should I stop the dishonest points of Self-Denial within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes and messing things up through self-judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have nothing to contribute

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my contribution will be judged as inadequate as me projecting and judging myself in the future through the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a debilitating condition and having to have someone take care of me.

 

First Occurrences of Self-Denial

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge my stepmother as an evil person, and in so not take responsibility for myself and what I allowed within myself as Self-Denial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my parents and create images of killing my parents in my mind through the emotions of anger and frustration coming from my own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of what life should be like as opposed to taking responsibility for what is here as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself when I was young as seeing myself for who I really am here.

I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to see clearly what I had to do to be honest with myself in life, and so create clear direction within myself and my living experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose abstinence and rebellion as my direction in life in spite of myself and others and in an attempt to get revenge on the system as me having blamed the system for my own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for all the religious stories and so feel guilty and obligated to act according to religious values and ‘have faith’ in a god that did not exist in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself as my Self-trust and Self-honesty, as a form of Self-Denial within myself in favour of believing fables of religious programming. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘go with the flow’ without realizing that this was obvious dishonesty with myself, as I was lead into all sorts of situations which I did not want to be in, because I did not take responsibility for directing myself, and so I faced the consequences of the decisions of others and my own lack of decision making.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to a person as macho, bullying, egotistical and belittling, not realizing that I was creating a judgement which reflected back onto myself and so I acted on that judgement in spite of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a person by and through a personality rather than taking responsibility for myself first to correct myself so I can assist all to self-realization as Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea that I could escape, get revenge, be happy for myself, or change the system through the act of rebellion.  I realize that I created the system therefore I am responsible to stand within and as it in order to take responsibility to correct what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the emotion of hate onto an idea I created about how the system functions, and so doing hide myself from my responsibility to engage myself within the system so that I could actually support Equality as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become romanticized by the idea of ‘living for today’ in my own selfish self interest, rather than take responsibility for myself and all in assisting to change the system to on that supports Equality and Equal Money for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value friendships and relationships as being of more value than life.

I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to believe that the cruel thoughts I had in my head as a child were ‘me’, when actually they were pre-programmed images placed into my mind specifically so for the very reason to make me fear myself, and so not want to stand up and be honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself extensively within this point, and so blame myself and others when things did not turn out how I wanted them to as the negative energy experience of myself.  Then through that, try to balance myself within going into the opposite polarity, allowing myself to go into the positive energy experience of self-pity where I created the belief that I would have a future escape or redemption, as the belief that someone would make things right for me through getting revenge on all the people I blamed for my own dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through Self-Denial, develop uncertainty with myself and compromise my Self-Trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself and believe that I was actually able to hide from myself, which is only self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a false personality and characterization so as to not have to face myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to escape from myself through believing in fables of religion and believing that there were other places in existence that I could go to that were not like how it is here, not realizing that I can never escape myself, and where-ever I go, I must face myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘go into a shell’ within the belief that I am safe and comfortable, in attempt to hide myself from the world in fear of myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a personality of inferiority, in so abdicating my responsibility to myself and all of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself in self-honesty and so develop a fear of myself and speaking to others as introverted, fearing the judgements of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself, condemning myself through self-judgement without first clearing my starting point to here within breath and self-forgiveness so that I can move myself in living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to avoid myself, as hide and seek with myself when I am right here and always have been here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate in the belief that I have time to do things later, when in actuality, time is against me because I created time as the trap for myself, so I must do what is necessary to be done in order to change this world so that I am no longer subject to time as the false representation that it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make poor decisions based only on my own self-interest and fear of survival, rather than trusting myself here to do what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irresponsible to myself and others through allowing Self-Denial within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself extensively through Self-Denial, and within so become pessimistic within expecting certain outcomes as the worst case scenario as demonstrating to me that I do not yet trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become ineffective in everything that I do because I have allowed so much Self-Denial within myself to compound and complicate matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my potential through going in cycles, round and round going over the same points over and over because I have not allowed myself to see the staring point and correct it to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the emotional reactions of self-pity and self-hate. I realize these emotions only serve to show what I have accepted and allowed and that I must stop them so that they do not control me and usher me to negative consequences which I do not wish to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent myself as my past because I allowed Self-Denial to play out within me, as I played the game of Self-Dishonesty and got what I deserved – showing me that I must change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret my past, I realize that I cannot change my  past, all I can do is realize what the consequences of Self-Denial and Self-Dishonesty are so that I can change to never allow it to happen again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear diminishment and death as the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed within myself as Self-Denial and Self-Dishonesty.